Tuesday, 24 November 2020

Afflicted Man ‎– "The Complete Recordings" (1979-82)



Being Christian is some kind of psychological illness,but then again it has lots of stuff in common with Punk Rock. All encapsulated in the classic ,but fractured outsider punk personality of Steve Hall.
Both Dogma's are full of glaring conradictions,which has their High-Priests muttering wildly opposite statements,although I've yet to hear of a Punk Rock Pedophile as of yet...there's still time.
Joke time.....Q.What's the difference between Acne and a Priest?
A. Acne doesn't cum on yer face before you're Twelve.
Funny huh?
Yeah the morally repugnant Steve Hall embdies the most dramatic shift of polar opposites since Saul turned into Paul on the road to Damascus. If the same journey was made today Paul would have certainly been tranformed, not into a Saint, but into smoldering body parts as he triggers an Improvised Explosive device left there by Islamic State operatives several years hence.
Oh,yes. Mr Afflicted turned from a violent,Nazi flag waving,obnoxious,beer swilling drug and glue abuser.......as in a tabloid newspaper's idea of what a Punk Rocker was, and Steve indeed lived out these  press headlines to the letter;......into a meek and mild Born again Christian. He shifted from 'Punks Not Dead' to 'Jesus' Not Dead' in a matter of hours after chancing upon a devious God Squadder in his squat, banging on about how to let Jesus in your heart.
Here's Hall's version of  how Hall turned into Paul, literally, on the road to the 100 Club for the last time:
"My brother was talking to a guy at the time," he recalls, "who was sharing to him about the Lord Jesus Christ. I asked this bloke, 'Come on, how do you get this Jesus anyway?', in the kind of way that made it look like I didn't care. But deep down I was interested, because no one could help me out and I was desperate for help. He just said to me that Jesus could live in your heart. And I was riding up the road on the motorbike after that just saying, 'If you're there Jesus...' It was a matter, like it is for all of us, of just taking that first step, and once I had I'd never felt anything like it. I really felt God come into my heart and my life and that's what made me cry. It made me burst into tears, I just could not believe what was going on."
Now don't go getting any idea's you lot! I know how impressionable you "The Public" are.....and bloody dangerous too. A the drop of a pay rise, or a compliment you lot can vote in a Hitler or a moron(Trump),or,as in the case of the British,be the only electorate in UK History to vote away Freedom as in Brexit,and Freedom of Movement!
We can also turn into blinkered religious idiots at the mere mention of our mortality.
Maybe Steven was always looking for a Religion,and found it in Punk Rock.The only downpoint was that Punk didn't offer eternal life,no matter wat Wattie (of the Exploited) says.
Luckily Afflicted Man never sang about Jesus,for good reason,as ALL religious pop is appaling....but also funny if its done correctly.
More in the David Koresh school for twisted morals than Handel's Messiah.Christianity should definitely stick with Classical music, and leave 'pop' alone.
Afflicted Man's music is classic DIY Outsider Punk,recorded and released on a shoestring budget,often presented to the world in a candystriped Sweetie bag,the kind that you got your Pick'n'Mix in from Woolworths.His songs’ reliance on repetition have as much to do with the limits of one man’s taste and abilities, along with the studio capabilities of the times, as any sort of applied aesthetics(I didn't write that bit).Anyway, his incredibly rare records feature an impressive talent-stretching cornucopia of sounds, from one chord punk to PiL-type dub noise to glue-fuelled psychedelia, with Get Stoned Ezy (1982) a jaw dropping display of zero-budget production and incompetent guitar freakouts;and we all love that inadvised marriage don't we?
As for live shows:
Hall said: "We had a bit of a political following that I don't really like to mention too much... a Nazi British Movement following. It was our fault a bit, because we got ourselves a following and we just thought 'let's run with this.' I guess we did that because we had no morals really, in one sense, and so we went down that road."
Again he had an uncontrolled need to belong to a religious movement,even though he was obviously the Doubting Thomas of the British Nazi Movement....but as I've mentioned before...Nazi's are Funny......in fact so are Christians......er...and 'Punx' for that matter.
Stevie fills us in on the end of his Punk career:
It wasn't long before he realised that there was no chance that the two lives could co-exist. "At the end of the day I got born again," he says, matter-of-fact, "and I tried to witness to the rest of them, but they didn't want to know. Then I just felt God pulling me out. I played the 100 Club and I was looking across the audience, jumping all over the place, and I just thought, 'What am I doing here?'(Yeah I've been there myself JZ) I came out of there and I didn't go back." Moments later, God began to hit Hall with heavy doses of grace and mercy. "After that I got married,and we had three lovely daughters. At least the God Delusion seemed to save him from his obvious mental crisis,as he admits..."Being saved took me away from the whole drugs scene and the punk music and I really came into Christianity in a full way. I was baptised in the Holy Spirit and started to do God's work.".......fucking hell!.....
Well, i'll help Steve doing God's work, and give his music away for free.Jesus would certainly approve,and maybe even have liked the music too?....notice the use of the past tense in reference to Steven's personal saviour?...if you didn't, you need saving....Please Jesus save us from your followers.

Tracklist:

First 7-Inch (1979)
1-01 I'm Afflicted
1-02 Be Aware

Second 7-Inch (1980)
1-03 All Right Boy
1-04 Who Can Tell

'The Afflicted Man's Musical Bag' LP (1979)
1-05 Hippy Punk
1-06 Piggy People
1-07 Glue Sniffing
1-08 Anywhere Sleeper
1-09 Hippy Skin
1-10 Musically Insane
1-11 Why
1-12 Feeling
1-13 Love One

Third 7-Inch (1981)
1-14 142
1-15 Senseless Whale Slaughter

'I'm Off Me 'ead' LP (1980)
2-01 For The Few I Please
2-02 Survival In The 80s
2-03 Dustbins
2-04 It's Too Easy
2-05 I'm Off Me 'ead
2-06 Crazy 'ead
2-07 I'm Off Me 'ead So Are You

