Moëvöt – "Ézlèyfbdrèhtr Vèpréub Zuèrkl Mazagvatre Èrbsèdréa" (Self-released – PROFANATION 003)1994

Well blow me down with a Dark ambient feather!? Another one-man ambient Metal band from From down dare in South West France. Bergerac, Aquitaine, to be more precise, where a lot of the groundwork for the  Hundred Years War was lain, which raged on and off for about 115 years. Helena of Aquitaine caused a lot of the Bovver,her and her TWO(?) Husbands, Louis the VII of what would be France, and Henry II of England......a bit of a goer was our Helena.She was the Elon Musk of her day, eye-wateringly Rich,dropping kids left right and center and owned half of Europe. The English grabbed most of France in the 14th century,thanks to Henry V and Edward the Black Prince.....who incidentally, was a massive Black Metal Fan!?

The story does have some similarities to that of Meyhem i guess,except Edward died a very unknightly death, with rampant Dysentery.....he shat and puked himself to Death,as did his cousin Henry V!? Bottoms run in their family it seems?

I suppose its a bit like the ending of War Of The Worlds? The French were getting a battering,the invaders torched Joan of Arc, but the Frogs had probably the first biological weapon.....Dysentery.

Not sure if the Black Prince would dig this ambient metal stuff but it does sound like a rejected soundtrack for the next 'Omen' movie.It does, however, have something rather medieval about it,if not the stuff of Witchcraft.Looking at Moëvöt himself,i fear that in the mid-14th century I doubt he would have survived the Witchfynder General in one piece? 

                      Ahhh Diddums,he's unhappy!
"As the flames rose to his roman nose and his Walkman started to melt"
(Morrisey,S,(1431)-eyewitness to Moëvöt's burning as a Witch)

There are some places in the modern world....can I say "Modern?"...that a goth would still be in danger of being burnt as a witch. The United States being one of them.They would see his black face make-up and call out the Klan's Moral police,then lynch him as a Black insurrectionist from the Radical Left, hell bent on torching a few MAGA evangelist churches ,just like those demon-crats in Norway did. 
Tracklist:

A1 Der Glockenturm (I) 1:36
A2 Réflexion - Abjuration 1:44
A3 Uatr Mazagvatre Erbsèdréa 11:39
A4 Fin De Nuit 1:58
A5 Tagesanbruch 2:55
A6 Larmes Crépusculaires 2:01
A7 Die Dämmerung 3:31
A8 Uatr Vazsagraehbbe 3:39
A9 Brumes 2:08
A10 Nie 0:39
A11 Der Glockenturm (II) 1:46

DOWNLOAD thee next Omen Soundtrack HERE!

Satanicum Tenebrae – "Voices Of The Dark Call Me To Suffer" (Self-released cassette ) 1994

Look everybody,a one man dark ambient band from France made by a very rude man who once pronounced himself officially DEAD when in Froggy Black Metal group called....but you know this already of course.....Mütiilation.
Naturally, all Vocals [Torture Yelling], Keyboards, Effects, Performer [Razor Bloodcutting] – were played by the no longer Dead Lord Meyhna'ch himself.......such a talented individual.

Not only has Lord Meyhna'ch created a new genre, Ambient Death Metal, he also managed to create a second , Ambient Black Metal, to add to the myriad of sub-genres underneath the Metal Umbrella.

It's all sort of like a less frightening Coil,or something from a Late period Scot Walker album......which I guess is some sort of a recommendation?

He plonks on a out of tune upright piano, channeling the living ghost of Diamanda Galas,as he screams and growls and blows a gasket for a thankfully short 25 minutes......bare in mind that in Hell it last's for Eternity,not a miserly 25 minutes....so think yourselves lucky that Hell doesn't exist,and live everyday as if it's your last.

I now declare myself DEAD!

Tracklist:

A Voices Of The Dark Call Me To Suffer - 24:59

DOWNLOAD and suffer HERE!

Mütiilation – "Black Imperial Blood (Travel)" (Self-released cassette) 1994

Aha!....it's that French shit-Fi Death Metal band whose singer/guitarist (Meyhna'ch - suspiciously NOT his real name), declared himself Dead so he could escape the spectre of looming success and eventually form a new band from the cremated ashes of the old line-up;which was mostly a Duo,if not a solo project,so to lose your guitarist,singer and songwriter in one go is is existential to say the least 

So it turns out Meyhna'ch,(real name Willy Rousell), resurrected himself and the band to release a few reasonably popular albums in the 1990's,sometimes employing a drum machine,always in the lowest-possible 'Fi',and sometimes just very,very  solo.....if you saw a picture of him you'd understand why.

A rare Photo of 'Willy' when he was dead

In December 2009 however, Meyhna'ch decided to quit Mütiilation for good. Mütiilation being the longest lasting band of the legendary  Black Legions. The Black Legions or,Les Légions Noires in French, or simply abbreviated 'LLN', were an exclusive group of French satanic black metal musicians with members similar to the extremely naughty Norwegian "Inner Circle", who released only very limited runs of their fucked up-Fi muzick.

