Jr. And His Soulettes – "Psychodelic Sounds" (HMM Records – SH 954-955) 1971

I can only assume that the misspelling is deliberate, otherwise it translates as the sounds of serial killers on drugs.....which is not a bad Band name.....not quite as good as "Drunks with Guns",but that one's taken.

So we've heard Angela the 6 year Old Rapper (aka Talking over a back beat"? Now we got 10 year old Howard M.Moore Jr showing off and captured on self-released vinyl.Backed up by his sisters (The Soulettes)aged 6,7 and 9 years old respectively.

They've obviously been watching the progress of the Jacksons; hopefully minus the abusive parent.Which I'm sad to say was a essential ingredient that created the King of Peado-Pop Wacko Jacko itself.

Junior owes a lot to his sisters one has to say, but he's the oldest so he gets to play Dad's Electric Guitar such are the unwritten patriarchal rules that have suppressed the fairer sex since physics shat out the 4th dimension of Time.

If there was a Talent show anywhere near by, they would have cleaned up.Everybody in the general Public loves a smarmy kid showing off,but whom are actually, very Crap.I'm still haunted by 10 year old Lena Zavoroni on Opportunity Knocks (UK) for 13 consecutive weeks,screeching her way through "Mama He's Making Eyes At Me"(1974),at bullet-proof glass shattering volume. With a song choice that sounds rather inappropriate to these 21st century ears!?...sadly she rapidly developed Anorexia , and died. At least she avoided Jeff Epstein and Donald Trump,who probably wanked his little malodorous mushroom silly watching this clip(link above). 

Exposure to celebrities, or even worse, the 'Public',before 18 should be made illegal.....the bastards!......Fucking Cunting Bastard TWATS!!!

Here's Lena's Radiohead meets Las Vegas Moment:

Check out her PAIN not my pain HERE!

Tracklist:

A1 Thing, Do The Creep
A2 Momma, Love Tequilla
A3 Pimp
A4 Waw-Waw Rock
A5 Love From Above
A6 Flip Will
A7 Do Your Funky Thing
B1 Slow
B2 Sweet Little One
B3 Kewetha
B4 Kat-Walk
B5 Rock 'N Roll Santa
B6 Rock Blues
B7 Pop Junior Pop

DOWNLOAD to wish all child abusing celebrity fuckers a slow death HERE!

Various Artists - "Soviet Ukrainian Funk" (Goat Goat Grooves – GG02) 2015

Steaming Hot Cold War Caucasian Jazzy funk from the Caucasus Back from the days before every Ukrainian band was a metal act,and Vladimir Putin was a joyless Stasi clerk Twat in Dresden. They were secretly Funky Mo-fo's;but,Funky as in Elevator's,libraries, and shopping centres, but nonetheless Funky.

Rather than try to work out whether these hieroglyphically named Soviet era musicians were actually Unkrainian and not Russian, or more commonly when it comes to music, Estonian.Here is a handy mixtape that has done the hard work for us,concentrating solely on our Ukrainian chums,gettin' the groove on, albeit in a TV cop-show library music kind of way,from the 70's and 80's.

Just to make it even more amusing for us Anglo-Saxon types, I have translated the Ukrainian tracklist into Chinese restaurant English,giving us such titles as "Let me, father, at the wedding","Oh, I will throw a beech on the pit", and the probably illegal in CCCP..."You Smiled?".

The Vladikavkaz peoples ministry of democratic Funk released a statement back in 1975 forwarded to the British gutter press:

"You Anglo-Saxon Western Pigdogs think you have a monopoly on 'The Funk'don't you with your arrogance? Well,we morose Eastern fuckers have got the funky rhythms too,bigger and better funky sheet than your capitalist freedoms could ever hope to equal.You have this James Brown agent, we have Nazariy Yaremchuk, you have zis secret Bootsy Collins weapon, we have Tatyana Kochergina, and Nile Rogers is no Yuri Bogatykov by any stretch of your western propganda's imagination.Directly as we speak,the Sofiya Rotaru Ensemble have been super-glued to a nuclear missile and sent to our Moon to perform a seriously funky version of her 'Hero of the Democratic Socialist Peoples Republic' award winning number "Ballad of two violins".We have fully loaded Kalashnikov's that say we're funkier than you,and are prepares to use everything at our disposals to prove it....we are NOT bluffinks!

