Jilted John – "True Love Stories... Plus" (Castle Music – ESM CD 771) 1978

I remember sending me mum downtown to the record shop to get "Jilted John" by Jilted John on Rabid back in '78......but,it had SOLD OUT?!

This tchoon's time in the limelight coincided with the only visit logged to date of my Australian relatives from the suburbs of Sydney.......I'm now thinking of that fine song by The Fall, "Australians in Europe.....Peel Session version", that reignited my enthusiasm for MES and said group. These were absolutely NOT fans of The Saints,or any of those fine Oz Punk groups.Cousin Carl still wore the most horrible flared jeans,and liked stuff such as Fleetwood Mac and The Beatles(!?)So he was rather shocked at what was happening in the the whole of the UK, music wise. He accompanied me to the Record Shop where i bought that Raw Records Compilation "(Oh No)...it's More From Raw", which included such classic Punk Rock tchoons, as The beyond great Users' "Sick Of You", faux cockney's The killjoys, Some Chickens' manson inspired "Blood On The Wall",Hammersmith Gorillas etc.....not a bad track as far as i was concerned,but Carl was Horrified;later confiding in my mother that he felt Old and past it....he was 17.This of course only encouraged me to play it constantly,and at some stage i slipped Jilted John,on EMI, onto my turntable.This got an enthusiastic response from the female end of our antipodean relations.Cousin Clare was my age and secured herself a copy to take back to Wolongong to show off her new Punk single to her mates.

Describing this novelty single as "Punk" was pushing it a bit,but it had the sneery vocals,one chord guitar work,the group,....or the Rabid Records staff... looked a bit scruffy, but it did have its DIY roots,so i couldn't discourage the idea.This could have been by Johnny Rotten if he had a more privileged upbringing lived in Manchester and was nice.

I never bought, or even know of a Jilted John album until it got re-released in 1999.It's largely awful,and provided further evidence that this Graham Fellows project should have lasted for one single only;but, it does sound like a potential Lost-Teenage dream nostalgia musical that never was.....so maybe in the future?

Tracklist:

1 Jilted John– Going Steady 3:52
2 Jilted John– Baz's Party 4:30
3 Jilted John– I Know I'll Never 1:32
4 Jilted John– I Was A Pre-Pubescent 2:57
5 Jilted John– Fancy Mice 5:10
6 Jilted John– Jilted John (LP Version) 3:02
7 Jilted John– The Birthday Kiss 3:53
8 Jilted John– The Paperboy Song 4:17
9 Jilted John– True Love 3:16
10 Jilted John– In The Bus Shelter 1:36
11 Jilted John– Karen's Letter 1:49
12 Jilted John– Shirley 4:17
13 Jilted John– Goodbye, Karen 2:37
14 Jilted John– Jilted John (Single Version) 2:58
15 Gordon The Moron– Fit For Nothing 3:08
16 Gordon The Moron– Sold On You 4:00

DOWNLOAD HERE! you sad excuse for a post-pubescent you!

Genocide Association – "Sonik Lobotomy Demo Tape" + "Sonik Lobotomy Bootleg EP" (self-released) 1983

As a bit of a fair-weather Hardcore Punk fan,if I can,or endorse someone else,being a fan of anything; wot are my bestest three Hardcore albums?......this kind of behaviour strays dangerously into record collector twat-geek territory,but, believe me there is a point to all this,just bare with me.

I like that first Discharge Album,if you can actually call Discharge Hardcore,it sounds more like an avant garde masterpiece to me.Then top of the US Hardcore tree has to be Jerry's Kids' rather good "Is This My World" record....was that drummer on some type of performance enhancing drugs I wonder?

So, number one has to be, no not Minor Threat,nor,Napalm Death mk1,and incredibly not even Impulse Manslaughter.

Of course,and you may have already guessed....especially as the title is on display at the top of the page, It's ,from the home of Grindcore,Nottingham's own, Genocide Association innit?

105 brief tracks,or one long track depending on how you hear it, of cut'n'paste hardcore plunderphonia squeezed into 30 fun filled minutes.Apparently Minor Threat did actually get looped somewhere on this tape.....there's a prize for he who locates it.

What makes this even better is, in the proud tradition of fake bands,Genocide Association are nothing more than Dig of earache Records,before he'd heard of Thatcher's Enterprise allowance scheme....yes,Thatcher gave us Napalm Death and Grindcore...and mate Dayve from some other group. They had the bright idea to cut up a bunch of Hardcore demo tapes,rejig the constituent parts and make some rather crazed backing tracks for their shouty vocals.So, ideologically, this tape has a lot going for it in the Die or DIY? ethos of copying obscure cassette works from the punk hinterland and giving them new life. This was early Plunderphonics for want of a better synoptical cliché. If John Oswald had come up with this, it would have been lauded as an Avant-Garde statement of Noble Prize winning proportions.....rather like Discharge's first album. There are times when one asks oneself,"What the fuck am I Listening to"?...Which is the number one,and increasingly rare, look-for moment in any music is it not?

As mentioned in The Maximum Rock and Roll musical toilet paper, and Hardcore Bore Bible:

"Genocide Association (are) A bunch of xtreme nihilists/anartwits who despise the widely held concept of 'Anarchie' .. Possess no instruments.. Cynical to the point of lunacy."

How much more 'Punk' can one get than having no instruments,believing in nothing as controlling or as silly as Anarchy as your raison d'etre, and best of all, never playing a gig.

