J.P.M. And Co – "Phantasmes" (Crypto – ZAL 6420) 1977

Some people take all kinds of class A drugs to try and make music that is unfathomable and "Out There",but end up making such unquantifiable rubbish as "We Built This City On Rock'n'Roll" by Starship, featuring members of trippy hippy psychedelic purveyors of silliness,the Jefferson Starship. Drugs make shit art,fact, and coloured alcohol leads to cutting your ear off and posting it to a young lady who hates your fucking guts because you ain't rich.

Now Jean-Pierre and his crazy prog Disco mates, namely himself, don't need nothing but their twisted perceptions of what music in 1977 means,and that rarely used Class Z drug, imagination......oh and probably normal illegal substances too I guess.....nobody's perfect.

Not many musicians are alone in a ghetto of their own making, but Jean-Pierre Massiera has voluntarily imprisoned himself in a progressive Disco hinterland,rarely repeated elsewhere.

France is never slow to tell everyone how many types of cheese they have (in fact far less than the UK...check it out),but one French cheese that rarely gets mentioned is French music.This particular variety sounds not unlike a two side long love making scene from a James Bond movie,dubbed into French.

There are those who would say this recording is a bucket of Merde.Maybe so,but feel rest-assured that there isn't another record out there,or "Out There",that sounds like this one.....not even the United Kingdom can say that......but they do have shit loads more cheese types and varieties that the self-crowned kings of Cheese;and more types of quality pop music that the king of progressive cheese, Jean-Pierre Massiera, could ever possibly throw into the rock'n'roll fondue.

Tracklist:

A1 Baby Topless (Poupée Gonflable) 2:50
A2 Les Moulins De Mon Coeur 6:00
A3 Mama Ecoute 2:50
A4 Adieu L'ami 3:15
A5 Plus Jamais Ça 3:12
A6 Poet's-Poet's And C- 0:35
B1 C'est Show Bizz 3:25
B2 El Lidiador 3:50
B3 Ces Mots 2:43
B4 Dali Court 2:52
B5 Je Ne Pense Qu'à Ça 2:23
B6 J'habite 4:10

DOWNLOAD from a world of cheese HERE!

Cerrone – "Cerrone's Paradise" (Malligator – 773 802) 1977

 

I had a Fridge like that once.I made my girlfriend live on top of it until I decided what to do with her....I say girlfriend,but really I mean Hostage.

In-between massive Disco Hits,Cerrone developed a sideline providing handy cold storage facilities for the discerning serial killer,with enough room inside for dismembered body parts and beer for parties with his.....watch those Pro-nouns boys and girls....or, 'her'. fellow murderers and sex killers.Initial units came with a complimentary bone saw and head size Acid Bath.

He didn't sell too many,mainly because he must have been using them him...slash...her,self.I mean, what the fuck is that album cover about?

If he wasn't creepy enough before then he was certainly creepy enough after this records release......on his own label may I add,just in case you were questioning Marc's DIY credentials. I suppose most killers and Rapists are DIY aren't they.....there are cases where they manipulate some gullible idiot to do it for them,but that's quite rare.Unless we're including the 'Holocaust' in this discussion of course?...which we're aren't.

Not Cerrone's greatest album, but the Disco Cheese quotant is comfortably High grade Disco Roquefort.He likes anything with blue veins on it does our Marc.

Worth it for that nutty cover alone.If Cerrone wasn't at least a rapist, I'd be somewhat surprised.Or just a Pop star in the seventies which, basically, means the same thing.

Question: What's white and crawls down the inside of a fridge?

Answer: Cerrone's latest Release.

Tracklist:

A Cerrone's Paradise 16:30
B1 Take Me 6:07
B2 Time For Love 6:15
B3 Cerrone's Paradise 3:31

DOWNLOAD and do the funky murderer dance HERE!

Cerrone – "Love In C Minor" (Malligator – 773 801) 1976

Dig that cover brother!?

As well as the wonderfully weird world of JPM, France provided the world with some the most unwoke,most nafferroony,and downright creepy Disco music ever invented.The king of which was undoubtedly one Marc Cerrone,of Supernature fame.He discovered early that the quickest way to liberate a young lady from her clothing if you were a short-arsed inadequate with a hair-do the shape of a Helmet was to make danceable music and surround yourself with a hareem of part-time models. He certainly was the most handsome man in the room when thse cover shots were taken. This also is a time honoured method of selling large amounts of records to young men looking fot a wife and a wank,and to young ladies on the meat market searching the discotheques for a bouffanted fool with a Triumph Spitfire parked outside. Though in Cerrone's case that would have been a Citroen Deesse with the hydraulic suspension that always went wrong;but at least they couldn't clamp it if you parked on a double yellow line.

The Irony of all this, of course, by-passed the French completely,and indeed most of the Disco vulnerable crowd.Aids came too late to save us from this fate.That or Punk Rock anyways? 

Punk was indeed responsible for saving your author from this toe-curlingly awful fad,but also helped me remain a virgin for long enough to know that the motives of this music were not the most pure and honorable.So the notches on my bedpost were badly affected by the end of the post-punk era.....but at least I never got Aids...or Ayds!

Now, however,free from the shackles of teenage principle,I would of course go dancing to "Love In C-Minor",or making love to a minor which was standard,nay expected, behaviour in the 70's;and i would expect to be laid for doing so,demand my rights as a male idiot,and throw that consent form in the garbage can. All this shit has been re-formalised since the Disco Fad was resold to us as Club Culture by the CIA,but with added Drugs;and has stayed with us until this present day.Er...thanks? CIA?