The killy one,Varg from Mayhem, now lives on a farm in France I believe, after he served 15 years his life sentence in one of those 5-star hotels they call Prisons in Norway (they even had a recording studio for the inmates,this is how Varg carried on releasing albums while inside....a bit like Bobby Beausoleil of the Manson Family......but don't forget that Anders Breivic gets out in 10 years.They have to change the constitution to keep him in prison beyond his 20 year sentence.....he got less than Vaarg from Mayhem,as Vaarg had burned down several churches as well as killing his Bands front man.....I think some people take their art far too literally.

For the full Story check out the Lords Of Chaos rockudrama....not exactly accurate,but entertaining,and one of the better Rock Movies.

In 2024 the band (Mütiilation) was reformed and is active again.

Well at least one of the members seem to have eternal life?

Maybe he's a Vampire,drinking his audience's black blood,which is illegal i am told,even in Norway. So are Pedophiles,which is why Donald Trump didn't get his peace prize.....maybe I can think of a new job for Varg if he can get into the USA? He could pretend to be a Football fan and strangle the fucker with his Fifa Peace Medal?

Tracklist:

A1 Magical Shadows Of A Tragic Past
A2 Skoger Av Onde Drom
A3 Under Ardailles Night
A4 Eternal Empire Of Majesty Death
A5 Black Imperial Blood (Travel)
My Travels To Sadness, Hate & Depression
A6-a Vampire's Nights
A6-b To My Hell

DOWNLOAD the bloody thing HERE!

Mütiilation – "Satanist Styrken" (Self-Released) 1994

If you thought Darkthrone were the epitome of Zero-Fi Black Metal,then you......understandably....haven't heard Mütiilation. A French(!!?) Black Metal outfit who released a bunch of cassettes in the mid nineties,until they were fished from the muddied pond and honored with a release of  one of their many unreleased albums on Vinyl and CD. It still sounded as if it was recorded in an oil drum rolling between lanes on the M25 london orbital,but you could charge money for this!....a career beckoned until,band leader, Meyhna'ch.....as he called himself, probably Cedric Arnaud or something equally as bland in real life.....until Cedric, declared himself Dead, and the group ended.

He wasn't really Dead of course, so this led to the re-animation of Mütiilation, as a solo project for Meyhna'ch in 2001.

Tracklist:

A1 Skoger Av Onde Drom
A2 My Last Night Among Those Times
A3 Eternal Empire Of Majesty Death
A4 Infernal Holocaust In The Mourning Dawn

DOWNLOAD from a french musical hell even worse than french reggae HERE!

Etron Fou Leloublan – "Les Poumons Gonflés" (Turbo Music S.A. – TMSA 3301) 1982

Okay, it had to happen,the french drummer bloke who was in Les Batteries,Guigou Chenevier, gained his fame from playing les batteries in the Rock In Opposition monsters, Etron Fou Leloublan......rolls off the tongue doesn't it?

Rock In opposition,or RIO, is really a more marketable title for Prog Rock of the more Avant variety,which became yet another category after Henry Cow's original RIO festival during those crazy punky rock years of 1978 upwards.So an obvious Punky influence was absorbed into these Avant-proggers repertoire.Shorter,opinionated and angrier versions of the progressive type. Quite a few of those post-punk chaps would have fitted in quite well methinks,but the clothes were bad,so they kept away.

Weird time signatures, played by a drummer sight reading music from a lectern positioned visibly by the Hi-Hat to show the dangerously hippified audience that 'we ain't just making this up y'know!'

Etron Fou Leloublan do all this stuff,ticking all the RIO boxes,but bare in mind that these groovy garcons are indeed French, so you should expect some of that 'orrible screechy shouting that their pallets tend to enunciate from time to time through no fault of their own.I blame the parents....who were probably Artists and as a consequence of this delusion,also bastards.

Anyway I chose this album, because it has a song called Nicolas on it, which is my real world given name,and having spent a week in a French hospital once with a collapsed lung,"Les Poumons Gonflés"(the inflated lungs) has a special ring to it.

 

Tracklisting:

1.Nicolas 4:06
2.Mimi 2:58
3.Exposition Universelle 1:41

4.Nicole 5:42
5.La Musique 3:05
6.Christine 6:46
7.Those Distant Waters 3:24
8.Upsalla 2:05
9.Io Prefero 4:29
10.Pas L'sou 3:11

DOWNLOAD without opposition HERE!

Les Batteries – "Noisy Champs" (AYAA – DT 0486) 1986

This Heat's influence,or,connections with the French underground seems to be somewhat larger then expected,as here we find The Heats erstwhile drummer and singer, Mr Charles Hayward, hooking up with another couple of  other drummer boys,....namely French 'rock in opposition' bloke Guigou Chenevier, and some geezer called Rick Brown.....yes THEE Rick Brown.......nah! I haven't heard of him either! But Rick probably hasn't heard of us too so we're quits!?

Three Drummers Drumming,as it doesn't say in the famed Christmas carol, but three,yes,THREE,drummers does indeed apply here! Can you imagine the creative arguments in a band with three drummers? As Gary Glitter and Adam Ant can testify, two drummers max in a band, or there's gonna be trouble. In fact it was Drummer trouble that ended Adam and The Ants and burdened the world with Adam's much maligned Solo career. With Glitter, the obvious problem was,funnily enough, actually Glitter himself(a fine example of a singer that hangs out with musicians).

