Burzum - "Reh" (Self-Released Demo Cassette) 1991

Ooh Errrr.....you know you're in trouble when the seriously mentally ill bass player from Mayhem starts photocopying Aleister Crowley´s Astrum Argentum order sigil and uses it as a cover for his Demo.The one he sent to Euronymous,the Top chump in Mayhem, in '91.

Somehow Euronymous like it a lot and offered Jew hating Varg (Burzum)the recently vacated position of Bass Player in Mayhem.Yes the band that bust a blood vessel trying too hard to be the most infamous,most darkest, most fucked up Black Metal band in the whole of Christendom......well,..er...in Norway,at least.

If you've come here for some full blast raw Black Metal you may be disappointed? Recorded on a single mike placed in the centre of the room,this can only be described as......well,Crap?

Three tracks of slow Black Metal it says on the insert. Slow it maybe,Black-ish it ain't,Metal,certainly NOT, but it does have a meandering but muffled foggy charm that reminds one of the good ol' days of Fuck Off Records

Euronymous saw the potential anyway? 

The first ambient Black Metal band anyone?

Its a pity that the dearly departed leader of Mayhem couldn't have also spotted that Varg of Burzum, was a complete nut-job fruit loop sociopath who would kill him a few short years,plus a few immolated Norwegian churches later.

Its all just a bit of fun kids,don't take it all so effing seriously...especially Black Metal for fucks sake!? Sometimes its more subversive to sell out,and fade away?

Tracklist:

1. Lost Wisdom

2. Spell Of Destruction

3. Channeling The Powers Of Souls Into A New God

DOWNLOAD then fade away HERE!

Mütiilation – "Black Imperial Blood (Travel)" (Self-released cassette) 1994

Aha!....it's that French shit-Fi Death Metal band whose singer/guitarist (Meyhna'ch - suspiciously NOT his real name), declared himself Dead so he could escape the spectre of looming success and eventually form a new band from the cremated ashes of the old line-up;which was mostly a Duo,if not a solo project,so to lose your guitarist,singer and songwriter in one go is is existential to say the least 

So it turns out Meyhna'ch,(real name Willy Rousell), resurrected himself and the band to release a few reasonably popular albums in the 1990's,sometimes employing a drum machine,always in the lowest-possible 'Fi',and sometimes just very,very  solo.....if you saw a picture of him you'd understand why.

A rare Photo of 'Willy' when he was dead

In December 2009 however, Meyhna'ch decided to quit Mütiilation for good. Mütiilation being the longest lasting band of the legendary  Black Legions. The Black Legions or,Les Légions Noires in French, or simply abbreviated 'LLN', were an exclusive group of French satanic black metal musicians with members similar to the extremely naughty Norwegian "Inner Circle", who released only very limited runs of their fucked up-Fi muzick.

The killy one,Varg from Mayhem, now lives on a farm in France I believe, after he served 15 years his life sentence in one of those 5-star hotels they call Prisons in Norway (they even had a recording studio for the inmates,this is how Varg carried on releasing albums while inside....a bit like Bobby Beausoleil of the Manson Family......but don't forget that Anders Breivic gets out in 10 years.They have to change the constitution to keep him in prison beyond his 20 year sentence.....he got less than Vaarg from Mayhem,as Vaarg had burned down several churches as well as killing his Bands front man.....I think some people take their art far too literally.

For the full Story check out the Lords Of Chaos rockudrama....not exactly accurate,but entertaining,and one of the better Rock Movies.

In 2024 the band (Mütiilation) was reformed and is active again.

Well at least one of the members seem to have eternal life?

Maybe he's a Vampire,drinking his audience's black blood,which is illegal i am told,even in Norway. So are Pedophiles,which is why Donald Trump didn't get his peace prize.....maybe I can think of a new job for Varg if he can get into the USA? He could pretend to be a Football fan and strangle the fucker with his Fifa Peace Medal?

Tracklist:

A1 Magical Shadows Of A Tragic Past
A2 Skoger Av Onde Drom
A3 Under Ardailles Night
A4 Eternal Empire Of Majesty Death
A5 Black Imperial Blood (Travel)
My Travels To Sadness, Hate & Depression
A6-a Vampire's Nights
A6-b To My Hell

DOWNLOAD the bloody thing HERE!

Angel Death – "Death To Christianity" (Angel Death Self-released cassette)1986

 Not to be confused with the far more successful, Death Angel...although it's not too difficult to achieve such a lofty status.....;Angel Death,make a shittier than thou form of Death Metal Shit-Fi.

They said 'They Couldn't Play' about the Sex Pistols, which was in fact total Bollocks, But these Italian would be harbingers of Death make the Pistols sound like King Crimson.

They wish Death To Christianity,but you can't kill an Idea, can you? Most of the triple X-Rated old Testament could do with a woke re-vamp ,but i'd urge the Cult of MAGA to put their Bible, "The Art Of The Deal" on a special Fire ,the Fire of Freedom we call it, along with all monotheistic brainwashing manuals,including Dianetics , and have a very overdue party.

Tracklist:

A1 Intro 0:34
A2 Angel Of Death 3:27
A3 Disaster 3:23
A4 Bestial Attack 3:18

DOWNLOAD into the fiery furnaces of Hell HERE! 

Napalm Death / Civil Defense – "Punk Is A Rotting Corpse" (Non Label-Bootleg) 1982

 

On the inauguration of the USA as an official Roque state.I feel it fittingly appropriate that one does a vicious rant about the Great Orange mistake itself,but couldn't think of anything Death Metally as an introduction.

So,I thought,hmmmm How about something appropriately fraudulent like a bootlegged Napalm Death fake Demo cassette,without any actual Napalm Death on it,except three tracks by an American Hardcore band no-ones ever heard of....or as Trump would say,a Beautiful american Hardcore band that no-ones ever heard of before"....in this case some fuckers called Civil Defense (note the american spelling). 