The mainstream moral majority fools in America,the land of the Prude, managed to edit out all the 'dirty' talk at the beginning of "Love In C Minor",but ironically left the orgasm sounds in!?...they (the justice league of american christians or whatever they were called!?) probably had never heard a woman climaxing before so just thought it was bad vocal harmonies,or even French being spoken?!

Just remember, it all started HERE!

Tracklist:

1Love In 'C' Minor 16:08
2 Black Is Black 5:52
3 Midnite Lady 7:28

DOWNLOAD love in mp3 320 form HERE!

Herman's Rocket – "Space Woman" (Disques Ibach – 60520) 1977

What did crazed French Progressive Space rocker Jean-Pierre Massiera do as soon as Punk Rock infiltrated the pop culture of every medium sized town in every medium sized country and medium sized brain in the western world around 1977? Why he immediately dumped his Space Rock past did the proper Punk thang to do and went Disco....but, this is NOT the Disco that we came to know and despise .Oh No!This was the Disco soundtrack to One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest starring a lobotomised John Travolta wiggling his hips to a crowd of medicated victims of electric shock therapy,shuffling around the secure unit dancefloor.The BeeGee's have painted themselves Green,renamed themselves the BeeGreens and wore blonde afro wigs after being treated with experimental drugs gone very wrong.

Nowhere was Disco music made so as incredibly daft and weird as it was in La France,except maybe in the former Soviet Union?

Herman's Rocket......what a band name.....is the nuts.Come on kids,let's dance and get high on some liberal use of Electro Convulsive Therapy....with a Disco Beat..er...in Space!

Tracklist:

1 Space Woman 5:11
2 Golden Crystallen 2:48
3 Transport Mission Security 3:33
4 Spirit In The Wind 4:20
5 The Last Tournament 3:51
6 Space Rebel 3:16
7 Jupiter Flight N°9 4:08
8 Indian Planet 2:37
9 Hanged In Univers 3:22
10 Green Creature 4:10

DOWNLOAD like punk had never happened HERE!

Ornette Coleman – "Of Human Feelings" (Antilles – AN-2001) 1982

We honkies ain't got the Funk, which when translated literally from the language of 'Jive',means honky don't get the smell of sex brother...just ask Old Gregg.Neither have they got Game, but sport is for persons unnamed who were too muscular for banking, but not stupid enough for the army. Lack of sporting prowess for that pale limbed youth cannot be remedied without a stiff course of illegal Steroids,which will lead to a horrifying case of round shoulders and early death,either that or a damn good bumming from the coach. 

Lack of "Funk" however can be helped somewhat by Ornette Coleman's foray into the world of Funk and Disco called "....Of Human Feelings". Gimmie some of that black creamy milk mother fuckers and move to the groove. On first listen one is struck by its bizarre Elevator music qualities,but that just lures in the casual listener,then infiltrates their reptilian brains with something strictly un-4/4. This is Disco music with a decidedly meandering purpose.A Vaccination against The Bee Gees. Now you can play Disco music without being embarrassed when your trendy chums ask "What the fuck is that you're playing???".....you can reply smugly..."It's Ornette Coleman man"......and still dance to some semblance of a marching beat which is necessary for da white man to express faux-joy of an evening.All after taking the knee of course to express unity with your black brothers.

I know there will be a bunch of Jazzers who think this is the worst Ornette album ever, but they ain't got the Funk have they,you dig?

Tracklist:

A1 Sleep Talk 3:31
A2 Jump Street 4:19
A3 Him And Her 4:15
A4 Air Ship 6:01
B1 What Is The Name Of That Song? 3:56
B2 Job Mob 4:51
B3 Love Words 2:50
B4 Times Square 6:00

DOWNLOAD your feelings onto a hard drive HERE!

Argo ‎– "Discophonia" (Мелодия ‎– С 60—15173-4) 1981

After the copyright action taken against me by Hungarian Proggers Omega,I've lost my thread,so i've fallen back to the default setting of Iron curtain disco weirdness.Probably knocked up under order by a couple of Red Army Generals and a few huge Soviet made tube driven synths...hence the incredible warmth of the electronics.
I can just imagine hearing the medals rattling down at the KGB disco,as the higher ranking officers mingled with the conscripts in a frantic sea of Khaki's, greens and greys. Jackboots stomping on the state provided underlit floor a la Saturday Night Fever.
"Who says vee don't know how to have zer Fun" seeths a KGB colonel in his dress uniform.Grating his moulded asbestos false teeth, sparks leaping from the tendrils of his wirey eyebrow hair,reaching for someone or something to grab like a parasitic climbing plant.
If you wanted to dance without marching in columns in a land where The Bee Gees were Illegal.....at least the CCCP didn't get everything wrong?...then the state record label Melodiya  could provide you with a pure uncorrupted socialist version of Disco for the people. No elitest band picture, no song titles, just 40 minutes of weird low tempo electronic muzak to sway to then go home to your apartment block,or barracks before the curfew. 
"We don't go to Discos because its easy, we go to discos because it is hard" said JFK, and the Soviets agreed.Its certainly a challenge to dance to this stuff, where standing still is a popular option,a real floor emptier,....unless a western spy is present then "YOU WILL DANCE!"....at gunpoint if necessary.The best dancer will receive a Hero of the Soviet Union medal.
All together now...."Deeeeeskooooo"....as some unnamed Lithuanian consript hisses on track A1.

Tracklist:

A1 7:55
A2 4:30
A3 3:28
A4 3:41
B1 7:44
B2 6:20
B3 4:52

DOWNLOAD or face intensive interrogation HERE!