'Get Stoned Ezy' LP (1982)
2-08 Get Stoned Ezy
2-09 Zip 'ead
2-10 Sun Sun

Thursday, 19 November 2020

Expedient Self - "The Present EP" (Self-Released) 2020


 Ok,Yeah I admit it, I've never listened to the Durutti Column!!?...but if I imagined what it would sound like it'd be like this brand spanking new Expedient Self  EP. It's even available on CD for a reasonale price!!!(that's right not for free download on here!?)...not on a CD-r either...with artwork. I did enjoy the Durutti Column's idea of housing one's LP in a sheet of sandpaper,all carefully glued together by the lads from Joy Division,so as to fuck up the other albums you stored in the C-E section of your meagre record collection.Amusingly they never expected that we would house it in a protective plactic cover!No such innovation occurs here however,strictly Kranky-esque ambient album style artwork that seems to move as one looks at it, like drifting cloud formations through the foliage of a tree grasping for more Carbon dioxide.
There's that insular quality which pervades most of Bandcamp, lost among the hoardes of wannabes,and ignored geniuses who are slowly devaluing music further by the sheer quantity of the stuff. Even the innovative things get dragged into the soup,so everynow and again one must dangle the hook into the murky looking liquid and pull out a plum. I feel that this is one of those occasions,and whisper it loudly in the ear of any mildly interested parties,who may play it at a mildly interesting slumber party one day....bouche à oreille,as they whisper in France.
For a more lucid description of the 'bands' sounds here's an Expedient Self spokesperson using the royal 'we' to deny that they are a Durutti Column for the 2020's......:

"We're Expedient Self, a post-rock/experimental band from Brighton, UK. We like putting our guitars through FX to make them sound weird and wonky, while fitting these weird and wonky sounds into structured 'songs.'"

ps...were The Durutti Column the First Post-Rock band...discuss?

pps...not that I've heard them/him of course,nudge-nudge, wink-wink;)


Tracklist:

1.Sparkly Unicorn 02:48
2.Cancer 04:52
3.The End of History 04:34
4.Skinner Box 04:42
5.Hands for Heroes 02:01
6.The Old Normal 05:19

or 

ZOG -"ZOG NOT ZOB !" (Year Zero Records YEAR 049) 2020


 More shameless self-promotion with another 'new' ZOG album......this one's my personal favorite as it 'appens. A more ambient rock approach might I say?

Another lovely album of noisy improvised avant rock from Anglo-French Drums and Bass duo, ZOG.This one has slightly lengthier pieces than usual,but ultimately more rewarding.

ZOB is a french slang word for a penis, which ZOG frequently gets mistaken for....oh how we laugh everytime some clever dick says that...hahaha!

Personel: Christophe Medina....Batterie Jonny Zchivago.....Bass/samples Tracklist: 1. Non-Exist-Ent 19:26 2. This Is Madness 18:39 3. Semen Is Another Word 19:42

STREAM IT HERE! or Album available for FREE download at

Sunday, 15 November 2020

" Jonny Zchivago's Disco Dystopia": Friday November 13th Edition- The 'Fuck Trump' Special." 2020



Hi Chums ,Here's the November edition of Zchivago's award winning Disco Dystopia radio show.......i'm currently banned from Facebook for wishing a terminal experience on all Trump Supporters,so i have to stick to trusty ol' corrupt Google to promote this Anti-Trump special.(links at the bottom of the page)

Zchivago's Disco Dystopia Playlist : November 13th 2020

The 'Fuck Trump' Special:

1.LIQUIDS – I Killed Donald Trump
2.PRO DEATH CORPS – After Donald Trump
3.NAZI DEATH CAMP – The President Is Dead
4.OI POLLOI – Donald Trump, Fuck You.
5.ANGRY SAMOANS – Stupid Jerk
6.NERVE AGENTS – the Fall Of The All-American
7.BILL FAY – Pictures Of Adolf
8.SONSEED – Jesus Is A Friend Of Mine.
9.SCOUTS OF UZBEKISTAN – Rednecks Are Real.
10.KATINY SLEZKI – Track 4
11.ART PHAG – Golf
12.NEO NEO'S – Hitler Wuz A Natzi
13.ANGRY SAMOANS – They Saved Hitlers Cock
14.UNATURAL AXE – They Saved Hitlers Brain
15.KEVIN COYNE – Nasty
16.SCHIZOID – Whitehouse
17.THE NUB – A Job
18.SWANS – Job
19.MINOY and Donald Trump – Inpatient Angel
20.DEAD NEANDERTHALS – The Bleaching
21.KATHY ACKER – President Bush
22.MEL BROOKS – Hitler Rap

or
0r

Thursday, 12 November 2020

Ask Dr. Stoopid - "Mommy, What's a Krautrock?"


 I'm trying to keep myself amused during my Co-vid confinement,and also combat a spell of apathy about blogging.....so......having watched three and a half seasons of "Ren and Stimpy"(the greatest TV show ever made!?),my mind is sufficiently out-thre/damaged to ask Dr. Stoopid what Krautrock really is shall we?
Dr. Stoopid says:

