Various Artists – "The Art Of Solving Problems" (RAM LP 001) 1980

And now, from the capital of Goth,....that's right.....Leeds,.... we bring you more local post-punk rockers, that actually includes some half descent tchoons.

That aside,i should mention Leeds United got promoted,and i won't go on with my usual Leeds bashing and signal my congratulations...we'll see you again after you get relegated next year....but....i have other fish to fry....eg,How'd you solve a problem like Donald?

I would like to suggest something terminal,but the last time I started mentioning assassination my text disappeared immediately,and i'm now living like a dawg waiting for the new FBI to knock on my door brandishing an extradition order for me to join my other MS13 buddies in El Salvador. The saddest thing about that is its not beyond the realm of possibility to be true and certainly NOT fake news.

I've been working on my Trump impression, and it's getting good,but not as good as this guy:

 
I dunno about you,but I'm frightened!? we need a wall to keep them out. Built around Europe to keep the illegal MAGA American out.A questionnaire will be provided to determine the ideologically in line Americans who will be allowed in to visit Buckingham Palace,although supervised by UK's unrivaled camera surveillance systems.

The purge has already started on this side of the beautiful Ocean,The AfD has been named as an Extremist organisation in Germany, Tommy Robinson, not of Tom Robinson Band fame, is in a UK Jail,probably permanently,we're completely secular, and the French courts have dealt with Marine Le Pen. It can't happen here.

A non-recyclable Plastic curtain has descended across the globe.

I will volunteer,George Orwell,but not Hemingway style, for the international brigade when the Civil war kicks off my American Brothers.

Please someone, place an explosive Golf ball in the tiny handed Orange rapists Golf bag and send him to the nineteenth hole (Hell) in a flaming golf buggy/handcart.....Kash Patel(apparently this Cunt is the nu Stasi chief)....you taking notes Kash? There's a billion surveillance robot apps ready to rock on your  (not so) Smartphone.

It should result in some beautiful music anyways?

Nah! He ain't so bad,Trump ain't...At least he'll relieve Americans, even the radical leftists, from the inconvenience of voting.

Paranoid?....Moi?...probably NOT this time unfortunately.

But Yankee fear not, Europe and China will send food parcels,and other assistance....we'll get the Israelis to run that stuff,so no problem there then?

Beat Track:"The Motivators– Miss Demeanour"

 
Tracklisting:

A1 The Forst– I’m A Mess
A2 The Motivators– Miss Demeanour
A3 The Gimmicks – He’s Only 25
A4 The Cat – Heather Weather
A5 Side Effect – Chain Reaction
A6 The Beans – Clouds Over The Moon
B1 The Beans – Getting On The No. 9
B2 Side Effect (– Pin Stripe Suit
B3 The Cat – Evil Way
B4 The Gimmicks – Three Separate Ways
B5 The Motivators– An Eye Opener
B6 The Forst– Doing Nothing

DOWNLOAD problem free HERE!

Various Artists – "Bouncing In The Red - A Birmingham Compilation" (Odeon – EMC 3343) 1980

 

Top notch production values on this one......DAG NABBIT! now you wait a cotton picking minute there boy!....did one spy an EMI logo attached to this trendsetting local comp?...sure did.Essex Music Industries desperately trying to get the Kids to pick the next hit makers for the ensuing run up to Spotify.

Heavily diluted Reggae of course will always score you points of the Kool kind, but Steel Pulse...nah..,anemic new wave friendly sedative;almost as dull as UB40,who also feature here.

No one dare say it.....Reggae mooziq certainly sucked balls,especially this 'Roots' stuff. Whenever Misty in Roots came on the John Peel show, a nationwide groan could be heard emanating from beneath a million duvets.

Then we have apologists like Moby telling us that the best Hardcore Punk album ever was clearly "Bad Brains"......er, except the Reggae tracks, he added????

Gladly its not all 'racist...moi(?)'....inclusive kool brownie point scoring boredom.

"D'you Like Reggae Son?"

"You can go to the front of the queue".

Dangerous Girls and The Quads make up for it among a bit of Pub Rock funk,some truly horrible big band Jazz and Steve Gibbons' American accent.Did anyone actually buy this?

Lets not forget,the last time i said i didn't like some Reggae, I was subjected to the inevitable accusations of Racism......I might be black as far you know .After all,I'm not racist but......Hey,some of my best friends are Black.....i'm deliberately digging a deeper hole here aren't I?.....after all, no-one likes being labelled a 'racist'do they?....Especially Racists.

Tracklist:

A1 Steel Pulse– Biko's Kindred Lament
A2 Wide Boys – Forty Million
A3 Fashion– Let Go
A4 Dangerous Girls– Clinically Dead
A5 Denizens– Small Wonder
A6 UB40– 25%
B1 Steve Gibbons Band– Sunny Day
B2 Ferrari– Rio
B3 Ricky Cool And The Icebergs– Wait A Minute Baby
B4 Rainmaker – Cruisin'
B5 Mean Street Dealers– I Don't Want To Die Young
B6 Quads – In The Night

DOWNLOAD cheques bouncing into the red HERE!

