The Freshies – "Rough 'N' Ready" (Razz Records – RAZZ CS4) 1980

They could have been bigger than the Buzzcocks,but ended up not quite as good as second album Vapors.They,at least had "Turning Japanese";whereas the best The Freshies could muster was "Yellow Spot",which wasn't even as good as The Buzzcocks' worst single......"Why She's A Girl From A Chainstore",written by the talentless Steve Diggle.......ironically The Freshies closest shot at the charts references that Diggle double A side,called "I'm In Love With The Girl On The Manchester Virgin Megastore Checkout Desk",which had a novelty value about it I suppose,and at least they got to play it on legendary but crap kids pop show "Get It Together" with the great Roy North (as previously referenced in the Phil Hartley of Bogshed fame post wot i dun last weeek-ish or so).

This cassette was The Freshies going really New Wave,highly competent,well-crafted,rather too clever, power pop non-hits for the lapsed Blondie fan next door.If they had Chris,the singer,writer etc,in character as his alter-ego Frank Sidebottom,they would have definitely been bigger than The Buzzcocks,well at least bigger than The Vapors....maybe bigger than even 'Department-S'?

You may have noticed that I am referring to all this in the Past Tense as both Frank and Chris are dead actually.So we'll never know beyond visiting the Power Pop Astral Plain where everyone gets to be number one for a day.

Tracklist:

A1 Yellow Spot 2:28
A2 Yeah-No, I Know 2:29
A3 Yesterday/Tomorrow 2:23
A4 Oh Girl 2:05
A5 Photograph 2:26
A6 New Edition 2:28
B1 One To One 1:46
B2 House Beautiful 2:43
B3 We're Like You 2:17
B4 My Tapes Gone 2:51
B5 No Money 4:00
B6 If It's News 1:48

DOWNLOAD ready and roughly HERE!

The Freshies – "The Freshies Sing The Girls From Banana Island Who's Stupid Ideas Never Caught On In The Western World As We Know It" (Razz Records – RAZZ CS 3) 1979

The subject of Paul McCartney regularly crops up in the work of Chris Sievy, of The Freshies', papier maché alter-ego Frank Sidebottom.

Which is interesting,as The output of the Freshies could easily be mistaken as Macca goes new wave. Or Paul and Linda's murder victim,Jimmy McCulloch's new updated version of Wings.That would explain the need to wear a papier maché head.Quite a lot of this rubbish exists as a conspiracy theory on the browner side of the internet.After all Paul had form, sporting bare feet on the cover of Abbey Road,signifying that he had clearly faked his death in 1969,and been replaced with a look-a-likey. I don't think anyone in The Freshies looked at all like Jimmy McCulloch or Paul McCartney...but they wouldn't would they?The haircuts were a dead give away however. He obviously had reconstructive surgery,to turn his back on fame, and form a new wave band with Jimmy.The evidently sociopathic Linda got ear of this and arranged McCulloch's inexplicable death;but not before he and Paul had laid down 50 or so Freshies numbers first.

Next up is the proven fact that John Lennon's Brain was abducted by Aliens and now controls the life support systems of a small exo-planet somewhere in the vacinity of Betelgeuse.....which,incidentally, is due to go super-nova at any moment.Ergo,"The Wedding Album" exists,yet doesn't,at the same time....unless,of course, you are looking at it, or even worse, playing it.

Schrödinger's John and Yoko Album; Quantum version.

Tracklist:

A1 Amoco Cadiz 5:36

A2 Children Of The World 2:55
A3 Babies Who Stole My Girl 3:04
A4 Photograph 2:06
A5 GoggleBubbleLand 2:47
A6 Nothing To Come 3:12
A7 Frapper Dehours 2:58
B1 If It's News 1:11
B2 Oh Girl 1:53
B3 Octopus 1:52
B4 The Girls From Banana Island 1:18
Other Different Mix's From The Sessions
B5 If It's News 3:46
B6 Oh Girl 2:18
B7 Octopus 1:52
B8 Children Of The World 2:48
B9 Amoco Cadiz 6:01

DOWNLOAD fresh off the bananas boat HERE!

The Freshies – "All Sleeps Secrets" (Razz Records – RAZZ CS1) 1978

Of course you do know that the singer songwriter lead guitarist and general busy body of this group, Chris Sievey, was also Frank Sidebottom.....or wazzit that Frank Sidebottom was also Chris Sievey? I dunno,i'm confused,mentally bruised, and live the life the way i choose.