"Basically, Krautrock was a low grade version of 'Prog Rock', but for people who couldn't play musical instruments.....and specifically for anyone who lived in West Germany who couldn't play a musical instrument;even more specifically,anyone who lived in West Germany who couldn't play a musical instrument between 1969 and 1975.
The main Krautrockers,who actually 'Rocked',and thise fellows were in a minority, were Ash Ra Tempel,Amon Düül II.....but NOT Amon Düül I,who were psychedelic hippy primitivists......and Guru Guru. These chaps were the rock element of it all,preferring Jimi Hendrix-style freak outs to wanting to be Pink Floyd at the UFO in 1967. Of course, no real musical talent is needed to play an impression of Jimi Hendrix,who was an innovator on the six strings rather than a fantastic technician.
The large majority of German hippies wanted to be Pink Floyd,who weren't too hot on the musician front themselves. The Syd Barratt Live era from 1966 to 68 was a huge inspiration on the 'Freak Out' front,where the boundaries of Rock traditionalism were completely broken down into free-form freak rock. Then the next era of Pink Floyd,post Syd, was even more influential on the nascent Kraut Rockers.They used syths,and floaty effects.The Space Rock era Floyd.
Being Outsiders, the Krautrockers were, by default, given free reign artisically,because they thought nobody beyond our mates are gonna be interested in this shit? Surely? Never mind buy the records?
How wrong were they?
They didn't count on the endless ingenuity of 'The Record Collector' to create a market to inflate the prices,creedence and obcurity of any second rate genre to boost their kudos in this musical version of Trainspotting.In this world, Obscurity and rarity ruled over musical excellence or innovation. The same thing happened to Soul music in the cess-pits of north western England in the seventies with 'Northern Soul'.....which was really the 'Crap Soul' that nobody bought.These things were rare for a reason,and for the vast majority of Krautrock it was the same.
Naturally there was some genuinely great and innovative music to be dug up, like Neu!,Can,Cluster and,maybe, Faust,but, com'on,most were poor facimiles of Anglo-prog.There was even a Krautrock band who wasn't even German; the Canterbury style bunch of Brits called Nektar,who inceidently could actually play their instruments.
The best stuff to come out of the Krautrock era was the electronic stuff,which should really be referred to, not as rock,but Das Kosmiche Musik, or, space rock with out the rock bit.Again this didn't require any great musical expertease,but ownership of a vast bank of modular synthesisers, and a couple of Terry Riley LP's.We're talking Popol Vuh, Cluster,and Tangerine Dream here fella's.....and it is only Fella's who listen to this stuff.The ladies are less inclined to listen to anything that may enhance their stature in the tribe,and go for mostly stuff they actually like.
It's debateable whether Tangerine Dream should actually be associated with the rest of Krautrock/Kosmiche musik,as they seemed to exist apart from all that,and would have made the charts in the UK no matter what. As for Kraftwerk,they binned off Krautrock altogether to nobley try and invent some futuristic Pop that also charted in the UK. CAN also existed in that hinterland of accessability that overlapped Roxy Music territory minus the songs.
For me, there was only one Kraut act that sounded like nothing else that went before,and that was ,of course, Neu!.This was one of those 'What The Fuck Was That' moments that are all too rare in the rock'n'roll era.
Doesn't that drummer play the same pattern on all of the tracks?...er...Yes. Where were the fills,the paradiddles,the 7/5 time signatures? This was NOT Prog!
Probably the greatest influence Krautrock had was not the music, it was the inclusivity of the musicianship.Wait a minute I can play Bass like Holgar Czukay,play drums like Klaus Dinger,and guitar like that bloke from Guru Guru, said the impressionable youth of 1973,having just pilfered the 'European Rock' section of the local record store.
The Euro Rock section was still there in 1978 when i first bought into the Krautrock legend,after endlessly hearing my Post-Punk hero's name-dropping CAN and Neu.Sadly "Tago-Mago" wasn't there, so I got the terrible "Soon Over Babaluma",which was, let's face it...Shit.Although,there will certainly be comments alluding to the opposite. Luckily I fell upon an original pressing of "Neu 1",on Brain Records, in a subterranean hippy record store in Leicester called "The Very Bazaar",from which i spent most of my dole money in in the early eighties. The Euro-Rock section was in Revolver in Leicester market place,which was renouned for its genre spanning sections;the other notorious section in Revolver was the "New Wave" section,where you could find anything from The Drones to The Door and The Window residing there.
When David Bowie was looking for Idea's, as he was inclined to do,often mistaking 'looking' for 'Stealing',he was pointed in the direction of The Motorik section(as in the Neu/Motorik Beat) of the Krautrock genre by fellow 'Ideas' harvester,and fellow non-musician,Brian Eno,or 'Eno', as his mother calls him.So...er... Eno,with sidekicks Bowie and Pop (iggy),would hang-out with Harmonia,Cluster,Conny Plank,and the Dingers casually usurping their style for a series of rather unremarkable albums to enhance Bowies legend,including the terminally awful "The Idiot" by Iggy Pop...who wants us to know he,or David's read some Dostoevsky.Luckily,as no-one had heard of Neu or Harmonia in the Anglo-Saxon arena,or even in Germany for that matter;this watered down Motorik influenced Kosmiche Pop was attributed to the Great David,who to his credit would often drop these groups names subtley,to the deaf ears of the Anglo-American public.
Most of it is,like every other genre,over-rated and dross, valued for its obscurity over content. Leave a copy of the admittedly rather good,"Golem" by Sand on your coffee table,and you'll score many obscurity points with the envious eyes that your geek friend Eamonn would cast upon it...That's the Eamonn who changed his name to Aemonn Düül in tribute to his favourite Band.Then of course, there was his quieter namesake, Aemonn Düül Too,who was Aemonn Düül One's shadow world. If these people don't exist there is a need to invent them.
So to close this contentious article on German musik at the start of the seventies,its a Geek tradition to have a Top Five list innit?

1. Neu - "Neu!"
2. CAN - "Ege Bamyasi"
3. Cluster - "Zukerzeit"
4. Harmonia - "Musik Von Harmonia"
5. Guru Guru - "UFO"

All pretty obvious selections,but Obscurity in itself is not a guide izzit?
I assume you've all got these albums? Si I'll provide a download of Sand's "Golem" album......which you've probably all got as well,but its more obscure than my Top Five,and is therefore more 'Krautrock as a result.

Epilogue:
Ok, Yeah Jaki Liebzeit was an incredible drummer,and NO, Einsturzende Neubauten was not a Krautrock band,even if they did steal banging metal junk and using engines from Faust.That's immitation not innovation.And no Ash Ra (Tempel) didn't invent Trance."

Sand  ‎– "Golem" (1974)




Tracklist:

1.Helicopter 13:40
2.The Old Loggerhead 8:20
3.May Rain 4:30
4.On The Corner 4:30
5.Sarah (10:40)


Monday, 2 November 2020

The Zchivago Reviews Series - 4/ The Nirvana's - "Never Mind" (On the truly very awful Geffen Records) from about 1990-ish!