The fact that this was before samplers were affordable,and all this was done by laboriously editing the vocal-less parts from a pile of Punk Rock cassettes onto a couple of Cassette decks riff by riff, play/record/pause, change tape, repeat,is nothing short of inspiring .So the time signature can get a trifle eccentric from time to time,and the patchwork style sonik quality is endearingly inconsistent,veering from rich boy demo studio quality to one mike in a garage static fog 

So, yeah, this is the best Hardcore Punk Recording of Allllll Time,musically and ideologically....Discuss.

Tracklisting:

"Sonik Lobotomy Bootleg EP" (13:03)

1.Intro

2.Prostituted by the System

3.Grim Brutality

4.War Machine

5.Sick Society

6.Sonic Lobotomy

7.They'll Do it Again

8.Death Is Their Only Salvation

9.Marker Pen Anarchy

10.Land Of The Free

11.Guilty Before God

12.Nightmares of War

13.For Queen And Country

14.Ground Ero

15.Daily Lies

16.Live in the Past

17.Wasted Life

18.Pass the Ammunition

19.Salvery's Not dead

20.Fields Are Green

21.Desert Earth

22.Retired at Sixteen

23.Organised Disordaaargh

24.Broken Rules

25.War Isn't a Game

26.Laurelled Memories

27.Music for the Manic (S)laughter

The Complete Original Demo:

28.105 Trax (29:57)

DOWNLOAD a load of trax HERE!

The Kunts (Kunt and the Gang) - " Boris Johnson Is A Fucking Cunt" (Self-Released) 2020

 Good to see that a DIY record nearly made it to the hotly contested coverted Christmas Number One Spot. Kunt and The Gang, minor internet stars, have at last provided us with a sentiment that we all agree on.....except the racist and unbelievably thick "Gammons", who are basically British versions of the bastards who voted for Donald Trump,but fatter.

This is the first top ten record I have known about,never mind bought!..?? for at least thirty years.

So, everyone do their bit to keep this in the charts for the horrible new year to come.It will be the best quid you've spent for a long time...especially if it makes it to number one in january....you've got until midnight to register your purchase,so click the link below to buy the KUNT!......ps,help is especially welcome from our American friends for this side of the "Special Relationship".

A special singalong to replace that moribund Auld Lang Syne bollocks to ring in the new year!

BUY IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!

PS there's also an album full of this stuff too "Kunts Punk In Your Face",available on bandcamp I gather?

also:

Support Kunt! CD back catalogue available from: http://kuntandthegang.co.uk/kuntshop

The Snifters ‎– "I Like Boys" ( Lightning Records ‎– GIL 534) 1978

Well......er......I'm frightened! This slightly dodgy euro-pop atrocity, enters itself into the "What the Fuck was that" category of pop histroy......not that this anthem for Gay sexual predators was at all popular.....except eith Gay Sexual Predators.
The lightning Records Belgian connection comes well and truly out of the closet here, with this Synth Punk tribute to 'Boys and their Stinky Toys'.....a desperate grasp for some pink punk  pounds from the gaping back pockets in the crotchless leather shorts of the nascent Gay Disco scene.
This horrible tune will leave you open-mouthed and looking for the exit, rather than open-mouthed waiting for one of those 'Stinky Toys' to fill the void.
It's also actually quite funny in a 'Good Bad' kind of way.The heavy flemish accent doesn't help, and the Arnold Schwarzenegger style backing vocals, sound like they're being delivered by a lobotomised hairy backed lummox in a gimp mask, chained up in a particularly damp corner of a secret basement apartment.

"Here Dere ev-rywhere,
I Like Boisss, I Like Boisss,
I Like dere steenki Toissss"

Mummy!!!!!

The sleeve accurately describes the music, with a sovereign ringed hairy hand caressing the rear of a wavy haired manchild, ripe for some abuse.
The rear sleeve, for the B-side, "Baby Punker", is potentially more disturbing. Portraying a baby seemingly gratifying itself in an unforgivable prone receiving postion, through it's diaper!!!?
This could easily have been the Belgian entry for the Eurovision Song Contest in 1978 as far as I know. Its certainly an argument for the UK leaving the European Union.
Whoever made this record is, no doubt, in prison now......or, more likely, Dead!

Tracklist:

A I Like Boys
B Baby Punker

DOWNLOAD some unlikeable boys noise HERE!

Snatch ‎– "Snatch" (Pandemonium ‎– WITCH 1) 1983

Oh Christ!...Patti Palladin and Judy Nylon were 'Snatch';two potty mouthed american ex-pats,or, immigrants if they were black; who were sooooo bored that they decided to be Rock-Stars one hungover morning after drinking somebody elses booze the previous night.
There are times when the phrase "Too Cool For School" applies rather too fucking much. You just know these kool chicks wouldn't want to be seen with ugly penniless no-marks like you and me....well at least not you anyway.
Just read this toe-curling interview with Patti Palladin extracted from too cool for school 'search and destroy magazine:

"When I came to London in about '74 we(Palladin and Judy Nylon) became good friends. We were trying our best to get something going, we were both creative chicks... We both had ideas of sorts.
For 2 foreign chicks living in London, what is there really to do? So that's why Rock & Roll! It was the obvious thing to do out of boredom. We thought about forming a band together. We worked on basic lyrics and melodies and things. But it was hard trying to find people who understood where we were coming from. At that time all the punks were suddenly beginning to appear. Everyone was into saying, "I'm a punk. I'm cool, I'm aggressive, we're going to change it" and all this shit."

