The Kunts (Kunt and the Gang) - " Boris Johnson Is A Fucking Cunt" (Self-Released) 2020

 Good to see that a DIY record nearly made it to the hotly contested coverted Christmas Number One Spot. Kunt and The Gang, minor internet stars, have at last provided us with a sentiment that we all agree on.....except the racist and unbelievably thick "Gammons", who are basically British versions of the bastards who voted for Donald Trump,but fatter.

This is the first top ten record I have known about,never mind bought!..?? for at least thirty years.

So, everyone do their bit to keep this in the charts for the horrible new year to come.It will be the best quid you've spent for a long time...especially if it makes it to number one in january....you've got until midnight to register your purchase,so click the link below to buy the KUNT!......ps,help is especially welcome from our American friends for this side of the "Special Relationship".

A special singalong to replace that moribund Auld Lang Syne bollocks to ring in the new year!

BUY IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!

PS there's also an album full of this stuff too "Kunts Punk In Your Face",available on bandcamp I gather?

also:

Support Kunt! CD back catalogue available from: http://kuntandthegang.co.uk/kuntshop

Henry Flynt, and C. C. Hennix ‎– "Dharma Warriors" (Locust Music ‎– L114) 1983/2008

Good to hear that american minimalist legends are as clueless and talent strapped as we are. With the technical efficacy of The Prats ,Drone masters Flynt and Hennix provide us with a 30 minute rock work-out that some not so bright spark captured to a cassette on a Boombox. It would have been thrown in the garbage were it not for the glowing CV's of the two performers. Hennix's drumming drifts between the mildly incompetant to producing drum rolls that echo Rat Scabies at the height of his powers. Flynt, without the easy stability of a drone to prop him up,struggles to sound like anything more than a schoolboy practising in his bedroom.Now we know why he was booted out of the Velvet Underground. 

The begining of 'Warriors Of the Dharma' even has hints of Rhys Chatham's Guitar Trio,which Ironically the Minimalists had originally inspired,revealing a disturbing lack of ideas for a man once so proficient on his fiddle when it comes to improvised droney bluegrass. If this album had been made by a couple of unemployed kids from Grimsby in their bedroom,then I would have been singing its praises;but its been made by a pair of intellectuals who should know better. Admitedly not intended to be released,but nonetheless it was.I'm just surprised that it exists, so that in itself is its justification.

DOWNLOAD as the intellectuals jam HERE!

 

Catherine Christer Hennix ‎– "The Electric Harpsichord" (Die Schachtel ‎– DSART10) 1976/2010

During my section on females of early Electronics, one carelessly overlooked this drone epic by Catherine Christer Hennix, who was...it says here.....a Swedish-American composer, philosopher, scientist and visual artist associated with drone minimal music.There's no evidence that anyone else but herself gave her the often tenuous title of Philosopher,but there IS evidence of Drone music,and here it is.

You got it.....a Drone done on a....yep...Electric Harpsichord.There is also evidence that Hennix actually moves her fingers on the clavier rather than just holding down a chord for 25 minutes.Not sure how sustained an electric Harpsichord is, but i guess ,not too much, so the notes have to be retriggered or we would have silence instead of another drone.

Name dropping time:La Monte Young's a fan,Henry Flynt is a pal,and Glenn Branca found this influential.

That changes everything and nuthin',but it helps in the marketing,even if their plaudits could have easily been taken out of context like those ridiculous quotes on the back of paperbacks...."Amazing","Sensational","Superb!".

There's little info about this performance on the cover,especially after Young and Branca have used up the space, but i gather it was recorded in 1976? 25 minutes of backbreaking toil....maybe on another day she may get out of bed to do another 25 minutes....life's hard in the art world.

Tracklist:

1. The Electric Harpsichord 25:24

DOWNLOAD electrically HERE!

Susan Alcorn ‎– "Evening Tales" (Mystra Records ‎– mystra #18) 2016

On the Jandek in Fort Worth review,one was struck by the strange wobbly Steel Guitar playing,which sounded like an off-kilter pressing of a vinyl album played at 27.5 rpm. Traditionally the guests and the representative himself are never credited on the sleeve.Therefore i mistakenly accused the Steel Guitarist of being either drunk or an imbecile. Then i found out it was none other than serious improviser Susan Alcorn on the strings. Well, i'm so fickle and startstruck by anyone that i'm told is a genius, that I instantly change my opinion to follow the rest of the Hive and saturate the page with sycophantic plaudits.......Oh she's so talented,a genius,unique,no-one else like her etc....especially as she plays alot with that other female improv leg-end, LaDonna Smith ,a mate of the late Davey Williams and the Trans Museq crew.

This album is one of her more tuneful,like some dying Hawaiian guitar record slowly melting near the crater of a volcano whilst being attacked by ants.

She still might be drunk,and why not(?) but she certainly is probably not an imbecile?