Various Artists – "Brum Beat Live At The Barrel Organ!" (Big Bear Records – BRUM 1) 1980

We cheekily mentioned the 1974 Birmingham Pub Bombings in the previous posts on Belfast,so the logical progression must be to hear some music from a pub in Birmingham,UK,not Alabama.The alleged Bombers were all arrested, basically for being Irish, and soundly beaten up until they confessed.

They were all pardoned and released some years ago now after serving 16 years at her majesties' pleasure. 

Of course you all know that Birmingham,the UK's second city)....pronounced Birmin-gum in Brummy(the local accent_, and Birming-haaam in the United states (twats....boycott them!)...has a very strong argument in the richly contested arena as to who was the most important city in the British rock'n'roll stakes,and therefore also in The World. The undisputed birthplace of all Heavy Rock,also can boast Moody Blues,ELO, the Move,Led Zeppelin,Black Sabbath,...er...Duran Duran, the worlds best selling Reggae band...UB40....Napalm Death,Traffic, Judas Priest, The (English)Beat), Dexy's,Swell Maps, Spencer Davis Group....I could go on...shit,I forgot Slade!?
Nothing like that steller list on this local compilation, but one of the groups (The Lazers), had ginger chanteuse,T'Pau's Carol Dekker on vocals!...we are definitely worthy.
This is essentialy Birmingham's version of "Hope and Anchor \front Row Festival" with it's Pub Rock sensibility, rather than the cutting edge post-punk vibes one would expect from Brum's own Nightingales. Nowt wrong with that however, me being a big digger of said scene.
Love Pub Rock me,so i do......this really was Punk before Punk in my humbles.
It does boast an act that had a single in John Peels' special box of fav singles....namely The Quads, who recorded the rather splendid "There Must Be Thousands" single that said venerable DJ,and mucky minded lady fiddler played to death in 1980.

I notice this double disked forensic investigation into all things Brummy seems to be sponsored by Ansells Bitter, not,an alcoholic tipple of choice for your average London Punk Rocker,who always seemed to have a can of Colt 45 glued to their hand; and where is Colt 45 now eh?....gone!...just like all the bands featured here....yes, even The Quads are gone and forgotten.Life is harsh innit? That such beauty could come from such a grim shithole as Birmingham is nothing short of amazing.However grim conditions are often touted as the very reason all this great art was created in the first place,an escape route so to speak.Following the Beatles to mansions in Surrey as soon as possible.The fabs couldn't wait to get out of Liverpool, and who can blame 'em?...trouble is the list of groups on this LP are patently stuck in one the world's oldest and grimest industrial conurbations.see this music as a cry for help. 

Tracklist:

A1 Bright Eyes – The Lonely Ones
A2 Bright Eyes – Casablanca
A3 The Lazers– Headache
A4 The Lazers– Rivet
A5 Willy & The Poorboys– My Babe
A6 Willy & The Poorboys– Hoy Hoy Hoy
B1 The Quads – When Everything Is Said & Done
B2 The Quads – Wonders Never Cease
B3 Rockers – It Takes A Thief
B4 Speed Limit – Alright On The Night
B5 Speed Limit – CJ
C1 Dansette Damage– All Little Girls Taste The Same
C2 Dansette Damage– Invaders
C3 Mayday – Moving In Time
C4 Mayday – Standing On The Edge Of The World
C5 Dangerous Girls– Demolition
C6 Playthings – Sally Daydream

D1 The Thrillers –To The Top

D2 The Thrillers – Breakout
D3 Spoonfull – On Your Trail
D4 Spoonfull – Nine 'Til Five
D5 Eclipse– Enjoy Yoursef

DOWNLOAD from the UK's sickened city HERE!

Various Artists – "Belfast" (Shock Rock – SLR 007) 1980

 

Put down yer Molotov Cocktails,stop throwing those Bricks,as the "Troubles" seem to have fueled one of the very best Local Band compilations in the united kingdom here.
Up there with Bristol's "Avon Calling", "Sent from Coventry",and that one by the Hackney Musicians Collective,and/or "East Of Croydon", to name some obvious candidates.
Such was life dodging ricocheting rubber bullets,and icy blasts from the water cannon,being creative during an insurgency was not,easy.

In fact just leaving home to walk to the subsidized recording facilities was literally risking your life,never mind finding somewhere secure,and free of religious bigotry, to play live.
Not many bands from other parts of the UK took the risk, except The Clash,and Crass,
So the only other option was....here we go again....Do It Yourself.
The crystal clear sound production,and great rock'n'roll guitar sounds,seem to suggest there may have been some local,or maybe even national, financial assistance going down here.
There are a couple of naff ones,but overall,this compilation ROCKS,by bands never to be heard of again.

Indeed,from certain areas of the stinkernet, these bands are Crisis Actors, and Northern Ireland never existed.....which most of us in the UK wished to be true at the time, until those kindly Americans came and sorted it all out for everyone.....and they are still doing it today.It would never have happened under the the Orange man,and he/it would have fixed it in 24 hours. this is why the Orange Men of the Orange order march in tribute to King Donald every year,causing a shitload of trouble(s).

Beam me the fuck UP Scottie!!!!

Tracklist:

A1 Stage B– Recall To Life
A2 Strike – Radio Songs
A3 Ex-Producers– The System Is Here
A4 Ezy Meat– Sexy Lady
A5 Reflex Action– Spies
B1 Strike – Running Past
B2 Reflex Action– Recession
B3 Stage B– Light On The Hillside
B4 Ezy Meat– Soho Escapade
B5 Ex-Producers– Behind The Door

DOWNLOAD fast without any troubles HERE!