An early incarnation of Napalm Death were incidentally also called briefly, Civil Defence (note correct spelling),which is why the fuck up of having three tracks by Civil Defense happened.The bootleggers obviously thought this was Napalm Death? The actual Napalm Death track was stolen from Bullshit Detector 3,and is track 1,the snappily titled "The Crucifixion Of Possessions".

Above all that,the lads from Napalm,never released anything called 

"Punk Is A Rotting Corpse",especially NOT in 1982.

At least we can change the title for our own purposes,and rename it "Trump will be A Rotting Corpse".....hopefully soon eh?

Behold! The festering carcass of American Rot shoved into an ill fitting suit: the sleaze of a con-man, the cowardice of a draft dodger, the gluttony of a parasite, the racism of a klansman, the Sexism of a back alley creep, the ignorance of a bar stool drunk, and the greed of a hedge-fund Ghoul. All spray painted Orange and presented like a prize piggie at a Redneck country fair . Not a president, not even a man or just a mammal,the world's worst human,and the worlds worst Mammal wrapped up in one. Just a vile diseased distillation of everything America says it isn't but always has been and will be forever more.Arrogance dressed up as exceptionalism, stupidity passed off as common sense, cruelty sold as toughness, Greed exalted as ambition, and corruption worshiped like the gospel Donald is so blissfully unaware of.

It's America's darkest shadow made flesh, a rotting pumpkin shaped halloween idol.Proving that when a nation kneels before money power and spite,it doesn't lose its soul, it shits out this bloated obscenity and calls it a leader!?

Tracklist:

1 Napalm Death– The Crucifixion Of Possessions
2 Civil Defense– Don‘t Bother
3 Civil Defense– Enough
4 Civil Defense– Dysfunction

DOWNLOAD this rotting corpse HERE!

Necrophagia – "Death Is Fun" (Self-Released-cassette) 1984

Yes indeed, I've heard that Death can be Fun, but i am assured that it can be NOT Fun also? In fact, mostly Not Fun.

Zero-Fi Death Metalers Necrophagia, tend to err on the Not Fun side of things, aurally speaking,yet certainly on the FUN side of things conceptually.

Sonically speaking, "Death is Fun's" nearest relatives are Dragnet era Fall, and the Mentally Ill although I think that The Mentally Ill are far more morally bankrupt than...well....anyone in Death Metal.

Tracklist:

A1 Autopsy On The Living Dead 2:43
A2 Death Is Fun 1:24
A3 Communion Of Death 3:22
A4 Insane For Blood 2:11

DOWNLOAD for fun HERE!

Sodom – "Witching Metal" (Self-Released cassette) 1982

German Black Metal band with very silly names,who were allegedly driven to the dark side of Metal by the threat of a life toiling in the Coal Mines of  Gelsenkirchen, and hearing Venom, who incidentally came from a coal mining area in Newcastle UK. They played a form of high speed Black Metal inspired by the coal dust and slag-heaps that there seemed no escape from.If only we were a Black Metal band said bassist Tom Angelripper(not his real name)to his similarly inspired friends.

Not many places or politicians had the guts to liberate the miners from their squalor like the UK did ,so showbiz was the only answer.

So be it! 

Sodom are still around today unleashing their particular brand of scraping free-form Metal on an unsuspecting bunch of filthy miners,who,no doubt, were more than happy to stay in the pits to avoid this relentless noise.Everyone wins!?

Believe it or not, they did go on to earn themselves a Gold Disc in Germany for a later album.And hopefully no-one got Sodomized in the process?.....you know how record executives are? The ones who start sweating when a youthful member of Sodom asks that awkward,but classic question, "Vot did you do in ze war Vater?"....lets just say, Vater wasn't playing Black Metal with the Einsatzgruuppen at Babi Yar.

Although when the queues of naked Hispanics are growing fast at one of Donald Jennifer Trump's Treblinka style ICE controlled Golf Course,with added Gas Chambers placed discreetly around the 19th hole,reserved ,obviously for YOU! between the Water Hazard and the heavily disguised Shrubbery....; maybe a bit of Death/Black metal would be appropriate for the camp band.Maybe "Y.M.C.A." played over and over again in a Black Metal Stylee?

I, for one would be rushing to get in there first and take deep breaths of that lovely poison Gas,the one that never worked during Death Row executions from the time before the Civil War.

You better start making plans and decide what kind of American you are 'cus they're coming....to fill your reservation for the nearest mass grave

Sodom if they can't take a joke ;=)☺

Tracklist:

A1 Devil's Attack 3:13
A2 Witching Metal 3:04
A3 Life From Hell 2:52
A4 Poisoned Blood 3:15

DOWNLOAD to be sodomized by german record executives HERE!

Carcass – "Flesh Ripping Sonic Torment" (Self-Released ) 1987

 Ahhh, some Death Metal from the home of the Beatles(Liverpool for gen Z),which sounds like Helter Skelter fed through a cheap distortion pedal and cement mixer......except this ain't Death Metal is it? It's Grindcore innit?

Chief Grinder, Bill Steer, was in Napalm Death for one album....."Scum" I think.So, the relevance of this post was to make a connection between Carcass and the early disemboweling grind of Napalm Death.

However, Bill Steer, was to leave and missed Napalm stalwart Shane Embury joining, like ships in the night,after leaving Warhammer,whom we featured in the previous post.

Most of the musicians....musicians???....in these groups were interchangeable, so no determinable difference was made, and a smooth transition was easily achievable.

The Thesaurus for this entire genre is but a slim volume,concentrating mainly on technical Autopsy references, and different,but the same, forms of putrefaction. Poetry it ain't,but it does convey rotting meat as some kind of alternative Flower representing the horrific ugliness of humankind....an image best represented by a naked Donald Trump....of you can imagine that without losing your mind?