Thank you for your time....what you have left, that is."

Back in the day,these records were the go-to place to find obscure beatz to sample the fuck out of. Luckily I have a couple of these, courtesy of the Ultima Thule record shop bargain bin section in the mid-nineties.....comin' up. 

Tracklist:

SIDE A:

Intro - MC Alex Pervin (aka Sahlim Quick)
01. Viburnum - Three trembitas
02. Nazariy Yaremchuk - Ozovysya
03. Arnika - Let me, father, at the wedding
04. Sofiya Rotaru - "Chervona Ruta" - Ballad of two violins
05. Kobza - Vodogray
06. Smerichka - Vodogray
07. Ensemble "Vodogray" - Three trembitas
08. Sofiya Rotaru,"Chervona Ruta"-Pisnya will be a part of us
09. Smerichka - Two Rings
10. Sofiya Rotaru, ensemble "Chervona Ruta" - Fairy Tale
11. Kobza - Na Ivana Kupala
12. Sofiya Rotaru, ensemble "Chervona Ruta" - Two rings
13. Nazariy Yaremchuk - You smiled?
14. Kobza - Oh, I will throw a beech on the pit
15. Kobza - Dudaryk
16. Nazariy Yaremchuk - When the blue mountains fell asleep

SIDE B:

Intro - MC Alex Pervin (aka Sahlim Quick)

01. Tatyana Kochergina - Play, Violin, Play (cut)
02. Patterns of the Ways - Circle of the Kalina Mill
03. Vodogray - Maiden Mila
04. Kobza - Wait
05. Arnika - Spring (fragment)
06. Vatra - How I Slept on the Seine
07. Arnica - How I Slept on the Seine
08. Vodogray - Puteshestvye
09. Kobza - Ishov Kobzar Clean Field
10. Vodogray - Vospominanie
11. Patterns of the Paths - Guajira
12. Yuri Bogatykov - Quiet Water
13. Arnika - Silver Ships
14. Vatra - Verkhovyna Lullaby
15. Arnika - Lviv Evening

DOWNLOAD these dirty ass-kickin caucasian elevator muzak classics HERE!.....or be shot!

Ornette Coleman – "Of Human Feelings" (Antilles – AN-2001) 1982

We honkies ain't got the Funk, which when translated literally from the language of 'Jive',means honky don't get the smell of sex brother...just ask Old Gregg.Neither have they got Game, but sport is for persons unnamed who were too muscular for banking, but not stupid enough for the army. Lack of sporting prowess for that pale limbed youth cannot be remedied without a stiff course of illegal Steroids,which will lead to a horrifying case of round shoulders and early death,either that or a damn good bumming from the coach. 

Lack of "Funk" however can be helped somewhat by Ornette Coleman's foray into the world of Funk and Disco called "....Of Human Feelings". Gimmie some of that black creamy milk mother fuckers and move to the groove. On first listen one is struck by its bizarre Elevator music qualities,but that just lures in the casual listener,then infiltrates their reptilian brains with something strictly un-4/4. This is Disco music with a decidedly meandering purpose.A Vaccination against The Bee Gees. Now you can play Disco music without being embarrassed when your trendy chums ask "What the fuck is that you're playing???".....you can reply smugly..."It's Ornette Coleman man"......and still dance to some semblance of a marching beat which is necessary for da white man to express faux-joy of an evening.All after taking the knee of course to express unity with your black brothers.