These cool coooool chicks could easily pass for Glam refugees Johnny Thunders and Bowie in drag. In fact didn't Palladin have a relationship with her male-self? The ultimate narcissistic kick.

These flat-chested chanteuses had their most famous single released on fake punk label Lightning Records in 1978, and it scraped the bottom edge of the charts. Like a Glam/Punk version of The GTO's, they sang about being bored and shopping to muddy post-bowie backing tracks mixed low beneath their piercing drawls.

The myth is that they never exploited their sexuality, unlike the other Punk girls(?), which is of course pure bollocks.Look at the sultry poses that adorn the two sides of the LP cover....notably with the less attractive one (Judy Nylon) on the back,rather than on her back.I imagine there were some bitchy battles about that subject....ahhh....maybe not because they were 'Artists' weren't they.....better than us.

This all involved, naturally, an 'Eno Collaboration',but knowing Eno, they likely collaborated in bed as well.....they were after all, Too Cool For School.

Tracklisting:

A1 Credit 3:18
A2 All I Want 3:50
A3 Second Rater 2:00
A4 Amputee 1:56
A5 Joey 2:20
A6 Stanley 3:57
A7 Carlotta 2:02
A8 Trial By Fire 2:21
A9 Radio Ad 1978 0:33
B1 Dead Heat 4:12
B2 When I'm Bored 1:56
B3 I.R.T. 2:16
B4 Shopping For Clothes 3:45
B5 R.A.F.
Featuring – Brian Eno(told ya!) 2:58
B6 Black Market 5:11

DOWNLOAD and Snatch a earful HERE!

Various ‎– "Lightning Records Punk Collection" (Anagram Records ‎– CD PUNK 79) 1996

Lightning Records had a massive hit in 1977 with "Uptown Top-Ranking" by Althea and Donna, so they had buckets full of cash to penetrate the 'Punk' market.Trouble was there weren't any Bands left to sign up, and no-one would want to sign for such a dodgy label as that anyway. So they got all the groups no-one wanted, and made a few up too.

This compilation of Fake Punk cash-in masters, Lightning Records, is a punk dustbin full of fake groups and groups signed because one of them had a short hair cut and knew naughty words like 'Berk' or flipping Heck!

If you didn't know any better, and you heard "Dark Glasses" by The Mirrors, in 1978, you'd either be horrified at its vicious roll'n'roll furylessness, or find it totally laughable. The correct reaction would have to be laughter, as it's one of thee most clueless attempts at a punk cash-in ever gobbed onto vinyl.

The lyrics, sang by what could only be an off-duty Elvis impersonator,or that bloke from Spandau Ballet, are priceless. Examples of which are:

"You're wearing Dark Glasses, Have You Got The Class?"

"In a doorway they take co-co with a jacknife"(they weren't allowed to say Cocaine I guess)

No they weren't the proto-Pere Ubu Mirrors from Cleveland Ohio,but they did play the Roxy and The Vortex, and support Sham 69. How this tune went down I shudder tho think.

Whereas Fake Punkers, "Martin and the Brownshirts" did actually come from Cleveland, as in the shithole in the north-east of England, rather than the shithole in America.

Nasty Media, no-one knows anything about,but I suspect they were another made up band, and were the only 'Punk' band to rhyme Berk with Jerk, so they get top marks on the Punksploitation scale from me.

Neville Wanker & The Punters are the wonderfully annoying bosses of the middle-aged blokes go punk punksploitation Oscar. The backing singers,(which breaks Punk rule number one, 'No Backing Singers),relentlessly chant "Punk...Punk Rock" all through this charming ditty about how "The Punk Rock is here to Stay"!!!? Its like a parody that would regularly crop up on awful TV magazine programme like "That's Life" in 1978.

The Fruit-Eating Bears even went on 'A Song For Europe' in an attempt to get on the Eurovision Song Contest.....they didn't.....but you can get all their stuff HERE!

Elton Motello, whose Gay anthem 'Jet Boy Jet Girl' was nicked from fellow chutney ferret Lou de Prijck and lip synced by Plastic Betrand, was in 'Bastard' with Brian James(the Damned), and is probably the only person on this with any debatable cred' points in the Punk Rock world.

The rest are a bunch of flare wearing converts with shoulder length hair.Maybe sporting a discreet safety pin, a 'punk' badge or two,and a length of chain attached to their jumpers......which for me was a far better image than getting tarted up on the Kings Road and spiking up your previously blow-dried locks.

This album is crammed with effortlessy insipid punk and new wave facimiles, nothing at all offensive, and actually nothing to do with 'Punk Rock'. Its great!

PS...you can get a full Fake Punk onslaught from Die or DIY?'s Fake Punk compilation "Come and get yer Punk in Woolworths" by clicking HERE!

Tracklisting:

1 –Jet Bronx & The Forbidden - Ain't Doin' Nuthin'
2 –The Mirrors - Cure For Cancer
3 –The Jerks - Get Your Woofing Dog Off Me
4 –Blitzkrieg Bop - Let's Go
5 –Martin & The Brownshirts - Taxi Driver
6 –Elton Motello - Jet Boy Jet Girl
7 –Fruit Eating Bears - Chevy Heavy
8 –Dirty Dog - Let Go Of My Hands
9 –Horror Comic - I Don't Mind
10 –Too Much - Who Do You Wanna Be
11 –The Nerves - TV Adverts
12 –Cane - D.K.Dance
13 –Cane - College Girls
14 –Neville Wanker & The Punters - Boys On The Dole
15 –The Mirrors - Dark Glasses
16 –Nasty Media - Spiked Copy
17 –Blitzkrieg Bop - U.F.O.
18 –Krypton Tunes - All In Jail
19 –The Jerks - Cool
20 –Too Much - Kick Me One More Time
21 –Open Sore - Vertigo (Live)
22 –The Crabs - Lullabies Lie (Live)

DOWNLOAD this fake storm HERE!