I did also have a pint with Napalm Death,at Leicester University....of course i asked for an autograph for my children,so I provided a Fag Packet and Mick Harris dutifully wrote "Salamanderrrr Autopsy Doss, from Mick Harris". I sold them on Yahoo auctions (remember them?) as part of a package I made up, with The Napalm Death Peel Sessions CD, which skipped like a fucker.....a bit like this tape!? More fun facts>>> This tape was recorded in 22 minutes,but still managed to sound better than the debut album, "Reek Of Putrefaction.

PS isn't "Die in Pain" actually shorter than " You Suffer"? if you remove the count in on drum sticks?

PPS : Check out Stewart Lee on going Orienteering with Naplam Death

Tracklist:

A1 Genital Grinder 1:19
A2 Regurgitation Of Giblets 1:29
A3 Festerday 0:14
A4 Limb From Limb 1:01
A5 Rotten To The Gore 2:51
A6 Excreted Alive 0:56
A7 Malignant Defecation 1:54
A8 Fermenting Innards 2:31
A9 Necro-Cannibal Bloodfeast 1:41
A10 Psychopathologist 1:26
A11 Die In Pain 0:02
A12 Pungent Excruciation 3:01
A13 Face Meltaaargh 1:12

DOWNLOAD your orienteering map with all the boundaries crossed off here!

Warhammer - "Abbatoir of Death" (Self-Released cassette) 1985

 

Future Napalm Death members' short lived but seminal UK Death Metal combo Warhammer ,guide us through a sonic Abbatoir of Death,as opposed to an Abbatoir of happy moo-cows,and fluffy bunnies. 

Meat is Murder,but there ain't nothing nerdier than a bunch of depressed Incels who play ear bleeding variants of the metal genre. One of my recent obsessions is male disambiguation, creating a portmanteau for self-loathing involuntary celibates,who stoop to admiring Misogynist Terrorists and in some cases,when pornography isn't enough, become such a frustrated bum hole as to bludgeon any unfortunate woman who spurns their awkward advances to Death, or in this case Death Metal.

So instead of blaming, objectifying, and denigrating women and girls as a result of their inability to 'pull a bird' some involuntarily celibate young men are now turning to the cathartic cleansing power  of Death Metal noise, which these special unkempt young men,usually metal-heads, can now use to replace anti-fem feelings of repressed hatred with the purging potency of a Heavy Metal variant.

I guess it doesn't help to be an active fan of such a genre that has so very few members of the fairer sex participating within. Maybe try to go a bit Indie, or dancey and you WILL get laid.Leave the Death metal for private moments, in between the wanking.

Tracklist:

A1 Halloween
A2 Blood On Satans Claw
A3 Satans Angel
A4 Carnal Lust
A5 Prophecy
A6 Abattoir Of Death

DOWNLOAD and get hammered HERE!

Possessed – "Death Metal" (Self-Released) 1984

 Is this the group what gave Death Metal it's name? Probably not,but they seem a bit too musicianly for my taste,and a bit too Thrashy .But, hey, i'm being far too picky here.However, a thick layer of turgid ferric oxide smog on this recording would have increased their Shit-Fi credibility skywards.This should have been an ejaculation from the sulphur pits of Jesus, but Satan had a day off that week,and the band sneaked into the proper recording studio.Well, being on duty for eternity in Hell, surely Lucifer,and what other names he/she/it goes by, deserves a day off every now and again. He certainly was on duty for Death's debut cassette anyway.Dunno if Obama's barmy army used it for torture in Guantanamo Bay,but i'd tell them everything if they threatened to stop playing all that Death Metal.  

Tracklist:

A1 Death Metal
A2 Evil Warriors
B1 Burning in Hell

DOWNLOAD the death of metal oxide HERE!

Death – "Death By Metal" (Self-Released) 1984

 

Well, that's enough NWOBHM for anyone innit?

Everyone here know's that I dig the shitty end of the stick, so its time for some Shit-Fi Death Metal, which frankly makes most NWOBHM sound like The Smurfs. This is an early cassette from Floridian Death Metal group called, definitively...er....Death,formerly Mantas.It sounds like a fatal gang rape with its victim dragged backwards through a swamp of flesh slicing thorns to a waiting shallow grave.The very opposite to I Spit On Your Grave, this is a place where the Graves Spit On YOU!

Speaking for myself, this is how Metal should sound,morally bankrupt and recorded beneath the liquefied mud of a freshly violated Tomb.

Where Dolby noise reduction fears to tread.

Tracklist:

A1 Legion Of Doom 3:24
A2 Evil Dead 3:11
A3 Beyond The Unholy Grave 3:14
B1 Power Of Darkness 2:40
B2 Death By Metal 2:17

DOWNLOAD birth by metal HERE!

Various Artists – "One Take No Dubs (Live In The Studio)" (Neat Records – NEAT 25) 1982

A very punky NWOBHM split EP from the vaults of Neat Records up there in Newcastle upon Tyne.It sounds like a Heavy Rocking Eddie and the Hot Rods,crossed with Thin Lizzy,and added Buzzcocks style boasting of no overdubs, as was the case on the unofficial first UKDIY record Spiral Stratch. They did actually do a couple of takes,but owned up to them on the rear of the cover. How many takes did these Geordie Punky Metal Heads need?...why but one apiece , and the electrified urgency is obvious. A crackling maelstrom of high speed Rock'n'Roll, and undoubtedly very stylistically NWOBHM.

Tracklist:

01 Alien – Could Have Done Better
02 Hot 'N' Heavy - Express
03 Black Rose – Knocked Out
04 Hellanbach – All Systems Go (Full Scale Emergency)

DOWNLOAD in one take HERE!

Various Artists – "It's Unheard Of (14 Full Power Heavy Metal / Rock Tracks ...)"- (Sane Records – SANE 002) 1984

A rather more obscure NWOBHM collection from Sane Records,who put out a couple of other sister compilations in their short tenure, one being a Punky effort, and the other a minimal synth classic,both of which are featured on this lovely blog......just click the clicky blue bits and you'll be taken there.