Various Artists– "In And Out Of Town" (Out Of Town Records – HOOT L.P. 1) 1981

Here's yet another over-view of pop groups from a grim place ooop Norff.This time it's the turn of sunny Stockport, a grotty satellite town of Manchester....such places are where most Manchester bands came from rather than from Manchester itself.Rather like all Manchester United footie fans come from anywhere but Manchester, places like Dubai,Welwyn Garden City, or Ulan Bator.

Name a famous Manc Band, you may challenge your friend of an evening,and he will predictably forward Joy Division as an answer,and be confident in this before the Smart Phone is activated to google it.Of course your Smart Phone will inform us that Ian and Steve were from Macclesfield, and Hooky and Barney were from Salford Town.

I knew all that,even without a Smart Phone to hand;but due to our over-relience on these brain extensions from Hell, i'm not even sure of my own name anymore without googling it.The death of the Pub Quiz.

There is also the grim prospect of the soon to be released AI-phone, who will roundly take the piss out of your for not knowing that Joy Division wasn't a Manchester band.....a band who coincidentally,will be also probably be your future AI-phone's favourite band.

Also,incidentally, Stockport inexplicably has been twinned with a medieval French Town near my humble abode;namely Beziers.Site of one of the most terrible medieval atrocities during the wars of religion. Perpetrated by the earl of my birthplace in jolly old England,the rabidly anti-semetic Simon De Montfort, Earl of Leicester.He ordered the mass slaughter of the Cathars,by burning them to death in Beziers Cathedral.Don';t worry De Montfort got his just desserts ,and had his Bollocks chopped off and stuffed in his mouth......but this didn't stop Leicester naming a renowned concert hall after him, and also One of the local universities.

If you come from Stockport, then under the rules of Football fanaticism you have no choice but to support Stockport County, your local team,and accident of birth......if you come from Manchester itself,then you should be a Man City fan....there is NO CHOICE!

So these days,Manchester Citzens will have to put up with being funded from the vast wealth of Saudi Arabian Football fan Oil Barons,which is a tad in contradiction of the Football Fan Rulebook is it not?.....another big negative is that the Gallagher brothers are fair weather Man City fans apparently,scoffing at all the light blue plebs from their separate executive boxes.

One other thing that the Mancunians are good at,especially in the early 80's, is making a decent tune in the Post-Punk stylee.It all not bad,with only a couple of cringe laden vocal-isms from the ones who had silly dreams of pop stardom  

 

Tracklist:

A1	Stress –	The Real
A2	C.C. Crim–	Little Girl
A3	Belgian Bitch–	Can't Say No To You
A4	Zanathus–	Baby Baby
A5	Objet D'Art–	For Your Love
A6	Marquis De Sade –	Egyptian Lovers
A7	Cinema Eluminare–	Dangerous Vision
B1	Paris & The Atmospheres*–	Don't Really Love Me
B2	Revue–	Jody
B3	The Images –	Oh Baby
B4	Ride  -	Fairground
B5	John The Poser–	Disappearance Of Ruth
B6	Zanti Misfitz–	Constant Buzz
B7	Airplay –	The Last Time

DOWNLOAD a bit of the old in and out from the sex capital of Lancashire HERE!

Various Artists– "Cry, Havoc!" - (Compiled By Stoke Musicians Collective) - Slip Records – (SLID 1) 1981

 

Hey!Here's a surprise!

After another long repose,the most logical place to re-boot my blogger come-back has to be,of course......Stoke-on-Trent(?).......The birthplace of UK82/D-Beat,and anything else wearing a studded leather bikers jacket.Yoo know who I mean, Discharge GBH, Clay Records and all that involuntarily Celibate white young male stuff(I think its pronounced 'InCell' in nu-speak. 

The potteries,as this grim land-fill site in the black country of the UK, was known, could have done a lot worse than that dubious claim to be lame,and so they did, with yet another of those provincial compilations unleashed upon those disinterested bunch of smug Southerners at Radio One. 'Tis also yet another Musicians Collective, that seemed to multiply like a cancer throughout the New Wave era.

The worst ones were those who were obviously trying their hardest to write a catchy tune,captured on secondhand 8-track tape by a cynical Martin Hannett type refugee from the 60's at the council funded recording facility. Arriving too late for the Wave,which 1981 was, not all of these bands can be dismissed as Nu-Wave white boy funksters,, Reggae-lite costello clones, or Spherical Objects style Fall plagiarizers. There was at least one Minimal Synth (All The Madmen), and the 'oooh ain't we weird' number (Amphibrach Enallage etc), and the 'not-too-Bad band,which in this case is the Platinum Needles......a drugs reference perhaps?

In fact i'm quite enjoying listening to this as i write some misinformed splurge;yes even the cringe parts....purely out of a September years need for nostalgia i may add,but it keeps me relatively non-suicidal dunnit?.....and i never managed to mention Donald Trump once!? 