 

Losing the will to live,.......come friendly Virus and save me from listening to this truly awful overproduced indie rock shiesterpiece!
The reasons "The Public" go ape over certain groups is a complete mystery to most Shrinks,never mind us sad fuckers with...slight vomit...'impeccable Taste'!? The inexplicable thing is that we are told that Cobain had impeccable taste too(more vomit). That's what I disliked about him most, he reminded me of what I dislike most about myself,or more accurately what other people told me I had........yup...."impeccable Taste". This is why I prefer Flock Of Seagulls to Captain Beefheart these days. The dread of playing "Trout Mask Replica" and some fucker saying "Hey, Captain Beefheart...Cool! You're weird man"......Yes I'm fucking Weird,but not if you are....maaan.
I am well aware that being aware of obscure music is an age-old way of Showing off, as is the knob who strums an acoustic guitar as a way of discovering a way one can learn Charisma instead of actually having it. I'm comfortable with having no charisma and so should have poor little Kurt.
Although "Never Mind" is frequently seen in the top ten of these Best Albums charts, the Nirvans album that could render anyone deaf dumb and blind at 20 paces is that beyond terrible "Unplugged" thing they did for the despicable MTV.
Stripped of their electric equipment their songs reveal themselves to be even worse than the electric versions, full of chunka-chunka strummed four to the floor lullabies,interspersed with the lamest jokes ever broadcast.....hey these guys are Fuuuun!?
Cobain again shows his exceptionally good taste with some cover versions including that terribly obscure composeur, David Bowie......."That was a David Bowie song" Kurt informs the ignorant masses from the Hive. We applaud eagerly,then sit quietly like a church congregation and laugh at the humourless jokes.
Kurt sings "The Man Who Sold The World" as if he was taking a crap.Rather like most of the other songs they did...unplugged or Electric.
It doesn't take 'Punk Rocker' Kurt long,of course, to mention the adjective "Punk Rock",when refering to his pet LA Punk, Pat Smear,displayed like a Trophy on back-up Chunka-Chunka guitar,diamentrically opposite to a extraeneous Cello player,whose volume knob had been sereptiticiously turned off,but her prescence added that much needed coffee table friendly appeal to their white collor audience.
As for "Never Mind" itself, I played it in about 1991 and found it terminally boring and inoffensively radio friendly. 
It shifted units and this made Kurt unhappy.....ahhhhh. 
He didn't like the trappings of being a Rock Star,and found he was trapped on the ruthless rock'n'roll rollacoaster. Apparently he couldn't stop it,and continued churning out fashionable long-hair rock revivalism for the disillusioned also-rans of the lower middle classes. The cash kept flooding in,and Kurt got sadder and sadder. Never thought of just stepping off the train and making that experimental rock album he always wanted to make......didn't the Beatles do that?
Credit where credits due however,It was Cobain who finally cured me of wearing t-shirts with Band names on them......did you see that Daniel Johnston Tee? He must be good if Kurty boy likes him......that and the endless name-dropping...The Raincoats were good apparently, Young Marble Giants, The Meat Puppets,please tell us Kurt.....ok christ The Meat Puppets guested on that MTV thing,and things got worse...the i'm a humble rock star act increased in "I'm Cool"laid-back intensity,and when the Puppets sang.....my ears screamed and ceased to function for the duration of some awful americana cat fight which could win wars.Then Kurt competes and goes into top gear taking a shit singing (see,or rather don't see 'Lake Of Fire).......now where's that fucking shotgun!?

The Remixes:


Click on the title to download or stream
or

Monday, 26 October 2020

Jane Buerk - "...sings Enculé and her other Hits" (Year Zero Records YEAR049) 2020


 Jane Buerk,the erstwhile clavist of France's premier improv Rock combo, ZOG, says Enculé to the world in her unique experimental electronic style,with her first solo album on Year Zero Records.
Feel Jane's pissed off side in the medium of electronic sound. No sequencers,or polyphonic keyboards on here...she hates that shit! Don't even think about mentioning MIDI.... she could get violent! Recorded in enhanced MONO, using just the knob twiddling magic of a single oscillator Korg MS10. No one gets out of here alive and Jane's gonna remind you....in sound! Tracklist: 1. Je m’aime, oui......vous non plus (3:52) 2. Clyde and Bonnie (05:52) 3. (2020)(Année Non-Érotique) (04:43) 4. Docteur Jane Et Madame Buerk! (05:31) 5. Ford Mondeo (07:19) 6. Intials J.B. (03:40) 7. New York,Lincolnshire (04:02) 8. Des Connards pour un requiem (07:44) 9. Le Couleur Café est fermé (04:16) 10. La La La Sucette (03:50) 11. Ballade de Admiral Nelson (06:41) 12. Enculé (03:26)

(All tracks imrovised by Nadine Aleman as Jane Buerk).



OR

Friday, 23 October 2020

The Zchivago Reviews Series - 3/ Guns N' Roses - "The truly awful "Appitite For Destruction" record (On the truly very awful Geffen Records) from about 1987!


