Various Artists – "Tickled Pink" (Peeved Records – PV021) 1986

One of a few Cambridge compilations from Peeved Records, unfathomably based in Southampton?

It kicks off with some mannered Indie Pop by, according to Discogs, one of the 96 other bands called "Spike". If that was out of a hundred it would correlate with the fact that 96% of all bands in the UK sounded exactly like this in 1985 to '86. Marking the era when everyone had a Portastudio, nice equipment,and knew how to use it. As a result everyone sounded the same.

It was all 'well played' ,enhanced with cheaply available effects unit,and they all thought they were gonna 'make it'. The result is really rather dreadful, as they themselves would have found the DIY stuff from earlier in the decade, which these self-tutored pop stars in their own lunchtimes would have scoffed at, and binned off in favor of sounding like Aztec Camera....WRONG!

Its rather like a teenagers painting, when they try their upmost to be a sophisticate;leaving the real genius of their earlier years gathering dust in the garbage bin. Only a few get to make art decent enough to break through to win the poverty that awaits them.

Although missing the point entirely, the end result is actually rather quaint? Awwww, bless 'em.

The High Tech Pagodas win the silliest name prize,and also the best track award....what on earth were they doing?

Tracklist:

A1 Spike – I Feel You
A2 Spike – Any Choice
A3 The Force – Sweet Little Girl
A4 The Force – Crazy Affair
A5 Vanishing Point– From The Heart
A6 Vanishing Point– Face To Face
A7 The High Tech Pagodas– Free
B1 The Lovely– Aniel I Said
B2 The Lovely– Catherine
B3 Strange Brew – Don't Wanna Be Lonely
B4 Strange Brew – Normandy Sunset
B5 Worlds End Band– The Party
B6 Worlds End Band– The Party Of Light
B7 The Lonely – Nervous Hand
B8 The Lonely – Something Happened Today

DOWNLOAD and have your pink bits tickled HERE!

Various Artists – "Real Time 3 - December 1982" (Unlikely Records) 1982

Trendy Turtles were definitely going for that elusive Cherry Red contract weren't they? Only rarely does one find Twee Indie Pop arse to elbow with a rowdy Oi groop,especially as both forms of music are long dead. The Oi Polloi don't sound very likely to harbor any signs of being women trapped in a Skinheads' body, but then again Gender politics were thankfully absent from the minds of the average Teenager,or Yobbo in those 'simpler' times around Christmas 1982. Gender Dysphoria was just a technical phrase in a psychologists handbook. Nowadays, one would rule out the existence of a Trans Oi combo at one's peril....and get shunned by society as a reward. I actually do have a Hardcore record by a Trans hardcore Punk band called G.L.O.S.S. which is actually rather marvelous. So come on you gender fuck-ups, get that Trans Skinhead Oi band going and I might understand you a bit more.

I don't envy kids these days at all....shit music...and shit post truth information overload.

Dunno how I got onto this subject, just thought it amusing to imagine The Oi Polloi or even better the 4-Skins as transexuals........should I take the knee now or something?,,,,wot a fuck UP!

Which is not what this very good indeed C-90 cassette compilation appears to be.

We're on the cusp of Indie here it seems,with the only remnants of Punk being the unfashionably stupid comprehensive school politics of the Oi Polloi....luckily I love the sound of "stupid".

There's always Lurch after all, and a bag full of time specific Power Pop and Indie Tweeness.

Tracklist:

A1 Trendy Turtles– Hickory Dickory
A2 Trendy Turtles– Instrumental
A3 Trendy Turtles– Bamber
A4 The Genitals– Out Eyes Met
A5 The Genitals– Sound Of The Spa
A6 Sons Of The Electrodes– Bear In Mind
A7 Oi Polloi– Police State
A8 Oi Polloi– Poppy Day
A9 Oi Polloi– No Future
A10 Oi Polloi– Media
A11 Lurch – Hush Little Baby
A12 Yr Anhrefrn – Stwffiwch Y Dolig
A13 Yr Anhrefrn – Ynni O'r Sebon
A14 Terminal Spectators – Another Day/Reach For The Sky
B1 The Infamous Zeek & Giz– Ronny & The Rayguns
B2 The Infamous Zeek & Giz– My Brain Is Infested With Mince
B3 Future Future– 21st Century (Dreams)
B4 Graham Larkbey– You Look So Lovely Tonight
B5 Graham Larkbey– Your Husband Didn't Like It
B6 The Invisible Band– Alazarin's Castle
B7 The Invisible Band– Doin' The Ton
B8 Idid Idid– Moloko Plus
B9 Ron Ferret– Wasps
B10 Ron Ferret– Train Of Thought

DOWNLOAD for a very late christmas pressie HERE!

Various Artists - "Real Time 2 : October 82" (Unlikely records) 1982

Are you having a good time? I'm having a real good time 2.

Was it really this good in October 1982. I seem to remember 'OCT 82' appearing on the swastika bedecked sleeve of that Bad Seed EP by the Birthday Party....everything went downhill from there unfortunately, especially for crooning Goth Gargoyle Nicholas Cave.Whatever happened to him?....Don't ask!

Second in the "Real Time" series of Unlikely records Compilations gives us proof that 1982 was better than you think, as the Post Punk snowball rolled on down that hill into the oncoming neo-pop lava flow of synth duo's and silly clothes.

It opens with both sides of the solitary single of the classy New Wave pop of Swimming in the Sea.Might have been a hit a year or so earlier.

What follows is a jolly entertaining plethora of quality DIY, Punk Rock,lo-fi synth Pop, and other forms of what passed for intelligent pop music in late '82.

Of course, none of these people were ever heard of again, and Nick Cave went on to conquer every coffee table in Christendom.

