Ivor Cutler and his regular sparring partner Phylis King present six episodes of offbeat humorous songs, stories and poems. With Glen Baxter. From January 1990.
11/1/90 – 15/2/90 (6x30m)
Radio 3, Thur; various times around 9:30pm
(Repeated by BBC7, 17/1/08 – 21/2/08 and 20/9/09 – 25/10/09, although individual episodes were first included on Comedy Winners, broadcast 11/8/07, and Tom Robinson’s shift as Comedy Controller, 22/9/07)
Note: Programmes originally given numbered billing as ‘King Cutler I, King Cutler II’ etc.
Thats about it for Ivor Cutler.....one can only write and listen to so much of any paricular artist, no matter how brilliant.....
There's another Radio series from 1997 too, called 'A Wet Handle' which you can also download HERE!....its as good as all the others. I've just had enough of posting Ivor Cutler's much missed melodious tones for the time being.
Tracklist:
Episode 1-6.
Another short series of 15 minute long voyages down the rabbit hole into an Ivor Cutler wonderland of nonsense.
Tracklist:
1. Episode 1 : Ivor Cutler's unique views on language, justice and scratching people's backs.
2. Episode 2 :Ivor Cutler's unique views on how to promote a child's growth.
3. Episode 3 : A visit to the circus heralds arcane amusements.
4. Episode 4 : Musing on old cuppas and paying with Fool's Gold.
5. Episode 5 : Musings on a footkerchief and a forest full of girls.
DOWNLOAD something wibbley and wobbley HERE!
More inexplicable and absurd word-smithery from Scotlands finest poet,and, in the words of the BBC, 'legendary Scottish Surrealist'.
Tracklist:
1. Episode 1 : Poems, songs and relaxation tips from Ivor Cutler and friends including fishy verse and how to jazz up mince.
2. Episode 2 : Alison O'Kill wants to read Ivor Cutler a poem, while Murray-Orr can't think with the sun in his eyes.
3. Episode 3 : Ivor Cutler and his friends present dark tales, offbeat songs and some tips for aspiring poets.
4. Episode 4 : Poet and composer Ivor Cutler on bargain hunting, water flowers and 'Beelyploomkins'.
5. Episode 5 : Songster Ivor Cutler slips a disc and shares his secrets about moonshine, housemaids and a bully called Smith.
DOWNLOAD whatever a stuggy pren is HERE!
Ivor also did several Radio plays,drama's ,sketch shows, whatever you want to call this unclassifiable stuff, for the venerable BBC.
I like how he's labelled 'the Legendary Scottish Surrealist' by the Beeb drama department; which is of course accurate. If Salvador Dali gets to be called a surrealist, then so is Ivor.Either that or they are both comedians. After all, Dali described The Marx Brothers as "Perfect Surrealists"....or something like that anyway.
One man's absurdist is another man's Surrealist is another man's comedian.
Tracklist:
1.Episode 1 : Legendary Scottish surrealist Ivor Cutler provides disappointment for cavemen and a cheap alternative to liquor.
2.Episode 2 :Legendary Scottish surrealist Ivor Cutler discovers ancient Egyptian music and what the Dutch think of British pubs.
3.Episode 3 :Legendary Scottish surrealist Ivor Cutler samples the archives and enjoys some Marabut music and a jolly Japanese ditty
DOWNLOAD and don't be lax HERE!
Yet more priceless BBC recordings from the turn of the eighties on Radio Three. Several short surreal plays broadcast on the BBC wavelength largely reserved for Classical music. Ivor's fans certainly crossed the generation gap and effortlessly appealed to persons of all musical tastes;especially as this was released by Rough Trade,the numero uno Post-Punk label of the time.
One must give credit to the anonymous character actors (Bill Wallis,Glynis Brooke,Malcolm Hayes etc) who back up Ivor's words with some effortless brilliance.One must also give praise to the unsung heroes of the BBC sound effects department.
Tracklist:
1. Silence (01-04-1979)
2. Ivor Cutler and the Mermaid (06-21-1980)
3. Ivor Cutler And The Mole (6-22-1980)
4. Ivor Cutler And A Barber (12-22-1981)
5. Ivor Cutler And The Paperseller (12-24-1981)
6. Ivor Cutler And A Storeman (12-26-1981)
7. Ivor Cutler And The Princess (6-23-1980)
8. A Miner Is Approached By Ivor Cutler (12-30-1981)
9. Ivor Cutler And His Dad (6-24-1980)
10.A Sheet Metal Worker Is Approached By Ivor Cutler(1-1-1982)
11.Ivor Cutler And A Small Holder (12-28-1981)
12.Prince Ivor (3-20-1980)
DOWNLOAD ivor for less than a fiver HERE!