 

As Prince Harry and Megan......sounds like some kind of naff novelty act doesn't it?.....In fact it is....but.....Prince Harry Hewitt,he of no royal blood at all, said that the internet has bred nothing but Hate. So, this inspired me to think of thee most hate inducing bunch of clueless twats ever to grace a stage in the name of Rock'n'Roll ever....obviously, Guns 'N' Roses. If only they'd called themselves 'Obviously Guns'N Roses', it wouldn't have been quite so terrible,but they didn't, so, Hey-Ho!
Holders of the 'Single Most Badly Dressed people Who Thought They Were Cool' Award for at least ten years running,with Motley Crue and Milli Vanilli in an interchangeable second and third place;their sartorial inelegance was like an explosion from an Australian's nightmare in a German fancy dress shop.
And the 'Music'...Oh god, the music!?
Fronted by balding bandana sporting screecher,Axel 'there ain't nothing I ain't done me',Rose;he and the rest of the group, meaning 'Slash' and the other ones,flesh out a comic book rock fantasy like a graphic novel on how NOT to do it.Like Spinal Tap but without the Jokes.
However, Rose's attempt at slinky rock dancing would have fitted very comfortably in Hollywoods number one Heavy Rock spoof,as would a lot more aspects of this living taste bypass that make Aerosmith look like Dr Feelgood.
What's incredible is that whenever they are interviewed,and why anyone with a brain would want to even acknowledge their existence(?), they seem to think they are Punk's!? 
Maybe they were all locked in a cupboard with a Motley Crue record slipped into a "Now Thats' What I call Punk Rock" sleeve as children,I Dunno!? Whatever the reason is they can't have actually listened to anything that could conceivably be described as Punk in their lives? 
Prancing around like very well fed but 'wasted' 'Rock Stars,and buckets of recycled 'look at me mom' guitar solo's,while doing, alledgedly, wheel barrow's full of illegal narcotics,and thinking its cool.Christ how completely useless be a 'Rock Star'? They offer precisely Nothing to the human story,except how not to be something.
In your nuclear bunker,with one place left to fill,who would you choose to come inside, Slash and Gibson Les Paul, or the carpenter with his tools? Hard decision...Not? Actually,Anyone instead of Slash! In fact, if it was empty, none of G'n R's would get in !I'd sooner die alone quaffing down as much irradiated water as i could slurp!.Collectively they have less than nothing to offer the future world. Imagine the race of cretins we'd have if Axel Rose and Grace Slick were the new Adam and Eve? They'd have tasted the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge within a few seconds of arriving in the nuclear garden of Eden.Expelled from Eden for being crap,it would say in the post-armageddon rock'n'roll Bible.
If these fuckers are in Hell when I die,unless they actually abolish death, like they are trying to do in the Co-Vid crisis,then I well and truly will know I am there.Thankfully we have the eternal blackness of oblivion to save us from this utter shite!......discuss.

By the way,as always,there's a re-edited version of their most awful hit from the album below...imagine this on a loop in hell,and it would be better than having the official version blasting out at 12 in Satan's special hell for music obsessives.

Tracklist:

1. "Not So Sweet Child O'Yours (Zchivago Remix)" (6:35)

OR

Tuesday, 20 October 2020

ZOG - "Happy Happy Happy!" (Year Zero Records - YEAR050) 2020



More ruthless self-promotion with yet another jolly album by those little rays of sunshine in a dark planet,ZOG.
Happiness is a choice boys and girls, and you can find it in the most unusual of locations.One such location is the totally improvised Bass and Drums interplay surfing on a bed of samples and electronics that is ZOG! Drums - Christophe Medina Bass and stuff - Jonny Zchivago Cover by Andy Tithesis (Dysgeusia Records) Tracklisting:
1. Klaus Barbie Dolls (7:17) 2. In Search Of Potatoes (06:37) 3. Solids (08:12) 4. You Will Become Like Us (07:41) 5. Your Children Will Inherit This Fuck Up (06:33) 6. Happy! Happy! Happy! (22:36)

or

Monday, 19 October 2020

The Zchivago Reviews Series - 2/ The Clash "London Calling" (CBS Records 1979)



THE CLASH – London's calling....Tell 'em i'm fucking OUT!
London's Calling???...who gives a Fuck!? I hear that Scunthorpe's Calling next week....I won't be answering that either!
However, this value for money double disc adult orientated Punk is thee single most boring supposedly edgy rock album that ever existed, clueless politics, tuneless lumpen riffs, overproduction and stylised painful fashion input.This album was hilariously voted 'The Best Album Of The Eighties' by Rolling Stone Magazine a few decades ago.....dispite the fact that it was released in....er.... 1979.....which says a lot about Rolling Stone magazine doesn't it? 
Fucking hell, it's got the words printed inside,which is always a bad sign.That usually means that the scribe who penned them thinks they are serious and important.In other words.....yaaawn...they've got something to say....ahhhhh.
It's not the music as such that gets on my proverbials,its the please like us musicality of it.They wanted to make nice tuneful music for their 'fans',who,along with Fall Fans, Residents Fans,idiots into Krautrock who think they've discovered something nobody else was aware of...but worse....are thee most despicable morons on the planet.Who's your favourite band, mine's "THE CLASH"...spat out with a child like pride......The Only Band That Ever Mattered???...some wag said once....more like the only band that NEVER mattered.Just playing at being the rebels they obviously weren't.The single most boring rock band that ever existed,I repeat.
Listening to Mick Jones trying his best to sing properly is an obvious low point on this nicely priced,value for money opus.
As for their Punky-Reggae by numbers outings,OMFG!? "Please like us Mr Black Man we're like you really,we're repressed too" says the diplomats son and his art school chums.They'd be the first to slag anyone off for Cultural misappropriation,but as for the govt's they pretend to dislike,there was one rule for them and another rule for everyone else.
"White Riot" has to be the single most stupid record ever made during the Punk Rock window.Also the record that convinced that idiot who started 'Punk' magazine in New York that he and the Ramones invented Punk Rock!Not that the Ramones ever claimed such a thing naturally.
"London Calling"'s title is suggesting the same tenuous claim.
Of course it's as Eclectic as fuck,desperatley trying to please everyone at the same time,while at the same time residing in that place where everyone goes when they've ran out of ideas.
"Let's mix it up with some ska and african music man" Says,Joe 'Woody' Mellor the diplomat's son,"Yeaaah,no-ones done that before!?" says the art school rejects in response......I notice that Paul Simon's "Graceland" resides at number five on the Rolling Stone list, the very zenith of cultural misappropriation,and I dare say wasn't in slightest bit inspired by the Clash's thieving from their new found Black Chums;but Simon went one further than Simonon and his cohorts of impeccably good taste, and actually made a bunch of African musicians record,write and play most of the music,uncredited, for the minimum wage.While he played (Achthung! possible anti-semetic joke coming up!!!)....wait for it,wait for it.... 'The Jewish Piano',I'll repeat that....'Thee Jewish Piano', with the the vast profits he received for the career resurrecting hit album.Maybe it was some kind of avant-garde statement about slavery or something?Either way,it's one hell of a shite LP.
I did it, I managed to slag off two pompously arrogant albums in one fell swoop.
The Clash's eponymous debut was relatively good however,if you managed to block out the pale white boy crypto-hooliganism,and the sweet vocal harmonies behind Strummer's,I'm from the gutter,me" slurred yawping.The politics.....oh Christ,the bloody Politics.Since when was Vote Labour a subversive statement.Give us a job and everything will be alright,seems to be the policy.....er.....No!...and White Riot?...Give Violence a chance is the mantra,but it's only for us white chaps,you Blacks have your own riots.Such Dumbness never existed beyond a Sham 69 lecture about how us pop stars are the same as you,but keep off the stage.If you wanna be patronised listen to the words,alas if you want a good time,just absorb it as some jolly good,but terribly played and recorded cathartic rock'n'roll that was a la mode for twenty minutes in 1977.Better still listen to cartoon Proto-Punk leg-ends, The Ramones,which is kinda like The Clash but with better,probably more subversive, lyrics.And without the dodgy attempts at 'Punk' fashion.