Tracklist:

A1 Vermilion Hair– Private Eye 3:10
A2 The Decks– Drowning In The Airwaves 3:36
A3 Platinum Needles– Organised Disruption 3:52
A4 The Lemmings– Young At Heart 3:03
A5 White Lightning Blues Band– Neat Scenes 3:02
A6 Doris– Many Miles From Home 3:08
A7 All The Madmen– Superior Life 3:03
A8 The Heaters – Expensive Jeans (Reggie) 3:31
B1 Walter Mitty– Screaming Till The Sun Goes Down 3:57
B2 The Uninvited– Doing The East Berlin 3:02
B3 Vermilion Hair– Hidden Meaning 4:08
B4 White Lightning Blues Band– Shake It Again 1:55
B5 Strate Angel– Rock-O-La 4:19
B6 Time Out – Still On Ice 4:05
B7 Amphibrach Enallage And The Catalectic Paragoge– Re: Bertha De Cool 1:19
B8 Platinum Needles– Telford 2:39

DOWNLOAD and cry HERE!

Enski Boski – "I Found Jesus In A Gay Bar" (Hamster Records And Tapes – HAM 13) 1984

Sorry for a prolonged absence on my part,but, these guys are just Krazy.

It sounds like the music a mom's basement dwelling guy with ADHD would send to the recording arm of Sony,fully expecting a lucrative contract in response. A sort of a less processable version of mid-period Associates,but with a mentally ill version of that bloke from Spandau Ballet crooning away instead of Billy Mackenzie; albeit with better song titles.

Whether Enski received the cleansing qualities of the Holy Spirit and accepted it as his own personal saviour is unclear.Or, as more likely, he actually found the son of god cruising for cock in in a Soho gay bar around the time that AIDS was becoming really popular. This would explain the presence of the Son Of God in yer actual Gay Bar,personally helping spread the virus person to person;or should i say Deity-to-Deity.

God himself ,as stated in his manifesto,doesn't have much time for Gay versions of his likeness,even though he allegedly created everything himself(?),also one would not be shocked to discover that he magicked up a lethal virus aimed at promiscuous homosexuals,and wanton womanhood to remove them from his DIY planet.That should teach them a lesson alright.

Rather than just conjure up a virus from nowhere, Jesus, being more moralistic than his dad,took the more virtuous route to mass murder, by actually stuffing his unprotected holy Phallus Dei up as many Gays as possible......a more hands on, pants down affair one could suggest? 

Or, Enski Boski could just be making it all up,taking inspiration from many a 'Holy' book filed in the Fiction Section at your local LGBTQ+ library.

Looking at other releases on this Terry Burrows (Jung Analysts) dominated label, there is an impossible to find compilation cassette called "If God Had Meant Us To Dance He Would Have Given Us Legs", which I think sums up everything very nicely.

Tracklist:

A1 The Amazing Inevitable Engendering Gene
A2 Fourteen With Freckles Eighteen With Acne
A3 Without The Enemy Within
A4 George Washington Said
A5 Chantage
B1 Korer Opportunities In Sinking Communtities
B2 Anodyne Noise Psilocybin Sight
B3 The Mercy Killing Conga
B4 The Importance Of Fraudulence
B5 Grocery Trouble
B6 Skid Row

DOWNLOAD HERE! with the thought that if God had meant for us to listen to music like this he'd have given us ears?

Various Artists – "Tickled Pink" (Peeved Records – PV021) 1986

One of a few Cambridge compilations from Peeved Records, unfathomably based in Southampton?

It kicks off with some mannered Indie Pop by, according to Discogs, one of the 96 other bands called "Spike". If that was out of a hundred it would correlate with the fact that 96% of all bands in the UK sounded exactly like this in 1985 to '86. Marking the era when everyone had a Portastudio, nice equipment,and knew how to use it. As a result everyone sounded the same.

It was all 'well played' ,enhanced with cheaply available effects unit,and they all thought they were gonna 'make it'. The result is really rather dreadful, as they themselves would have found the DIY stuff from earlier in the decade, which these self-tutored pop stars in their own lunchtimes would have scoffed at, and binned off in favor of sounding like Aztec Camera....WRONG!

Its rather like a teenagers painting, when they try their upmost to be a sophisticate;leaving the real genius of their earlier years gathering dust in the garbage bin. Only a few get to make art decent enough to break through to win the poverty that awaits them.

Although missing the point entirely, the end result is actually rather quaint? Awwww, bless 'em.

The High Tech Pagodas win the silliest name prize,and also the best track award....what on earth were they doing?

Tracklist:

A1 Spike – I Feel You
A2 Spike – Any Choice
A3 The Force – Sweet Little Girl
A4 The Force – Crazy Affair
A5 Vanishing Point– From The Heart
A6 Vanishing Point– Face To Face
A7 The High Tech Pagodas– Free
B1 The Lovely– Aniel I Said
B2 The Lovely– Catherine
B3 Strange Brew – Don't Wanna Be Lonely
B4 Strange Brew – Normandy Sunset
B5 Worlds End Band– The Party
B6 Worlds End Band– The Party Of Light
B7 The Lonely – Nervous Hand
B8 The Lonely – Something Happened Today

DOWNLOAD and have your pink bits tickled HERE!

Various Artists - "Real Time 2 : October 82" (Unlikely records) 1982

Are you having a good time? I'm having a real good time 2.