Tracklist:

A1 Swimming In The Sea– Hero For The Heroine/The Presents
A2 The Workforce– 10 Fingers Only
A3 Jonathan Rush– Only A Nightmare
A4 David Rush – Laser
A5 Gunslinger– Someone's Got You In The Gunsight
A6 Gunslinger– Step Into The Future
A7 The Blotchees– Funky Ho ! Down/This Isn't Your Day/Melon-Cauli
A8 Extension-Two– The Black Box/We Care/Summary/Scenes Of Today/Sandra/The Black Box
A9 Extension-Two– Extension-Two (Alone Again)
A10 Lurch – Real Time
A11 Robert Cox– A2 Is Missing
B1 Patrol– SS Officer
B2 Patrol– Innocence
B3 Tom Cramp & The Epilectic Ducks– Cramposaurus Chant
B4 Tom Cramp & The Epilectic Ducks– White Stalk SB
B5 The Puush– Morning Rolls And Hot Coffee
B6 Suburban Strom Troopers– Switchblade & Crucifix
B7 Suburban Strom Troopers– Mau Mau
B8 Switch-Cord Roulette– Theresa
B9 Switch-Cord Roulette– Goliath
B10 The Same – Instrumental 7/3/82
B11 The Same – Auntie Meat
B12 The Same – Sampled & Held
B13 The Same – Sync Or Swim

DOWNLOAD and have a real good time HERE!

Various Artists – "Real Time 1: August 82" (Unlikely records) 1982

Ay Up?  That bloke (Robert Cox) what done "Felixstowe Rocks" is also the brane behind that unlikeliest of record labels otherwise known as "Unlikely Records", from...you guessed it...Felixstowe!?

The label was well known for handing out these compilations for free at gigs. Largely featuring Robert Cox in his various guises.

The catchphrase being : "You Don't Know What You'll Like Until You Hear It!"....which, in my experience isn't entirely true.

There were countless times I knew I'd like a record purely going on Artwork,and any number of those dodgy reviews in the music press from their golden era .The art of reviewing a record has long died a painful death since the birth of the internet. Like the reviews section in Mojo,which sound as retrogressive as Mojo mag is;like it came from the sixties, simplistic and very reverend. Tending to just describe the music rather that the thoughts and attitudes behind it.

But, hearing it first does help....a bit.

So in the post-truth woke conspiracy addled planet of today, hearing it again is all part of the over exposure to information that is fucking up anything with it's own mind...seemingly for good, and certainly for the Bad.

Therefore in 1982, it was necessary to get the kids to actually hear it for free; something we take for granted today. So 'Not' hearing it in the modern context i would argue has many beneficial qualities.

No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition, and no-one expects to be expected to like something one has never heard. This concept is very much part of the culture wars straight jacket we find ourselves in today. Most of the unexpected stuff from the past would have never surfaced were it not for the luck  in appearing in the pre-internet existence. Censorship, i would also argue could also have many beneficial attributes,re-creating the awe and mystery of stuff you aren't allowed to see,hear or feel. Yep, i'm arguing for censorship here, and chinese style internet controls......probably banning me in the process;but i'll take one for the team if it results in the allure of the forbidden to return, and the art world ceasing to be so fucking BORING!

Ok, rant over,and time for me to describe this great tape as if I worked for Mojo Magazine in 2024, or The NME in 1963.

This is one of those classic UK DIY compilations from the Heyday of British cassette culture. Plenty of nice tunes that could be a hit. Especially Pop-tastic being Coventry's favourite post-Jurassic period Donovan fans, the tuneful Digital Dinosaurs.

For all you cool fans of early industrial hits, there's Muslimgauze himself, assuming his early disguise as EG Oblique Graph. The late Bryn Jones and his estate,who is still....,inexplicably, around today, despite the inescapable laws of nature. These laws can obviously be bypassed using the reanimating power of ferric oxide even if he is long dead.

Another myth from the misty shores of a DIY Albion, is the very illusive Lurch, who makes a rare appearance on several of these Unlikely compilations. Ever since he appeared on the classic "Deleted Funtime" C-90 on Deleted records in 1980, i've been on the lookout of that Lurch tape; sadly to zero effect.....one can still dream I guess?

Reading back at this failed attempt to sound as twee and reverend as Mojo and  the 1960's music press, I really shouldn't have bothered.....thankfully, I failed.

Censorship will return to free our minds again., fear not; put into effect by your Woke mates who will be watching you in the emptying Pubs of Great Britain and beyond. That coupled with New Cold War paranoia will ensure the return of music and art in general to a new relevance last seen during  the art renaissance of the 20th century. Blah Blah Blah!

 

 

Tracklist:

A1 Syd Nairda– Nevada
A2 Lurch– High-Steppin' Mamma
A3 Digital Dinosaurs – Sideways Man
A4 Digital Dinosaurs – Red Fire Engine
A5 Jonathan Rush – Synthasalsa
A6 Jonathan Rush – New Dawn
A7 Y Celfi Cam – Mab Y Gweinidog
A8 In Embrace – Excerpts From Clutching/The Air In Between
A9 E. G. Oblique Graph – Scar
A10 The Ffuts (Formerly The Stuff)– Luscious Love
A11 The Same – 453-549
A12 Tom Cramp And The Epileptic Ducks – Die For Doggy
A13 R J Curd– Excerpts From Wastelands 1/The Dream Fades/Interspace/Scepsis/New Dance/Remembrance/Night Flight/Dreaming Of You/Surveillance/Tape Walking/Wastelands 2
A14 Emergency Exit – Falling For You
B1 Emergency Exit – Voices
B2 Part Form– Excerpts From Wire Walking/Waiting Room/Part Form
B3 Future Future – Operator
B4 The Toy Shop – Excerpts From The Maze/Live Wires Kill
B5 Extension-Two – Gaps
B6 General Motors – Tubular Turds
B7 General Motors – Live Wasp Omelette, Lung
B8 Piers Of The Realm– Manic
B9 Someone Else – Something Else
B10 The Same – Set Zero
B11 The Same – Hot & Cold
B12 The Same – Larruping Shuftly
B13 The Same – If You Want To, Do So !
B14 The Same – Du Ma Casa

DOWNLOAD in a faster speed than real time HERE!