Drummers are famously the guys who do hang around with musicians.The guys who die mysteriously,choke 'ON' vomit,aren't needed outside of touring, and are forever trying to impose their daft ideas on the rest of the group; like John Bonham's 'Moby Dick', or Rat Scabies' "Stab yor Back", as if trying,accidentally of course, to move that hilarious joke well into the realms of observational comedy.

Y'see, Drummers actually do think they are musicians,and like the stupid son of the family, are always trying to make the audience look at them and see what they're doing.This usually involves hitting the drums as loud as possible,and taking copious amounts of drugs....as in, more than you....look maw I'm Dancin' !

However much the average drummer harbors sparkling  thoughts of their own genius within their considerable ego's ;one has to concede that all this drummer hate certainly does NOT apply to the great Charles Haywood, or his vocal sound-a-like Bobby Wyatt,who are indeed the granddaddies of the Rock In Opposition fad of the late seventies, otherwise known as Prog Rock under any other name.

So, what we expect are three drummers busting their balls trying to Out-paradiddle each other,and to impress each other with their rudimentary talents on 'other' instruments.

It's kinda Punk without the Punk, and This Heat without the Heat, which leaves us with.... 'This'?

Haywoods vocals are as vulnerable and Wyatt-esque as This Heat and Camberwell Now, which adds much needed identity to the dreary Drum-Off. So when Haywood didn't turn up for the follow up albums,they just ended up sounding like Camberwell Now but without the tunes.

An obvious, but bold Idea, balancing precariously on the round shoulders of the limited tonal range of a well tuned drum kit.

Tracklist:

1.Noisy Champs
2.Sunday And Dimanche
3.Identity Parade
4.Polar
5.Post-Polar
6.Dernier Solo Avant L'Autoroute
7.White Elegance
8.The Letter
9.Dernier Rendez-Vous Au Gord
10.Flintstone
11.Maksymenko
12.3 Hommes Et Un Mouchoir

TELECHARGE this assault on les batteries ICI!

Fall Of Saigon – "Fall Of Saigon 1981-1984" (Gazul Records – GA8851) 2011

No its not a North Vietnamese Fall tribute band!

It's frenchy Minimalist composer Pascal Comelade,moonlighting with his minimalist pop trio named after a This Heat tune. 

Harboring a knowing glance in the direction of Young Marble Giants,and maybe even..... Weekend? 

Pascal is not shy of wearing his influences on his sleeve....that's him on the right there,with influenced sleeves rolled up,trendily, to the elbows.I remember when the Style Council used to do self-consciously french things like that,such as wearing,(or rather NOT wearing) a cardigan tossed stylishly over the shoulders and tying the sleeves into a loose knot atop a Breton inspired polo shirt.You can take the boy out of Woking,but you can't take the Woking out of the boy.....but you do have to leave Woking if you wanna wear a Breton top....fact!

There also a version of my funeral theme tune on here, The TV Personalities' classic "Part-Time Punks",further emphasizing Pascal's fondness for "les Rostbif pop",especially it seems Kevin Ayers too....which i think stems largely from the fact that posh Boy Kevin had a handy grasp of French thanks to the British Public school system. And as we all know,if you slot anything French or in French into an English pop tune you have a career for life..... in France!...just ask Sting.

However, similarly, the Brit's love to hear a French bird singing in Engleesh, which surprisingly didn't lead to Indie success in grey old foggy Albion.They could have stuck to it a bit longer, but i think Pascal had other things in mind for himself,embarking on a prolific solo career that continues to this day.

The other French musical commandment that has been observed here on this compilation,is the obligatory Doors homage.Every household in France has a Doors Album, or Zer Doorsss as they call them.They all think Morrison was a poet....in fact Morrison thought he was a poet too,maybe even a great poet?So as he died and was buried in Paris,this means that their hero is now French,so Zer Doorsss are forever enshrined in marble and stone among the elect of French art and culture......Would i be out of order to suggest that they can flaming well have him...slash...them? Plenty more where he came from.

Nonetheless, this version of "The End" is actually rather good?

The End!

Track Listing:

1.Visions 2:21

2.Blue Eyes 2:08

3.She Leaves Me All Alone 4:22

4.So Long 2:28

5.On The Beach At Fontana 3:22

6.The Swimmer 2:15

7.The Model 3:21

8.Part Time Punks3:12

9.The End 9:43

10.Andalucia 2:02

11.I'll Never Be Back 4:54

12.Sha La La La 2:58

13.Let It Go 2:41

DOWNLOAD the rise of hoh chi minh city HERE!

Pascal Comelade – "Slow Musics" (Eurock – EDC06) 1981

Pascal Comelade likes his piano's upright,recorded ambiently by two mikes in a room,and accompanied by an array of toy instruments

,something that Steve Beresford was well known for at the time,and probably someone Pascal would have come into contact with through his association with David Cunningham,and the London Musician's Collective. Mix that with an obvious Erik Satie influence,and splashes of This Heat's quieter moments and you've got Slow Music.