I Can't face doing a full review pf "Sandinsta", sorry.
Apart from, it's Truly Awful,'eclectic' as fuck,and endlessly dull.

Saturday, 17 October 2020

Phool - "Phosphorous" - (Year Zero Records - YEAR046) 2020




What's next for you fools?...Ahhhh...another new Year Zero Records release......hows about some gentle post-rock improv by Leicester band 'Phool'? Which includes a Scout Of Uzbekistan on drums
Indulge your stressed out lugholes with these soothing flotation tank rock sounds,as in rock without the 'rock' part. Minimally underplayed,so don't expect any face-melting guitar solo's, jazzy drum fills, or any slap bass, this just envelopes you like a creeping mist of that made-up as you go along stuff that some dare to call,... "improvisation",except this version of improvisation doesn't involve 'Showing Off'.
Strictly instrumental, it also saves one from that terrifying blight of the 21st century.....Singing!
Mark,Helen and Francis (Phool) are rare examples of musicians who obviously had lots of attention as children, which is in itself jolly refreshing.

Don't worry i'll stop being nice in the next post.

Tracklist:

1. Disaster (part 2)
2. Bandage Aid
3. Disaster (part 1)
4. McWerter McWerter
5. Are One Oh
6. Dizzy Diva
7. Cheese Cob and a Dog


OR

Friday, 16 October 2020

ZOG - "Subvertebrates" (YEAR ZERO RECORDS - YEAR045) 2020



As we're on the subject of Year Zero Records ,there's been No new ZOG music for a long time, as we were poncing about waiting to have a vinyl record release, but that looks like it ain't gonna happen.That coupled with drummer boy....i said drummer boy!....nearly cutting his hand off with a stone cutter.(not his fault by the way!)
Following his emergency Helicopter evacuation to hospital they managed to sew it back on,not quite a Def Leppard incident, but he'll never be the same again.It was his wanking hand too,so it's deadly serious!

Luckily we recorded lots of shit before the accident, so here's the first installment of the usual improvised Bass and Drums interplay,with some freeform electronics atop, placed like a cherry on a cake laced with LSD.

Christophe Medina - one hand clapping and Drums
Jonny Zchivago - Bass and stuff.

Recorded sometime in 2018-ish.

Cover by Andy Tithesis

Tracklisting:


1. Having Children Is Child Abuse (4:42)
2. The Cacophony Of Gesture (9:12)
3. Survivours Of The Rapture (14:40)
4. LGBT's from the Twelth Dimension (12:59)
5. Punish Or Be Damned (10:02)
6. The Lowness Of Space (Who Gives a Fuck? (16:52)

or

Thursday, 15 October 2020

ÜWAN - "Ü2" (Year Zero Records YEAR 023) 2013



Gawd Blimey, luv-a-duck, guvn'r, I forgot about this album i made back in the early 'teennies' for the magnificent Year Zero Records netlabel.(clears throat)
An improvised guitar drone fest on the subject of the abject U2.As the first Üwan album was called "Ü1",'twas only natural that the second outing would be monikered "Ü2".So the connotations were obvious,and a chance to slag off this terrible group with scything six string noise. 
Basically,it's another Shackleton in a Ü-boat style exploration into the eternal combination of Guitar, Drums, effects, and sound collage from our favourite free rock improv combo,Üwan.A kind of an subconscious abstract tribute to U2's unaltering longevity. This is what you'd get if one placed Bono's career minded stadium rockers' back catalogue into a food blender.I know i'd like to push a certain vertically challenged lead singer of an Irish stadium rock band's face into a blender anyway.

All the notes are there, but not necessarily in the right order, you'd be pleased to know.
What we have here is an improvised drone and feedback ballet score for people who hate ballet. An opera for the deaf,or a painting for the blind.But above all for people who hate U2's guts!

Don't forget, there's Ü3,and Ü4, too!

Dumbo - Drums
JZ (thats me!) - Guitar, Tapes, fx.

or

Tuesday, 13 October 2020

The Zchivago Reviews Series - 1/The Fucking Joshua FuckingTree by U fucking Two!!!