I know there will be a bunch of Jazzers who think this is the worst Ornette album ever, but they ain't got the Funk have they,you dig?

Tracklist:

A1 Sleep Talk 3:31
A2 Jump Street 4:19
A3 Him And Her 4:15
A4 Air Ship 6:01
B1 What Is The Name Of That Song? 3:56
B2 Job Mob 4:51
B3 Love Words 2:50
B4 Times Square 6:00

DOWNLOAD your feelings onto a hard drive HERE!

Jandek ‎– "Rudyard's" (Corwood Industries ‎– CORWOOD 0839) 2020

Play that funky music white boooooy,was not something previously applied to the most unfunky person that ever made a self-financed CD;but Jandek hooked up with some unlikely early eighties sound alike cabaret funk rhythm section, at "Rudyard's",in his home town of Houston (his first appearence on home turf),and tried earnestly to take dat fonk outside. It ends up sounding like an Arto Lindsey solo album....a very loooooong Arto Lindsey Solo album. As ripped from the DVD version.

There are people out there who have sat through "The complete Funhouse sessions", the massive "On The Corner Sessions" ,the sanity crushing "Merzbox",and even side one of "Bat Out Of Hell 2", but this three hour blue-eyed Funk improv may test even he who foolishly  ventured onto the second side of "Bat Out Of Hell 2"!

You gotta hand it to him,he's certainly hard to pin down these days?

The Drummer on this Outsider Funk torture is called Tyson Sheath....and that's his real name!?

Tracklist:

1 Two O'Clock Sun 2:52:36?

DOWNLOAD to git fonkeh HERE Honkeh!

Liza Minnelli ‎– "The Singer" (Columbia ‎– PC 32149) 1973

As i'm obviously having a cabin fever moment,the symptoms including  an inexplicable obsession with Yes,among other No-No's; so I figure its time to select some right-on cheese.
Yes...., it's showbiz royalty,Liza with a 'Zee'. Punch drunk and Judy Garlands' daughter by Vincente Minnelli. She looks like a fuck-up in the album photo with a demented thousand yard stare. She didn't quite reach the heights of self torture that her mother so openly displayed, but there was a moment, in the nineties, after she married David Gest that she became part of a living circus for a few years.
'Cabaret' was her 'Wizard of Oz' moment,which gifted her a loooong slow declining career slide in quality.
However, when I was deeply inside the easy listening counter-culture of the nineties, this album was one of my favourites. In between the cheesy song'n'dance one woman show style numbers, there are a few cool funky tracks, Especially, "Use Me" and "Dancing In The Moonlight" which would get even the most introverted Gaylord tapping his feet.
There's also a cop movie soundtrack version of the horrendously smug Carly Simon number "You're So Vain",which was written about me......I think?
I saw one of those 'greatest album' programmes on BBC4, and it  featured toothy tunesmith Carly Simon, who never stopped telling us what a fucking gorgeous looking genius she was....maybe that song was about herself after all,and not me...or Warren Beaty? She's so Vain,she probably thinks this blurb is about her.....but with a great set of nipples,as she points out on the candid album photo. No such pleasures on the Liza Minnelli cover shot. Singer songwriters are wankers anyway, and Liza,with a Zee, could hardly write her own name never mind a smug self-satisfied anthem like 'You're So Vain'. 
You'll feel dirty after playing this unpretentious funky showbiz ear battering classic.....i'm still scrubbing but the stench won't leave my skin,or my mind.Why won't it leave!? This must be what it was like to be arse-raped with an Oscar by Harvey Wankstain?
I suppose I should be posting some obscure Industrial cassettes from former Czechoslovakia, but this stuff is far more frightening, and far less fucking boring......and certain not to be reissued on Vinyl-On-Fucking-De-Fucking-mand.
I'd love to dig Marvin Hamlisch,the producer of this album, up to have a go at rearranging that 'NON: Rarities Box Set'(Only 150€ plus p&p from HERE!) with brass and string arrangements..maybe adding some lyrics from Hamlisch's classically terrible "A Chorus Line" as the cherry on top......now that's what I call 'Subversive'.Non?