Pascal has an obvious talent for a minimal melancholic tune,which also reminds one of those Daniel Johnston tapes,but without the awful whining. Lots of recognisable influences indeed,but blended together Comelade has created a distinctive style that verges on the sad but beautiful side of 'tings.

This didn't go unnoticed in This Heat HQ, as Gareth Williams' solo album sounds unerringly similar to that of Pascal Comelade's early work.

A lot of these tunes have that 'previously heard before' quality such is the direct simplicity of them.Why I could star at an empty wall for hours listening to these,dare I say 'Sad'(?)mini sonata's.The music of introspective loneliness.  

Tracklist:

Face A:
1. Le vérolé de Babel - 2’50
2. Ritmos del fedayin - 4’23
3. Harley-Davidson - 2’16
4. Music for sanatorium - 1’46
5. Gary Cooper, always here - 1’38
6. Distorsion molle (to K. Leimer) - 1’37
7. John Cage descendant un escalier - 1’50
8. Morena fatal (mambo) - 2’54
Face B : 

1. Fragmentes della Kairos - 2’00
2. Les partisans - 2’27
3. Justine - 2’00
4. Souvenir from diagonal - 2’25
5. La dialectique peut-elle casser des briques ? - 2’46
6. Nicaragua arumbaya - 2’31

DOWNLOAD slow music quickly HERE!

Pascal Comelade / David Cunningham – "Précis De Décomposition Bruitiste" (Parasite – PAR 006) 1983

Somehow we've found ourselves back in France thanks to David Cunningham's association with minimalist composer Pascal Comelade, and this cassette of decomposing noise. I don't know if this was decomposed at the Cold Storage Studio,but there is definitely a This Heat factor floating around here. Comelade did in fact have a minimal pop band named after a this Heat track as further evidence,"Fall Of Saigon",although how much they were actually an influence is up for debate. Comelade did go on to develop a very attractive minimal Satie-like method of tune writing,which reminds me of former This Heater Gareth Williams' fantastic solo album "Flaming Tunes" from 1985.....so one suspects the influence was indeed a two way street.

Comelade had a predilection for deconstructing pop tunes,sometimes slowing them down to a crawl,or reducing them to the barest of bones or, as in this case with ? and The Mysterians' garage classic "96 Tears",a slow decent into a fuzzy fog ,which i think was a consequence of another of Pascal's major influences 'Suicide' rather than Question Mark himself.

Coincidentally, it's apparently Pascal's 67th birthday tomorrow, how's about that for synchronicity?

Tracklist:

Face A: 1980/1981

Face B:
A Perfect Crime/96 Tears

DOWNLOAD another reason to forgive france for Johnny Hallyday HERE!

Archaïa – "Archaïa" (Choravox – CC 77.976) 1977

Unlike Punk Rock,which was at it's zenith when this Zeuhl homage was released. Zeuhl took its time to have any copycat groops following in Magma's footsteps.Whereas, there were legions of little Sex Pistols cropping up within 48 hours of the pistols first gig propah!...it took a good 5 or 6 years to get any little Magma's.

Incidentally John 'Lie'don of PiL (see what I did?) was a big Magma fan,and attended any London appearance of Christian Vander's outfit with his equally enlightened mate, John Wardle....aka Jah Wobble.

Also a big fan was Pierrick Le Bras and his mate Michel Munier,of Archaïa. Although a pair of Magma nuts ,they admirably tried to play something inspired by Magma's music but via a different path: using only percussion,no drums(great idea),guitar and keyboards.

The result is a less oppressive form of Zeuhl...if this is Zeuhl at all(?),,,or maybe its because they couldn't play their instruments,leaving,in my opinion, more space in the music,and less chance of smothering the listener. A bit like the difference between The Sex Pistols and PiL in fact;who also couldn't play, so they say.Daring to be minimal.leaving room to breath and grow,the art of subtlety free from the oppression of Vander's attempts to be Wagner's most favourite Rock band.Thankfully also absent are Vander's Brünnhilde substitutes,who do tend to get on one's fucking Titz!

Today I think that this is better than Magma, but tomorrow I may think the opposite,it depends on how pissed off I am.....or,for those superior purveyors of the noble mother tongue of ye olde Albion.....in English, how Pissed I am. That means 'Drunk' to those from the colony where we exported all our religious nutters to...sorry about that,but it had to be done.We,the English. also exported our criminals to Australia.which is probably why they always beat us at sport.That suggests a strange correlation between crime and sporting prowess? Hummmm? ...either that or Stupidity? So, as an tenuous attempt to provide some evidence,i can only point to the fact that my Aussie relatives are mostly stupid,and my american family are mostly MAGAphiles.....or worse....if that's possible?

Just one final topical observation from leftfield to close....PUTIN IS A TOTAL FUCKING CUNT OR WHAT?!...and any of you conspiracy twats who wanna argue the toss about how this prick is a dove of peace...please come forward!

Tracklisting:

A1 Soleil Noir 4:31
A2 L'arche Des Mutations 9:29
A3 Sur Les Traces Du Vieux Roy 5:00
B1 La Roue 2:31
B2 Le Festin Du Lion Vert 4:42
B3 Massa Confusa 3:18
B4 Le Grand Secret 4:18
B5 Vol Du Phenix 3:50

DOWNLOAD the alternative 1977 HERE!