 


The first inductees into to Die Or DIY?'s Rock'n'Roll Hall of Shame is predictably the only band of their generation not to split up and inevitably became huuuge! Repeating yourself is the cheapest form of mind control,and no-one did it for better or worse than U fucking 2.
OMFG!...apparently Radio 2 in the Uk,compiled the 'public's votes as to what or who was the ..."best" album of eighties ...they overwhelmingly chose...eh?...no, not "Closer", or ""Flowers Of Romance" or"Information Overload Unit"...but....eh?...."The Joshua Tree", by U2...cough!
Don't worry, I won't give them the satisfaction of you downloading this absolute shit without me remixing it. There are at least three reasons that anyone owning this relevance bypass should be re-educated in a chinese gulag
The |First One definitely is, I hate any fucking album that starts off with three singles. Two, Bono, and Thirdly,....er....Bono. Such a bastard that has never existed outside the depressing world of late eighties stadium rock.
The cover has these Irish bumpkins posing in a desert...Bono...of course is in profile ......since when has the verdant Emerald Isle ever had any desert features....ever? .....What the fuck are they going on about?
The long introduction to the opener, "Where the streets have no name"(wot?), does nothing but wish you could take,welshman, 'the Edge's delay pedal and throw it under an oncoming steam roller.
This came out when I was a rather bizarre,and troubled, 23 year old, so I was in the age group that should go "Wow!" at  this pompous crap. However, i had heard those singles, and what was clear to me was that these terrible ditties were obviously the product of 'Writers Block'.This is the kind of shit one comes out with when you are contractually obliged to provide a 'Hit'. In fact, in the time honoured fashion of groups a la mode, 'Hit' is the second word in 'Shit', so any shit will be a 'Hit', and that's what this stinks of.
Thank christ that Acid House stopped a "Joshua Tree 2"......it's a sad day when I thank dance music for saving us from a great banal evil such as this,but in this case its necessary.
These supercilious dick 'eads, even had the gall to write a 'song' about "the Disappeared" in Northern Ireland...is there no depths that this quartet of cunts wouldn't stoop to for their own...er...Bono's.....self- righteous indignation.....so much so that these total cunts moved their 'business' to Holland to avoid Irish taxes....Cunts....no sorry, I didn't mean that...Fucking Cunts is what i meant to say.
But as we now know what a buch of Fucking Cunts these twats are and were, i've 're-mixed this terminally crap record..which I illegally downloaded by the way,...and made it into something 'edgy' for the 2020's.(Which was about ten minutes work by the way!)
I can quite confidently say that this record is one of the shittest records ever made by one of the shittest bands who never had the dignity to break up, that ever played a musical instrument....That's my review..and I think there's more to come.

Tracklisting:

1.Where The Streets Have No Name (Zchivago Remix)
2.I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For 
(Zchivago Remix)
3.With Or Without You 
(Zchivago Remix)
4.Bullet The Blue Sky 
(Zchivago Remix)
5.Running To Stand Still 
(Zchivago Remix)
6.Red Hill Mining Town 
(Zchivago Remix)
7.The Rest of the album (Zchivago Remix)

mb...I couldn't be arsed to remix all of it....you may thank me for that.

Wednesday, 7 October 2020

I Am The Fly - "I Am The Fly" (Self-Released 7" Single) 2020


 
While we're on the subject of Synth-Punk, anyone fancy some Modern Synth-Punk from Essen, Germany?
Made by girl/boy duo 'I Am The Fly:

Here are the Flys....available for childrens parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs,and FGM gatherings at your local Mosque.

MUSCA domestica male (vocals, bass)
MUSCA domestica female (organ, drum machine).

A Philip K. Dickensian band member format in use there,which is always welcome as I am a Dick-head (in all senses of the word),and by sheer chance I love Synth-Punk too.....and Wire(!)...so ,already, what is there not to like about this self-financed DIY vinyl?
I have a tenuous family connection with Essen,as my late father visited there at twelve thousand feet on a couple of occassions in 1941/2 (read about him and 'it' HERE!). 
I notice that it's the 79th anniversary of the first Essen Raid on the tenth of October.....so to celebrate(?) or commiserate, and maybe a small apology,we bring you the sound of modern-day Essen....note the lack of exploding ordnance in the background to prove it.
The tracks themselves are splendidly bass guitar driven two note symphonies reminiscent ,musically if not vocally, of The Screamers organ-led onslaughts as if fronted by a GM Fly instead of Tomata du Plenty;and a drum box replacing the real drums. Maybe the bassist likes New Model Army too, as the bass playing does suggest a ghostly influence from those crusty punk preachers somewhat;especially the plagarized,but modified, line from "The Spirit Of The Falklands"...'the natives(inmates) are restless tonight sir'. (there seems to be a theme of Brits bombing the fuck out of everybody going on here!....we're sorry!)
The singing android tells us 'there is no therapy for being a human',except maybe if you help out by buying and listening to this noble single.The other options are far too horrific to list here.


Tracklist:

1 Axolotl 2:20
2 Wonko The Sane 2:20
3 Heresy 2:20


Tuesday, 6 October 2020

Cardboards ‎– "Greatest Hits Volume Two" (Mom's Records ‎– MR253) 1981


The synth-punk thing wasn't just confined to California, for a start we had Suicide in New York for the previous decade up to 1981 and beyond,Crash Course In Science were in Philly. In Pittsburgh there was The Cardboards.
No guitars in this ignored group, among the cheap organs and synthesisers......real drums were the only real option in 1981.....they had a tone generator.....how Synth-Punk is that?
Naturally the American angle on Synth's was to make something rocky and exciting, unlike in the UK, who saw another opportunity to make classic 'Pop' and sell it back to the USA. For some reason, this angle didn't occur to American musicians or businessmen.Its the same story for many other American innovations, especially Musical ones.
One can only think of West Germany and maybe Belgium,where there was something synth-punky going on...but not really...the Rocky bit had been never really manifested itself on the Germanic musical chromosome,over-ridden by the dastardly Wagner gene.

Tracklist:

A1 On The R=>Z*
A2 Electrical Generator
A3 Copa Cobana
B1 Gravity's Still Working
B2 Bill's Rap

Monday, 5 October 2020

Brad Laner ‎– "Ligaments 05" (Captured Tracks ‎– CT/SP-059) 2019


 The fifth and final...for now...volume of Brad Laner's (Y'know, that guy from Savage Republic and 17 Pygmies?) epic voyage into the wirey world of modular synthesis. A suitably 'Out There' rearrangement of the synth exploration norms,genuinely pushing boundaries were there shouldn't be any.The possibilities are endless with these lovely objects,and few people actually move into the inter-galactic regions of electronica....as with all his other projects,Brad has no fear of spacewalking ,untethered,in the gaping void of convention that suffocates innovation.These sounds help to fill that vacuum somewhat.


