Blitzkrieg Bop ‎– "Top Of The Bops" (Overground Records ‎– OVER 69CD) 1998

One of the better releases on Lightning Records would have to be "Lets Go" by those 'Geordie New Wave luminaries', Blitzkrieg Bop(of which there are three versions of on this cd comp). An adapted version of Scott Mackenzies Hippy anthem involving putting flowers in your hair. Tony Parson's NME review of this tune is paraphrased in an amusing interview (track 18) on local radio back in '77, during which the Blitzkrieg Bopper involved actually sounds reasonably informed, and the local DJ rather amusingly alludes that this record and group are not very good.
Of course they're 'not very good', that was the whole point innit? The difficult part was to have the ability to not improve, the lack of which was the main factor in Punk Rocks rapidly approaching death date,or at least the sell-by date. It was simply all over by the end of 1978....and so were Blitzkrieg Bop. The band they stole their rather unispired name from,(Ramones if you somehow hadn't worked that one out yet?), kept repeating themselves into the late eighties,but they weren't as punk as these geordies,had worse clothes,rocked too much and basically sang about girlfriends.

DOWNLOAD lightning war bop on lightning HERE!

Various ‎– "Lightning Records Punk Collection" (Anagram Records ‎– CD PUNK 79) 1996

Lightning Records had a massive hit in 1977 with "Uptown Top-Ranking" by Althea and Donna, so they had buckets full of cash to penetrate the 'Punk' market.Trouble was there weren't any Bands left to sign up, and no-one would want to sign for such a dodgy label as that anyway. So they got all the groups no-one wanted, and made a few up too.

This compilation of Fake Punk cash-in masters, Lightning Records, is a punk dustbin full of fake groups and groups signed because one of them had a short hair cut and knew naughty words like 'Berk' or flipping Heck!

If you didn't know any better, and you heard "Dark Glasses" by The Mirrors, in 1978, you'd either be horrified at its vicious roll'n'roll furylessness, or find it totally laughable. The correct reaction would have to be laughter, as it's one of thee most clueless attempts at a punk cash-in ever gobbed onto vinyl.

The lyrics, sang by what could only be an off-duty Elvis impersonator,or that bloke from Spandau Ballet, are priceless. Examples of which are:

"You're wearing Dark Glasses, Have You Got The Class?"

"In a doorway they take co-co with a jacknife"(they weren't allowed to say Cocaine I guess)

No they weren't the proto-Pere Ubu Mirrors from Cleveland Ohio,but they did play the Roxy and The Vortex, and support Sham 69. How this tune went down I shudder tho think.

Whereas Fake Punkers, "Martin and the Brownshirts" did actually come from Cleveland, as in the shithole in the north-east of England, rather than the shithole in America.

Nasty Media, no-one knows anything about,but I suspect they were another made up band, and were the only 'Punk' band to rhyme Berk with Jerk, so they get top marks on the Punksploitation scale from me.

Neville Wanker & The Punters are the wonderfully annoying bosses of the middle-aged blokes go punk punksploitation Oscar. The backing singers,(which breaks Punk rule number one, 'No Backing Singers),relentlessly chant "Punk...Punk Rock" all through this charming ditty about how "The Punk Rock is here to Stay"!!!? Its like a parody that would regularly crop up on awful TV magazine programme like "That's Life" in 1978.

The Fruit-Eating Bears even went on 'A Song For Europe' in an attempt to get on the Eurovision Song Contest.....they didn't.....but you can get all their stuff HERE!

Elton Motello, whose Gay anthem 'Jet Boy Jet Girl' was nicked from fellow chutney ferret Lou de Prijck and lip synced by Plastic Betrand, was in 'Bastard' with Brian James(the Damned), and is probably the only person on this with any debatable cred' points in the Punk Rock world.

The rest are a bunch of flare wearing converts with shoulder length hair.Maybe sporting a discreet safety pin, a 'punk' badge or two,and a length of chain attached to their jumpers......which for me was a far better image than getting tarted up on the Kings Road and spiking up your previously blow-dried locks.

This album is crammed with effortlessy insipid punk and new wave facimiles, nothing at all offensive, and actually nothing to do with 'Punk Rock'. Its great!

PS...you can get a full Fake Punk onslaught from Die or DIY?'s Fake Punk compilation "Come and get yer Punk in Woolworths" by clicking HERE!

Tracklisting:

1 –Jet Bronx & The Forbidden - Ain't Doin' Nuthin'
2 –The Mirrors - Cure For Cancer
3 –The Jerks - Get Your Woofing Dog Off Me
4 –Blitzkrieg Bop - Let's Go
5 –Martin & The Brownshirts - Taxi Driver
6 –Elton Motello - Jet Boy Jet Girl
7 –Fruit Eating Bears - Chevy Heavy
8 –Dirty Dog - Let Go Of My Hands
9 –Horror Comic - I Don't Mind
10 –Too Much - Who Do You Wanna Be
11 –The Nerves - TV Adverts
12 –Cane - D.K.Dance
13 –Cane - College Girls
14 –Neville Wanker & The Punters - Boys On The Dole
15 –The Mirrors - Dark Glasses
16 –Nasty Media - Spiked Copy
17 –Blitzkrieg Bop - U.F.O.
18 –Krypton Tunes - All In Jail
19 –The Jerks - Cool
20 –Too Much - Kick Me One More Time
21 –Open Sore - Vertigo (Live)
22 –The Crabs - Lullabies Lie (Live)

DOWNLOAD this fake storm HERE!