Melvins – "A Tribute To Throbbing Gristle" (Amphetamine Reptile Records – Scale 142) 2015

You know what? I'm sick to my back teeth of hearing about Throbbing Gristle ,writing about Throbbing Gristle, and playing Throbbing Gristle. They are by far the most popular band on this Blog,so my instinct is to go in the opposite direction, which is exactly what,well, at least G-PO (Neil Megson) and Sleazy would do. I strongly suspect that Chris and Cosey would have loved a hit,as well as getting everything TG deleted from these pages.Its people like us wot cost them all that dough they would never get. Actually, i think they made a huge packet of cash from Industrial Records,such was topsy turvy times that they existed in. Regularly DIY bands...of which TG were definitely one, made upwards of 30 grand for every self-release back on the cusp of the 80's.

Well,If i'm so sick of 'em, then why am i writing about 'em again(?) ,you may justifiably ask.

"I don't have to explain myself to you" was one of Rotten's better ripostes to similar questions,and I maintain the right to invoke that clause right now.

Of course TG are one of those very rare beasts in the world of art ,totally original, who invented their own genre, Industrial music,and remain highly influential to this day. "Seminal" as the music press would have described them. Music with no chords...who'd have believed it?

The Melvins do a good job of recreating the feel of our gloomy chums,without succumbing to the temptation of Rocking it up a tad, this is down,and it stays Down. TG never even made a track called Heathen Earth, but Buzz and the gang reanimates the album of the same name, and transfers the feel into four dark minutes.

"Hamburger Lady" has to be one of the best song (song?) titles in the modern Idiom or wot?

Yeah I love 'em,threats or no threats.

ps. do us a favor and sign this petition will ya?

Tracklist:

A Subhuman

B Heathen Earth

C Hamburger Lady(Flexi)

DOWNLOAD your order to hamburger lady king HERE!

Melvins – "A Tribute To Pop-O-Pies / Tales Of Terror" (Amphetamine Reptile Records – SCALE 139) 2013

With the honor of being the only American representatives on this series of Tribute records by Melvins;but What,or who, the fucking hell were Pop-O-Pies? Sounds a bit like the pies filled with abattoir floor scrapings,spines and eyeballs,that i ate at half-time during a football match in the 80's,'Pukka Pies'.So, I thought it must be some American kids TV show or something worse,with a resident teenage Punk group in tow from about 1984.Awesome Doood!?....definitely NOT! 

Y'know,the Punk Rock successor to "Josie and the Pussycats"

So, I suppose i'll have to do some research...although I'll probably prefer my estimation more than the hard facts.

The Los Angeles Times said "The Pop-O-Pies were called "absolutely the worst band in California", and having listened to this Melvins cover, I could  absolutely agree absolutely. One of those awful bratty Californian post 1980 skatecore type groops of 16 year olds,with ripped jeans and converses'. The roots of Blink 182 can be found here. Of course there will be Californians who disagree.

So, I hesitantly move on to side B, and the equally obscure Tales Of Terror (Sacramento 82-86) .

I Wikipedia'd it and saw a few keywords,"Nirvana and Grunge", that made me abandon my mission immediately.....I Quote: "Their only LP greatly influenced rock bands Green River/Mudhoney and Nirvana. Considered by many as innovators to not only the Skate Rock sound and aesthetic but as well as Grunge???.....crimes that should not go unpunished.

The only Tale of Terror I can imagine is actually being inflicted a proto-grunge gig or record upon oneself, featuring any bands like this. But at least it's not Brown Day,or No Fun 41,or Wank 182. Small mercies.

ps....sign this petition will ya?

Tracklist:

A- Timothy Leary Lives
        By – Pop-O-Pies

B- Romance

By – Tales Of Terror

DOWNLOAD these punky monkees HERE!

Melvins – "A Tribute To The Scientists" ( Amphetamine Reptile Records – Scale 135) 2013

I know nothing of the Scientists except that they were Australian. Never heard them;but I'm guessing they are one of those Aussie bands who tried to become the Stooges, like Radio Birdmen (named after a misheard lyric to "TV Eye"). The Saints ,however wanted to be the Raw Power era Stooges, and i'm guessing Scientists did something equally Stooges inspired.

The Saints are one of my bestest favourite groops,so this formula can't be all bad,fermented by Australia's isolation from the rest of western civilisation.