Various Artists - "Felixstowe Rocks" (Peeved Records – PV008) 1983

 

Felixstowe,on the evidence provided here, certainly does NOT Rock!

And the artistes and groups bands and duo's featured on this compilation all sound the same,or,in other words,they all seem to try to be an East Anglian Durutti Column.

I suspect this to be one of them Fake compilations,where one person tries to be person plural,per-son-zzz in fact. Yeah, we all believe the person (singular) has lots of groovy musician friends,and comes from a happening sector out in the sticks where everyone is Vinni Reilly.

One was never acquainted with any thriving music scene in Felixstowe ever,but indeed there was one in Norwich in the mid eighties I recall,but Felixstowe...Nah!. Famed for its Ferry port, and enormous container traffic capacity, but music,specifically 'Rock' music,it simply cannot be.....and why not? The only rocking this east England backwater does is the constant swell of the converging wakes from the massive container ships of the kind that are being attacked by Houthi Guerrillas in the Red Sea.I challenge thee to Write a rocking tune about that

It was all done by one Robert Cox,unlikely impresario of the Unlikely cassette label in the mid eighties i understand;who appears under his own name on this very compilation,and is,himself, the other artistes and groups, bands and duo's.

Here's what that cheeky so and so has to say on the subject:

"FELIXSTOWE ROCKS was a fake sampler of music being created in the town; it was almost all me. There is a conceptual joke in the title; this was/is not rock music and Felixstowe does not have any rocks. There are sandy and pebbly beaches below sandstone cliffs."
Robert Cox - December, 2020

I wish they did Rock in Felixstowe,then maybe this comp wouldn't be so dull....more Nosebleeds and lots less Durutti would do.....or maybe this chap invented Post-Rock and I'm too thick to see it?

Tracklist:

A1 General Motors– Tubular Turd
A2 Piers Of The Realm– Manic
A3 Someone Else – Something Else
A4 Robert Cox– Sync Or Swim (Original Version)
A5 General Motors– Tubular Turd (Reprise)
A6 The Same – If You Want To, Do So!
A7 The Same – Base Parts
A8 The Same – Instrumental 7/3/82
A9 The Same – 453-549
B1 The Same – Instrumental 18/3/82
B2 The Same – Welsh Water
B3 Robert Cox– D Scapes (Major, Mixolydian, Dorian, Chinese, Major)

DOWNLOAD from this rockless ferry port HERE!

Udder Milk Decay – "Take A Teat" (Self Released Teat-001) 1981

It has been brought to my attention that this LP had the signature of Jim Whelton of The Homosexuals, Amos and Sara etc written all over it..'tis hard to say without hearing Amos's trademark pisstake singing style.,but the artwork,and prankster style use of repurposed northern NWOBHM gods, Saxon, record labels,tended to suggest that maybe this rumour was correct?

Turns out that ,(thanks to the tireless research of PJ...you know who you are), that this speculation was utter bollox,or bullocks, as one of the culprits has been located.

'Twas one Jim Hunkin, rather than Jim Whelton,, with his brother Tim Hunkin, not Tim Whelton, buggering about at Brighton Art College with various sound generators what done it..

Listening to it with this new enlightenment, it's obviously nothing to do with Amos and Crew at all, despite the aesthetic parallels.

It sounds more like the BBC Radiophonic Workshop with a spoonful of Perrey and Kingsley during their "In sound from way out" days. Could easily be a lost soundtrack to a wiped Dr. Who episode from 1965.

Which therefore makes this a supremely collectible piece of post modern  proto-electronica musique concréte which won'y get you much more than a Donkey's change out of a Monkey.

Although I sincerely hope they aren't taking the Piss out of Saxon?....my NWOBHM band of preference,the kings of the the one note bassline.

er......happy new fucking year you bunch o'cunts.

Tracklist:

TOP:

1-4 untitled

BOTTOM:

5-7 Untitled

DOWNLOAD this decaying milk HERE!

 

Robert Ridley-Shackleton – "Shut Up Egg" (Self-Released C-30) 2011

The absurdist prince of cardboard funk has less lovely Eggs to poach here which makes The Lovely Eggs themselves sound like Pat Methany in comparison.

Zero-fi and child-like,you will be forgiven in thinking that this was a clandestine recording made at the music therapy day-center for Kidults with learning difficulties.

Is this Outsider Art? Or a neo-Dadaist approach to sound collage,inspired by  Huge-o Balls.

No prizes for guessing that RRS is yet another demented Bristolian trying to eliminate the shame of being in the home town of Massive Attack. Maybe these extremely dull Trip Hoppers are represented by the Egg,as we ALL would like them to shut up,.....permanent like!

Presenting an image not unlike a member of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers gone even more wrong, with a degenerative wasting disease. RRS is the latest in a long line of completely mental musical eccentrics that Britain seems to effortlessly produce with considerable ease.

He either can't get a Girlfriend, or he has a Girlfriend...either way,he's Fucked, or not fucked?! Trapped in vicious circular mental torture specific to heterosexual males that lead to a special kind of beta-male torture like this. Make a cassette called Shut Up Egg or just...well....Give Up.Not something British Legend,and RRS namesake, Earnest Shackleton ever considered during his incredible escape from certain death in the antarctic,almost single handedly saving his crew from a slow death on Elephant Island in the south Atlantic.....maybe RRS is a distant relative,which would explain why he behaves as if he is still stranded on a small rocky outcrop in the antarctic hinterland,surviving on a diet of Penguins and piss.

 

RRS...Not an outsider? and definitely NOT in the Red Hot Chilli Peppers?