Not too great a fan of The Freshies' flimsy new wave cycledelia with unhealthy pretensions towards chart action,one has to say;but it's inoffensive,and has its fair share of G.S.O.H,...gosh. Like fellow Manchester band, 10CC, too clever by half,but largely lacking tunes. Of course, 10CC had a handful of good,maybe,great songs,and so did The Freshies,though i'd be struggling to tell you which ones....."Yellow Spot" was not bad i think, although sadly not on this self-released cassette,that came out as Chris tried to be even more New Wavey later on.

Chris was never shy at self-promotion,being a veteran of a musical sit in at Apple Corps offices in '69.But none of the Beatles were in, and nobody said "Hey that's a great song maan I wanna sign you up".

This didn't discourage the young Sidebottom,and he/they proceeded to release stuff by his group on his own cassette label,in 1974, at the height of 10CC's fame incidentally ,and long before most UK DIYers were doing the same thing. Chris shows his age when the Psych-pop of his formative years becomes mixed with some very fashionable,for 1978, three minute new wave symphonies.

This guy should have been on the Telly.

Tracklist:

A1 Slip 3:13
A2 Baiser 2:35
A3 Two Of The Same Girl 1:53
A4 Ballrooms And Moon 2:55
A5 No. 1 Fear 5:03
A6 Bogey man 4:34
B1 Into The Wind 3:31
B2 Over The Sun 5:22
B3 18 Down To 24 fps 1:33
B4 David The Shepherd 2:25
B5 Big Top/I'm Falling 2:38
B6 Lovely Bars 8:27

DOWNLOAD the sleeping secrets of chris sievey HERE!

Frank Sidebottom – "Fantastic Tales" (11:37 – ets 7) 1987

The sparkling and magnificent sub-celestial abode that some would let it be known to all and sundry as being called thee planet earth;hasn't always been the stamping ground of official top ten entertainment and egoistic posturing.Around the golden era of rock'n'pop'n'roll, 1977 to 1984,there lurked an unpopular form of  rock'n'pop'n'roll called alternative and independent music.There was even some clever individuals who did all that stuff what top-notch mangers like Peter Grant and musical behemoths such as Richard Branson did, themselves.......clever little smartarses such as they were. One such clever smartarse would be Chris Sievey of the alternative and indie rock'n'pop'n'roll group The Freshies,who did everything himself,released lots of unpopular pop tunes on his own label,and to cap it all, in his spare time was the very very funny alter-ego Frank Sidebottom,who lived with his mum in the charming satellite town of Timperley near Manchester.

There was ,excuse my language, a fucking shit film wot i was swindled into watching called "Frank",which has been described by person's unknown, as a "Black Comedy"?....supposedly inspired by Frank Sidebottom; who,i am told gave his blessing to the project before he died..he'd be spinning in his grave if he saw the finished product...Did I say that Frank and Chris were indeed both dead at the time of writing?....no?...well they are. I heard this nugget of movie propaganda and proceed to watch an illegal download of said talking picture,only to learn that the Frank in the film was nothing to do with the Sidebottoms of Timperley,but was some clueless american in a Frank Sidebottom head moaning about how hard life is,and spouting  too cool for skool nonsense about what makes a cool band and that which is not.There has never been,to my knowledge any rock themed movie ever, unless its taking the piss of course(Spinal Tap),that didn't......(i stoop to americanese again..sorry)...Suck Balls real bad.......maybe "A Hard Days Night",but that was more an Ealing Comedy with Pop Stars in than a rock'n'roll movie?

Rule one never ask an american what makes a punk band, they just do it naturally without thinking about it,unless you're Johnny Ramone. Rule Two, don't break the eleven commandments of Rock.....which the band in this exceedingly crap movie do with ease.....they had a keyboard player for Jehovah's sake!?....there are exceptions for this of course,like Una Baines for example(mk.1 Fall),but generally its an idea that...in Americanese....SUCKS! It really makes one just wanna give up.

Frank,However, had the history and meaning of Rock'n'Roll tattoed on his papier maché head

No this film wasn't about Frank...but there is another one that is....more a documentary than movie,but better...."Being Frank" is the titular conclusion for that one.

So as an introduction to the showbiz genius of Frank Sidebottom,Little Frank, and the late Chris Sievey,we bring you 50 minutes of the surreal madness that was Frank and Little frank,interspersed with some very silly songs,to remind the world what it's missing......acktuleh!

Tracklist:

A1 The Day I Found A Hippopomous 17:50
A2 The Day Little Frank Tried To Tell A Fantastic Tale 6:06
B1 The Day I Won A Million Pounds 13:29
B2 The Day I Was Paul McCartney 11:28

DOWNLOAD this fantastic tape here ACTUALLY!