I'm guessing that Scientists are now forgotten because unlike every other Aussie band that ever existed,they didn't move to London?

Didn't The Birthday Party do a song called "Swampland?...was that a version of this? Don't fucking know,and don't really care. But evidently Buzz duzz.I'm sure he could wax lyrical about how great The Scientists were at some depth.....and i would be nodding but not listening,thinking of excuses to check on that chicken I left in the oven.

Tracklist:

A- Set It On Fire

B- Swampland

DOWNLOAD to drain the swamp HERE!

Melvins – "A Tribute To The Kinks" ( Amphetamine Reptile Records – SCALE 138)

Those infuriating Twats in America banned the Kinks from entering their charmless country because they were thought of as too violent????...Ironic coming from the most violent place that isn't actually at war on the planet,then, and now!? 

This led to the Kinky ones to be rather a cult item in the USA in the late sixties.So Buzz,being the type who eeks out anything subterranean,obviously homed in on the Kinks,and recognized that they had obviously invented 'Punk Rock'.......They didn't, because,as I've argued many a freakin' time, that there was no Punk Rock before it had a name,a look, and a manifesto. The argu-ee often came out with stuff like "Wot about Blue Cheer,Wot about MC5,Wot about the Stooges, Wot about The Dolls......well first The Dolls were american Glam,and The Stooges were American Glam, and Blue Fucking Cheer were a poor man's Led Zep.MC5 looked like the biker rock revivalist Hippies they were.All can be lumped in the proto Punk category, along with Kinks and The Troggs and The Who and many,many, mooorrrre yaaawwwn.

Change the question as to who were the earliest 'PROTO-Punk'band,now ya talkin', Yeah ,we got a toss up between The Kinks ,The Troggs and the Who?

I mean, how far do these fools want us to go back....Al Jolson, Mozart? Kunta Kinte?.....what a bunch of Kunta Kinte's!

The Melvins ,clearly understand this,being obviously conversant in rock'n'roll history, and so deliver these two Kinks classics as if they were done by the UK Subs in 1982. (they were always 2 or 3 years behind bless 'em.) 

Like all these Rocker conformist types always say about, (punk saying I can't stand number #1) "The Punk Thing"...scheech.....(punk saying I can't stand number #2)....."It's an Attitude"....OMFG.

It's all ,in fact, none of these things,especially The Punk Thing.

Once its defined by such bollocks as "It's an Attitude maaan",it dies and becomes embossed in the dictionary of Rock filed under 'P'.

And then we have "The Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame" to tell us allll about it.The most Rock'n'Roll thing that place could do is burn itself down...wherever the fuck it is? Anyone ever been there? And why?...answer the last question first.

Tracklist:

A -Atitude

B -Victoria

DOWNLOAD another attempt to define "the punk thing" and failing HERE!

Melvins – "A Tribute To Roxy Music" (Amphetamine Reptile Records – Scale 141) 2013

Jello Biafra joins in on the fun reinterpreting Roxy's classic "In Every Dream Home a Heartache",which is a love song to a sex doll from what I can make out.

Alas, Jello changes the transition hook from "She Blew My Mind" to,inexplicably, "I Blew Up Your Body"? Thus removing any irony from the picture.

However, Jello does a fine Brian Ferry impression for the first half, before the characteristic Biafra warble cuts in for the the rocking part.

A classic experimental glam tune that, again is safe in anyone's hands.

Seems that Buzzo had a perchant for British Glam,unlike most of America,save Davie Bowie.Roxy Music never broke through in the USA until the reformed 80's Armani suited version of the band,sans Eno.

Amusingly Brian Ferry came from the same town as Venom (Newcastle upon Tyne).....i'm guessing that Venom never went to Art School,like The Jam,but Brian certainly did,as did the majority of Roxy (I'm guessing NOT the drummer?).The phenomenon of Art Rock begins here,and was the group most name dropped by the ensuing UK Punk Rock initiators.

 

Tracklist:

A. In Every Dream Home a Heartache

DOWNLOAD to not pay the ferry man HERE!

Melvins – "A Tribute To Venom" (Amphetamine Reptile Records – Scale 143) 2013

One of the more predictable influences on The Melvins would have to be everyone's favourite Geordie Black Metal band,not that there were more than one in Newcastle (uk),Venom*. As with most American groups ,the Melvins are far better musicians than their British counter-parts.Although Venom's over-riding influence on the world of Metal cannot be understated,ironically aided by their poundshop Motorhead level of competence,aided and abetted by a fine line in ridiculous Satanic lyrics;something that Lemmy would avoid like the plague.