I like Gruts for tea or for any feeding time in fact, be it Elevenzies, Brunch,Dinner Supper or Breakfast. Of course I don't mean Gruts from the High wood, or Leaves, Bark, Grass or Leaves, but Gruts, the album. Gruts, the fictional foodstuff,are probably very nice,especially fried in butter; but the album version is far more palatable......and,as unlikely as it may seem, funnier.
These songs and poems were originally performed on 'Monday Night At Home' on the BBC Home Service 1959-62,long before Radio one existed,and even before John Peel was a DJ.In fact a few of these songs did eventually appear in some of the numerous sessions he recorded for the late lamented DJ.
The BBC,for all of its criticism as of late, is a great institution for nurturing the more abstract and eccentric edges of the arts.A treasure trove of unique,and poorly paid, cultural jewelery that now benefits the whole world. The incumbent, popularist leaning, British government,are currently posturing to do away with this world heritage organisation.No more future Ivor Cutlers, or Punk Rock are libel to be promoted once it's sold off to Government cronies and oligarchs.Only the safe stuff,the....spit... popular, the unchallenging, will be what we are left with in this increasingly beige society.....the thing that there is no longer no such thing as.... as stated by the UK's hospitalised Prime Minister (yes BoJo is as I type in intensive care with Covid19 complications....ironically in the very Hospitals his party were intent on running down to tender out to the same cronies and oligarchs that would carve up the BBC).
Of course I wish Boris all the best and hope he recovers.....mainly because I've just seen the turd who will take over from him if he dies!.....see,I'm not a monster......well...not much of a monster anyway.
Meanwhile,keep singing "I'm Happy",and eventually you will be,no matter what happens.
All together now:
"I'm Happy I'm Happy,
I'm Happy I'm Happy
I'm Happy I'm Happy
And I'll Punch the Man Who Says I'm Not!"(repeat)
This album was dedicated to The Noise Abatement Society!?
Tracklist:
A1 I'm Happy (Song)
A2 Gruts For Tea
A3 A Red Flower
A4 Shoplifters (Song)
A5 How To Make A Friend
A6 Fish Fright
A7 Darling, Will You Marry Me Twice (Song)
A8 Scratch My Back
A9 Egg Meat
B10 Mud (Song)
B11 Old Cups Of Tea
B12 The Judge's Parcel
B13 I Had A Little Boat (Song)
B14 The Hoorgi House
B15 A Steady Job
B16 In My Room There Sits A Box (Song)
B17 The Dirty Dinner
As Doctor McBrazil-Nuts said to Missus Big Buttons, "take your clothes off and lay on the trolley, then take my temperature!...What does the thermometer say?"
"Made In Venice" says Missus Big-Buttons.
"Receptionist is there anyone else in the waiting room?
"Just Mister Big-Buttons" replied the Receptionist.
If that doesn't contain all you need to know about the Coronavirus #19 crisis then there's a cure for coronavirus HCoV-229E, aka the common cold......for which, after centuries of trying,is still incurable.So the likelihood of a vaccine appearing like magic early next year is pretty un-likely, I'm sure you'd agree.
Very few literary works make complete sense of the world like the work,if you call it work, of Ivor Cutler. Philosophers like Nietzsche thought themselves into blind corners and early graves to work out what the fuck is going on,and still found no answer. Cutler manages this in one short couplet.....there is no sense to existence,and like the abrupt endings to many of his poems, there is only silence. But at least we can laugh at it all while we still can.It's only as bleak as you make it,nothing you do is gonna change anything. Get reday for living with the Virus, like humanity has done for millenia. For want of a better phrase that isn't emblazened on every mug on the planet; "Keep Calm and Carry On".....for fucks sake!? "Language is a Virus",said the American version of Ivor Cutler, William S. Burroughs.
