Ginger John - "Ranting On The Barricades" (Self-Release) 1982

Ginger John is the kind of self-righteous yobbo who are razor sharp with the 'You're a Racist' finger.
So, as i've recently been accused.....again(?)...of being a stealthy racist,hiding my bigotry behind a thin vile veil of 'alleged' humour,accompanied  by a symphony of 'Twats' Pricks' and.....(no-one from England would use this one)...'Bonehead'!?.....nothing like a carefully considered argument is there?
 My shoulders are broad enough, but this means that 'Ginger John' is in line for a slagging,and his irritating ilk of finger pointing right-on bores.
Ginger....,notice how he gets it in first so the Ginger prejudice section of the sparse audience can't hurt him...'cus he's funny? 
You will be relieved to know that this ten minute tirade will be the last 'Ranter' in the spoken word season on DIE or DIY?,and its exactly what you expectorate it will be, Spittle soaked consonants shower the empty room with Gob, the sweary words race out of his angry red face surfing on a perfect wave of saliva at a million miles an hour,and he's.......you guessed it....a militant socialist!...I wonder where he got that obscure philosophy from?....and ...Oh Yeah.....he's not a racist of course,...... but you fucking ARE!

ps I'm also a 'Homophobic Fuck' Click here)


Tracklist:

1. Perils of a Pedestrian Piss-Artist
2. Things Have Changed on the Magic Roundabout
3. Paranoid Attack
4. Talking From Yer Bum... oops, Sorry.
5. By, It's Changed Since I Was a Lad
6. Serialising the Revolution
7. Zidiack Braindistort
8. Radio Problems
9. Tesco Chainstore Massacre
10. OK, Yarrrr!
11. Herpes From Outer Space

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Nick Toczek ‎– "Nik Tockzek's Ulterior Motives The Tape" (Bluurg Tapes ‎– BLUURG49) 1985

As Ranters go, Nick Toczek sems the one most likely to have a semi-detatched house,and kiss his wife goodbye on the doorstep as he goes to a gig,His poetry hidden in a smart briefcase,and his stage gear in a small backpack. His address is in Bradford, the same patch as Seething Wells, but not much of a Yorkshire accent is to be heard in his delivery...which is agood thing.
He performs his poems in much more of a story-telling style than most of his contemporaries,and rarely reverts to being shouty,or expectorating spittle with each percussive consonant.
It's alright, but remember, poetry's for Puffs!

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Benjamin Zephaniah ‎– "Dub Ranting" (Radical Wallpaper Records ‎– RAD WALL 005) 1982

Birmingham's own Benjamin Zephaniah was another 'Ranter' on Radical Wallpaper records.Label mate with Attila The Stockbroker, and Seething Wells,he was the only,as far as I know, Dub-Ranter on the planet. According to the man himself on the Patrik Fitzgerald documentary "All The Years Of Trying",it was Fitzgerald's first EP that turned him on to the possibility of Poetry,after hearing "Work, Rest, Play,...Reggae" from the "Safety Pin Stuck In My Heart EP".It was the first time that he heard that a white man could like reggae (not that I'm sure thats exactly what Patrik meant...he was being slightly Ironic methinks),nonetheless,it opened the possibilty in BZ's mind that maybe we ain't so different.And obviously, Linton Kwesi Johnson, was a major motivation to inflict these clumsey poems upon us innocent white kids.So this is his attempt at fusing English Ranting and Jamaican Toasting,which he called Dub-Ranting.This has to be applauded,but.....at the risk of being accused of prejudice, i can't stand it. The poetry is borderline moronic, and the politics....oh,the politics!!...are simplistic at best.
He's at his best when he sticks to social commentary,like describing a riot in progress,very good. "I Don't Like Dat Gurl",is his synopsis of Maggie Thatcher.....oh please!And ,Oh yeah, he didn't like Regan either.
I think that some of these poems are supposed to be funny? If they are, then maybe i don't have a sense of humour?
Nevertheless, he seems like a nice chap,and he's still going at it today,and in the running for the next Poet Laureate,for which he will have an advantage Ironically,'cus he is Black'!