With a production rate that puts Jandek in the shade, you can part with some of your hard earned spondulicks at his Bandcamp site for dozens of one take madnesses spread over several formats for around three english pounds a go. A cheaper way of spending time that you will never get back I would be struggling to imagine.

Tracklist:

A1 Shut Up Egg
A2 Coconut Bird Crazy
A3 Flabjack
B1 Silly Little Poochie
B2 Poor Old Humpty

Download and shut that egg up HERE!
Download this and a lot more from the cardboard prince of card funk himself HERE!.....you'll have to pay for it though kidz!

Jody And The Creams – "Jody And The Creams" (Cordelia Records – Ericat 026(C) 1988

Oh Fuck!.....I just inexplicably sat through two hours worth of Mad Vlad Putin spouting endless conspiracy theories straight outta the Q-Anon phrasebook....and I paraphrase :"We (the Degenerate West) are all pedophiles in same sex marriages who defile the sacred scriptures in league with Satan, and a corrupt,but secret Elite."...even the Anglican Church got name-checked for daring to suggest that their fictional deity might not have a gender!? ...I'm sure The Chinese self-imposed leadership agrees with that. So the fate of the free world lay in the hands of the slightly crazy population of the USA.

If Trump,or an endorsed version of said cunt wins ...or even loses it seems, the next US election, we are fucked,rather than our kids,who will likely be doing a lot of the shafting;and Q-Anon and its off-shoots win. Like the 1978 remake of 'Invasion of the Bodysnatchers', they know what we're thinking because they will decide for us and ultimately replace us. The conspiracy is the Conspiracy,and Putin, himself part of an untouchable Elite,is their Pin-Up boy.

Some of it is based on fact,for example we are obviously ruled by an untouchable Elite,and have been since the dawn of history,some could even be called 'Evil'?..But i tend to be somewhat skeptical about so-called Satanic child abuse by,for example, the Clintons, and Hilaries quaffing down gallons of Baby's Blood binges in the nineties. (I like how they pop the word Satanic in there,like Christian Sexual Abuse,and there's a lot of it about,isn't so bad?)

So this calls for more indie rock escapism with some untitled cast-offs by the prototype Jody and the Creams back in '88.

I suspect that this is just Alan Jenkins, on guitar and drum machine,but maybe I do hear some Blodwyn P. Tea Bag on her organ.

It doesn't quite work without those surreal lyrics,but there is a thankfully word-less version of Peter and Gordons hit ode to suicide, "I won't Live In A World Without Love" ,which seems more relevant today than ever.....living in a world without internet crazed bigots is more on the mark methinks.

Remember what Mad Vlad said about Gay rights?.....no?....let me remind you...."We must protect the children")...chilling. Que(-anon?), the return of the Nazi's Pink Triangle which must be worn at all times.

nb:

Especially interested in what Die or DIY?'s in-house conspiracy Junkie, Sandi Hook, has to say about this in the comments section.

Sandi?

Track Listing:

Side A:

1. Untitled # 1

2. Untitled # 2

3. Untitled # 3

4. Untitled # 4

5. Untitled # 5

Side B:

1. Untitled # 6

2. Untitled # 7

3. Untitled # 8

4. Untitled # 9

5. Untitled # 10

DOWNLOAD 10 anonymous tunes to drink babies blood to HERE!

Jody And The Creams – "A Big Dog.n" (Cordelia Records Ericat 028) 1990

 

That's NOT Dennis Nilsen bottom right by the way!

Yet another LP with ever widening Deep Freeze Mice connectivity, featuring Ruth (Po!) without her refrigerator on singy duties, another appearance of Blodwyn P. Teabag, (She's the one who looks like Green in his squatting days but as a Lady) and a debut for Ariadne Metal-Cream Pie; the latter two wrote nearly all the tchoons.

Don't be afraid, the Dennis Nilsen-a-like is the prolific Alan Jenkins(Deep Freeze Mouse number one) himself, if you've never seen him before? Here pictured in the Producer's role.I suppose this was intended as a 'Girl Group' project?

It all starts off with a bang,with the best anti-monarchy song I've probably ever heard.It alone, is the best reason why the Monarchy should remain exactly as it is or we would have one less thing to moan about,and no more anti-monarchy songs as clever as this.....Monarchy for the UK.

There are a few more charmingly witty indie pop numbers,or to paraphrase blodwyn or Ariadne.... 'lo-fi vintage english agit-pop'.There's also a side long sound collage like a more listenable but twee-er version of the side of Tago Mago no-one plays called "N.",or 'Lumpy Gravy', and there's another inevitable Frank Zappa homage with a couple of Suzy Creamcheese moments as if the GTO's came from an English suburb.....in Shropshire(?).

"Margery is Dead" reveals a possible Joe Meek obsession by someone in the room, like the theme to an unmade Gerry Anderson pilot from 1961.....can't go wrong there methinks.

Absolutely one of the better releases on Cordelia Records by a yard or two, in Imperial measurements.Don't ask me what that is in Metric!

That's something you can thank the Royals for,that and Lsd ?!.....For those born after decimalisation,that stands for Pounds Shillings and Pence,the single most absurd money system ever thought up by one of God's relatives on Earth.

Tracklisting:

1 The Queen #1 1:34
2 Margery Is Dead 1:27
3 Moulted Fur From A Labrador 2:27
4 Tree Rings 4:38
5 Appleseed Alley
Written-By – Ruth* 3:07
6 Hi Felicity 1:40
7 Shropshire 4:18
8 N. 31:35
9 The Queen #2 1:41
10 Blue Moon 2:04

DOWNLOAD some vintage creamcheese HERE!

Po! – "Bedroom Tapes vol.1" - (self-released) 1989

Ruth, last seen as the 'Ruth' from Ruth's Refrigerator , otherwise known as Ruth Miller of Indie Twee Pop Leicester legends PO! Had her own label called Rutland Records. Named after the disputed part of Leicestershire that regained its independence sometime in the naughties I think , and better known as the fictional home of The Rutles,but absolutely NOT The Ruts. 