Tracklist:

I Believe In Music 3:37
Use Me 3:39
I'd Love You To Want Me 3:36
Oh, Babe, What Would You Say? 3:31
You're So Vain 3:30
Where Is The Love 2:49
The Singer 2:31
Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight 3:51
Dancing In The Moonlight 3:19
You Are The Sunshine Of My Life 2:36
Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me 2:52

DOWNLOAD with a dee HERE!

Flamingo /Фламинго ‎– "Вокально-Инструментальный Ансамбль/Vocal-Instrumental Ensemble «Фламинго»" ( Мелодия ‎– Д-30743) 1971

From the group that gave us "This Is Our Soul",Flamingo had the privilege of having a release granted on the CCCP's state label Melodija.
Recorded in glorious Mono during 1971 while the group was on tour in the USSR.It was the hottest gig in town,and it would be very interesting to see what the tour itinery was;there were probably riots in Siberia when Flamingo hit town.Something akin to catching The Sex Pistols at Manchester Lesser Free Trade Hall in '76,or Bill Haley and his comets in Coventry back in '58.
All tracks are sung in the Czech language,and is admissable evidence that English is certainly the Lingua Franca of Pop to the exclusion of all other languages.For example you won't find an English,man singing an English folk song in Polish would you,and Pop music is basically modern Anglo-American Folk music....innit?

Ahhh bless 'em, they tried their level best to bring Soul to the peasants and povo's*(*East Midlands slang word for poor people) of the Soviet Union,while at the same time amusing us arrogant western arseholes of the 21st century. It's a two edged blade of fun is their version of 'Our Soul'.They almost made it 'Their Soul'...but.....naaaah! And aren't we glad they didn't?

Tracklisting:

A1: “Dívčí král” – cover version of “Never Marry A Railroad Man”
A2: “Měsíční pán” – cover version of “Cracklin’ Rosie”
A3: “Růžová pentle”
A4: “Tento mladík” – cover version of “Spooky”
A5: “Opatruj svých sedmnáct”
B1: “Mít pouhej tejden” – cover version of “Good Morning Freedom”
B2: “Michael” – cover version of “Michael And The Slipper Tree”
B3: “Agnes”
B4: “Pštrosí pera” (instrumental)

DOWNLOAD czech versions of Our Soul HERE!

The Flamingo Group (Featuring Marie Rottrová & Petr Němec) ‎– "This Is Our Soul" (Supraphon ‎– 1 13 1024) 1971

HaHaHaHaaaaaa, you americans think you invented Soul music don't you? Like captured Nazi's got you to the moon (or not as is suggested in certain quarters?), and West African slaves invented the blues and therefore your beloved Rock and the Rollings! You stole your culture,whereas we in the glorious soviet empire  created very funky soul music for our comrades to sit still and listen attentively to under strict anti-subversion laws. In 1968 we Russians,the KGB specifically, brought in this secret Soul music to stop the violent unhappiness that was spreading amongst our brothers and sisters in the Socialist Republik of Czechoslavakia. Our glorious Tanks forced them to enjoy life and tap their feet to the God mother of Soul and hero of the revolution, Marie Rottrová.

Phew!.....i'm back in the room now.Its taken me weeks of being in character to achieve this concise explanation as to why Soul was gifted to the world by white eastern europeans.
This album has to have the greatest title of any album ever released or what? I challenge yee!