Tracklist:

A1 Now Right Now 2:00
A2 I Don't Like 2:09
A3 Uganda 1:21
A4 War 1:30
A5 I Love 0:58
B1 African Swing 1:19
B2 13 Dead 1:32
B3 Fantasy Poem 1:37
B4 Riot In Progress 3:24

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Seething Wells - "The Rising Son Of Ranting Verse(Expanded)" (a DIE Or DIY Compilation) 1982

One would turn up at the pub to witness some shite punk metal hybrid version of the Alarm in 1982,and there would always be some scruffy herbert with notebook in hand,army surplus trousers, washed out Subhumans t-shirt,john lennon glasses and dirty basball boots, standing on the stage adressing the mike stand.
This Herbert, would invariably be a local 'Ranter', ready to pump out his politically charged monologues at 107 miles per hour to a mildy disinterested audience of approximately 18 fans of that shite punk metal hybrid version of the Alarm that we all really came to see. The sound of one hand clapping would perforate the silence as the obviously shy politics student he really is indulges in his poetry delivery as a kind of aversion therapy.He'll grow out of it,one thought,and by in large, they all did by 1985.
But.....Seething Wells,aka Steven,aka Susan, wasn't like that.This monobrowed skinhead was not just eloquent he was rather amusing too.So we can forgive any leftie leanings.Not that he waved his political stance like a baseball bat in the hands of a serbian in albania, unlike every other 'ranter' who were as subtle as the Blitz.
Political correctness was not a part of his set either, as satirised in "He/She's Perfect".He's from Yorkshire, but I don't think he likes anyone else from 'god's own country',as they like to refer to this shithole with rolling green hills and dales.
But sometimes this attitude can come back and bite you on the bum,as in "I Hate You, Edwina Curry/Gary Bushell",in which he wishes they die of cancer.Sadly Steven died of Lymphoma,and Edwina Bushell still live on!

Tracklist:

1 Tough Tonka Toys For Boys
2 Tetley Bittermen (Radical Dub)
3 Stripper
4 He/She's Perfect
5 Sandbags

6 No Cadillacs In Bradford (Peel Session)

7 Britain's National Sport (Peel Session)

8 Sandbags (Peel Session)

9 Tetley Bitter (Peel Session)

10 Sniffer Dogs (Peel Session)

11 Godzilla vs The Tetley Bitter Men (Peel Session)

12 My Idea Of Fun (Drop The Politics) (Peel Session)

13 Sheep & Goats

14 Casual Sex With a Mutant Killer Sloth

15 I Hate You, Edwina Curry

16 I Hate You, Garry Bushell

17 Moles

18 Insectman

19 I Was a Middle Aged Zombie Disc-Jockey

20 Laura Ashley

21 Whooping Cough Blues

22 There Was a Little Lamb

23 To The Shops

24 Mrs. Wallace Simpson's Dead

25 The Letter

26 Twat!

27 Dipstick

28 Love

29 Students

30 Diamond Geezer Medley

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Seething Wells and Attila The Stockbroker ‎– "Rough, Raw And Ranting" (Radical Wallpaper Records ‎– Rad Wall 003) 1982

A very English thing it seems was this 'Ranting' phenomenon from the cusp of the eighties.A mixture of comedy and left wing politics,its always left wing.I would have enjoyed seeing a Thatcherite Ranter, berating the utopian socialist disneyland these silly chaps pushed at every opportunity.Full of criticism and no real answers. They still managed to buy stuff and be part of keeping capitalism going I wager.They wanted a whole quid for this product I see,which are probably being sieved out of the atlanlic in the gills of the last living Cod as microplastic.But I'm righting that wrong now, by offering this for free, and no plastic waste will ever touch the waters of the planet as a result of this noble transaction.
Punk rockers with moustaches?...a rare commodity.I notice that Seething Wells wore his moustache above his eyes;a very interesting fashion statement?
Seething Wells was by far the most listenable Ranter.He was actually quite funny,and was mainly concerned with social commentary rather than boring us with religious communism.
Seething, or Steven, Wells ,is sadly no longer with us.Non-Hodgkinsons Lymphoma did for him i understand? Which was a bit awkward as he did have a poem that could be adapted for various targets,in which he Ranted that he 'hoped they die of Cancer'. So, that poem became a tad ironic post-mortem,especially as most of his targets are still alive,and those that aren't didn't die of cancer, but he did!
Attila The Stockbroker's side of the EP,is probably the best thing he ever did...and thankfully,he appeared to leave his Mandolin at home that night!


Tracklist:

A1 –Seething Wells Godzilla Vs The Tetley Bittermen
A2 –Seething Wells Police Dog
A3 –Seething Wells Cadillacs In Bradford
A4 –Seething Wells Agro-Britain
A5 –Seething Wells Ha Ha Ha
AA1 –Attila The Stockbroker A Bang And A Wimpey
AA2 –Attila The Stockbroker Pap Music For Wreck People
AA3 –Attila The Stockbroker Andy Is A Corporatist
AA4 –Attila The Stockbroker I Don’t Talk To Popstars
AA5 –Attila The Stockbroker Foyer Bar
AA6 –Attila The Stockbroker They Must Be Russians
AA7 –Attila The Stockbroker Russians In The D.H.S.S.