One never ,wittingly saw PO!...the more mischievous amongst us would misspell it as POO!... live,who seemed to be in the Leicester Mercury  entertainment section every friday night during 1989 and beyond. Oh No,I thought, not more of that bloody student indie-pop nonsense. Not brutal or aggressive enough for me at the time...of course. I now know better don't I?

There are lots of PO! albums on Bandcamp, but this is a bunch of demo's recorded in Ruth's Bedroom I guess?There are three more volumes i am assured.

Its a kind of poundshop Tracy Thorn's "A Distant Shore";she being the Godmother's second cousin twice removed's best friends sister of "Twee".

Ruth is sufficiently Twee enough on these intimate recordings to qualify as The Indie Oberleutnant for a good part of the East Midlands.

PO! weren't eccentric enough to adequately fill the void left by the demise of Yeah Yeah Noh! in the local scene,but Ruth was indeed a prolific writer of charming pop tunes,of which we have a few examples on this cassette.

Ruth in fact turned up in the Guardian last week,promoting her Older Womens Punk Collective called the Unglamorous Music project. I suppose another Ruth's Refrigerator LP is out of the question? 

Tracklist:

1 Danny's Girl
2 Fay
3 These Days
4 The Ice Cream Dream (Tina)
5 She Lies In State
6 Every Night
7 Look For The Holes
8 Sunday Never Comes Around

DOWNLOAD like shit off a sheet HERE!

Jung Analysts – "The Wishing Balloons" (Hamster Records And Tapes – HAM 12)

Yukio Jung aka Terry Burrows, international best selling author and music expert...yes...EXPERT!....multi-instrumentalist and the like, so on and so on.

He being the only member of his 'group', Jung Analysts, he likes to chop things up  bruv......sorry, i'm writing this while watching The BRIT awards.I explain this away as 'just waiting for Match Of The Day'.Which, as Terry has creative connections with Leicester,is totally appropriate, as I'm salivating at the prospect of watching the highlights of  Leicester City stuffing pretentious wannabe's Tottenham Hotspur 4-1.A lot better than watching a constant stream of Pop school graduates and talent show runner-ups collecting awards for good behaviour as a small cog in the corporate entertainment machine.(Wet Leg excepted of course!) .....OMFG i'm just watching the most awful toe curling cringeworthy dance routine ever by some chubby but clubby 'out' knob'ead called Sam Smith(!?)acting all sexeh like,with a troupe of dancers clad in shiny PVC?...who ever the Fuck he(They) is or isn't...Fuck Me! Wot a Dick!......great relief...Match of the Day's just starting.....unbelievably The Foxes aren't on first????

I'd like to see some of these poor Dancers choreographing  moves to "Here's Lucifer' by Yukio Jung,which is probably as close as you can get to Dance music on Die or DIY? Lots of funky synth and funny noises with stops and changes of direction,slap bass with tongue in cheek clever clever lyrics,just to show us that, yes, he's really playing that bassoon. Alternative dance music,which means you can't dance to it I assume?The same way as 1980's Alternative Comedians weren't funny....the Jung Ones.

There are parts of this that I could imagine Paul Jung unleashing some blue eyed soul affront of,other parts needed David Sylvian to croon to.

It turns left, it turns right,it stops,and even goes backwards...I kid thee not.Future Disco.

The only thing that's wrong with all this is the tiresome 80's underground requirement of a Margaret Thatcher sample to portray her as some kind of special evil.You can't slag off Thatcher and remain a capitalist consumer,which even Crass were,They own their own commune,bought and paid for thanks to a mortgage arranged with a local bank!?,Which, in the grand definition of things in general makes them "Bourgeois".Whatever happened to Property is Theft?

Good to see the late Jackie Charlton mentioned in the track listing,which brings to mind a rather creepy single released by the deceased world cup winner about the good old days ooop north,sitting on granddad's knee, why aye Man! Thankfully there was no such thing as Pedophiles back then, nor Homosexuals,or them troublesome human rights......"Why Aye,it w'grate back then" slurs an obviously salivating Jackie.
Jackie Charton Says:

"Why Aye Man, it was sunday every day back then" said Jackie Charlton.He would have thought that this album was utter shite man.....but you'd know you were doing something wrong if it was any other way.

Tracklist:

A1 Here's Lucifer
A2 The Cocktail Party
A3 Hello, Dali!
A4 The Executive Toilet
A5 Punishment Is Art
A6 Some Loops
A7 Maggie's Apples
B1 Jackie Charlton Said…
B2 Youth Of A Nation In Heat
B3 Mathew
B4 In Calanda
B5 One Foot In The Greenhouse
B6 Max Pax Fiend
B7 Pluggin' For The Empire

DOWNLOAD jung sam smith's anal cysts HERE!

The Chrysanthemums – "Is That A Fish On Your Shoulder Or Are You Just Pleased To See Me?" (Egg Plant Records – Two Eggs) 1987

The Chrysanthemums were Deep Freeze Mouse main man Alan Jenkins,whom I previously had decided sounded like Robyn Hitchcock on this one;with frequent collaborator Yukio Jung,also known as plain old Terry Burrows,best selling author on the subjects of Music History, Theory and Tuition.

Smart arses stick together it seems.

Yes this is the one thst sounds like The Soft Boys...only cleverer.The stuff that the lazy noun 'Art Rock' was invented for.

And this is what I was listening to as I wrote about The Deep Freeze Mice's 1989 album "The Tender Yellow Ponies Of Insomnia",which I likened to ...er...The Soft Boys(?)....;when they actually don't.Whereas,The Chrysanthemums do.....geddit?...'cus I don't!

Suspected Zappa fans ,DFM ,are far more DIY neo-Psychedelic in their cleverness than the abstract Indie mud-skipper dragging itself out of the primeval soup left behind by the shiny boots of Punk Rock,that is The Chrysanthemums.