Was it really this good in October 1982. I seem to remember 'OCT 82' appearing on the swastika bedecked sleeve of that Bad Seed EP by the Birthday Party....everything went downhill from there unfortunately, especially for crooning Goth Gargoyle Nicholas Cave.Whatever happened to him?....Don't ask!

Second in the "Real Time" series of Unlikely records Compilations gives us proof that 1982 was better than you think, as the Post Punk snowball rolled on down that hill into the oncoming neo-pop lava flow of synth duo's and silly clothes.

It opens with both sides of the solitary single of the classy New Wave pop of Swimming in the Sea.Might have been a hit a year or so earlier.

What follows is a jolly entertaining plethora of quality DIY, Punk Rock,lo-fi synth Pop, and other forms of what passed for intelligent pop music in late '82.

Of course, none of these people were ever heard of again, and Nick Cave went on to conquer every coffee table in Christendom.

Tracklist:

A1 Swimming In The Sea– Hero For The Heroine/The Presents
A2 The Workforce– 10 Fingers Only
A3 Jonathan Rush– Only A Nightmare
A4 David Rush – Laser
A5 Gunslinger– Someone's Got You In The Gunsight
A6 Gunslinger– Step Into The Future
A7 The Blotchees– Funky Ho ! Down/This Isn't Your Day/Melon-Cauli
A8 Extension-Two– The Black Box/We Care/Summary/Scenes Of Today/Sandra/The Black Box
A9 Extension-Two– Extension-Two (Alone Again)
A10 Lurch – Real Time
A11 Robert Cox– A2 Is Missing
B1 Patrol– SS Officer
B2 Patrol– Innocence
B3 Tom Cramp & The Epilectic Ducks– Cramposaurus Chant
B4 Tom Cramp & The Epilectic Ducks– White Stalk SB
B5 The Puush– Morning Rolls And Hot Coffee
B6 Suburban Strom Troopers– Switchblade & Crucifix
B7 Suburban Strom Troopers– Mau Mau
B8 Switch-Cord Roulette– Theresa
B9 Switch-Cord Roulette– Goliath
B10 The Same – Instrumental 7/3/82
B11 The Same – Auntie Meat
B12 The Same – Sampled & Held
B13 The Same – Sync Or Swim

DOWNLOAD and have a real good time HERE!

The Freshies – "Rough 'N' Ready" (Razz Records – RAZZ CS4) 1980

They could have been bigger than the Buzzcocks,but ended up not quite as good as second album Vapors.They,at least had "Turning Japanese";whereas the best The Freshies could muster was "Yellow Spot",which wasn't even as good as The Buzzcocks' worst single......"Why She's A Girl From A Chainstore",written by the talentless Steve Diggle.......ironically The Freshies closest shot at the charts references that Diggle double A side,called "I'm In Love With The Girl On The Manchester Virgin Megastore Checkout Desk",which had a novelty value about it I suppose,and at least they got to play it on legendary but crap kids pop show "Get It Together" with the great Roy North (as previously referenced in the Phil Hartley of Bogshed fame post wot i dun last weeek-ish or so).

This cassette was The Freshies going really New Wave,highly competent,well-crafted,rather too clever, power pop non-hits for the lapsed Blondie fan next door.If they had Chris,the singer,writer etc,in character as his alter-ego Frank Sidebottom,they would have definitely been bigger than The Buzzcocks,well at least bigger than The Vapors....maybe bigger than even 'Department-S'?

You may have noticed that I am referring to all this in the Past Tense as both Frank and Chris are dead actually.So we'll never know beyond visiting the Power Pop Astral Plain where everyone gets to be number one for a day.

Tracklist:

A1 Yellow Spot 2:28
A2 Yeah-No, I Know 2:29
A3 Yesterday/Tomorrow 2:23
A4 Oh Girl 2:05
A5 Photograph 2:26
A6 New Edition 2:28
B1 One To One 1:46
B2 House Beautiful 2:43
B3 We're Like You 2:17
B4 My Tapes Gone 2:51
B5 No Money 4:00
B6 If It's News 1:48

DOWNLOAD ready and roughly HERE!

The Freshies – "The Freshies Sing The Girls From Banana Island Who's Stupid Ideas Never Caught On In The Western World As We Know It" (Razz Records – RAZZ CS 3) 1979

The subject of Paul McCartney regularly crops up in the work of Chris Sievy, of The Freshies', papier maché alter-ego Frank Sidebottom.

Which is interesting,as The output of the Freshies could easily be mistaken as Macca goes new wave. Or Paul and Linda's murder victim,Jimmy McCulloch's new updated version of Wings.That would explain the need to wear a papier maché head.Quite a lot of this rubbish exists as a conspiracy theory on the browner side of the internet.After all Paul had form, sporting bare feet on the cover of Abbey Road,signifying that he had clearly faked his death in 1969,and been replaced with a look-a-likey. I don't think anyone in The Freshies looked at all like Jimmy McCulloch or Paul McCartney...but they wouldn't would they?The haircuts were a dead give away however. He obviously had reconstructive surgery,to turn his back on fame, and form a new wave band with Jimmy.The evidently sociopathic Linda got ear of this and arranged McCulloch's inexplicable death;but not before he and Paul had laid down 50 or so Freshies numbers first.