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Attila The Stockbroker ‎– "Ranting At The Nation" (Cherry Red ‎– A RED 46) 1983

A common double act in the backwater venues of the 21st century was Patrik Fitzgerald and Attila The Stockbroker. They even had a shared single together!?...I suppose the connection was that they were both in the 'Punk Poet' category.The difference being Patrik Fitzgerald rarely spouted anything overtly party political,and went a lot deeper lyrically.Also Fitzgerald had some tunes,whereas Atilla ponced around with a mandolin like some comedy folk act. I would have loved to slowly crush that bleeding mandolin.
Attila's less irritating side was his Ranting Poetry,which although tiresomely pinko,and reeking of someone trying too hard, was actually amusing in places
This is his debut album,which i bought expecting two sides of poetry, but got one lives side of ranting, and a side of terrible faux medieval albanian folk tunes that were....not to put too finer point on it...crap.
So, i've took artistic licence again and uploaded the 'Live Side' only.You'll thank me for it if you're ever unfortunate enough to have this clever clever 'ain't I post-Ironic' rubbish forced on you.


Tracklist:

Live Side
A1 Awayday
A2 The Night I Slept With Seething Wells
A3 Contributory Negligence
A4 Nigel Wants To Go To C&A's
A5 Albanian Football
A6 The Perils Of Stealing Half A Bottle Of Wine
A7 They Must Be Russians
A8 Russians In The DHSS
A9 Russians In McDonalds
A10 The Oracle
A11 Death In Bromley
A12 A Bang & A Wimpy
A13 Nigel Wants To Go And See Depeche Mode
A14 Russians At The Henley Regatta
A15 Russians On The Centre Court

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John Cooper Clarke ‎– "Où Est La Maison De Fromage?" (Rabid Records ‎– NOZE 1) 1978

Staying on the theme of Manchester word-smiths,one must dedicate at least one post to the original ranting poet Johnny Clarke. Yes, he who saw how Bob Dylan dressed in 1966,and it stuck. Rarely seen without shades,he claims that he's photophobic,hence an excuse as to why he wears sunglasses in a nightclub. Having seen a sneaky photo of John sans lunettes du soleil,one can see why he's manufactured this story. Afterall, thats what he's good at? 
Unlike American stand up poets, the British variety tends to lean more towards comedy as a weapon rather than shock and awe. I think Patti Smith tried a few of her pretentious poems at gigs in the more provincial parts of the UK and had the odd missile thrown penetrating the unenthusiastic reception outside the more arty venues in London. Nearly all these poets were from outside the capital,where there was far more incentive to do something that would help you escape the prison of poverty that places like Bradford and Barnsley had become by the winter of discontent.
"Où Est La Maison De Fromage?",or 'where is the Cheese Shop',was the only Cooper-Clarke album that actually captured him at his best,with his trademark 100 miles an hour word delivery in his unabashed Salford accent......likely indecipherable to most americans,so forget about 'Breaking America',as so many bands of that era seemed to want to do?

The poems themselves bursting with satire,endless humour and boundlessly clever couplets,backed up with John's endlessly witty repartee.

Future albums, with Martin 'I over produce' Hannett,and the Invisible Girls,Clarke had to slow down his delivery by at least 75%,so he became a different act on record than he was live.Although he did do a tour with The Invisible Girls,but this was something different and far less effective than his one man shows.As heard on the Peel Session included here.

Hopefully,before he dies, he will be given the opportunity to turn down the role of 'Poet Laureate'.


Tracklist:
1 The Serial (Part 1)
2 Letter To Fiesta
3 Film Extra's Extra
4 Majorca
5 Action Man
6 Kung Fu International
7 Sperm Test
8 Missing Persons
9 Split Beans
10 Dumb Row Laughs
11 Bunch Of Twigs
12 Trains
13 The Cycle Accident
14 Gimmix
15 Readers Wives
16 Ten Years In An Open Neck Shirt (Part 1)
17 Nothing
18 (I Married A) Monster From Outer Space
19 Ten Years In An Open Neck Shirt (Part 2)
20 Daily Express (You Never See A Nipple In The)
21 Ten Years In An Open Neck Shirt (Part 3)
22 Salome Malone
23 Psycle Sluts (Part 1)
24 Bronze Adonis
25 (I Married A) Monster From Outer Space (John Peel Session)
26 Readers Wives (John Peel Session)
27 Health Fanatic (John Peel Session)
28 Split Beans (John Peel Session)
29 Suspended Sentence
30 Innocents
31 Psycle Sluts (Parts 1 & 2)
32 Daily Express (You Never See A Nipple In The) (Live)
33 (I Married A) Monster From Outer Space (Live)

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