Weidorje – "Weidorje" (Cobra – COB 37014)1978

The envious ears of a bunch of over-paid Parisian session men vibrated to the sound of Magma and they thought that they could do the same...but,as musicians are prone to think, they were better at it and could do better.

They managed to release just three tracks in their lifetime,which made up their sole album,here beefed up with a couple of live outings
They were of course very Magma styled,even nicking their Kobaian name from a Magma track,blending in elements of systemic music, and some saxophone.An element long ago dropped in early Magma giving it a distinctive sound of its own(it says here!).Yep....more Zeuhl-lite for potential chart action.The ill-advised use of Brass steers proceedings firmly towards the Fusion-end of Zeuhl,but at least those Wagnerian Brunhilde vocalists don't make an appearance.

The session men involved soon realised that there was no money in having their own Zeuhl band,and soon melted away back into playing guitar solo's for Johnny Hallyday or arranging romantic string sections for Sacha Distel.

They did however leave us one of the most listenable French Prog records,that may even attract people into the room rather than drive them away from it....dunno if that's a good thing, but sometimes its useful.Even if it's just to avoid the noise of the unenlightened majority demanding that this racket be turned off.

Tracklisting:

1.Elohims Voyage 16:33
2.Vilna 12:20
3.Booldemug 7:10

Bonus Tracks:
4.Rondeau 8:49
5.Kolinda 12:28

DOWNLOAD this wee orgy or for the benfit of Donald Trump that's kobaian for pee pee party HERE!

Eskaton – "4 Visions" (Eurock – EC 81002) 1981

Fun to see that this cassette was released on the Eurock label,which not only draws a clear demarcation line between continental europe and the anglo-saxon music empire,but reflects the section in the record store of my youth,which was called Euro Rock;where i first gained access to the unfathomable world of what those european types did for entertainment when they weren't churning out toe-curlingly bad cheesy disco hits ,tooth-grinding ABBA-fuelled Schlager anthems and truly horrible wrist slashing Euro Metal like "The Final Countdown". 

Yes there was indeed unmistakably modern,continental music, that,unless you saw the band pictures,didn't first invoke laughter on behalf of the willfully ignorant average Anglo-Saxon pop picker.

These Euro-rockers looked like clowns,but free from the shackles of having to gain a 'hit' in the UK or USA,they could spend a longer time actually making the music that they wanted to. This was especially evident in West Germany,who had that great burden of post-war German Sartorial ineptitude to grapple with,as well as a dumpster full of Holocaust guilt to assuage. The french didn't have that burden of Holocaust guilt to attend to;although not squeaky clean in that department,they did largely get away with it.Sartorially, marginally better dressed than the average modern Bosch gentleman,musically they came up with the very Wagnerian concept of Zeuhl.....I say 'They'....it was more or less invented by Magma,or to narrow it down some more, Christian Vander done it guv'r sir so he did......said the Hollywood Pearly King.

And it is Magma that immediately comes to mind when listening to Eskaton. The only difference i can detect are the vocals, which are in French rather than Kobaian.....which,for the few of us who don't know, is the made up alien language that literates the parole of Magma's operatic female singers.

Like Magma, Eskaton also have a pair of operatic hippyfied Brunhilde's at the fore,who adequately up the aural oppression stakes like a less Nazi-fied version of ABBA,but somehow seem more accessible than Christian Vander's Wagnerian rockers. I dunno weather Zeuhl-lite is appropriate here, but they are as Zeuhl-lite as that particular format goes.......i may have to post a Magma Album I suppose?

DOWNLOAD something to like the french for HERE!

XAAL – "XAAL" (Xaal Self-released – Xaal 01) 1990

More lo-fi cassette culture Zeuhl in classically fuzzy chrom-dioxide quality,enhanced by a lo-bitrate to make it an even better smothering experience.

XAAL sound very 1990's......there's damming evidence of Fretless bass use,probably with seven strings and a lovingly looked after varnished wooden body.I strongly suspect that all of XAAL's instruments are shiny and well looked after. It's a phenomenon that began in the 90's,shiny chrome mike stands, tidy amplifiers,as new guitars, and tasteless natural wood bass guitar bodies.

One thing I noticed during the recent co-vid hysteria was that the number two item to be seen in the background of Zoom calls,after full bookshelves, is an brand name electric guitar sitting on a stand in the corner .All shiny and new,in barely used condition,to show that the caller is literate, but, cool.

Every fucker has an electric guitar and vast digital multi-tracking facilities these days....even those despicable Politician bastards.All that shite started with Bill Clinton and Tony Blair thinking,mistakenly, that liking Pop music would magically transform them from the awful grinning fools that we know they are, into something cool for Generation X to take seriously.Fool not Cool! Why would anyone want to know that David Cameron's favourite band is Radiohead for fucks sake? Dick'ead would be more appropriate one should suggest,especially as he is officially the second worst British prime minister of alll time,just behind his Eton educated chum/rival Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.....who to my knowledge doesn't own any musical instruments,but cringingly expresses a liking for The Clash,led.of course, by fellow posh boy,but in this case a dead one,Joe Mellor.....Boris obviously was not listening when he heard their punk socialism by numbers recordings.