Tracklist:
1. A Romantic Man 09/06/1987
2. The Shapely Balloon 09/06/1987
3. The Clever Night Doctor 09/06/1987
4. The Aggressive Onion Vendor 09/06/1987
5. Me And My Kid Brother 09/06/1987
6. The Perambulating Scottish Colander 09/06/1987
7. A Wag At The Flicks 09/06/1987
8. Glasgow Dreamer ep 11 (Andy Kershaw 21/05/87)
9. Glasgow Dreamer: Episode 8 09/05/1991
10.Beside the Fish 09/05/1991
11.Footsteps 09/05/1991
12.Green Light 09/05/1991
13.The 2 Coy Hinnies 09/05/1991
14.Seaweed 09/05/1991
15.Insect 09/05/1991
16.Glasgow Dreamer: Episode 6 09/05/1991
17.Biltong Croon 09/05/1991
18.A Long Hard Gland 09/05/1991
19.Hee Haw 09/05/1991
20.Doing The Bathroom (Episode 1) 25/11/1992
21.The Lid 25/11/1992
22.25,000 Miles 25/11/1992
23.Part Of The Ground 25/11/1992
24.Between Two Walls 25/11/1992
25.Your Side 25/11/1992
26.Pschawa 25/11/1992
27.Ros Vulgaris 25/11/1992
28.A Dale Song 25/11/1992
29.Two Paracetamol 25/11/1992
30.Doing The Bathroom (Episode 2) 25/11/1992
31.What Have You Got? (1997)
32.Ruby (1997)
33.Open Your Arms (1997)
34.Jam (1997)
35.Ingredients (1997)
DOWNLOAD because ivor got no more HERE!
Well I had Gruts for tea last night,and they were delicious...I fried them in butter, served with a handful of chickweed, washed down with a quart of rainwater fresh from the barrel. I gave the leftovers to the dog...but he died this morning!
If there's a man for a crisis, its Ivor Cutler. If only he was still with us to make sense out of this absurd pandemic. He would have understood perfectly why people weren't allowed to lie down on the grrrasss in the parrrk(thats my attempt to reproduce his accent using standard lettering.....there's more!
"loook!" said fatha. "A patch of grrrass! Go and sit upon the grrrass and feel your lumps".He makes one feel like a child again, but not in the patronising way that the govern-ment does it, but by talking directly to ones inner-child.Instead of the Queen addressing the nation,or Trump...aww pleeeeze!(To whom i dedicate the poem "Lunatic",the angriest poem that Ivor has ever written,he says)...or indeed Macron!?...we need Ivor Cutler more than we ever did.
Altogether now...."Ooooooooh Pellets rolling round my feet,
look at the girl with the broken nose laughing out the windoooooow!"
Track Listing:
1. The Man With The Trembley Nose 20/02/1979
2. The Obliging Fairy 20/02/1979
3. Examine The Contents 20/02/1979
4. A Saucer 20/02/1979
5. A Lady Found An Insect (Aka Buffet) 20/02/1979
6. Lunatic 20/02/1979
7. Melon 20/02/1979
8. Egg Meat 20/02/1979
9. Pass The Ball Jim 20/02/1979
10.Gruts For Tea 20/02/1979
11.Tomato Brain 15/04/1981
12.Step It Out Lively Boys 15/04/1981
13.Counting Song 15/04/1981
14.Life In A Scotch Sitting Room Vol 2 Ep 15 15/04/1981
15.Ready 15/04/1981
16.A Land Of Penguins 15/04/1981
17.Her Darling 15/04/1981
18.Pellets 15/04/1981
19.Life In A Scotch Sitting Room Vol 2 Ep 16 15/04/1981
20.Bad Eye 23/03/1983
21.Pussy On The Mat 23/03/1983
22.A Blue Bear 23/03/1983
23.Women Of The World 23/03/1983
24.Halfway Through 23/03/1983
25.People Run To The Edge 23/03/1983
26.Brenda 23/03/1983
27.Mostly Tins 23/03/1983
28.Life In A Scotch Sitting Room Vol 2 Ep 17 23/03/1983
29.A Doughnut In My Hand 23/03/1983
30.Old Black Dog 23/03/1983
31.Life In A Scotch Sitting Room Vol 2 Ep 18 23/03/1983
32.All The Time 15/02/1984
33.The Revelation 15/02/1984
34.Her Equipment 15/02/1984
35.Questionnaire 11/05/1986
36.Just a Nuance 15/02/1984
37.Life In A Scotch Sitting Room Vol 2 Ep 19 15/02/1984
38.Vegetarians 15/02/1984
39.Lemonade 15/02/1984
40.I Jumped Over A Wall 15/02/1984
41.Jelly Mountains 15/02/1984
42.I Built A House 15/02/1984
43.Are You A Tory 30/06/1985
44.Back Home 30/06/1985
45.Country Door 30/06/1985
46.I'm Fixed 30/06/1985
47.It's Snowing 30/06/1985
48.Knockin' at My Door 30/06/1985
49.Large & Puffy 30/06/1985
50.Life in a Scotch Sitting-Room Vol 2 ep 10 30/06/1985
51.A New Home 30/06/1985
52.Walkin' to a Farm 30/06/1985
53.Vermin 30/06/1985
54.A Ball In A Barrel 11/05/1986
55.Bend Down Yetta 11/05/1986
56.Bucket And Steam 11/05/1986
57.Crunch Crunch 11/05/1986
58.Glasgow Dreamer Ep 3 (11/05/1986)
59.Glasgow Dreamer Ep 4 (11/05/1986)
60.God's Blessing 11/05/1986
61.Jewish Jokes 11/05/1986
62.Laughter And Disbelief 11/05/1986
63.Maturity 11/05/1986
64.One Of The Best 11/05/1986
65.OK, I'll Count To Eight 15/04/1981
66.Three Men 15/02/1984
67.The Wren 23/03/1983
DOWNLOAD more prime cutlets of cutler HERE!