Horrorcomic ‎– "England '77" (Castle Music ‎– CMQCD1263) 2006

A fake Punk legend, the awfully named, Horrorcomic, were cobbled together from Lightening Records' backroom staff. Obviously Lightening couldn't find their own spikey tops to exploit, so they sensibly made their own...quite like Maclaren did with the Pistols. But in this case the members looked like beered up status quo fans with mid length hair and denim flares. There's also a suspicion that they were Gary Glitter fans, which doesn't nescessarily disqualify them from being 'Punk', as Johnny Rotten was also a Glitter fan, and so the fuck am I! The Glitter Band Guitar sound will live beyond eternity....unfortunately, Horrorcomic won't...but its enjoyable stuff nonetheless.

Horrorcomic, resplendant in cutting edge  vivien Westwood outfits.

Tracklisting:

1 England '77
2 Cut Your Throat
3 I Don't Mind
4 Support To A Name Band
5 Jesus Crisis
6 The Night Elvis Left The Building
7 Razor Attack
8 Nowhere To Hide
9 Probation Officer
10 Change That Neck (aka Wring That Neck)
11 Sex In The Afternoon
12 The Exorcist
13 Noisy Bastard
14 I'm All Hung Up On Pierrepoint

DOWNLOAD this horror HERE!

Plastic Bertrand ‎– "An 1" (RKM ‎– 4B064-60544) 1977

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Radio Stars - "Radio Stars Radio Sessions 1977-1978) (a Die or DIY? Compilation)

Another one of those groups the music press didn't like in 1977/8 because they were older and reminded those journalists of themselves. Just a couple of years before 1977 these very same Journalists were singing the praises of Genesis, Bruce Springsteen and Lynard Skynard.
The Radio Stars had Andy Ellison of 1967-era John's Children, and were basically Glam band 'Jet' rebranded as Punky Power Pop. If you listened to Jet's 1975 album, they sound like a slightly slower Radio Stars, so maybe they weren't totally jumping on the Punk Bus after all?
It all sounds very Eddie and the Hot Rods style Pub Rock fused with the more edible parts of Punk Rock, with lashings of tongue in cheek humour.
Well I always thought they were a rather good fun band,who didn't take themselves or anything else very seriously.....that could describe The Damned,but they had better press and were a tad cooler for the kids.

Track Listing:

Peel Session 17/05/1977:

1 No Russians In Russia
2 Dear Prudence
3 Dirty Pictures
4 Horrible Breath

Peel session 07/11/1977:

5 Is It Really Necessary
6 Don't Waste My Time
7 The Beast Of Barnsley
8 Good Personality

Peel Session 4/9/1978:

9 Sitting In The Rain
10 Radio Stars
11 Sex In Chains Blues
12 Boy Meets Girl

Capital Radio Session 5/1978:

13 From A Rabbit
14 The Beast Of Barnsley
15 Dirty Pictures

DOWNLOAD radio to kill the video star HERE!

Fruit Eating Bears - "Singles, Demo's,and Live 1977/78" (a Die or DIY? Compilation)

Once described as a South London Charity shop Ramones, due to their standard garb of leather jackets and t-shirts. The Fruit Eating Bears are a fine example of Pub Rockers embracing (or exploiting) the Punk Rock sound and merging it with their own sixties R&B sound. Not unlike The Pirates, but without the raw meat.
They even donated a tune for Mick Green and the boys, who did a version of the Bears' own "1.30 2.30 3.35"; which they wrote for Lew Lewis.(The recording here has exactly the same backing track that Lew used!)
There is a strong element of bandwagon jumping in their sound.That tongue in cheekiness kind of fake punk that The Alan Milman Sect carried off so successfully.I suppose the Fruit Eating Bears were a paler version of that, but in a Pub Rock stylee. 
However their main claim to fame, and the first time I saw them, was as a surprise entry into the UK heats of the Eurovision Song Contest in 1978.A lame concession to the passing New Wave fad by the BBC i wager. I of course announced "Door In My Face" as my favourite to my mum, and it finished 11th out of 12 songs. In hindsight it was by far the best song naturally.Check out the video below:

Tracklist:

1 Door In My Face
2 Going Thru' The Motions 
3 Chevy Heavy 
4 Fifties Cowboy
5 1.30 2.30 3.35
6 Indian Giver
7 Love Comes In Spurts
8 Flirt In A Skirt
9 High School Lover (In The U.K.) 
10 Shop Door Squeeze
11 I Don't Wanna Be The One
12 Egyptian P.T. 
13 Green Love
14 Remand Wing 
15 Seven And Seven Is
16 Flies
17 Heaven (In The Palm Of My Hand)
18 I Met Her In Her Magazine
19 Croydon Girls
20 Disco Bop
21 I'm Down

DOWNLOAD the only group with a eurovision entry on this blog HERE!