Just as refusing to have a Tattoo or any piercings,was an almost subversive stance a few years back,now is the time to throw all those home studio's and guitars onto a large bonfire in the Rock'n'Roll hall of shame. Silence is the new route to self-expression through self censorship...stop repeating this mantra of terminal boredom.  Turns out that the great unwashed took this DIY thang far too seriously. There's too much fucking music now,made by people who don't know any better.STOP IT!.....I crave the return of untouchable rock stars, exclusivity and cliques .The moment the moronic majority like the same things as you ,you know that the games up and its time to give it up.An If they're 'Punk' I definitely fucking ain't!...kinda thing.

XAAL are one of those groups who not only have sparkling equipment, but have that deadly disability of just playing the notes,and forgetting the rest.Like an exercise in theoretical music.

But i'm sure there'll be plenty out there who will delight in their shifting time signatures, and accurate playing.....i know I do.

But that don't mean it's Gud bud.

 

DOWNLOAD boris johnson's new favourite band HERE!

Shub Niggurath – "Shub Niggurath" (Self-Released) 1984

If ever there was a recorded medium made for a Zeuhl group it was the Compact Disc.It's crisp soul-less click free reproduction qualities marry up cosily with the icy pseudo intellectual soul-free exactitude of this obscure branch of the progressive rock joshua tree.So naturally we will opt for Zeuhl, as recorded on the always humble never grumble, compact cassette.

The music,judging by the standard made up language type Zeuhl moniker ,Shub Niggurath, is,like the name,fairly typical french progressive rock of that word that I'm using too much that begins with 'Z' variety.It's Jazzy,proggy,metally,full of funny time signatures and starts to suffocate the casual listener half-way through the first track.There are better examples,but this one began to get on my proverbials by the end of side one;but one persevered and ultimately found it rewarding thanks to the silence that was regained by its ending.

On another day I could easily praise this as one of the best things I've ever heard.But today it felt like being slowly asphyxiated by a large square of roof insulation.

Also, of course, they sound somewhat like a Magma tribute band....don't we all? 

Tracklist:

1 Yog-Sothoth 11:36
2 Entresol 6:53
3 Introduction 3:19
4 Barback 14:49
5 In Memoriam 5:23

DOWNLOAD run shub niggurath run HERE!

Moving Gelatine Plates – "Moving Gelatine Plates" (CBS – S 64399) 1971

CBS (Can Be Shit), not very DIY (Do It Yourself) I know, but however misguided the corporate interest,these evil organisations can sometimes do world culture a favour and provide for us monkeys something worthwhile.Yep, it's the Moving Gelatine Plates' debut album, which,despite an inferior cover to its successor is,probably,slightly, better? Yes dey waz a gallic Canterbury scene Soft Machine tribute band in essence,but if you close your eyes it could actually be our heroes reformed and back on Soft Machine's Third form?...well almost.

Inevitably,the corporate interest waned when the dumb bastards(CBS) realised they weren't gonna get a number one hit on the Billboard top 200, and sadly had to cease spinning the plates and let them crash to the floor.As was the destiny of 99.999994% of all pop groups (figures taken from the national office of Statistics).It's dog eat dog out there,but you might get laid for your troubles,which is basically all a young male human wants out of life anyway so who's complaining?Money and fame you will NOT get......especially in the present.

Without randy dick-led show-offs there would have been no new inventions,new discoveries,No Art,and forever relevant to this blog, FUCK ALL MUSIC!

As your author's labido is currently winding down,this blog's continuation is in the greasy hands of mother nature;although I have yet to get laid because of my wordy internet activities,at least not to my knowledge.I did wake up in a post alcohol stuper  a few times with a sore arsehole.....but the doctor assures me that was just hemorrhoids or a Freudian Adjective about myself?  

Shit! That means the only reason for making music theses days is "Art for Arts Sake" for Fucks Sake!....hey,wasn't that a song by 10cc?

Tracklist:

1 London Cab 8:30
2 X-25 2:00
3 Gelatine 8:10
4 Last Song 15:20
5 Memories 3:15
6 Destruction 2:47
7 Tout Autour De Toi 4:13
8 Fréquence Nocturne 4:22
9 Solaria 3:45

DOWNLOAD the very moving gelatine plates HERE!

Moving Gelatine Plates – "The World Of Genius Hans" (CBS – CBS 64146) 1972

Prog died the day the Moving Gelatine Plates signed to CBS.

Not really, but it sounds good dunnit?

Often compared to Caravan and other Canterbury scene proggers, MGP sound most like jazzy era Soft Machine,who are also lumped in with the Canterbury lot themselves;mainly because some of the members came from that sleepy tourist hotspot and UNESCO world heritage site in Kent,known as Canterbury.The one which gave us,not only The Soft Machine,Caravan and Egg,but Geoffrey Chaucer as well.

