Anal Cunt – "I Like It When You Die" (Earache Records – MOSH 169 CD) 1997

It had to happen.....an anal Cunt CD from the age when no-one released a vinyl Lp,and no-one was 'woke'. The dark dark days of the late nineties.

Artwork(?), forget about it, lyrics(?), who cared anyway(?),tolerable surface noise,not with compact disc's maaan...scratch the fucker and its dead.However CD's were very good for that Glitch fad from the early noughties,y'know (author stifles yawn) Oval,and other boring fucking clever dicks like that.Either that or using them to make a novelty clock to win favor with a friend or potential lover.

Anal Cunt sounded like completely fucked CD's long before Wire Magazine excitedly discovered Blectum from Blechdom; and Anal Cunt were also funny without stooping to the two twats and a laptop option.This shit was done with the same instruments the Beatles used!?

The song titles,apart from being vaguely amusing, usually doubled up as the entire lyrics for the tune in question.Iambic pentameter it is most certainly NOT.

Replace the words 'Gary' and 'Numan' from the following piece of constructive criticism last seen in a 1980 copy of Sounds with 'Anal' and 'Cunt',and you may get an idea of the far-reaching influence of this potty mouthed combo:

"Gary Numan (Anal Cunt) has managed to do for music what the Chimpanzee has done for William Shakespeare" (Sounds 1980-ish).

Scanning through the titles one can't help noticing the abundance of profound descriptions of the human condition in three words or less.

It's like Putnam is talking about me!?

You've Got No Friends,You're Old (Fuck You),Ha Ha, Your Wife Left You,You Got Date Raped,are devastatingly reflective...except maybe the date rape one.

Then we have the insightful: Pottery's Gay;Your Kid Is Deformed,Recycling Is Gay, and Windchimes are definitely Gay!?

And the whole French race is adequately summed up by "Your Favorite Band Is Supertramp"

Myself being an ex-european (I'm now British),there are spurious references to colloquial celebrities,of whom I know nothing except for Richard 'President Gas' Butler,who grew up a few junctions of the M1 south away from myself.

This album and concept,on the whole is a challenging work of Art that belongs in a pretentious gallery in East London......but to Seth Putnam that would be far too gay for him.

He died of a heart attack about a decade ago,which, in reference to the album title,gains a new sense of Irony which which one should find enjoyable.Maybe even funny?

I liked it when you died Seth Putnam.......but isn't dying a bit...er...Gay?

Tracklist:

1 Jack Kevorkian Is Cool 0:40
2 Valujet 1:28
3 You've Got No Friends 1:12
4 You Keep A Diary 1:12
5 You Own A Store 0:37
6 You Got Date Raped 0:49
7 Recycling Is Gay 0:36
8 You're A Cop 1:50
9 You Can't Shut Up 0:18
10 You've Got Cancer 0:30
11 We Just Disagree 0:32
12 Hungry Hungry Hippos 0:18
13 You Are An Interior Decorator 0:51
14 Pottery's Gay 0:39
15 Rich Goyette Is Gay 0:53
16 Branscombe Richmond 1:35
17 You Live In Allston 0:53
18 You Are A Food Critic 0:54
19 Just The Two Of Us 0:27
20 Your Band's In The Cut-Out Bin 1:10
21 You're Gay 0:37
22 You Look Adopted 1:17
23 Your Cousin Is George Lynch 0:10
24 You Have Goals 0:22
25 You Drive An Iroc 0:55
26 You Play On A Softball Team 0:57
27 Because You're Old 0:45
28 You Sell Cologne 0:30
29 Being A Cobbler Is Dumb 0:27
30 You Live In A Houseboat 0:45
31 Richard Butler 1:32
32 311 Sucks 0:39
33 Your Kid Is Deformed 0:40
34 You Are An Orphan 1:05
35 You're Old (Fuck You) 0:12
36 You Go To Art School 0:55
37 Your Best Friend Is You 0:53
38 You're In A Coma 1:18
39 Windchimes Are Gay 0:10
40 No,We Don't Want To Do A Split Seven Inch With Your Stupid Fucking Band 0:28
41 René Auberjonois 0:40
42 The Internet Is Gay 0:25
43 Ha Ha, Your Wife Left You 1:11
44 Hootie And The Blowfish 0:38
45 You Went To See Dishwalla And Everclear (You're Gay) 0:22
46 Locking Drop Dead In McDonalds 0:20
47 Technology's Gay 0:25
48 Your Favorite Band Is Supertramp 0:37
49 I'm In A.C. 0:20
50 You (Fill In The Blank) 0:26
51 Kyle From Incantation Has A Mustache 4:10
52 Bonus Track #3 0:09

DOWNLOADING is gay but do it anyway HERE!