Various Artists ‎– "Skydog Commando" (Skydog ‎– SGSC 0018) 1978

To keep up the tentative French theme I was going to post a Zoviet france tape,"Garista"; but i remember them throwing a geordie hissy fit the last time I posted their stuff.This is a rare thing, with only Psyclones,Dog As Master,Noh Mercy,and Crawling Chaos,whinging about it(all americans,with a little 'a'and geordies with a little 'g' I notice!).

You can check out what that prick from the awful crawling chaos(two little 'c's) has to say about me here!

As Zoviet France are banned from the free publicity of try before you buy, from bands you haven't heard of,thanks to this blog.I will have to stoop to this fine example of French cluelessness when it comes to La Musique Moderne.

Please excuse my thinly veiled venom ce soir,especially if you are French (they can't help it y'know);but i'm feeling particularly bitter and twisted and I wanna vent it,because I can....and France is the victim.

Yup, I live in France.A land with a great past of great military defeats,boring unadventurous food, bland dress sense, and pubs that look like train station waiting rooms. Then rock'n'roll happened and it was downhill from there!

A place such as this, with entrenched behavioural patterns,where the cops don't work between 12 and 2pm, where the shops shut just when you need them,and no-one ever leaves their region, never mind the country. Got left standing by “les Anglo-Saxons” at the starting line, with Johnny Halliday (who every Frenchman thinks is a Global Megastar,and even he is now Belgian!?) their only incredibly naff contribution. A population who are obsessed with apple based desserts,chocolate flavoured everything, and tuck their sweaters into their trouser tops,tightly tethered by a shiny belt, could not compete. The language didn't fit into a standard rock song,with its monotonous one note delivery, and over syllabled spittle scattering words. France is famous for its cheeses, of which it proudly boasts of 500 plus varieties, of which French Pop music is one. The post 1956 era was about modernisation,from film, to music,to food; the French can't see why something as perfect as frenchness needs to be modernised or even changed at all. I can think of a thousand reasons,and I can't wait to get out of this creative cul de sac(literal translation 'arse of the bag') of a has been land.

There, of course ,were some good Frog Bands......er........Magma......er........Magma......well ,I like Stinky Toys anyway.

This compilation of French 'Punk Rock', is a fairly standard example of how they usually find a way of making anything from the modern world sound fairly atrocious. Lets face it, they made a better attempt at Punk Rock than they did any other genre from the modern idiom of Pop, especially Reggae (They still think Bob Marley is alive and serving Ratatouille in some shit provincial restaurant, that thinks its food is the best in the world, like all of them do.)

Its a uninspiring serving (Like in their deluded restaurants), of weedy pub rock, retro-rock'n'roll,Schlager and swarthy,anaemic punk-a-like bands,in loafers, and C&A leather jackets, with tassles. The French's inability to shout without sounding like a cheese grater on your teeth, is also a big drawback in the world of Punk rock;and are arrogant enough to claim inventing the genre,they did after all contribute he typically pretentious nonsense that is Situationism into the mix

Yes, I hate this crap country, but there is something charming about the music on this compilation; like watching your children playing a instrument in the school symphony orchestra. Ah Diddums, bless their little white stockinged feet,and their rancid B.O. Problem (who says racial stereotypes aren't true?).

I do have some sympathy for them, even though they laugh and point at every other country, race, and disability , but cannot take any joke about themselves in return. Arrogant to the point of self-deifying, they are human too.....even though they think Napoleon is a national hero(Hitler mark 1 or what?), and enthusiastically collaborated in the Holocaust; you gotta be glad that this place is around. If only to show everyone else how NOT to do it. One of the greatest living museums on the planet. And this record is a fine example of one of its exhibits.

Tracklist:
A1 –Rockin' Rebels Water Wheel 2:37
A2 –Puravida The Last Night 3:08
A3 –Electric Callas Kill Me Two Times 4:10
A4 –Calcinator Electrifié 2:00
A5 –Asphalt Jungle Money 2:55
B1 –Dogs Here Comes My Baby 1:58
B2 –Kalfon Rock Chaud Camion 3:05
B3 –Controle Depression 4:32
B4 –Lou's Back In The Street 2:32
B5 –Scooters Hygiène 3:40

DOWNLOAD a french letter full of (s)punk HERE!

Various Artists - "Come and get yer Punk in Woolworths" (a Die or DIY? mixtape#5) 2013