This 14 tracker has a wide cross-section of British metal,leaning towards a poppy orientation.Surprisingly,nothing actually made me laugh until track 12, "Encounter" by Sapphire.The first words of this dreadful Ballad give you a clue,.... "She was my lady",who had unfortunately died some time before of an unrevealed illness...either that or she fell off his Honda C-50 while riding pillion to a Sapphire Gig ,its not clear.The songs timescale isn't obvious and this was his tribute to his dead lover,apparently "She was the only one"....ahhhh,i'm welling up. 

I can see several pairs of spandex tights cladding these very misguided young men with large hairdos.I'm thinking Hair Metal here,or Glam, as we more sensibly called it in the UK.

It gets a bit scratchy towards the end,sorry, but its all in the best possible dodgy taste but largely all good fun

Tracklist:

A1 Incubus – Lost Soul
A2 Runestaff– The Games You Play
A3 Pyramid – Time Forgets A Hero
A4 Avalanche – Night Creeper
A5 Ded Engine– Renegade
A6 Research Dept.,– Mrs. Poe
A7 Hammerhead – Lochinvar
B1 Cry Wolf – Seventh Sister
B2 Shylock – Egypt
B3 Trident – The Power Of The Trident
B4 Nu-Tricx – Cry
B5 Sapphire – Encounter
B6 Kraken – Rat Race
B7 Incubus – Way Of The World

DOWNLOAD to hear the unheard HERE!

Various Artists – "Lead Weight (H.M. Rock Compilation From Neat" (Neat Records) 1981

 

A cassette only compilation from North East England, the official home of Black Metal.....mainly because Venom come from Newcastle and they have a track on this tape; "Angel Dust",which I am playing now as I type,and it seems to go on forever,despite the three minute timing printed on the insert!?...maybe it's their mate Satan fiddling with the space time continuum,the very fabric of time,giving us a small taste of listening to Venom for eternity,but only if you're naughty.

However,naughty or nice, the forty minutes of hard rocking NWOBHM,showcases various influences from Motorhead (thats gotta be  Venom innit?),plenty of poundshop Gillan-esque screaming (Blitzkrieg), and a band (Axis) who seems to want to be Queen?!

All on the legendary Neat Label from Geordie-land.....where that screechy bloke called Brian in the flat cap from AC/DC came from.

Newcastle has a lot to apologise for, especially their underachieving football team which Geordie fans seem to think are entitled as the greatest football team ever,despite achieving pretty much fuck-all in decades of existence. But at least they gave us Venom??.....even The god-awful Toy Dolls are Mackem as they came from neighboring Sunderland,so are not Geordie;but incredibly Sunderland have achieved even less than Newcastle on the football pitch.

Surprise Geordies include such luminaries as Sting, and Brian Ferry.Both very keen to hide their Geordie roots,...and who can blame them?

Eh! Hang on, didn't Penetration, the first NWOBHM band in my opinion  come from Tyne or Wear side? I did a review for the school mag in 1978 on Penetration's "Moving Targets, and dismissed it as Heavy Metal, not Punk. Of course I plagiarized paraphrased copied one of the music weeklies review section for such an outrageous assessment...but it was correct.They had that long haired chap,Fred Purser from Tygers Of Pang Tang in the band at the time,which upped the band skill level uncomfortably high.They were indeed the First New Wave of Britsh Metal band(or was that the Sex Pistols?),sneaking in under the Punk Radar, despite the crackly luminous vinyl it was pressed on.
Tracklist:

Raven – Inquisitor 3:44
White Spirit – Cheetah 4:44
Venom – Angel Dust 2:59
Axe – S.S. Giro 3:10
Blitzkrieg – Inferno 4:59
Aragorn – Noonday 2:55
Fist – Throwing In The Towel 3:40
Axis – Messiah 4:20
Bitches Sin– Down The Road 2:57
Warrior – Flying High 2:46
Satan's Empire– Soldiers Of War 6:50

DOWNLOAD a very neat compilation HERE!

Various Artists – "Roxcalibur"(Guardian Records N' Tapes – GRC 130) 1982

 

If one reads the list of personnel on the dozen or so NWOBHM bands from North Eastern England,featured on this handy compilation, we find a veritable gold mine of Britishness doing British things, with very very British names.

Where would we be without Brian and Gordon Potts of Brands Hatch? Nowhere I wager,or at least somewhere else behind a door that locks from the inside.

Then we have Steve Cabbage, demon of the keyboards for Exodus.Whose keyboard skills made the red sea collapse in itself again.I'm almost 101 percent sure that this isn't his stage nom de Plume; I envisage a hell of a time was had at school with such an unfortunate moniker, he probably even bullied himself.

Trevor Wardle,Mick Howard,Nev Larkin,Bill and Malcolm Midwood,Mick Hedley, and so on, it reads like a list of rejected drummer names for Spinal Tap 3. Virtually zero foreigners  on this very non-exotic list, except for a very disturbing appearance by some teutonic beast called Dieter Roth of....here we go again "Unter Den Linden"....where that came from I know not;but exist it does.Festering among this festival of British blanditude.

Magnolia being the interior decorating of this rocking compilation,it became necessary to make up for it on the outside,as another British pastime that almost defines them as a race, is to Rock out Man!Oh how they do like to party, even if they are called Mick,or Pete,Dave, or Trevor, they all think they are Pop Stars, and raise hell when they can.

Despite another beige christian name,Keith Moon was not the exception,but the rule.

Ahhh poor old Keith, wife beater,alcoholic,drug consumer stupidity beyond any other idiot one cares to mention;but the best bit that godd 'ol Mooney got away with was when he killed his Chauffeur by reversing his Bentley over him while drunk,no licence,no insurance and attempting to escape a gang of Skinheads after starting a fight in a pub!I doubt if any of us reading this unbelievable rock mythology would escape severe punishment for such mindless twollox!