Not to be confused with underground prog subversives 'Flemengo',whose Ivan Khunt rivals this album title as the funnist thing from eastern europe since 'Ausfhart' autobahn signs.'Flamingo' were the soviet bloc's 'Official' Soul and Funk group; and Colonel Marie Rottrová & Field Marshall Petr Němec were ordered to be their Aretha Franklin and Otis Reddingski of communist Soul.
As a frequent visitor to Leicester's progressive music shop "Ultima Thule", I stumbled upon this classic in the sale rack for 50p......which was expensive for Ultima Thule, as the sale rack frequently had 'Free' albums stored there,as long as one purchased something else however. This was a straight no-catches 50p, the same price I paid for my first David Essex single("Rock On")!
Easily my best purchase from Ultima Thule, eclipsing any obscure Agitation Free offering, blowing  Urban Sax back to where they came from.....up their own Our Soul's.However that Dave Pike Set album ran The Flamingo Group pretty close, but the breaks on "Our Soul" were superior,and the Cheese factor was monolithic.
I did spend most of the 90's looking for breaks to sample and searching out the silliest easy listening tripe I could find.....this was my second wave of Punk as far as I was concerned.
Not a fan of Soul music in general,with the genre's vocalist busting a bloodvessel to convey some simplistic emotional nonsense about their 'Babies' having left them and shit! Does my head in!Get over it and calm the fuck down for christs sake!?
Marie Rottrová & Petr Němec's voices are, not to put a finer point on it,fucking terrible! Like they're having their tonsils sanded down by some No.5 glasspaper.....ear-defenders recommended. The music is fabulous, James Last-lite approximations of what Funky Soul isn't.Ending with the elevator organ work-out of "Quasimodo's Dream"...whatever the Hunchback of Notre Dame would have dreamt about is open to conjecture......some corrective surgery perhaps,or Ezmarelda's naked butt cheeks;she only gave him some water! Talk about misreading the signals.
My father, in his later Alzheimers-onset years, used to refer to my mother,unaffectionatly, as Quasimodo, as she had developed a Charles Lawton style stoop due to her debilitating Parkinson's syndrome.....don't judge him, he was old skool. So her dream would have been that I euthanize her,which she asked me to do on several occasions. Being shit scared of Prison, and having to go to my, previously discussed, 'Arse-Rape Place' frequently if convicted.I, reluctantly,didn't fulfill her wishes.
Ten loooooong painful soul-crushing years later, she eventually wasted away to resemble a shrunken little dolly,and died.....alone!
Dunno how I got onto this sad subject,but to rub salt in the wounds the UK Government made them sell their house to pay for their 'care?'.....which should have been renamed 'Don't Care'.So much for the National Health Service!?....so not only did the government condemn both my parents to a depressing and harrowing end,they stole their money and my inheritence!
So to end this rant about how the UK Government treats war-heroes like my parents, can I urge all Brits reading this to vote out the Tory Scum in this joke of an election,or live with the consequences of a Donald Trump brokered America first 'Trade Deal'(NHS on the table), encouraged by KGB traitor Vlad Putin.....who definitely was NOT responsible for the genius of The Flamingo Group!

(The Sound of Heavy Breathing)

Tracklist:

1.Big Chain 2:35
2.The Weight 2:55
3.Hey Lonely Girl 2:25
4.Ain't No Way 3:30
5.Sunny 6:50
6.Chain Of Fools 2:45
7.I've Got Dreams To Remember 3:40
8.Oh! What A Fool I've Been 2:15
9.Nothing's Too Good For My Baby 2:15
10.Purple Angels 3:20
11.Quasimodo's Dream 7:10

DOWNLOAD this HERE you arseholes!

Various Artists ‎– "Psych Funk Sa-Re-Ga! Seminar: Aesthetic Expressions Of Psychedelic Funk Music In India 1970-1983" ( World Psychedelic Funk Classics ‎– WPFC 103CD) 2010

Klaus Doldinger, nows there's a fine Indian name for ya?