Now, this isn't the first "Fake Punk" compilation ever. That honour goes to "The Great Rock'n'Roll Swindle" soundtrack,but even that pile of exploitative shite contained at least one absolute classic in the live "Belsen Was a Gas";thanks mainly to the 2 seconds of silence that greeted the ending of the song before the wild applause kicked in. Punk Rock in general is an abject lesson in how the powers in the unelected real government orchestrate events to stifle dissent. First 'they' demonise the dissenters, turn them into a monster that's gonna take away your children.This creates a climate of fear, and the natural animal response is to attack without really investigating what you are attacking. So messages are ignored, lies are believed and the subject of your implanted fears are immeadiately marginalised. Second comes the ridicule, when you get establishment figures,popular comedians, making "funny" punk songs. Its slowly becomes a joke that nobody takes seriously. Caricatures of drunk leather clad morons with dyed mohicans, spitting and moaning about being on the dole; become what "Punk" is all about (The Exploited in fact!). Thirdly, comes the absorbtion into the system and culture. Now the subject has been pacified it can be commercially exploited,and a sanitised version can be piled on the shelves and distributed to the people. Don't listen to those prats who say that Music can't change the world! The world we live in today is unrecogniseable to the pre-rock'n'roll society. Culture and attitudes were exclusively shaped by pop culture. The philosophers of the past, were replaced (note the past tense here) by the Pop stars of the 60's through to the 80's, and the alternative underground figures linked to the new rock inspired counter culture. You don't need to argue this fact to the intelligence agencies, they have released declassified files on The Sex Pistols and John Lennon; albiet only the harmless ones. They know the power these messianic figures can have over the masses. You could link the flood, and ready availablity of CIA developed 'Mind Control' drug LSD in the sixties, to a recognition of an opportunity to test the euphoric effects of these drugs on a large number of willing victims; at the same time as the military was spraying it over the Vietmanese jungle. And, somehow, nearly all the US army was dosed up on the very potent 'Orange Sunshine' variety of acid. This leads to a suggestable state of mind, and a feeling of euphoria that rarely leads the subject to question life in general.Alternatively it can lead to the Syd Barratt effect, and you can see what a danger to the status quo he became! Aldous Huxley, advocate of LSD, and member of the Tavistock Institute (MK Ultra experimental centre), provided a rather insight giving quote about this dodgy drug: "There will be, in the next generation or so, a pharmacological method of making people love their servitude, and producing dictatorship without tears, so to speak, producing a kind of painless concentration camp for entire societies, so that people will in fact have their liberties taken away from them, but will rather enjoy it, because they will be distracted from any desire to rebel by propaganda or brainwashing, or brainwashing enhanced by pharmacological methods. And this seems to be the final revolution." (Aldous Huxley, Tavistock Group, California Medical School, 1961) Check out the excellent books by Neil Sanders for more detailed analysis on the subject, HERE!   The same three steps were equally applied to Psychedelia,as well as Hip-Hop,Punk,Original Rock'n'Roll,and (cough) Grunge. (I am discounting Acid House and subsequent "Dance" culture,as I believe that to be another drug feulled crowd control experiment, that was far TOO sucessfull, they have your children). It all can be rather eloquently summed up by "Punk Poet", Patrik Fitzgerald, which opens this compilation and donates the title from the first line of "Make it Safe": "Come and get yer Punk in Woolworths, Bondage trousers 12 pounds, Mohair jumpers sold next to cardigans, It always comes around. They turn it into a joke, anything that threatens them. They turn it into a dog or cat, that they can stroke, but couldn't bite its own tail. They make it safe." Such insight, from a marginalised punk figure!.......but he did sign to fucking Polydor i suppose.Unfortunately very few people are perfect. The records on this compilation range from the Fake Punk bands that went wrong for the record companies; like The Vacants and FU2, who were actually very authentic. Then we have the bandwagon jumping watered down clichéd "Punk" of The Drones and Satan's Rats, who were the first wave of the cultural absorption bands. This was betrayed when Satan's Rats become the awful Photo's with pop android Wendy Wu. The Drones were just a joke basically; opportunistic pub rock also-rans, spewing out punk platitudes about the queen and being "Yourself"; they helped to turn it into a joke without the help of third rate comedians like the despicable Charlie Drake.
Then we have punksploitation that is actually rather good, like the Alan Milman Sect and Alberto Y Los Trios Paranoias. They looked great and they sounded great; but can't discount them from the culpability of helping to turn it all into a joke. Next we have the Fake Punk's of Horrorcomic, who were formed from Record company back room staff, to fill the Punk band slot on their label.And the fake Punk of The Exile, who looked like the cast of a 1970's London Pub in The Sweeney. This is probably a good look, considering that Dr. Feelgood looked that that too; but I rather suspect that they actually were four blokes from a 1970's pub, albeit one from Glasgow. The godfather of Fake Punk was Stewart Copeland, ex-progger and member of Fake Punk royalty, The Police. His irritating alter-ego was Klark Kent, who released several coloured vinyl recordings around 1978/80; disturbingly with the help of his CIA connected brother Miles.In fact their father was a long serving CIA agent! Wouldn't surprise me if the lovely Stewart wasn't in the club too! That'd explain a lot.Cunt! Then you've got the inadvisable cheese of Fakery, in The admittedly entertaining Plastic Bertrand (one of the Five famous Belgians of folk lore).With the moronic and repetitive "Pogo Pogo", which is great stuff. And the unashamed cash-in of Pistols demo maker,Chris Spedding(s), "Pogo Dancing", which is loveable pop cheese of the highest order; and the Vibrators were his backing band for this single bizarrely enough. There's American Punk cheese from various prostitutes and exotic dancers, the marvellous Mary Monday (one of thee greatest singles ever or what?), and the laughable Cherry Vanilla. Dunno what the Americans have got about cross-dressers and pole dancers, but it certainly helps marginalise the more meaningful part of the counter culture.Some people find this fun, but it bores the shit out of me. Last, but definitely not least, come the god-awful Novelty Punk discs. These are the 'Man's' secret weapon. How to turn dangerous ideas into a lame joke with even lamer jokes. Fuck me, there are some shit, unfunny, and interminably irritating bollocks on display here. I left the most unforgivable examples for the last four tracks. Which include, two complete Twats (Buster Gobsmack,ha fucking ha)from the even twattier TV lowest common denominator rubbish vehicle called "That's Life" (on UK Tv from 1973-1994). Admittedly it did once feature a dog that said "Sausages" to order (check out his single,yes!, HERE); But these hideous pricks were so off the loop, that they did this crap punk parody in 19 fucking 88, when punk had been long sanitised and forgotten.This is how unbelievably shite this show was! Alvin and the Chipmunks, from their lp "Chipmunk Punk", give us their rendition of some soft rock tune called "Refugee", and recreates what it must feel like to be trepanned by a rusty spike.A definition of Evil if ever I heard one! Talking 'bout EVIL, the closer is an infinitely unfunny piece of utter shit, by career paedophile and record biz insider, Jonathan King. With a response record to the Pistols "God Save the Queen", with him doing a shit impression of her majesty thanking the pistols for their good work.This creature is a perfect example of an establishment insider defending his bosses; and god knows what sexual deviancy he was involved in with his public shool chums in MI5/6. This fellow is a total cunt,and execution without trial is probably too good for him! On a lighter note, we have  Los Punk Rockers album "Los Exitos de Sex Pistols", which is a hilarious cash in remake of Never Mind the Bollocks, where the singer hasn't even bothered to find out the lyrics; so he just makes up stuff that sounds like what Rotten is singing. Ranks up with William Shatner's "Transformed Man" as one of the best good/bad albums ever made! "I'm a Lazy seeeeven" (Seventeen, by Los Punk Rockers).  