Ha Ha Haaaa,life of the party was Mooney, wasn't he Pete Townsend? Wouldn't catch you doing that would we? Too busy doing "Research" by subscribing to internet kiddie Porn.......he walked free too??!!

Lets face it kids, all of the 60's/70's glitterati were shagging kids,beating up women,even when they were under-age,pushing class A drugs on to innocent entourage members and potential conquests, and ,basically, would be sharing a prison cell with Jimmy Savilles ghost,Rolf Harris,Glitter Johnathan King,that tit from The Lost Prophets, and frankly ,Mojo fans,The Beatles would have been banged up in 1964 if they had the same laws and attitude as today.Their manager was an Epstein after all?

The Heavy Metal acts around 1979/80 would have loved to do the same as their pervy nonce heroes,but no-one gave a shit about 'em, unless they were Iron Maiden, who were too big to get easy sex by playing Heavy Metal.....awww bless 'em.

But, let's not get distracted by our rock gods' orgiastic excess,"Roxcaliber" sounds innocent enough for me to stupidly announce.....announce, NOT, A NONCE!...Twats!

...to Stupidly announce that there are officially NO Nonces on this record.

They probably all work for the BBC now, after being sacked by Harvey WankStain, while Iron Maiden and Saxon are on the next Lolita Express plane to Epstein Island with Donald Trump at the controls.

Slay them with the Sword of Roxcalibur!

Tracklist:

A1 Black Rose – No Point Runnin'
A2 Brands Hatch – Brands Hatch
A3 Battleaxe– Burn This Town
A4 Satan– Oppression
A5 Marauder – Battlefield
A6 Unter Den Linden – Wings Of Night
A7 Skitzofrenik – Exodus
B1 Battleaxe – Battleaxe
B2 Marauder – Woman Of The Night
B3 Black Rose – Ridin' Higher
B4 Unter Den Linden – Man At The Bottom
B5 Skitzofrenik – Keep Right On
B6 Satan– The Executioner
B7 Brands Hatch – No Return

DOWNLOAD metal approved by king Arthur's dumber brother HERE!

Various Artists - "Roksnax" - (Guardian Records N' Tapes – GR C80) 1980

 

Was this label the NWOBHM arm of the Guardian newpaper,otherwise known in the satirical toilet as the Grauniad for its vast talent for misspelling as did Slade once or twice, and that metal band mentioned previously, Panza Division.

The correct spelling aside,which,for the record should have been 'Rock Snacks',The Guardian is now the foremost liberal lefty pinko news source on the planet whom Donald Jennifer Trump undoubtedly  hates viscerally all the lofty pinko's who read the Grauniad . Not that Trump can spell either, or read,or write for that matter,'Guardian Records'N'Tapes' have now sunk without trace,leaving a lengthy legacy that includes  this rather excellent shared NWOBHM  compilation. Hopefully the Orange one will sink without trace one day soon too, leaving only a fluffy yellow wig oozing its way to the surface amidst a small,foul smelling Toxic Orange Slick to further damage the ailing sea life he helped towards extinction.

Whether 'Guardian Records'N'Tapes' was sued out of existence by Trump's legal team because their boss thought it WAS the actual Guardian itself and had it removed for being Nasty Horrible people and terrible journalists, or it simply didn't sell enough copies of the bizarrely named Roksnax compilation.

Who cares why anyway,when one has this rocking fragment still in circulation.

Not a weak track amongst the 9 donated by the three hairy groops from the North East of England that we find being immolated by a cartoon dragon on the rear cover.

This record label,were also in fact responsible for the local band compilation, cheekily called "Compilation N.E.1?"....which thankfully is not a London postcode but just a jokey frolic signifying that this is a band collection from the North East of England,specifically the Sunderland area. This will undoubtedly emerge as a free download here sooner or later to add to the vast Local Compilation section on these here pages of pointless drivel.

As long as The Toy Dolls aren't on there I'll post it here soon.....oh fuking no!?......yes,just checked,they fuking are!? 

Tracklist:

A1 Samurai – Die Or Deliver
A2 Hollow Ground– Rock On
A3 Saracen – Speed Of Sound
A4 Hollow Ground– Fight With The Devil
A5 Samurai – Temptress
A6 Saracen – Fast Living
B1 Hollow Ground– Flying High
B2 Saracen – Feel Just The Same
B3 Samurai)– Knights In Painted Castles

DOWNLOAD and grab a snak HERE!

Various Artists - "Scene Of The Crime" - Suspect Records – SUS 3) 1981

Ok, I know I'm not entirely conversant in the lost language of Heavy Metal,but I am struggling as to comprehend what is exactly occurring on the cover of this NWOBHM compilation.Is that riffing metal-head attacking a Policeman with his guitar? Otherwise known as an "Axe"....lingo borrowed from  beat generation Hip Talk.

The role of the Van is not too clear,but i'm guessing that is assuming the honor of the mythical beast-like metal chariot, the  Tour Bus,and that Copper (Traffic Warden?) is standing in the way of a string of very important Heavy Metal tour dates?

I don't recognize the brand of guitar,so I can't rule out it being one of those cardboard guitars as used in Air Guitar competitions at the Soundhouse?

Now that's cleared up, the first track seems to misspell 'Panzer' as 'Panza',and no they most definitely aren't to be confused with American Noise Rockers Panzey Division....if I spelt that correctly?

Anyway, whats good enough for the Slade is good for the Panza.

Appearing from the smoggy vista's of Sheffield, with fellow misspelling cohorts Def Leppard, their Englishness is revealed by their obvious obsession with World War Two.Apart from the name, the first track they offer up is called "Blitz", which sounds a bit like an amped up Status Quo in places,certainly a heads down no nonsense mindless boogie....and why not?