I doubt that the Indians featured on these Funky Psychedelic Wig-outs were actually all Germans,though it wouldn't surprise me.I have every confidence that our sub-continental brothers and sisters were more than capable of making these Bollywood versions of the 'Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls' soundtrack. Fuzz guitar dueting with haunting Indian Flutes,lead trumpets flirting with a funky drummer beat, like Ennio Morricone backing the Electric Prunes....before they got God forced on them by Axelrod.

Pretty weird stuff indeed,but more than that, it's pretty weird stuff that you can dance to. This is what happens when two cultures clash, for real, and not a single hippy in sight!

Tracklist:

1 –The Black Beats - The Mod Trade 4:11
2 –X'Lents - Psychedelia 2:53
3 –Kalyanji Anandji - Somebody To Love  2:13
4 –Kalyanji Anandji - Bairaag Dance Music 2:42
5 –R. D. Burman - Dance Music From Hare Rama Hare Krishna 2:15
6 –R. D. Burman - Lekar Ham Diwana Dil 5:52
7 –R. D. Burman - Freak Out Music 3:18
8 –Bappi Lahari - Everybody Dance With Me 2:57
9 –Kalyanji Anandji with R. D. Burman - Dharmatma Theme Music 3:53
10 –Asha Bhosle - Dum Maro Dum Live 3:20
11 –Usha Khanna - Hotel Incidental Music  1:13
12 –Klaus Doldinger - Sitar Beat 1:32
13 –Sapan Jagmohan - Meri Aakhon Mein Ek Sapna Hai 2:57
14 –Keith Kanga - Butterfly (Version Two) 3:27
15 –Atomic Forest - Mary Long 3:15
16 –Usha Khanna - Tera Jasia Pyara Koi Nahin 5:29
17 –Hemant Bhosle - Phir Teri Yaad 3:15
18 –R. D. Burman - Aaj Mera Dil 5:29
19 –Kalyanji Anandji - Hum Tumhe Chate Hain 5:43
20 –Ilaiyaraaja Feat. Vani Jairam & Chorus - Thabimayil 4:14

DOWNLOAD the funky junkies of India HERE!

David Byrne and Brian Eno ‎– "My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts" (EG ‎– EGLP 48) 1981

The most famous Eno collaboration was a less subtle Third World rip-off, with trendy(for 1980) Talking Head, David Byrne. Here he leaves the Herky Jerky college boy funk behind a tad, to indulge Eno in his misappropriation of Holger Czukay's ethnological forgery techniques from the late sixties.
Again he manages to avoid the patronizing qualities of most western 'world' music atrocities, and creates something rather reflective of the culture clash between the technological landfill site that is the so-called 'west' and the poverty stricken financial hostages of the third world.A bit like what Philip Glass and Godfrey Reggio achieved in the movie "Koyaanisquatsi" around the same time.....there was a lot of it about in the early eighties apparently!?
I don't like to use the word 'samples' before sampling, but this is a case of using 'Found Dialogue' rather than syncing in digital recreations of field recordings of Algerian muslims, lunatic preachers, and traditional african singing.
The track "Qu'Ran" was withdrawn from the cd version due to complaints from.....you guessed it.....muslims. Which is strange because its not normally very easy to offend a Muslim now is it? 
They only whip out the odd death threat every now and again, if someone writes a book,or accidentally samples an Islamic prayer and puts it on a pop record. Ahhhh, bless 'em.
But us here on Die or DIY? aren't so easily offended, and therefore it's back in, and all you fun lovin' muslims out there, get your women's faces out and lets move to some rich intellectual pop stars version of Ambient tribal funk music.
The record that launched a thousand Muslimgauze albums.

Tracklist:

America Is Waiting 3:36
Mea Culpa 3:35
Regiment 3:56
Help Me Somebody 4:18
The Jezebel Spirit 4:55

Very,Very Hungry
Moonlight In Glory 4:19
The Carrier 3:30
A Secret Life 2:30
Come With Us 2:38
Mountain Of Needles 2:35

Qu'Ran 3:46 

DOWNLOAD these satanic verses HERE!