Shit Scum – "Manson Is Jesus" (Ecocentric Records – E.R. #111) 1990

Seems like Napalm Death imports had even hit Newton, Massachusetts by 1989,and had entered the GG Allin obsessed, Seth Putnam's, delicate shell-likes, leaving a dreadful impression on this sensitive young man.

The formula was simple,replace UK Grindcore's lyrics about multinational corporations, nuclear destruction,and schoolboy politics,with about how Gays,Jews and Blacks suck,and you've got a nascent version of Anal Cunt called ,rather charmingly, "Shit Scum".

Upon hearing Napalm Death back in '87,I thought they could not be serious!?They were taking the piss surely?....turns out they weren't! 

Shit scum leave a similar taste in the mouth,and even manage to take it all down a peg or two,into the sewer.

Of course Seth's next Group would take it even lower,exposing the bedrock of awful taste below through which it is not possible,or advisable, to go........there's a challenge in there somewhere?

Young Master Putnam must have been ignored as a child,and now he's dead,ignored as a corpse.

However his vast canon of work lives beyond the grave,leaving an irremovable skidmark down the rear gusset of the human race's Y-fronts.

This 33rpm ep does, however contain the best ever cover of possibly thee worst ever pop group, Guns 'n' Roses' truly mind erasing "Sweet Child Of Mine";fittingly re-titled for our benefit,"You Fucking Cunt".

"Fag Bash" is a sludge metal classic;and i'm sure the bass-line to "Brady Bunch Massacre" is cleverly adapted from "Wrong Place Right Time" from The Fall's "I am Kurious Oranj" long player?

As for Manson being Jesus?He's got just as much  a case to make this claim as anyone. Trouble is that anyone who does is usually a blood craving nut job, a chief executive officer,or a high ranking banker.

One thing that Putnam definitely  has in common with both Chuck and Jesus (as in Jesus Allin),the other ,son of god Jesus,and Seth Putnam too;is that they were all ignored as a child. This explains a lot.

This goes out as advice to all those casual breeders out there......don't ignore your kids if you're gonna have them please;or just wear a condom! Going in bareback You could have just spawned the next Anal Cunt, or worse....a new religion!?.....or even worse than that.....a new Guns'n'Roses!!!!?

Not only can our latex friends protect us from HIV,syphilis and Monkey Pox,these magical prosthetic sheaths could have saved the world from Gun'n'Roses too.....and maybe even Charles Manson?! 

If these facts were made clear in the 1980's AIDS would have now been but a distant memory.....instead we got the only plastic ever released by Shit Scum.

Tracklist:

A1 Manson Is Jesus
A2 Brady Bunch Massacre
A3 Dog Sacrifice
A4 Shit Scum
B1 Fag Bash
B2 Beating On A Pacifist
B3 You Fucking Cunt

DOWNLOAD it here you fucking cunt!

Vaginal Jesus – "Beat Rodney Down" (Reich O Rama Records) 1993

"Vaginal Jesus" wasn't that a hit for Depeche Mode?.....

Don't you just wish that DM sneakily released a tune like 'Bloodnigger',and all those pasty-faced lost generation types in the USA didn't realise its sophisticated angle on bigotry as a mirror approach? As in the Ironic Bigotry of this hatecore masterclass by the superbly named Vaginal Jesus.

It is understood that Seth Putnam of Anal Cunt was in Vaginal Jesus?.....I dunno what gave the rumour machine that impression? 

I like a good  tasteless racist joke so i do, but it is certainly how you tell 'em that counts.

Of course there were stacks of Come Org records that plumbed the depths of good taste in the eighties,but that was 'Art' wasn't it? It never came close to recreating the knuckle dragging horror of actual real Racial prejudice. Now,this record is the closest I've ever heard to recreating the racial hatred of a KKK  Grand Wizard,without actually being one;so us confused white boys could understand.

Naturally, i could be reading far too much into this brutal sledgehammer of neanderthal driven Hate,but I figure that yer actual Bigot wouldn't want music, as civilisation crushing as this, anywhere near their fucking Churches.