Savage, do their best Motorhead impression,despite Lemmy insisting that the 'Head' were never Heavy Metal (We're Rock'n'Roll), reminding one of that very argument in the comic Strips' Heavy Metal parody, "Bad News",where the band argue about this very subject:

"I'm not going any further until I hear Alan(Vim) say we're Heavy Metal!"

A line to rival anything in Spinal Tap!

I suppose I'm more like the Jennifer Saunders character, Sally Freidman, Britain's number one hot chick music journalist.(Watch it all Here)

Back to the Good News:

Manatou gives us one of those god awful Hair Metal Ballads to show us all that they, indeed, are not Just a Heavy Metal band (see above),a crime that Tyrant seem far too keen to repeat.

It all sounds like they left the EQ settings alone for the whole album to save time from maybe a 12 hour setting.The same time someone like The Fall would have taken back in the day.

Alas,Heavy Metal,and its New Wave, is at the very least,both hilarious and entertainingly rocking....even the crap tunes to some extent.Especially when its recorded as cheaply as this.

Great Stuff,and a fine still life of British Culture that exists now here else on this planet.......well maybe on some very unusual exoworld after vomiting it through a wormhole......there i go again,Sally From Bad News!?

Tracklist:A1 Panza Division– Blitz 3:30
A2 Manitou – Manitou 3:32
A3 Savage  Let It Loose 4:15
A4 Sparta– Lords Of Time 6:07
B1 Tyrant – Day Of The Knight 3:25
B2 Panza Division – Delta 4 3:34
B3 Savage – Dirty Money 3:45
B4 Tyrant – Sanctuary 3:28
B5 Manitou – Overlord 3:39

DOWNLOAD this good news HERE!

Various Artists - "New Electric Warriors" (Logo – MOGO 4011) 1980

 

What the Effing Fuck was Logo records? Seemingly without any clue as to what The New Wave Of British Heavy Metal was about, which was mainly hanging out with fellow unwashed male adolescents with greasy collar length hair,dressed like the Ramones, and head-banging with a cardboard guitar. The music was a bit punkified,making the pistols (Sex) tempo challenge Black Sabbath as the inventors of Doom.

A lickle bird tells me that Logo used to be the Translantic label, home of all those great British Folk Revival records from the turn of the decade. I guess they had to distance themselves from anything hippy,so the Punks and Metalheads wouldn't turn their snotty noses up at the connection. They obviously missed out badly on the Punk years,the proof of which comes from the sad fact that the only New Wave band they could get was the truly awful "Tourists", you know them?....Annie Lennox and that other bloke.

Having done some research,Logo, did however has an impressive array of Novelty hits.One of which I own myself, namely "Toast" by the Streetband.....blue eyed Soul singer Paul Young provides us with the cockney-speak vocalisms....the best thing he ever did.

The boss of Logo would have told the A&R department not to miss out on this new Heavy Metal stuff, or get the elbow. Lets start with a mid-priced Compilation.....Put a motorbike and some headbanging fans on the cover, and we should be sorted?.....No?......yep that's right...NO!

I can't imagine Rob Halford riding onstage astride a green trials bike however,the Priest being an obvious influence for many of those rearranging the Marshall stacks aboard this particular sinking ship.

What those grebo-esque air guitarists are doing in the background I shudder to think, especially out in the countryside?....Maybe its the future site of the Monsters Of Rock festival....i'm thinking Donnington and East Midlands Airport here?...and how are they gonna get home in time for their Tea's.....there's only one Bike!?

Record labels are completely clueless as we all know, and, although the NWOBHM on offer here, is not half bad, but I have doubts this shifted many units in 1980. But, one does have a soft spot for anything as uninformed or oblivious as this.....especially ,the artwork.

If I was,somehow in a Metal Band, I think I'd like it to be called Vardis,who open side B with "If I Were King",the main Riff allegedly stolen by Metallica and 9 inch Nails.....whoever they are? ...the court case is ready to roll.

Tracklist:

A1 Turbo – Running
A2 Buffalo – Battle Torn Heroes
A3 Streetfighter– She's No Angel
A4 Stormtrooper – Grind 'N' Heat
A5 Tarot – Feel The Power
A6 Bastille – Hard Man
A7 Oxym– Hot Rain
A8 Dawnwatcher– Firing On All Eight
B1 Vardis– If I Were King (N.E.W. Take)
B2 Silverwing– Rock & Roll Are Four Letter Words
B3 Rhabstallion– Chain Reaction
B4 Colossus – Holding Back Your Love
B5 Workin' Nights
B6 Warrior – Still On The Outside
B7 Kosh – The Hit
B8 Race Against Time – Bedtime

DOWNLOAD and charge these new electric warriors HERE!

Various Artists - "Kent Rocks" - (White Witch Records WIT KR 101) 1981

 

Sidcup,a borough of south-east London on the northern edge of das immigration Kapital of south east England.To be more precise ,Kent, where,in 2026 you can easily pop down Dover way and waste another grey afternoon picnicking on the white chalky cliffs watching the illegal immigrants struggling in their vastly overcrowded rubber dinghys, and count the dead children recovered by the coast guards.

The last thing one would be thinking about would be the minor incursion of NWOBHM into the chalky hillocks of the Kentish coastline. Kent Rocks the boats, but Human trafficking Kills......maybe Kent Kills could be a superior title for these sad ol'days. In fact if most of these desperate migrants were subjected to 40 minutes of "Kent Rocks" they,to a man, would paddle back to France screaming. I may send a copy to the despicable Racists in the UK Parliament,as a suggestion on how to defend our shores from these brown skinned chaps in a more humanitarian way....showing them pictures of Sidcup on their way to ensure that they will never return. Admittedly, Sidcup is a marginally better option than Gaza,Eritrea or any other Genocide saturated hell hole, but boredom does kill, even in Kent.