Luckily for the  bands who sprung up in small numbers in Saint Thomas a Becket's old stamping ground,where Tom took one for the team; with almost saintly impeccable timing,the M2 had just been finished by the end of 1965,coinciding with the beginning of the UK Psych era. So Soft Machine and buddies had plenty of gigs at UFO and Middle Earth awaiting them in swinging London,just at the other end of the motorway.

Sadly for the Gelatine Plates, they were stuck on the pop music desert island of France,where Soft Machine were becoming rather popular too.So there was plenty of work awaiting any Soft Machine tribute bands who turned up,when the real thing weren't off partying in London.

Despite that Ker-razzy name,and the bizarre cover art,the band don't really live up to their promise.Its all fairly standard Canterbury style jazz prog,nothing wrong with that,but, that was being done elsewhere,dare I say better? There were dozens of petit Soft Machines everywhere in Europe,especially in Germany,where it now gets called 'Krautrock'......but,you silly hipsters, its obviously Canterbury rock innit?

I ain't got two or three hundred quid at hand to buy a copy of this on vinyl,but the CD is reasonably priced,but not as reasonably priced as it is on here.

The bonus tracks are shite from 1980,but they are included just in case you're bothered?

Tracklist:

1 The World Of Genius Hans 14:00
2 Funny Doll 4:25
3 Astromonster 6:15
4 Moving Theme 3:46
5 Cauchemar 3:46
6 We Were Lovin' Her 3:28
7 Un Jour... 1:25
8 Syntheme 3:28
9 L'Alchimiste 3:20
10 Les Êtres D'Or 5:50
11 Ombres 3:30
12 Rire De Peine 7:07

DOWNLOAD this machine molleux HERE!

Mahogany Brain – "With (Junk-Saucepan) When (Spoon-Trigger)" (Futura Records – RED 02) 1971

 

Mahogany Brain ARE,and this statement could be controversial, the Best band ever to come out of France. This I truly believe,and would arm wrestle,or play a winner takes all game of Casdon Soccer with anyone who disagrees.

I probably said the same about Helden and Magma,but this time I mean it maaaaan.

What's more is that I think they are genuinely French and not Belgian,as is usually the case.

Like a Red Krayola from french-rock hell,they deconstruct the 15 years pre-Mahogany era of the evolving Rock'n'Roll cliché and spit it back out in the eye of the discerning pop consumer.Slipping from the womb fully formed, and fully dee-formed enough to put 99% of the fuckers off music,..... forever!

If this fact doesn't even make you fantasize about leaving the room in faux-disgust and slamming the door in a pique of crypto-anger, then you're already dead,or,a bastard,or, a musician,or, all three.

Epic,Absurd,Pretentious,Unsane;i'm running out of adjectives here!

If your significant 'Other' doesn't hate this record's gutz within the first 5 minutes of your stylus making contact with these grooves,then i will send you a ten shilling postal order made payable to myself and me mam.All entries to be written on the back of a Casdon Soccer's wildly undulating pitch and sent to BBC Television Centre, Teddington Lock, NE3 from 4, Milton Keynes.

I'll Repeat that!.......alright,is it that obvious? I'm getting ready to write about The Moving Gelatin Plates,aka,The French "Caravan" innit? This could be my Waterloo,who knows?

Tracklist:

1.Bloody Hide And Seek In The Rain 0:30
2.Wrong Reincarnation 5:15
3.Hot Milk Elbow (Part I) 3:15
4.Sky-Fish 2:30
5.Unbottoned Eyes 2:30
6.Screaming Zenith 2:40
7.The Child With The Wind, The Snow, And The Yellow Top Waiting For The Magical Toy 4:47 
8.Universe (Naked Speed) 0:25
9.The Secret Body Of Wind 3:10
10.Hot Milk Elbow (Part II) 2:53
11.Head Of Night 2:50
12.Zevagho Chzechago 3:35

DOWNLOAD this rare wood as rare organ HERE!

Mahogany Brain – "Smooth Sick Lights" (Pôle Records – PÔLE 0013) 1972 /1976

Mahogany Brain invented UK DIY,even though they are French, and Outsider Punk!? You know rather like how The Ramones didn't Invent Punk Rock, and the Bad Brains didn't invent Hardcore.The difference is that Mahogany Brain didn't claim to have done anything, after the fact.

This album could be passed off as a lost Jandek album,in fact, this was released,four years after it was recorded, around the time Jandek was called The Units,and made "Ready For The House". It could also be the first No Wave album,or Danny and the Dressmakers on a bad day,The Prats ,or any number of UK DIY legends......but these nutjobs are french ain't they? There's no way Mahogany Brain would get a cultural arts grant from the French government making stuff like this.They can't play!....which was especially rare in 1972 when this was recorded.The only chord these zany chaps knew is the cord that leads from the guitar to the amp,and that's exactly how it should have been.Sounding like four persons playing four different tunes,all out of tune, at approximately the same time.Outsider Prog is the best i can do to categorise this rare work of Gallic genius. Like all of the realllly great bands,they played only one gig,then it was mission accomplished.Which explains the look of confused satisfaction that adorns the face of band leader Patrick Geoffrois.They would have been huge in 1979,if only they had waited.