These fuckers...racist Sasquatches all ....were running scared from Nirvana in 1993,so only their god knows what they would have made of a group with a singer/growler called The Honorable Reverend Fuckface Chainsaw,that existed in the same time frame as the woefully insipid Nirvana?

The trick, with Bad taste is that to understand good bad taste you have to have Good taste in order to recognise yer actual bad bad taste, and yer actual Good Bad taste.

I'm going out on a limb now by saying that Vaginal Jesus may well be Good bad taste......but, even if it isn't, I still like it...a lot. Who wouldn't want a record released with a Side Aryan and a Side Bigot on it?

Maybe without using your real name mind you...that's just asking for trouble;just ask The Honorable Reverend Fuckface Chainsaw.

There will,sadly, be person's,previously described as knuckle dragging Sasquatch fucking Neanderthals, who will be taking this record 100% literally.As they do with thar best-selling fiction book "The bible", which isn't surprising as its crammed full of lovely Elizabethan poetry,with lashings of  genocidal ,misogynistic, homophobic violence of the highest order. Just like yer average Anal Cunt record.

Tracklist:

Side Aryan:
A1 Slave Runaway 0:52
A2 Beat Rodney Down 2:17
A3 Die Homie Die 0:38
A4 Bloodnigger 2 0:12
A5 Planet Of The Apes 1:39

Side Bigot:
B1 X Marks The Spook 1:20
B2 Mocha Mistakes 1:29
B3 Fetch The Rope 2:21
B4 Niggers Are No Friends Of Mine 0:46

DOWNLOAD your contribution to racial harmony HERE!

Full Blown A.I.D.S. – "Full Blown A.I.D.S." (Wicked Sick Records – #7)

Oh yeah, we're in a what did I do today  general scenario bollocks ain't we just? Well I had a lovely meal on the Saturday last weekend, for me girlfriend's birthday...she ate as well if you were wondering,and Champagne for afters.

Then when we got back to where the car was parked ...it wasn't there,fucking gone !?...Turned out the cops towed it away and put it in their state of the art compound miles from town....and it won't be released until the local Pigs had checked my moth-eaten dodgy paperwork;....trouble was,all the paperwork is in the car innit? Miles away,with no way of getting there before the bastards close for the weekend. Had to call a friend to drive 50 miles round trip to shuttle us from one bunch of cunts to the other cunts.Got papers, showed cops,who fined me for having "bald" tyres...so they say!? and then back to the compound to show the man my cop endorsed paperwork,signed by yours truly,and pay the fucker 200 quid for the sheer joy of it all.....and no-one noticed I was pissed drunk?!

So as a result I wanna kill somebody and laugh at people with incurable diseases. So where to go for the soundtrack of this internalized destruction.....answer....anything by Anal Cunt I thought? Or even better something by Half of Anal Cunt called "Full Blown AIDS" !

The difference between GG Allin, and Seth Putnam is that one was a funny idiot,and the other one was just an idiot. The answer to this conundrum is up to you, but ,let's just say that GG never had a band called 'Full Blown AIDS'. One of the best band names I have yet encountered.

Anyone who is actually insulted by Anal Cunt and its derivatives should just get Full Blown AIDS themselves and die in my opinion.....especially jobs-worth traffic cops....nah...they weren't so bad,especially when confronted by my post-Brexit and totally illegal and out of date British Driving Licence from the early Nineties. I just lied,said I was a tourist,can't speak the lingo guvn'r (not far correct anyways),and they couldn't get us out of there quick enough.

This Sludgecore classic was committed to a cd-r just three years before Seth's untimely death by Heart Failure.....I suppose we should laugh,as that's what Seth would have done if any of us had died in such a gay way.....'Gay' being one of Mr Putnam's favourite unwoke words by the way,I inform,so as to deflect and Savage Wokery nastiness coming in my approximate direction. Basically, I just wanna be liked, and admire anyone who genuinely just Don't give a flying Fuck about anything or anyone.......unless you're in on the joke.

One would have thought that a person with such cathartic externalised hatred would escape the predictable heart attack finale wouldn't you? May well have had something to do with Seth being such a fat bastard.You can't externalise clogged up arteries....or can you?

Tracklist:

1st EP:
1 No One Cares
2 Track Team
3 It's All Fake
4 Stupid Bitch
5 Trash Picker
6 Alcholic

Leech EP:
7 Leech
8 For Those About To Rock (We Salute You)
9 Fact Finder
10 Everything
Bonus
11 Throwing Cars At People On Coke With Thor

DOWNLOAD the anti-cure for AIDS HERE!