It sounds like The Melvins doing covers of Venom tracks amazingly enough!?

*Not Black Metal exactly, but from Newcastle,so maybe, Tygers Of Pan Tang counts?

Tracklist:

A Warhead

B In League With Satan

DOWNLOAD from hell HERE!

Melvins - "A Tribute To David Bowie" (Amphetamine Reptile Records – Scale 136) 2014

Everytime Davey Jones(not he of the Monkees) enters the conversation I automatically think of that Bongwater tchoon "David Bowie Wants Ideas". Like a Glam Rock Madonna,I get the impression that anyone who comes in contact with the Great David was liable to lose the good bits of their work cherry pick pocketed by the artful vampire.The Song sounds a bit lame, ship in Robert Fripp,not weird enough ,milk Eno for his new stuff, no classic riffs,remove Mick Ronson from the credits and Insert D.Bowie.

Fine performer as he undoubtedly was, his so-called constant reinvention was also a tad over-egged;and let's face it he was rather shite from 1980 onwards,after Fripp, Eno,Tony and Mick had full diaries,and had to make do with Nile Rodgers rehashing Chic for the thousandth time.

That said, controversially, the body of collective work from 1969 to 1980 was rather special in places,if guilty of slightly Tinny production values,courtesy of "Co-Producer" Tony Visconti ,"doing a lot more than people think on these records". Check the very amusing cartoon here! 

This Tribute to the godlike Mr. D. Bowie, slash 'Jones',by Sludge miesters, Melvins,are actually better than the originals,lending a much needed heaviness to the proceedings.This is what I expected 'Tin Machine' to sound like.......unless this is Tin Machine? I'm not too conversant in the works of David Bowels I'll admit. I was too young to get into this end of the Glam market.I was much more attracted to the Yob element of Glam, like Slade and The Sweet ;and being a happy prepubescent the sexual politics and gender ambiguous bollocks went straight,geddit?,...over my head.

I can appreciate the potential power of the music now in my autumn years,and have a vague understanding of its uncomfortable place in post-empire 70's Britain. However my father would only leave the room if The Sweet were on Top of the Pops,but stayed for that "Starman" moment which Boy George et all talk about.....ooooh he pointed at me Tee Hee Hee!

The riff on Station To Station,however, cannot be done wrong in any hands,and Buzz duzz a grand job,recreating a brutal version of Tin Machine fronted by the tiresome Jim Foetus doing a fine David Bowie impression.

Side B, I know not.

Some research reveals it as the single off that live album from 1976......"Stage" I believe it was called.

Also pretty good as it happens, Show casing another immortal guitar riff? Both tunes could have benefited greatly from being slower,but I'm just being a picky twat.

One more observation, about The Bowie himself is that I always thought he was tall. Turns out that he's a tad vertically challenged ,like his mate James Osterberg (iggy poop). This fact oozes Self-Esteem problems...poor tortured little sods.

Tracklist:

A Station To Station

B Breaking Glass

DOWNLOAD the sludge machine HERE!

Melvins – "A Tribute To Queen" (Amphetamine Reptile Records – Scale 140) 2014

As today is the first anniversary of Queen Elizabeth the second's death.....and someone asked for more from the 9 Clowns of thee Apocalypse series of fancy tribute singles by The Melvins. Appropriately enough here's todays off kilter Tribute to the very fashionable to like if you're an ex-grunger, and the UK's only Progressive Glam Hard rocking baroque'n' roll Disco metal merchants, Queen.Y'know, them wot done Bohemian Rhapsody, the song that broke them in the USA after the moron's saw it featured in that famous scene from Wayne's World.......did anyone really think this was funny?