Tracklist:

1 Green Winter Of Revolvers 8:35
2 Cathedral's Skirts 3:09
3 Church 0:50
4 Purple Overdose N° 102 1:32
5 Silkskin Dawn 1:15
6 Tongues Movie: Docteur Cloud 2:40
7 Rose Sad Sea 2:45
8 Diamond Voices Of Stars 4:17

Bonus Track:

9 Buring The Vibes 21:22

DOWNLOAD this exotic wood HERE!

Besombes - Rizet – "Pôle" (Pôle Records – PÔLE 0006/0007)1975

Another French electronic duo,but this time without disguises,and looking at them maybe they should have? Dunno which is which, but one of them, be it Bescombes or Rizet smokes a pipe.Not enough pipe smokers in progressive rock for my money.

They also had a remortgaged house worth of keyboards: VCS 3 AKS, ARP 2600, Electrocomp 101 and 500, Farfisa Synthorchestra , YamahaF Y 1, Oberheim Expander , Solina Stringensemble , Crumor electric piano, Fender Rhodes electric piano, Hammond Organ and,last but not least,a Mellotron 400.

All that and a pipe too!On paper this sounds perfect.

They didn't waste time on creating a trademark sound.There's nothing here that, if you didn't know better,you could sit back and say, "Ahhh, that's Bescombes and Rizat that is".Bouncing between Cluster duetting with Rick Wakeman after his fingers were amputated, to Robert Rental before he was Robert Rental,but spacey enough to be Robert Rental after his death. It's as if they,shockingly, had never heard of Mozart,which was an obligatory influence for all progressive rockers in 1975,alongside numerous versions of 'Lick My Love Pump'by many a proto-nwobhm band in Birmingham or Essex; Not for Bescombes and Rizet was the electrification of the usual suspect suspects from the sleep inducing classical era; they wanted to experiment!?

There's also not many albums that are named after their record label either......how cool is that? As Captain Oates said on the now speedily melting Ross Ice Shelf, "I'm going outside, i may be some time".....when in fact he was checking out this immortal French Prog double album on the hotter part of the Pôle,to be thawed out approximately fifty years later at the most southerly record fayre held in the spritual wreckage of Shackleton's Discovery. Now everyone wants a piece of this Discovery,so here's your chance to step outside and stay there for the duration of the four splendid sides of this electronic prog miesterwerk.

Just a small francophobic  aspersion to come, as i've been quite nice to them recently. If Scott's crew had been French, they would have pushed Captain Oates out of the tent to certain death to save themselves rather than rely on his noble deed of self-sacrifice.

Bescombes and Rizet got to the Pôle lomg before Amundsen,and they didn't even have to leave the warmth of the studio....all likely paid for by the French Government's vast Art Grant's department;to the astonishment of the UK Tax Payer,and beyond.Bloody Socialists!

Tracklist:

A1 Haute Pression 10:56
A2 Evelyse 7:17
B Armature Double 18:00
C1 Lundi Matin 5:41
C2 Montélimar 7:37
C3 Rock À Montauban 3:30
D Synthi Soit-Il 21:42

DOWNLOAD the first men to reach the Pôle HERE!

Philippe Grancher – "3000 Miles Away" (Pôle Records – PÔLE 0014) 1975

About the same time Throbbing Gristle were glamorizing serial killers and feeling too clever by 'arf, a forward looking French guitarist was predicting future serial killing by assuming the form of Cromwell Street child killer Rose West 20 years before she got her dog collar felt by PC Plod. 

Never ones to put style ahead of tucking a sweater into some high waisted slacks, the French guitarist doesn't understand why image should come before musical proficiency;and Philippe certainly seems to have image pretty low on his list of priorities......and why not?

Rose

 

Philippe

Although Philippe's career path was registered as "Guitarist" (they do this kind of thing in France,even i'm registered there as an 'Artist' ffs!),he seems to have forgone the requirement to flesh that out by actually playing one.He instead has opted for the banks of keyboards and synthesiser option that was so fashionable in 1975.The few guitary parts were actually played by someone else........Noooooo....not Fred West...someone called Arnaud Chevalier. The lead instrument seems to be a Piano,with  bits of Mellotron,and lots of effects.

Despite looking like a serial killer from 20 years into the future,our Phil doesn't let that hinder his creativity,and keeps his pullover firmly tucked into his waistband to make one of thee better French prog Space rock albums of all time. Another Pole Records classic,but I doubt if Phil was kept on as a model for the Porn Mag that the company became after 1977,even though the pervy glasses are a good look for rude magazines in the seventies.If worn by the unfortunate young lady involved,glasses can be a convenient place to deposit the money-shot.

He can still be seen ,however, playing the blues (zer bloose) in French bars for a living....and he still looks like Rose West......poor sod!

So if you can stand sitting in a café full of swarthy Frenchmen with B.O. wildly applauding that Muddy Waters cover at one of his engagements ,shout out for "3000 Miles" as an encore,and see the room empty as they wheel the piano out.

Tracklist:

A1 3000 Miles Away 10:00
A2 Naïvetés 2:50
A3 Réflexions À Propos D'un Miroir 3:00
B1 Flip-Flop 10:00
B2 Birds, Birds 6:10

DOWNLOAD philippes f-lop HERE!