You knew it was coming didn't you?
Here's Ivor Cutler ,the Salvador Dali of Goven (Glasgow), and his surreal poetry,songs and stories to brighten up your period of social distancing.
I never realised he came from the same place that the scottish sit-com,or fly-on the wall docu-drama,however you see it, "Rab C.Nesbit" was set in.(if you're american and you have difficulty understanding what Ivor is saying, you'll have no chance understanding Rab.C Nesbitt,so don't bother clicking the link to find out)
Ivor did something in the region of 21 Peel sessions,second only to the Fall's 24 sessions. His eccentric manner and druggy without the aid of drugs stories, appealed greatly to the Lord of the Rings worshipping dippy hippies,although its all more in the traditional of Edward Leer's nonsense poems.The songs are equally funny and surreal, my own favourite being "A Wooden Tree" from the Jammy Smears album which features in the 1975 session included here.
There are one or two sessions missing,notably the 1978 session,but the sheer out thereness of Ivor's world should be an adquate sticking plaster for that,or any, wound.
(Part two and three will follow,so don't shed any tears)
Tracklist:
1. Trouble Trouble 05/05/1969
2. An Old Poltroon 05/05/1969
3. Bounce Bounce Bounce 05/05/1969
4. There and Back Via Sweden 05/05/1969
5. Chat 05/05/1969
6. In My Room There Sits A Box 05/05/1969
7. Beatrice 05/05/1969
8. An Indirect Love Poem 05/05/1969
9. Pearly Winged Fly 25/09/1975
10. Go and Sit Upon the Grass 25/09/1975
11. Sleepy Old Snake 25/09/1975
12. Little Black Buzzer 25/09/1975
13. Life in a Scotch Sitting Room, Vol.2 EP.8(25/09/1975)
14. Fremsley 25/09/1975
15. True Humility 25/09/1975
16. Nigerians in a Tunnel 25/09/197517. I Spent Ten Years 25/09/1975
18. A Wooden Tree 25/09/1975
19. Barabadabada 17/08/1976
20. Bicarbonate of Chicken 17/08/1976
21. I Ate a Lady's Bun 17/08/1976
22. Stubborn Vassals 17/08/1976
23. Fish 17/08/1976
24. Living Donkey 17/08/1976
25. When I Stand on an Open Cart 17/08/1976
26. Irk 17/08/1976
27. Rubber Toy 17/08/1976
28. Lemon Flower 17/08/1976
29. Everybody Got 17/08/1976
30. Great Grey Grasshopper 10/08/1977
31. A Suck of My Thumb 10/08/1977
32. The Shchi 10/08/1977
33. Get Away from the Wall 10/08/1977
34. The Natural Height of Cloud 10/08/1977
35. Life in a Scotch Sitting Room - Vol2. Episode12(10/08/1977)
36. I Had a Little Boat 10/08/1977
37. I'm Going in a Field 10/08/1977
38. Life in a Scotch Sitting Room - Vol2.Episode13(10/08/1977)
39. Jungle Tip - Owl 10/08/1977
40. Jungle Tip - Lion 10/08/1977
41. Jungle Tip - Boa 10/08/1977
42. Jungle Tip - Leopard 10/08/1977