Next up is the proven fact that John Lennon's Brain was abducted by Aliens and now controls the life support systems of a small exo-planet somewhere in the vacinity of Betelgeuse.....which,incidentally, is due to go super-nova at any moment.Ergo,"The Wedding Album" exists,yet doesn't,at the same time....unless,of course, you are looking at it, or even worse, playing it.

Schrödinger's John and Yoko Album; Quantum version.

Tracklist:

A1 Amoco Cadiz 5:36

A2 Children Of The World 2:55
A3 Babies Who Stole My Girl 3:04
A4 Photograph 2:06
A5 GoggleBubbleLand 2:47
A6 Nothing To Come 3:12
A7 Frapper Dehours 2:58
B1 If It's News 1:11
B2 Oh Girl 1:53
B3 Octopus 1:52
B4 The Girls From Banana Island 1:18
Other Different Mix's From The Sessions
B5 If It's News 3:46
B6 Oh Girl 2:18
B7 Octopus 1:52
B8 Children Of The World 2:48
B9 Amoco Cadiz 6:01

DOWNLOAD fresh off the bananas boat HERE!

The Freshies – "All Sleeps Secrets" (Razz Records – RAZZ CS1) 1978

Of course you do know that the singer songwriter lead guitarist and general busy body of this group, Chris Sievey, was also Frank Sidebottom.....or wazzit that Frank Sidebottom was also Chris Sievey? I dunno,i'm confused,mentally bruised, and live the life the way i choose.

Not too great a fan of The Freshies' flimsy new wave cycledelia with unhealthy pretensions towards chart action,one has to say;but it's inoffensive,and has its fair share of G.S.O.H,...gosh. Like fellow Manchester band, 10CC, too clever by half,but largely lacking tunes. Of course, 10CC had a handful of good,maybe,great songs,and so did The Freshies,though i'd be struggling to tell you which ones....."Yellow Spot" was not bad i think, although sadly not on this self-released cassette,that came out as Chris tried to be even more New Wavey later on.

Chris was never shy at self-promotion,being a veteran of a musical sit in at Apple Corps offices in '69.But none of the Beatles were in, and nobody said "Hey that's a great song maan I wanna sign you up".

This didn't discourage the young Sidebottom,and he/they proceeded to release stuff by his group on his own cassette label,in 1974, at the height of 10CC's fame incidentally ,and long before most UK DIYers were doing the same thing. Chris shows his age when the Psych-pop of his formative years becomes mixed with some very fashionable,for 1978, three minute new wave symphonies.

This guy should have been on the Telly.

Tracklist:

A1 Slip 3:13
A2 Baiser 2:35
A3 Two Of The Same Girl 1:53
A4 Ballrooms And Moon 2:55
A5 No. 1 Fear 5:03
A6 Bogey man 4:34
B1 Into The Wind 3:31
B2 Over The Sun 5:22
B3 18 Down To 24 fps 1:33
B4 David The Shepherd 2:25
B5 Big Top/I'm Falling 2:38
B6 Lovely Bars 8:27

DOWNLOAD the sleeping secrets of chris sievey HERE!

Frank Sidebottom – "Fantastic Tales" (11:37 – ets 7) 1987

The sparkling and magnificent sub-celestial abode that some would let it be known to all and sundry as being called thee planet earth;hasn't always been the stamping ground of official top ten entertainment and egoistic posturing.Around the golden era of rock'n'pop'n'roll, 1977 to 1984,there lurked an unpopular form of  rock'n'pop'n'roll called alternative and independent music.There was even some clever individuals who did all that stuff what top-notch mangers like Peter Grant and musical behemoths such as Richard Branson did, themselves.......clever little smartarses such as they were. One such clever smartarse would be Chris Sievey of the alternative and indie rock'n'pop'n'roll group The Freshies,who did everything himself,released lots of unpopular pop tunes on his own label,and to cap it all, in his spare time was the very very funny alter-ego Frank Sidebottom,who lived with his mum in the charming satellite town of Timperley near Manchester.

There was ,excuse my language, a fucking shit film wot i was swindled into watching called "Frank",which has been described by person's unknown, as a "Black Comedy"?....supposedly inspired by Frank Sidebottom; who,i am told gave his blessing to the project before he died..he'd be spinning in his grave if he saw the finished product...Did I say that Frank and Chris were indeed both dead at the time of writing?....no?...well they are. I heard this nugget of movie propaganda and proceed to watch an illegal download of said talking picture,only to learn that the Frank in the film was nothing to do with the Sidebottoms of Timperley,but was some clueless american in a Frank Sidebottom head moaning about how hard life is,and spouting  too cool for skool nonsense about what makes a cool band and that which is not.There has never been,to my knowledge any rock themed movie ever, unless its taking the piss of course(Spinal Tap),that didn't......(i stoop to americanese again..sorry)...Suck Balls real bad.......maybe "A Hard Days Night",but that was more an Ealing Comedy with Pop Stars in than a rock'n'roll movie?

Rule one never ask an american what makes a punk band, they just do it naturally without thinking about it,unless you're Johnny Ramone. Rule Two, don't break the eleven commandments of Rock.....which the band in this exceedingly crap movie do with ease.....they had a keyboard player for Jehovah's sake!?....there are exceptions for this of course,like Una Baines for example(mk.1 Fall),but generally its an idea that...in Americanese....SUCKS! It really makes one just wanna give up.