Having labeled this provincial compilation as strictly NWOBHM,I realise this is untrue. There's some New Wave,Indie Pop and a splash of Minimal Synth pop too!? Well,its got a NWOBHM Label title,and at least 50% of it is classic NWOBHM....so as far as I'm concerned its a NWOBHM comp from the provinces of coastal Britain in 1981 when Goth and Metal fought it out on the Beaches....minus the migrants of course,and fought it out on the Landing Grounds of provincial Kent,where the Gothic Operation Sea-Lion was well under way. In hindsight, i'm not sure who won,but, Iron Maiden did,somehow,conquer India,whereas I can't see many Bauhaus T-Shirts being worn on the streets of New Delhi.

There was a White Witch who worked in the same council run small business space as us. A bunch of Goth's worked a few units down the corridor from us,and made Goth Clothing.The one that they called "V" used to daub herself in white foundation,with black eyes, and the usual Goth regalia.

The Indian sweat shop further down from us had a problem, as the Traditional Indian Ladies refused to enter the building one day.When asked why, they cited the "Witch" in Unit 12/13. This was only resolved when she agreed to remove the white pan-stick and scale down the goth stuff.....which..haha...get it?....I thought was rather decent of her? Where is 'V' now I wonder? Probably ruling the underworld with pure evil arcing from her black fingernails....which interestingly was Syd James' character in "Carry On Don't Lose Your Head", otherwise known as Sir Rodney Ffingham aka 'The Black Fingernail'....a piss-take of the Scarlet Pimpernel....such sophistication? Such Class?....rather like NWOBHM herself?

Tracklist:

1.Renegade– Last Warrior
2.Stif Cremona– People Like You
3.Microgramma– Bus To Amsterdam
4.Dervish – Cyclone
5.Legend – Heaven Sent
6.Demon Pact– Escape
7.K.C.B. – Tomorrow
8.The Jerry Scales Band– The Man
9.Shane – My Song
10.Replaceable Headz– Primeval Ooze
11.Raw Deal – Cut Above The Rest

DOWNLOAD a small boat full of migrant metalheads HERE!

Various Artists – "Parkside Steelworks"(Leeds Independent Label – LP 2) 1985

 

Well, If Trump can flout international law,although sometimes just that orange make-up Flouts International Law too;BUT, if this citrus fruit impersonator can get away with it, then I'm free to feature some DIY New Wave Of British Heavy Metal, aka NWOBHM, to start the challenging year in the height of bad taste. 

One imagines that the majority of Donald Trump's fan base are into Metal,or at least Journey, and therefore should be the provider of the Trump Moronocracy anthem instead of The Village People. However,back in my skool daze, one did notice that the cleverer kids in the sixth form common room were almost exclusively Metal fans....such as it was in 1980.Meaning basically that the kids who had to secretly endure Punk Rock could now express themselves, thanks to the inexplicable phenomenon of NWOBHM, and Iron Maiden at the Soundhouse metal Discotheque in the Reform Party stronghold of Essex...the very place that also gave us The Air Guitar!?

Awww, bless 'em.

They all dressed like The Ramones,liked their rock'n'roll' fast'n'heavy,and thought that the Sex Pistols were probably a metal band. This was the true progeny of Punk Rock, not Discharge and UK82.

Also, without DIY culture NWOBHM would have never happened.Basically the template was Judas Priest crossed with the Damned and Rough Trade Records. There were even local HM band compilations from the provinces.....of which this is one, Leeds being the provincial town in question for this.

Of course there are some horrendous things on this record,but there are some decent Iron Maiden type melodic anthems, which, i'll have to admit are thoroughly entertaining.

As much as us ghostly Antifa hi-brows like to slag off the Morons in MAGA (And you ARE MORONS...i can hear them typing as i speak). The Moronocracy Manifesto promises that they get things done,keep it very...very simple and help us have some fun,with an almost total absence of women,except for the feminine monsters who voted for their very own Handmaids Tale .....in between debates about the abortion rights of these sickening dried up Christian Nationalists and the similar Acronyms of MAGA and NWOBHM,both achieve the same ends with diverging forms of Basic.....but at least Metal can be fun?.....can't it?

You see, I can turn any subject into slagging off these wilfully mindless fascists,even the New Wave Of British Heavy Metal...to whom I duly apologize forthwith.

....Scheesh , I am so Banned from the USA....I'll wear this badge with honor.

If you disagree with this then you're a bigger Cunt than you thought you weren't.   

Track List:

A1 Mendes Prey – Red Alert
A2 Cyrka– Price Of Love
A3 Gypsy – Street Fighter
A4 East To West – You Mean Everything
A5 Virgin – Glittering Diamonds
B1 East To West – I Want You Back
B2 Cyrka– New Direction
B3 Virgin – So Bad
B4 Gypsy – Ride From Hell
B5 Lyzard – The Loving Kind
B6 Mendes Prey– Cry For The World

DOWNLOAD the UK saving Rock'n'Roll....AGAIN! HERE!

Unter Null - "Unter Null" (Self=released Cd-r) 2001

Well. I dunno whether this is Industrial or just overloaded Club Culture Disco? Or do I like it solely  because I fancy the middle-aged woman behind it....I'm sure she was young once,as was I,as this cd-r was released,sadly,some 15 years ago? 

Anyway,we whom are lumbered with the XY chromosome pairing, always think we've got a chance to 'Get Off' with anything,or anyone. They, Mr XY, constantly fail to recognise female,or Trans dykes who have clearly no interest in making contact with any kind of balls with their tongue.And lo and behold, never respond to any human lacking the 'Y' who smiles in their general direction with another smile.Males cannot comprehend that this social comfort means anything other than a Come On!?

I still do all this stuff.

If anyone I deem female smiles at me, one automatically scans the smilee up and down, pausing at the breasts and crotch,cloven hoofed or not.

So obviously I 'Got Off' with Ms Erica Dunham, aka Unter Null, as I'm clearly irresistible,despite never having been in the same room as her...Ever!...but her marvelously crunchy Industrial Distorted Disco makes me feel as if I know her....or are they a 'They'?...as every fucker seems to be in these demonstrably final Days on planet Earth. 