Track Listing:
1- "Make it Safe" - Patrik Fitzgerald
2- "Fuck You" - Alberto Y Los Trios Paranoias
3- "Pretty Vacant - Paul Jones
4- "Pretty Vacant" - Los Punk Rrockers
5- "Pogo dancing - "Chris Spedding
6- "Pogo Pogo" - Plastic Bertrand
7- "You Make me Sick" - Satans Rats
8- "I've Seen it Vomit" - Bog Ugly
9- "I Just Want To Be Myself" - The Drones
10-"Punk Rocking Granny" - Duggie Briggs Band
11-"Beat on the Brat" - The Vacants
12-"Sniffin' Glue" - F.U.2
13-"Don't Care" - Klark Kent
14-"The Punk" - Cherry Vanilla
15-"I Gave my Punk Jacket to Ricky" - Mary Monday and the Bitches
16-"Down at the Vortex" - Yellow Dog
17-"Seventeen" - Los Punk Rockers
18-"England 77" - Horrorcomic
19-"Jubilee 77" - The Exile
20-"I Wanna Live in NW3" - Johnny Rubbish (disturbingly, a mate of Hugh Cornwell!)
21-"Johnny B. Rotten" - The Monks (These idiots were The Strawbs, and definitely NOT the Monks of 'Black Monk Time' fame;-shifted a lot of units in Canada????)
22-"Kill" - Alberto Y Los Trios Paranoias
23-"Stitches(demo)" - The Alan Milman Sect
24-"Gob on you" - Not The Nine O'Clock News
25-"Gimme that Punk Junk" - The Water pistols
26-"Punk Strut" - Kevin Short and his Privates
27-"I Might be a Punk(but I love you)- Norman Gunstone
28-"Punk Bashing Boogie" - Don E. Sibley
29-"Going out with a Punk" - The Punkettes
30-"I'm a Punk" - Norman and the Hooligans
31-"Punky Christmas"- Matt Black and the Doodlebugs
32-"I want to be a Punk Rocker"- Andy Cameron
33-"Punk Prrincess" - Dave and the Derros
34-"We Wanna Be Famous" - Buster Gobsmack eats Filth
35-"Refugee"- Alvin and the Chipmunks
36-"God Save the Sex Pistols"- Elizabeth R.

DOWNLOAD direct from woolworths HERE!

Alberto Y Lost Trios Paranoias ‎– "Snuff Rock EP" (Stiff Records LAST 2) 1977

Resting actors make rock satire band between walk on parts and adverts. I do these chaps a dis-service, 'cus this is a near perfect Punk Pastiche that is enjoyable on several levels. I like it as Punk/pub rock style music, I can even distance myself from the punk cliché piss take lyrics and reinvent them as 'real' rants about dehumanisation and apathy; subjects close to my heart. This band were a good version of The Tubes who were in themselves a really shit version of post-mothers Frank Zappa. "Snuffin' in a babylon" is a great send up of every Punks most hated trait in their heroes...... the Reggae song in the set list! They all did it, even ATV! Sickening, especially if they were 'Good' at it, like The Ruts; great band,but far too smooth on the old musicianship front.....oh God, "Jah Wars", fightin' fightin'! You never found any reggae band playing rock numbers(they'd be as shit at it anyway), so why the need to go on about 'Babylon', when it was your ancestors who were probably the slave traders?....;"Need No Caucasian Guilt", pleeeeze! (Noh Mercy, 1979)

Track Listing: 

A1 Kill 1:30
A2 Gobbing On Life 3:55
B1 Snuffin' Like That 1:23
B2 Snuffin' In A Babylon 1:47

DOWNLOAD snuff rock HERE!

The Alan Milman Sect - " Stitches (1977-1978) " - (Bedazzled BCD007) 1995

Here is the career anthology of the stratospherically brilliant Alan Milman Sect. Famous for one of the best three Punk Rock singles ever made....yes i refer to the great "Stiches/Iwanna Kill Somebody" track.

 "A-Dolf Hitler and Son of Sam, Manson Family That's who I am. I wanna Kill Somebody, I wanna Kill Someone. I wanna Kill Somebody..........Just for FUN!"