Frank,However, had the history and meaning of Rock'n'Roll tattoed on his papier maché head

No this film wasn't about Frank...but there is another one that is....more a documentary than movie,but better...."Being Frank" is the titular conclusion for that one.

So as an introduction to the showbiz genius of Frank Sidebottom,Little Frank, and the late Chris Sievey,we bring you 50 minutes of the surreal madness that was Frank and Little frank,interspersed with some very silly songs,to remind the world what it's missing......acktuleh!

Tracklist:

A1 The Day I Found A Hippopomous 17:50
A2 The Day Little Frank Tried To Tell A Fantastic Tale 6:06
B1 The Day I Won A Million Pounds 13:29
B2 The Day I Was Paul McCartney 11:28

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Cardboards ‎– "Greatest Hits Volume Two" (Mom's Records ‎– MR253) 1981

The synth-punk thing wasn't just confined to California, for a start we had Suicide in New York for the previous decade up to 1981 and beyond,Crash Course In Science were in Philly. In Pittsburgh there was The Cardboards.

No guitars in this ignored group, among the cheap organs and synthesisers......real drums were the only real option in 1981.....they had a tone generator.....how Synth-Punk is that?

Naturally the American angle on Synth's was to make something rocky and exciting, unlike in the UK, who saw another opportunity to make classic 'Pop' and sell it back to the USA. For some reason, this angle didn't occur to American musicians or businessmen.Its the same story for many other American innovations, especially Musical ones.

One can only think of West Germany and maybe Belgium,where there was something synth-punky going on...but not really...the Rocky bit had been never really manifested itself on the Germanic musical chromosome,over-ridden by the dastardly Wagner gene.

Tracklist:

A1 On The R=>Z*
A2 Electrical Generator
A3 Copa Cobana
B1 Gravity's Still Working
B2 Bill's Rap

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Chemicals Made From Dirt ‎– "Ike (1978-83)" (Hyped To Death ‎– Homework #203) 2000

 More hopelessly obscure US Post-Punk quirkiness,or as it is described on the sleeve as "World Class Art-Wave"? A genre within a genre. Just trying to think of other Art-Wave acts who were never referred to as, but were Post-Punk......Talking Heads?...Wire?......things are getting far too complex nowadays! How does an Art-Waver know if he's an Art-Waver or Post Punk?
It used to be far simpler back in the day.....all this was 'punk'.....not even Art-Punk...it was Punk.Heavy Metal was Heavy Metal.There's slow Heavy Metal (Sludge,Funeral,Doom +another 600 varieties), Fast Heavy Metal, (Thrash,Speed,Punk Crossover), Classic Heavy Metal (Judas Priest, Black Sabbath,NWOBHM)...and that's it!

Chemicals Made From Dirt, was a .......they're at it again on these sleevenotes!....a PunkWave.....what the fuck is that?.....Punk?.....from Long Island. So at least they were near the action,rather than some cesspit in Iowa or one of those more medeval states that seemed shut off from the world since the witch trials.

Again we have a group with a name that suggested immediate commercial failure.

At the risk of starting another genre, i'll describe this as that quirky variety of post-Punk which became popular among geeks wanting to form bands in the USA between 1979 and and 1983, approximately between Devo's first album and "Oh No It's Devo".......or Oh No! It's another Quirky Post Punk Band.

Alas, whereas Devo had a compact and memorable name, Chemicals made from Dirt (CMFD....even the acronym is a tongue twister!) had a difficult to remember moniker,if not forgettable.

Me, being a Fan of Quirky Post Punk, or Art Wave, Or art rock in general,beginning with XTC,who were the British Devo/Talking Heads.A face that launched a few post punk novelty acts like The Vapors,but not a wave of the likeminded as in the states.

CMFD left us with 25 songs recorded for posterity back in the day, and put on a disintegrating CD-r by Chuck Warner of Hyped2Death at the turn of the century, and they're all good. Personal fave is "Beatniks Looking For Tourists",'cus I like anything with the word 'Beatnik' in the title.....I'm that deep, that 'arty'.

Let a band spokesman finish off this confused narrative with something sensible:

"We called it an avant absurd experiment...We liked the idea of breaking down meaning to the point of abstraction and then reinterpreting it based on personal associations and meaning rather than having any absolute meaning.".....yep...Artwave alright!

Tracklist:

1 Manikin 2:44
2 M 3:31
3 Hard 3:26
4 Beatniks Looking For Tourists 2:40
5 Protein Pants 2:52
6 Another Dinner 2:41
7 Chemicals Made From Dirt 2:27
8 Panic-No Fusion 2:40
9 Girls My Age 2:40
10 17th Century
11 Communist Calendar Girls 2:41
12 Air Raid Drill 3:04
13 Medicated Elvis 2:09
14 Uh-Oh 1:12
15 Homeless Men 3:25
16 Fast Ocean Puppet 3:05
17 Fly To Work 2:43
18 Multiple Station Wagon 2:15
19 Claus Von Bulow 4:38
20 Dr. Shockley 3:17
21 Lost In The Cave Of Flying Dogs 3:56
22 Barney 4:00
23 Hiding From Bozo 2:48
24 Show World 1:37
25 Rapula 3:39