Yet again more great song titles on this one,that tend to be better than the songs which can be overlooked merely for the recorded use of a Bassoon alone;but the fact that DFM and their many derivatives provide Further proof that Leicestershire is certainly not an illusion.....it really is like that!.....unlike Gloucestershire.

Tracklist:

1.Gloucestershire Is Just An Illusion 3:09
2.Bullshit 3:28
3.Mouth Pain 4:35
4.Geraldine 2:09
5.Logical Fish 2:10
6.The Unpronounceable Finn 2:53
7.The Holocaust Parade 2:15
8.You Are A Serbian (And I Like You) 2:59
9.The Ten Foot High Trim-Phone 1:14
10.Another Sacred Day 3:50
11.The Lawn 2:52
12.Geraldine (Reprise) 1:23
13.I Wish Marvin Gaye's Father Had Shot Me Instead 5:16
14.Buzzing Unobtrusively 2:42

DOWNLOAD if you are just pleased to hear this HERE!

The Deep Freeze Mice – "The Tender Yellow Ponies Of Insomnia" (Cordelia Records – ERICAT 027) 1989

I wrote this unintelligible blurb whilst unintentionally listening to
The Chrysanthemums' – "Is That A Fish On Your Shoulder Or Are You Just Pleased To See Me?" LP from 1987;which i had earmarked for this slot,and confusing myself somewhat in the process that I was listening to a Deep Freeze Mice album, namely the one entitled above.

An easy mistake to make,as both bands shared certain members.

So,as I can't be fucking bothered to write it again, I will review The Chrysanthemums as I listen to "The Tender Yellow Ponies Of Insomnia",following this utter bollox-up!

So keeping faith with the Bryon Gysin cut-up technique, and in the grand traditions of experimental literature,It remains as so,which keeps in fitting with the surrealism of yer average Deep Freeze Mice tchoon? Yes?

I know this maybe an insult, but there are times when The Deep Freeze Mice (The Chrysanthemums in fact!?) sound like The Soft Boys?

Apart from The Soft Boys being a better band name,of course  this is generally piffle Sidney ...oh no,they've got me at it now, all this surreal random sentence construction; for the sake of this blog...I like to think of it as YoOuR Blog, or in this epoch of gender re-assignment and pro nouns, maybe even Their blog?

I dunno how we got to posting more gentle mad-cap DFM madness,I was trying to indulge y'all in my new fascination with shoe gazing Twee-Pop,and its dreamy derivatives.

Well a couple of DFM members were in Ruth's Refrigerator,not literally IN her fridge,the band; which was quite Twee in places,but they're a Leicester band,and i don't need any excuses for a shaht aht for the old home town. I once wanted my mortal remains scattered onto the playing surface at Filbert street, but, like a lot of other iconic buildings ,pubs and places, It ain't there no more!!!The King Power ain't the same.....for a start its exactly the same design,\and just as soulless, as Southampton's St Mary's stadium, that replaced the very much missed,but eccentric 'Dell'.Bizarrely, that was my last match at Filbo (Filbert Street),at home to going places Southampton.....we lost 4-0,and i left early to a chorus of abuse from the home section expectorated in my general direction,when one irate young man shouted "Fuck Off Then, see you again when we're top of the fucking league.....Cunt!"

I was used to this kind of targeted heckling ,when i had the misfortune,or fortune, to pass my exam and get allocated a place in a Grammar school in those good old days of streaming and shameless elitism.Me being resident in the circle of scum that invariably forms around most cities,the ones left behind didn't take kindly to being labelled 2nd class,but didn't want anyone to leave ,or have any chance to"better themselves"...so i was frequently threatened with violence,and sometimes they even delivered on the threats, and referred to 'moi'as "That Fucking Posh Cunt"......to use a comedy catchphrase from the cult "Friday Night Dinner" comedy series..."SHIT ON IT". Hence the bitter prick I am today.

But....the Deep Freeze Mice is definitely the collective work of several persons who obviously passed their 11+ exams,and maybe a couple who didn't need to (Thinly veiled Trustafarian reference there), and boy do they want us to know it?

Yeah that singer does sound like Robyn Hitchcock don't he?...Only better,with better lyrics,better song titles and no future Eurovision song contest winners in their ranks.

Tracklist:

1 A (Dog Found A Stick In A Park With Such Magical Powers That A Bark Caused A Marvelous Pie To Drop Out Of The Sky And The Doggy Would Grin Like A Shark) 3:25
2 Ariadne Metal Cream Pie 3:43
3 The Postman's Dry 2:09
4 The Cake Of Conversation 3:26
5 Programme Controller Flowers 1:52
6 I Don't Have A Horse 2:53
7 Poodle Haddock: Part One 0:31
8 Poodle Haddock: Part Two 1:59
9 Conversation Gap Panic 2:32
10 Buzzing Unobtrusively 2:12
11 The Amphibious Nun 0:51
12 Love You More 1:54
13 Janis 3:10
14 Into The Valley Of Death Rode The Six Hundred Shouting "Dig It" 1:12
15 Don't Eat Aluminium 7:14
16 To Hell With It, Let Her Keep The Chicken (The Postman's Dryer) 2:09

Extra Tracks:

17 The Delicious Little Green Roosters Of Insomnia 29:00
18 Into The Valley Of Death (Demo Version) 1:09
19 The Grindy Track 6:30

DOWNLOAD mice and Chrysanthemums from the deep freeze HERE!

Home Secretary - "That Wolf" (Bandcamp/Self-Released) 2022

Yet more Nu-DIY with collage artwork,by a pair of weirdo's from dat London innit?

This is the boys'......they have to be male of course...latest album....yes there's more if you sachet over to their Bandcamp page.......you can even buy one!?