Yeah, after Dave Grohl singled them out as the rockingest live band on the planet its OK to say that Queen were very very good. Of course your author got there long before The Grohl(and left as the moustache arrived).....like most people did.....as my first vinyl album ever bought, was indeed, "A Night At The Opera" featuring the aforementioned "Bohemian Rhapsody"; and yes, I know all the words and have done exactly the same as Wayne and his buddies did in the film. This over-familiarity with said Baroque'n'Roll (Yes I thought i'd use the same tag twice) classic ,once had its tolerance stretched when working in some council funded work units in the 80's,one of my government funded neighbours, whom happened to be a bunch of comic drawing Skatecore kids, decided to play a C-90 that had but one track repeated for the whole 90 minute duration of the tape.....you guessed it.These baseball capped worn at a jaunty angled buffoons Had this monolithic Queen offering on an infinite loop. This led to threats of violence after a very patient half an hour,and some polite requests,which were ignored.Locked in their unit, the door had to be sledgehammered open,and the offending tape ritually cremated by oxy-acetylene set to cutting mode measures. Of course these sartorial disaster area types thought this highly amusing as was their favourite Wayne's World scene. I won't tell you what happened when they made a "We Will Rock You" cassette in the case that I may incriminate myself. As for the Skate-core Kids,they had the right to remain silent or we would silence them.....they were booted out by local officials eventually...as was I!?

Perversely,as always , King Buzzo and erstwhile chums steered clear of any Freddie Mercury compositions,settling on the other one's, John Deacon's sweet "You're My Best Friend",whom ,being the only Queen member from my home town of Leicester,deserves such a deserving accolade such as this.And this version by The Melvins avoids doing the obvious sludge version,and strays not too far from the original feel of first single from the "Opera". A casiotone provides the melody and chord changes,suggesting a slight ironic tilt,with gentle vocals by someone called caleb Benjamin? Never liked the original, and I don't like this, but the second track, "Now I'm Here", was made for a Melvin's cover, it being one of Queen's most Rifftastic rockingest numbers from the pre-mega fame year of 1974.

As a kid,having seen it performed on Top Of The Pops,(an alt-mix with Bri playing a Gibson!?) i couldn't get the fucking tune out of my head.....couldn't sleep all night. So, had to get the single at the weeknd, at the local suburban electrical supplier ,opposite the Co-Op......,it was sold out!

Tracklist:

A "Best Friend"
Written-By – John Deacon
B "Now I'm Here"
Written-By – Brian May

DOWNLOAD and let's buggy HERE!

Melvins – "A Tribute To The Jam" (Amphetamine Reptile Records – Scale 137) 2015

A Sludge Metal tribute to punky mod-revivalists,The Jam,from the days when they were rather good....ie 1977.

Fertile ground for American Sludgers to marvel at the British ability to say the word 'Fuck' and frighten the pure living shite out of ya.

Buzz Melvin has obviously studied the culture of the British Hooligan to a level where he,and fellow Melvins, can Satirise this alien Yob rock to a point that would convince any american,and most members of Rancid, that they were listening to some unknown versions by The Cockney Rejects.Oi!Oi!

Of course its merely an impression,rather than a facsimile of Paul Wellers' thuggish threesome,and pulled off with not a small amount of fahkin humour.

The Jam, not previously known for infiltrating any part of the United States,must have leeched through the intransigence and miscomprehension onto the young Buzz's record player at some formative stage of the young Osbourne's musical miseducation.And one must agree that the Jam's Debut,"In The City",was particularly brutal,and was not too far removed from experiencing and receiving a damn good kicking from rival gangs of "Bovver Boys" and skin'eads after a relaxing saturday afternoon's violence on the crumbling football terraces of crumbling seventies Britain....as portrayed  in the medium of song.

Just like pop music,it took the rest of the world decades to catch up with Bovver Culture,long after it had died in the motherland.

Ahhh! the fear crackled and fizzed in the charged atmosphere like rogue power cables twisting like Fahkin Eels in the winter evening sky. Without the malevolent influence of English Association Football,British Bovver-Rock would never have put the boot into the staid music factory of the early seventies,and give us the most over-looked roots of yer Punk Rock.....no Footy, No Slade,...No Slade...No Ramones and No Jam....No Jam, No Melvins?????....maybe not, but, as it seems...Maybe?

No football in Woking,birthplace of the Modfather himself, though,so Weller must have got it all from watching Match of the Day and News at Ten?

This single is but one of nine released under the name of "Thee 9 Clowns Of The Apocalypse" series of tribute singles,which included many of their and our own fav groups of yesteryear, such as Queen, Roxy Music and, oh no not them again!... Throbbing Gristle.

One of the better covers collection one might say?...Oi!


Tracklist:

A1 Art School

B1 Modern World
B2 Batman

DOWNLOAD a toast to the jam on toast HERE!