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John Cooper Clarke ‎– "Où Est La Maison De Fromage?" (Rabid Records ‎– NOZE 1) 1978

Staying on the theme of Manchester word-smiths,one must dedicate at least one post to the original ranting poet Johnny Clarke. Yes, he who saw how Bob Dylan dressed in 1966,and it stuck. Rarely seen without shades,he claims that he's photophobic,hence an excuse as to why he wears sunglasses in a nightclub. Having seen a sneaky photo of John sans lunettes du soleil,one can see why he's manufactured this story. Afterall, thats what he's good at? 
Unlike American stand up poets, the British variety tends to lean more towards comedy as a weapon rather than shock and awe. I think Patti Smith tried a few of her pretentious poems at gigs in the more provincial parts of the UK and had the odd missile thrown penetrating the unenthusiastic reception outside the more arty venues in London. Nearly all these poets were from outside the capital,where there was far more incentive to do something that would help you escape the prison of poverty that places like Bradford and Barnsley had become by the winter of discontent.
"Où Est La Maison De Fromage?",or 'where is the Cheese Shop',was the only Cooper-Clarke album that actually captured him at his best,with his trademark 100 miles an hour word delivery in his unabashed Salford accent......likely indecipherable to most americans,so forget about 'Breaking America',as so many bands of that era seemed to want to do?

The poems themselves bursting with satire,endless humour and boundlessly clever couplets,backed up with John's endlessly witty repartee.

Future albums, with Martin 'I over produce' Hannett,and the Invisible Girls,Clarke had to slow down his delivery by at least 75%,so he became a different act on record than he was live.Although he did do a tour with The Invisible Girls,but this was something different and far less effective than his one man shows.As heard on the Peel Session included here.

Hopefully,before he dies, he will be given the opportunity to turn down the role of 'Poet Laureate'.


Tracklist:
1 The Serial (Part 1)
2 Letter To Fiesta
3 Film Extra's Extra
4 Majorca
5 Action Man
6 Kung Fu International
7 Sperm Test
8 Missing Persons
9 Split Beans
10 Dumb Row Laughs
11 Bunch Of Twigs
12 Trains
13 The Cycle Accident
14 Gimmix
15 Readers Wives
16 Ten Years In An Open Neck Shirt (Part 1)
17 Nothing
18 (I Married A) Monster From Outer Space
19 Ten Years In An Open Neck Shirt (Part 2)
20 Daily Express (You Never See A Nipple In The)
21 Ten Years In An Open Neck Shirt (Part 3)
22 Salome Malone
23 Psycle Sluts (Part 1)
24 Bronze Adonis
25 (I Married A) Monster From Outer Space (John Peel Session)
26 Readers Wives (John Peel Session)
27 Health Fanatic (John Peel Session)
28 Split Beans (John Peel Session)
29 Suspended Sentence
30 Innocents
31 Psycle Sluts (Parts 1 & 2)
32 Daily Express (You Never See A Nipple In The) (Live)
33 (I Married A) Monster From Outer Space (Live)

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Various Artists ‎– "Red Wave — 4 Underground Bands From The USSR" (SNC Records ‎– SNC 4018) 1986

Awwwww, bless 'em.
If you had grown up in the political equivalent of a cupboard you'd make music like this too.
Assembled from the snippets of information assimilated from the west,primarily Zer Beatles and blue jeans, somehow the underground bands from the USSR managed to all sound like inoffensive post-new wave antipodean hitmakers 'Men At Work'.

One does have a regular fantasy about how good it would be ,creatively, if one could be isolated from the various advancements, or regressions, in the musical/art world.Free from the oppression of what is cool, and what is acceptable.

The reality is,after your isolation, one ends up, somehow, as an inferior version of Men At Work!!!

It seems that originality doesn't come from the abscence of influence,but sprouts naturally from informed plagarism.The default position seems to be a forgettable blank space.....return to factory settings.

So the moral of this story is,don't bother making any art,genuine 'Outsider's' excepted,unless you know your art history.Knowing what NOT to do is, as,if not more, important than knowing what to do.That what is not!A kind of limited unlearning is the way,as long as you don't erase the parts of history that should not be repeated, like Genocide, and ...well....Men At Work????

Tracklist:

1 –Aquarium - Ashes 3:10
2 –Aquarium - Tonight 4:35
3 –Aquarium - Dance On The Edge Of The Spring 4:22
4 –Aquarium - The Thirst 3:52
5 –Aquarium - Dreams Of Something Bigger 4:27
6 –Kino - Saw A Night 3:00
7 –Kino - Films 3:27
8 –Kino - City 3:43
9 –Kino - Wake Up (It's Love) 2:47
10 –Kino - Streetcar Headed East 2:23
11 –Alisa - Experimentator 4:25
12 –Alisa - We're Together 2:37
13 –Alisa - Dr. Boogie 3:43
14 –Alisa - Bad Boy 3:15
15 –Alisa - Juice Squeezer 3:10
16 –Alisa - Come On Me 4:55
17 –Strange Games - Metamorphoses 2:30
18 –Strange Games - Chorovod Song 3:50
19 –Strange Games - No Telephone 2:45
20 –Strange Games - Egocentrism 4:20
21 –Strange Games - If You Think 3:15

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