I think that charming couplet sums up nicely what you are in store for on this near-legendary two minutes of brain exploding punk rock thuggery. Which is really two tracks seamlessly glued together to form the most perfect punk tune ever invented. Aggressively offensive,and totally non-P fucking C

Near perfection is this record, Great Band name,great band photo, great songcraft,musicianship,great performance.....i could go on.Hey why don’t you hear it for yourself?
But, what are the other two greatest Punk Rock singles ever, you ask?
Obviously, The Users "Sick of You/I'm in Love with Today" and Some Chicken's "New Religion/Blood on the Wall". Didn't you know that?
This is the best American fake Punk Group, by miles.So do yourself a favour and download their career overview.
I know this is gonna bring forth a torrent of incensed punkers telling me that I don't know what I’m talking about.I'm glad to say I don't, and nor should you; for therein lies the essence of pure Rock'n'Roll. Feeeel, don't think, and Punk Rock yee shall make.

This is on Alan Milman's own Bedazzled Label, which was the name of his post group record store in Seattle,where he still resides.
Some of these tracks were released as Man-Ka-Zam......but we'll forgive that faux pas and pretend that it never happened.
Enjoy!

Track listing:

1. Stitches In My Head / I Wanna Kill Somebody
2. Punk Rock X-Mas
3. We Don’t Bury Our Dead
4. No Boys Allowed
5. Veil of Strange
6. Child of Mercy
7. Dead Heat on a Merry Go Round
8. The Brain
9. Spankathon
10. Happy World
11. Love With Machinery
12. Razorblade Lemonade
13. Nicotine Caffeine
14. California Dumb
15. Transcendental Medication
16. Stitches (Khazzam basement)
17. Stitches (Milman basement)

DOWNLOAD FAKE PUNK HISTORY HERE!

Los Punk Rockers ‎– "Los Exitos De Sex Pistols" (Nevada ND-1.276) 1978

 

The next time some sad middle aged "Punk",who's now a Banker, asks you to put "Never Mind The Bollocks" on at your next fondue soireé, slip this into your iPod playlist. If this classic was the real Pistols second album it would have been perfect, but alas real subversion wasn't ever really on the agenda,and the "Punks" all got a future.
If you don't know what this great record is, it's a Spanish only punk cash-in.A session musician created replica of the aforementioned "Bollocks", but fronted by what sounds like the first bloke they could find on the streets of Madrid who had heard of Rock'n'Roll; played the Pistols album to him once, then said "Ok, lets do a take", with the poor witless fool trying his best to remember the lyrics. There's lots of Rottenesque cackling laughter, and mucho misheard versions of Lydon's art-foundation course scribblings of yore. My favourite being the almost Burroughsian version of "Seventeen" ('s) chorus ("I'm a lazy Sod"), which is gloriously transformed into the dada-esque "I'm a Lazy Seven"!!!?? And there's plenty more where that came from, but I won't spoil the fun,I'll leave it to you digital plunderers to discover for yourselves. Musically, this sessionista faux-punk bland out was only ever bettered by the backing tracks from the magnificent second album by the immortal Adverts; ie "A Cast of Thousands"(1979); which (I hope?) was a deliberate act on the part of TV Smith and co, and a unmatched middle finger to the hive minded cast of thousands of flocking Travis Bickles in denim and levver! This is fucking(note punk style swearing from your author) GREAT!, and don't you just love that cover? Its as if the 'designer' had done his research on Punk Rockers by reading Kays Catalogue (cheapo and probably now defunct UK shopping catalogue from the 70's/80's).  

TRACK LISTING:
A1 Holidays In The Sun 3:31
A2 Bodies 3:09
A3 No Feelings 3:00
A4 Liar 4:23
A5 God Save The Queen 3:23
A6 Problems 4:23
B1 Seventeen 2:00
B2 Anarchy In The U.K. 3:26
B3 Submission 4:11
B4 Pretty Vacant 3:18
B5 New York 3:06
B6 E.M.I. 3:09  

DOWNLOAD this bollocks HERE!

F.U.2 - "Depressions / Punk Rock" (Beat Records ‎– BEA 7094) 1977

Australian Edition

French edition

Italian Edition

Spanish edition

As mentioned in the previous post about the Vacants; The Downliners Sect helped out, then took over the rest of the recording deal with RCA, and made this second Punksploitation miesterwerk, also called "Punk Rock in several european countries, but NOT in Australia! Australia being one of the world capitals of untrendy punk groups, like the fantastic Saints, the marvellous Victims, and The Thought Criminals. This record is a "Punked" up version of the Sects own tunes, high on garage punk electricity; the best Downliners Sect record, and it doesn't even bear their moniker! They even churned out an LP for the legendary Raw Records, called "Showbiz", but that sounded insipid in comparison to this pub punk monolith. Some would call it "Fake Punk", an accusation that cannot be levelled at one of the originators of the ,so-called, "Punk" attitude, The Downliners Sect. Record companies are so fucking stupid,that even when they are trying to do something deliberately fake, they fail, and make something intrinsically opposed to what they wanted. And this , along with the magisterial Vacants disc, is the very opposite of Fake. This is high octane 100% Punk Rock and Roll.

 Track Listing:

A1 Playing My Guitar
A2 Tax Exile
A3 Manic Depression
A4 Mean Evil Child
A5 Come On Strong
A6 You Don't Love Me
B1 Star In The Streets
B2 Sniffin' Glue
B3 Move Around
B4 Rock Club (Down The Roxy)
B5 Out Of School
B6 F.U.2  

DOWNLOAD and F.U.2 HERE!