The biggest influence on your blog trustee's young impressionable mind was pre-disco Cabaret Voltaire,and their obvious influence on legions of young lonely men in the newly born DIY scene back in 1979 and beyond. We discovered, thanks to the mum's attic loitering Cabs that to make music that was taken seriously,all that was needed was a couple of cassette recorders,one microphone, an echo box,and the cheapest synth you could find.

This all ended when Tascam and Fostex brought out those cassette multi-track machines,and everyone started to sound like Joy Divison or Swell Maps instead of Throbbing Gristle on a bad day.

Home Secretary, do a near perfect facsimile of those ker-azy antediluvian  days between 1979 and 1984, before the flood of competent home recording started to mirror the Sounds Alternative chart.

Cabaret Voltaire themselves succumbed to this over exposure to mid-range budget recording equipment,and started to make their ill-advised  version of Belgian Nu-Beat.....I even had problems with "Red Mecca"!. Home secretary are certainly pre Red Mecca,take that as a further recommendation then graft on some Shadow Ring.

Tracklist: 

1.were that what it was 04:06
2.the woe betide 02:26
3.you're doing that now 10:12
4.in Beefs 01:45
5.disappointed 00:52
6.something in his mouth 08:55
7.and how much 04:12
8.why the British army works 04:48
9.Mr Martian 04:08

Get yer free download or yer not free CD-r HERE!

The Astronauts – "Soon" (All The Madmen Records – MAD 11) 1986

"Who d'you fink you are?.....Lol Coxhill?" once did say Johnny Moped as Xerxes whipped out a saxophone. One of the many great quotes from the as yet unwritten Bible of Rock'n'roll.

"Who do you think you are?....Lol Coxhill??" (note the better spoken style text).....once did Mark Astronaut sayeth,not!

"Er...Yes",spake Lol Coxhill,who actually did appear on the first half of an Astronauts album. 

The 21st century version of his name, a contraction of Lawrence, now translates as "Laugh Out Loud',but nobodies laughing anymore. What this versatile master of the UK improvisation scene,and erstwhile member of the London Musicians Collective is doing on an album by semi-legendary anarcho hippy folk punk UK DIY band from Welwyn Garden City, otherwise known as The Astronauts, is anybodies guess;but check the record,check the guys track record;he put himself about a bit.....he is most definitely NOT appreciated.(Note the clever Fall references).....as is not Mark Astronaut himself.

Personally, i'd remove most of the sax wailing from the mix if I had the chance.

This is one of those records that you'd like to remix.....this'll be fun.......such as......I'd turn up the phasing on "Strictly Personal",remove the string sections from Bryter Layter, re-record the drums on "Loveless" and replace those sampler tone wheel guitar things with the real thing. I'd also erase "Bat Out Of Hell completely,and that sodding Gun'n'Roses LP too,no lips shall speak its name.....not so much a remix in those cases, more like retribution for past evil unleashed....not yer proper Evil either,a special shit kind of Evil.Erase them from history please Satan for devaluing your kind legacy,or give us the power O lord and master,and we shall skip joyfully into the flames.

In fact, if ever there were two albums that Lol Coxhill could have guested on it should have been those two atrocities.

Only when something's gone does one truly appreciate it's previous existence. And i'm not talking about Bat Out of Hell and that other one...oh yeah Bat Out Of Hell 2 ...I'm talking about The Astronauts ain't I? Since the noble DIY hippy-punk himself Mark Astronaut bought a one way ticket into infinity a couple of weeks ago.

So forgive me if you wanted more Rock In Opposition obscurities ,this is a much delayed tribute to the Bard of Welwyn garden City.

I do have the enviable quality of being a fickle and shallow hypocrite,son't you wish you were like me?

Said with no pretense of pride,I admit to being a bit hard on The Astronauts in the past,in fact most of the Anarcho-Punk scene.Over the past 13 years of this blog,I have slowly shifted my attitude to that trustafarian army......it's all grown on me hasn't it!? The Mob and Rudimentary Peni,were always a subject of my fickle admiration. Don't misunderstand me, the soapboxey nature of the sickening self-righteousness still makes me wanna vomit,but I have projected it all in a pissy yellowlight of charm for oneself. I now find myself thinking "Awww bless 'em" whenever Flux Of Pink Indians tells me of the horrors of a nuclear death....again!Even Crass...."AWWWWW Bless their little black cotton socks".

The Astronauts have been elevated over the years into the Mob/Rudimentary Peni division,having won on penalties in the play-offs......The Subhumans lost again,joining Zounds pressing for promotion from the 2nd tier again next year.

Now I listen joyfully to The Astronauts as a great lost Pop Band,in the same way as i was slowly converted to thoroughly enjoy REM.(!Guilt wot Guilt?) Funnily enough both groups have a certain Folky quality that i find rather appealing.

The Astronauts have gigs booked until October I notice.....sadly these will have to be fulfilled on the Astral Plain,as Mark succumbed to his own debated mortality......yet Bono lives!

NB:

This album consisted of some new material (A1-B1) and re-release of old tracks (B2-B5) taken from the original singles (literally, as the masters had gone missing).
New material recorded Dec. '85.
Old tracks 1979 - 1980.

Tracklist:

A1 Friends 5:53
A2 Books 3:12
A3 Blues For A Sceptic 7:13
A4 The Birds 9:04
B1 Following Orders 5:05
B2 Survivors 5:45
B3 All Night Party 2:40
B4 Young Man's World 4:19
B5 We Were Talking 4:28

DOWNLOAD as soon as possible HERE!

Alterations – "Up Your Sleeve" (Quartz Publications – !QUARTZ 006) 1980

I said i'd post this in response to a request....which is handy so we can move on from the Synth-Punk thread one was in danger of weaving.Like an escape from Rapunzel's tower,.....did I tell you all about the nutjob in Leicester who built a replica of Rapunzel's Tower in his back garden,as a disguised entrance to his nuclear bunker;fully stocked with cans of Heinz Baked beans and Coke...original flavour of course! Oh How we laughed!?....until now,as he looks like the sane one,and we are in danger of getting irradiated by a nuclear Tidal wave. I didn't ask if the entrance to Rapunzels' Bunker was water tight?I assume it is.