I,am,however, regrettably only human, and admit to watching Renée Zellweger on TV with a tear in my eye when Beatrix Potter's fiance died in "Miss Potter"(2006). Incidentally,this is also how I felt when the Sex Pistols broke up.....alas, no tears;but, Remember when Robbie Williams left Take That, and young women everywhere were suicidal......this wouldn't happen in 2026,as the gender confusion era is well and truly upon us,and there appears to be No escape. The Grassy Knoll of the prefect storm of Extinction is upon us, backed up  by the Neo Neo Nazism of they with the silly hair.

I suspect I am already banned from the USA  due to my anti-Maga stance on social media,and alleged celebration of Charlie Kirks assassination(they just got the wrong guy that's all); But i may score brownie points for my, now regretted culture wars stance.

This I now reject to save my relationship with my born female Child, who is Trans extreme.....far more important than being right,or a winner......as everything worthwhile is. Fuck being right, and Fuck America as long you total twats allow that Orange Buffoon to spread stupidity across this dying planet.

TWATS! Twats and double Twats!......what do you think Muttly?

Tracklisting: 

1 Assfuckers, Inc.
2 Cliche
3 Devastating
4 Assfuckers, Inc. (Harder! Remix)
5 I Hate You
6 More Hardcore Than You
7 Battle Of The Flesh
8 The Darkest Day
9 I Wanna Pound That Ass
10 Sex0r
11 More Hardcore Than You (Monotone Corrosive Remix)
12 An Ode To ACID

DOWNLOAD in an uber null way.HERE!

Himukalt – "Sex Worker" (Total Black – 122) 2019

 

y'know wot, if this modern Industrial stuff was released in the seventies or eighties it'd be labelled as the Industrial Revival,and all the kids would be into it without knowing it was originally done many years ago;but instead of it only spanning a single decade,it becomes forty years after the fact.Nothing wrong with that of course,but no-one labels Ludwig Van's work as classical revivalist over the many decades its been played to death,and is still going strong.....proper music that innit?

Himukalt is the work of Ester Kärkkäinen.It says here that She uses noise, voice, electronics, xerox. replication and reproduction of the body through sound via desire, lust, hostility, rage, mania, depression, blood, flesh.......hmmm,never heard of any of that before have we.Well, except for all of it, all the time and everywhere.

Again, nothing wrong with that, just don't bore us shitless with any yawn-some explanation.Never....repeat,NEVER explain your "Art"....NEVER!

However, the main reason we're here is because all this lovely industrial noize was made by that rare beast in the Industrial smorgasbord, a pretty young lady....as revealed in the blurb bollocks above.

My patronizing tone might get the blood boiling of a handful of male too woke to poke, stalkers,as they use feminism as a crafty tactic,to extort themselves into the fairer gender's underpants before you can say "will we be married on the morrow you delightful creature".

As a 'bloke' myself,I can guarantee any of the male gender type who purports to be a feminist sympathizer, is deep down, a rapist,or one of them weaponized Incels again.

Stand clear and re-identify in a modern stylee as non-binary and push mankind's wheelchair off the cliff of extinction........I suppose, using my own criteria for definition this makes me a potential rapist?.....at best, a creep. Fair enuff, I can take it.

As regards the use of the word(s) "Sex Worker",in the woke-a-bye world of right-on-ness,this has replaced the very accurate term, Prostitute,so as not to offend er....Sex Workers.I'm sure this has made their lives a whole lot better,as they are slowly accepted into society....not.

Of course we are ALL prostitutes,but we are not ALL Sex Workers.

I did have a Pop Group T-shirt back in day,that my mother refused to Iron.....yes in the eighties Ironing was still a task taken up by only those with XX chromosomes.....the XY version of the female genome, shows very little interest in Ironing,or indeed,and controversially, Football. In fact I have grown to hate Football too,or more accurately, Modern Football.....but I don't hate modern Sex Workers, whose services should be provided,free, by the NHS.....if that happened I guarantee that Rape,Sexual assault and most murders would disappear,almost overnight.Psychiatrists agree.

In addition,the removal of the monetary system would further reduce the remainder of the murder stats to a healthy looking zero.

There you go, just one innocent Sex Worker cassette and we've just eradicated most global violent crime......Next up, how the humble cassette cured world hunger. 

Tracklist:A1 Puncture / Punishment
A2 Interlude 1
A3 Nothing But Contempt For Her
A4 Transactional
B1 Interlude 2
B2 Cold And Empty
B3 Interlude 3
B4 No Safe Distance

DOWNLOAD some unsafe sex works HERE!

Smut – "Incomplete Chaos" (Turgid Animal Cd-r– 0000000) 2014

This is a modern one!It being released after 2010,and is one of those horrible CD-r things,and gets even more modern as its creator is a lovely young lady called Lucy Johnson.......sorry lads, No Pictures.Y'all will have to make do with vintage photographs of Kingston upon Hull riviera industrial royalty Cosey Fanni Tutti.....and believe me she don't look like wot she used to no more.

There have been unsurprisingly few charming Vixens in the Industrial realm,mainly because they are surrounded by members of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile towards women and men who are sexually active.Otherwise known as self-identified incels who use the internet to find anonymous support, and listen to either Doom Metal or the darker side of Industrial noise.......this may,or may not be You?.....but Phwaoooar eh? A young lady making creepy doom laden ambient droning noise?? What more could a lonely Incel,which,by the way is a portmanteau of involuntarily celibate, wish for.Someone to stalk to?

(The sound of distant thudding)Shit, someone's banging on my door again in a Police stylee.

Tracklist:

1 Mother Shipton
2 A Grandeur In The Beatings Of The Heart
3 G&G
4 Tramadol 4am
5 Blood Moon

DOWNLOAD some incell chaos HERE!