Saturday, 29 June 2019

The Christophers ‎– "Christopher Recordings On Sex Instruction" (Christopher Recordings) 1951

The normal way that Christians provided sex instruction for children, especially by Priests and the like, was usually to shag them.
If i didn't have chemicals that made me behave otherwise, I think this sickly sweet, gender stereotypical, christian vomit-fest would turn me off Sex for life, and the life after that.
The fact that there's absolutly no need for Sex in the here-after would in fact put a lot of christians off obeying the ten commandments to avoid being sent there.Which would lead to an epidemic of adultery,murder,theft,graven image drawing,false god worship, baring false witness,and worst of the lot....working on sunday!? couldn't make this up could you?.....but someone did!!!?
Which, all told, is not too bad, considering that the Bible seems to positvely recommend such behaviours outside of the commandments betrothed to Moses as, Gang Rape,Genocide,Infanticide, Mysogyny,and Extreme Homophobia.
True, the Koran has 72 Virgins set aside for any martyr who dies during the Jihad;which isn't a lot for a randy (arse)soul living for all eternity in 'Paradise'. Aren't Virgins renowned for being crap in bed anyway? And what about contraception,as Sex is strictly for making Babies in the various holy books,and any measures against pregnancy are also a big No No!? So in fact, these martyrs are tortured for eternity, surrounded by 72 Virgins that they can't have sex with,or Heaven would be full of Kids!
As ther seems to be only two kids in the Christopher family,and as they are law abiding Christians, this implies that the ones giving this instruction have only had sex twice in their Marriage Union.
As skin crawling as this record is,it's also very funny.Which is a combination one always enjoys.

A1 How Babies Are Born
A2 Menstruation
B1 Problems Of Growing Boys
B2 The Marriage Union

DOWNLOAD the christian guide to fucking HERE!


Double Dubz said...

Amazing, thx. Paging Foucault...

I'm planning to use a lot of this recent religious material as between-sets content at the deep-underground ;) afterMAF fest next weekend here in Roanoke (area), VA. Endlessly entertaining/obnox :)

Jonny Zchivago said...

Spread the word Brother!
As i have a low opinion of the human race...myself included wouldn't surprise me if your intra-set content turned at least 10% of your audience onto joining a religious cult.

rev.b said...

@ D. Dubz, that sounds like a good revival service to find a direction in Christ. I’ve been known to haunt the bowels of Roanoke, tho’ usually downtown and probably not the better, more desirable dungeons. No guarantee, but if the lord moves you to provide a time and address, I could conceivably darken that doorstep. Either way, go forward and ignite souls for the lord. Need a match? Gasoline?

rev.b said...

The promise of 72 virgins has always mystified and amused me too, in that as a disincorporated sprit, presumably lacking a penis or whatever gonad that might be required, why someone would have any desire for a virgin, be it 1, 5, 48 or 72? Seem to me a well-versed partner would be preferable to a virgin anyway, what with all that tearing and bleeding. I imagine there's a reason they fixated on 72 virgins, but fuck all if I know why. In any case, that sort of thing's for the living. Does anyone remember being horny BEFORE being born into this? So that being said, the chances of any interest post mortem seems pretty slim… unless you’re willing to just fucking believe ANYTHING, but I guess that’s how this all works. So is this king of record the cause of all those church molestations we keep hearing about? Sounds like it could well fuck up any normal sex life.

snoopy said...

Track 3, remixed by the Evolution Control Committee