Tracklist:

A Ligaments 05a
B Ligaments 05b


Sunday, 4 October 2020

The Blue Daisies ‎– "Wilt" (Iridescence Records ‎– I-23) 1985


Oh Alright, let's call this 'Art Rock'.
Highly possibly done by unemployed actors as well by the sound of it. Brad Laner played some Drums on this, not the drums that sound like Bobby Gillespie's skinwork in The Jesus and Mary Chain...the more inventive stuff at the end.
I know less than nothing about this band,except that they come from L.A. although I understand that they liked to take their clothes off on stage regularly.......now, if they ain't actors I'll share a dressing room with Kevin Spacey the next time I tread the boards at the Old Vic.
Fairly original abstract,slightly rude, avant-rock is what this is.
Featured on the soundtrack to 1986 movie 'Circle of Violence'(yeah neither have I!) starring long dead child star River Phoenix, who hated both the Blue Daisies and their music apparently.If that isn't a recommendation I dunno what is?

Tracklist:

A1 Anthem/Pillars
A2 Slot
A3 Suck Me
A4 To Be, Continued
B1 100 Tears
B2 Dance Dance Dance
B3 Everything And Nothing At All
B4 Es Amor (Hand Job)
B5 Beautiful Kid


Brad Laner ‎– "Ligaments 04" (Captured Tracks ‎– CT/SP-058) 2019


More cable unplugging,wire repatching, knob twiddling,circuit frying, art damaged, rearranged,edited ,reconceptualised electronic madness,from the prolific abstract mind of Brad Laner. Do i really need to recommend this to you?

Tracklist:

A Ligaments 04a
B Ligaments 04b


Saturday, 3 October 2020

Red Asphalt ‎– "Red Asphalt" (Synthetic Shadows ‎– #18) 1981/2014


 I was gonna tie this in with Brad Laner's role as a Synth Punk Pioneer, but its more than that.
There's something 'Prog' about this,but they had a synth player in the line-up, and were active during the Punk epoch in San Francisco between 1978 and 1982, so Synth-Punk it is.
They sound like those groups who were really resting/unemployed Actors who play music as a way to get on a stage, Like MARS,Bongwater, Punishment Of Luxury, and  Shoes For Industry (surely The Tubes had to be frustrated actors too?) among others.
Like an agressive off-broadway musical,they reek of professionalism, in that conceptual album kind of way.
They had their moments,but like if a Saxophone appeared in a Punk group they were automatically called Jazz-Punk, if a synth made an appearence, it was Synth-Punk;orif you were too stagey, you were Prog-Punk, or Prunk as Cardiacs called themselves.
 

Tracklist:

A1 Red Asphalt
A2 Goodbye Sunshine
A3 S.T.A.B.
A4 Jive Puppet
A5 Survival, Evasion, Escape
A6 Peligro
A7 Human Capital
A8 Nuclear Judas
B1 Refugee
B2 Factory Dead
B3 Ghost Town
B4 White Meat, Dark Meat
B5 Phone Call From God
B6 Hurtling Moons Of Barsoom
B7 Gothic Night Summer Dream


Friday, 2 October 2020

Brad Laner ‎– "Ligaments 03" (Captured Tracks ‎– CT/SP-057) 2019


The infinite possibilities of modular sound synthesis are dragged through the unpreditcable mind of Brad Laner for the third time. Reminiscent of those early electronic pioneers,this moves it on in a similar direction without resorting to cop out melodies. Edited like an action painting in sound rearranged to almost make sense,these electronic workouts  actually add something progressive to a genre that has remained virtually in stasis since the mid seventies,with a few exceptions of course,so don't shove a list in my face,or mention bloody Autechre!.....lets just celebrate.....Trump has Co-vid!


Tracklist:

A Ligaments 03a
B Ligaments 03b


Thursday, 1 October 2020

The Philosophic Collage ‎– "Genius" (American Aesthetic Industries, Ltd.) 1981




 
Angry geeks want to show us jocks how much cleverer than us they really are,and 'look at me now' revenge has been taken...if only the jocks knew about it,which of course they don't...Jocks don't like music,only music for people who don't like music...like Bon Jovi, Nirvana,Techno, Ed Sheeran etc.
The EP title, "Genius", is by no means "Ironic"....in inverted comma's not quotation marks...they actually believe they are bona fide Geniuses,which is the collective noun for genius. I wager the geekier one on the cover thinks that he's the real genius of the group,and the others are just his post-punk servants.
The music is like a cross between Half-Japanese,the ultimate American Geek's Revenge band , and The Diagram Brothers,the ultimate English Geek's Revenge band, except that the singer,slash, Jad Fair impressionist, seems to be recorded from a radio in another room. In the main room they have modern recording equipment to capture the barely falling apart abstract rock in hi-fidelity to annoy both punx and parent alike.Punk is Jock music and parents either want their geeky son to either be good at Football,or a Doctor. Parents are people who never understood the truth that is revealed to humans during their teenage years, and if they did, they forget that 18 years olds really do know everything that needs to be known.
If an angry Geek ever gets into power again....the last one that got in in the west,without winning the popular vote, nearly destroyed the planet (A.Hitler)....they may use the most terrifying Geek tool of all to force us all into death camps,otherwise known as,Facebook.Luckily we have the Donald,who is genuinely too stupid to impose this grim future upon us all...as is Biden by the way,so we're safe for the next couple of years before Biden inevitably dies,and that dodgy vice-president nominee,Ms angry female just enough milk in her coffee geek, gets into office.Nothing will save us then.
Sorry for interferring in American politics, but Putin has video of me at a Bunga Bunga party!!
It was nice knowing y'all.

Tracklist:

A1 Genius
A2 Planned Obsolescence
B1 Toxic Poppies
B2 Headline Deadline