Alas, fear Not, for the Russian threat is but mere fantasy,as there were several under water H-Bomb tests in the fifties,and lo and behold....no Tsunami. Just like all their other 'super-weapons.....they're running out of processing chips.Oh How we Laughed....hang on, haven't i said that before?

There's a Door and the Window reference in there, (I Feel Like a Doris),so this must be something to do with the London Musicians' Collective....which of course it is.It's got David Toop and Steve Beresford on it from the more lauded end of the LMC. 

These chaps were taken seriously,but never by themselves.

If you're an open minded individual, as a rapidly decreasing percentage of the populous is year on year,this non-music is a pure expression of freedom,and anyone who doesn't like it can leave the room,which they would certainly do if encountered in the wrong environment. This is the kind of degenerate art that Putin will be issuing death sentences for in a few years,in the post nuclear wasteland that was once known as the Russian Federation.

The tune "Party Political" by this LMC sooper groop,is,lyrically, thee best most incisive dissection of the Political zeitgeist I have ever heard.....read these words as a manifesto for freedom :

"Don't Listen to Electrical Wholesalers,

Don't Listen to Greengrocers,

Reject their Ideology,

Don't Listen to Wholesale Greengrocers,

Don't Listen to TV Repair people.

REJECT THEM!"

Can't argue against all that...except that TV repair people no longer exist,as buying a new TV is far cheaper than getting it fixed.But all essentially true.

Tracklist:

A.1. He Feels Like A Doris Day
A.2. Trail Of Traps
A.3. The Life And Opinion Of Masseur Ichi

B.1. Not So Dumb Deaf And Mute Heroine
B.2. Fear Of Mayonnaise
B.3. Stand By Your Sheep
B.4. Party Political

DOWNLOAD from their sleeves to yours HERE!

Transparent Illusion – "Still Human" (Vex Records – VEX 3) 1981

Although, the question, why anyone actually wants to be a Human begs analysis, the 'Human' factor,however, is very much in evidence with this quaintly charming off the shelf electronic one man band,amusingly monikered 'Transparent Illusion' . One Synth, one extremely cheap Drum box, and one human....Roy Young. About whom nobody knows anything about,except that he's Human, and probably still is.

Obviously Roy has been listening rather too much to his Gary Numan records, track 2 especially must have been recorded immediately after a lengthy session at home annoying the wife with Numan's "Pleasure Principle" on repeat....he sounds like he's got a wife somehow, rather than some spotty oik laying down tracks in his bedroom at mum and dad'd gaff.

All done and paid for by his good self,and solidly DIY in its sound, artwork and execution. Maybe even his wife paid for it all?

She must have regretted it when a thousand copies of "Still Human" arrived on the doorstep with no prospect of selling any of them.

Roy may have still been human back in 1981,as he evidently plays the synthesizer himself,with his own fingers (Who's a clever boy then?), with no aid from machines,but there are arguments for man and machine to evolve into one entity,unhindered by inappropriate emotions and keeping the creativity.

There would be clear advantages to being a machine,no emotional pain,hate or love,irrational or otherwise,eternal existence,providing the raw materials are available for repairs, and more topically,a lessened threat of self destructive wars. No machine, to my knowledge would ever entertain the prospect of open warfare due to the undeniable fact that it's totally Illogical and, sorry Humans, completely fucking STOOPID!

Synthesizers are hard wired to be diplomatic with each other,be it CV and gate, or MIDI, they always,get on....the only time they don't is usually due to Human Error.

Tracklist:

A1 Sections
A2 Incubus
A3 Nuclear Release
A4 Killing Time
A5 The Age Of Ridicule
A6 Malice Way
B1 Demented
B2 The Human Cage (Still Human)
B3 We
B4 I Dream I'm You
B5 Is There Hope
B6 Vortex

DOWNLOAD the delusion of being human HERE!

The Freshies – "Rough 'N' Ready" (Razz Records – RAZZ CS4) 1980

They could have been bigger than the Buzzcocks,but ended up not quite as good as second album Vapors.They,at least had "Turning Japanese";whereas the best The Freshies could muster was "Yellow Spot",which wasn't even as good as The Buzzcocks' worst single......"Why She's A Girl From A Chainstore",written by the talentless Steve Diggle.......ironically The Freshies closest shot at the charts references that Diggle double A side,called "I'm In Love With The Girl On The Manchester Virgin Megastore Checkout Desk",which had a novelty value about it I suppose,and at least they got to play it on legendary but crap kids pop show "Get It Together" with the great Roy North (as previously referenced in the Phil Hartley of Bogshed fame post wot i dun last weeek-ish or so).

This cassette was The Freshies going really New Wave,highly competent,well-crafted,rather too clever, power pop non-hits for the lapsed Blondie fan next door.If they had Chris,the singer,writer etc,in character as his alter-ego Frank Sidebottom,they would have definitely been bigger than The Buzzcocks,well at least bigger than The Vapors....maybe bigger than even 'Department-S'?

You may have noticed that I am referring to all this in the Past Tense as both Frank and Chris are dead actually.So we'll never know beyond visiting the Power Pop Astral Plain where everyone gets to be number one for a day.

Tracklist:

A1 Yellow Spot 2:28
A2 Yeah-No, I Know 2:29
A3 Yesterday/Tomorrow 2:23
A4 Oh Girl 2:05
A5 Photograph 2:26
A6 New Edition 2:28
B1 One To One 1:46
B2 House Beautiful 2:43
B3 We're Like You 2:17
B4 My Tapes Gone 2:51
B5 No Money 4:00
B6 If It's News 1:48

DOWNLOAD ready and roughly HERE!