Tracklist:

A1 Sapphire 4:26
A2 An Evening Tale 5:38
A3 The Healer (For Diane Keener) 9:31
A4 Lourdes In Marigolds 1:04
B5 Circular Ruins 7:09
B6 Milonga En Re (Menos Menos) 4:48
B7 Allegreto For David 3:41
B8 Tuwhera 1:40
B9 Hino Galego 3:03

DOWNLOAD some tales for a cosy but creepy winters evening HERE!

Jandek ‎– "Grinnell Saturday" (Corwood Industries ‎– CORWOOD 0840) 2020

Here's Jandek treading water on his grand piano with three very capable Avant-classical musicians improvising proficiently to keep the representative's monophonic tinkling from drowning.

This neo-classical meandering allows the average Jandek fan to play Jandek in front of his intellectual,or pseudo-intellectual friends. Not that a Jandek fan would have any Intellectual friends,or even have any friends at all?

Such morose misery is seldom bettered by any serious musician on the inside of the classical clique,but being excluded from such incestuous circles is not going to stop Sterling Smith from doing exactly what he wants,so Neo-Classical this is.

It does very rarely change in tempo or mood,like a constant dull ache somewhere between your ears and cerebral cortex......two hours of it.

If this monotonous torment does actually reveal the true meaning,or otherwise, of life, then you're dead already.

Oh yeah....you wanna know where the hell Grinnell is?......I didn't know either,there's no info on the insert,so i had to google it....You guessed it,It's some forgotten Shithole in Iowa USA, which according to the town's website is the coolest place in Iowa!?....dread to think what the least 'cool' town in Iowa could possibly be like?

Not sure but I think there may be a Grinnell in Indiana too?There's definitely one in Hell....maybe he played in both?Hence disc one and Disc two?...saving the performance in Hell for...well...anyday now....he ain't no spring chicken no more.

Tracklist:

1-1 Part One 21:45
1-2 Part Two 16:51
1-3 Part Three 14:44
2-1 Part Four 22:32
2-2 Part Five 17:43
2-3 Part Six 18:53

DOWNLOAD with emphasis on the down part HERE!

Jandek ‎– "Amsterdam Saturday" (Corwood Industries ‎– CORWOOD 0841) 2020

 A more traditional sounding 'Electric Jandek' performance on this one.At the venue of legends,the Paradiso. Slightly 'Bootleggy' in its sonic fidelity,which suits Jandek perfectly.

Here he's joined by Phil Todd of Betly Welcomes Careful Drivers and Ashtray Navigations fame on Bass and Distortion pedal(?).

All the songs,pieces,tracks sound like the same songs,pieces, tracks, as this meandering trio search for that missing note.

He also did a gig in Rotterdam which was attended by our erstwhile Indonesian correspondant Henk Madrotter, and videoed......which you can check out here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-Gos4pDyo0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca8iqTNhyB8

If only the occupying Nazi's had Jandek to play through their Tannoy system in Amsterdam during the 40's.....Anne Frank would have come out with her hands up ready for Auchwitz.Either that or someone in the know would have shouted "She's in the Attic.....just stop playing that god awful racket!"

Tracklist:

1 The Sentence 10:59
2 Am I Dreaming 10:58
3 Crowding The Couches 4:44
4 King Of The Knight 6:07
5 Memphis Ticket 10:06
6 I Stalked The World 6:07

DOWNLOAD some horrible moaning noises from jandek's two lips from amsterdam HERE!

Jandek ‎– "Montreal Sunday" (Corwood Industries ‎– CORWOOD 0837) 2020

Jandek ventures north of the border into the frightening lands of Gun Control. Places like this fill most Americans with fear,and their underpants with pure liquid shite!......but no Jandek, Oooooh No.He faces up to this threat against freedom with just a fretless guitar and a few Canadian collaborators. A favourite past-time of these vicious north Americans,you know the ones who burnt down the Whitehouse, is to gather just across the border from the United States and listen,enviously, to the distant sound of automatic gunfire coming from the beautiful conurbation of Detroit;...americans excercising their rights under the American Constitution. God I wish I was that Free.

What is certainly Free, are the copious improvisations of Jandek and temporary chums,that adorn the two discs of this performance in Montreal.

Tracklist:

1-1 La Fenetre 8:31
1-2 Flat Nothing 37:36
1-3 Circle Of Time 8:43
2-1 You Stop By 8:38
2-2 The Grey Horizon 11:24
2-3 The Light I Know 30:34
2-4 Wherever I Go 12:56

DOWNLOAD your constitutional right to hear Jandek for free HERE!

Jandek ‎– "Boston Friday" (Corwood Industries ‎– CORWOOD 0836) 2020

 Another Two Hours of Jandek anyone?...........I SAID ANOTHER TWO HOURS OF JANDEK ANYONE???????.....silence.... I suppose if I had the sound on my computer turned on the noise of everyone screaming "YES!" would have blown the speakers.....hang on...the volume is on 11!?....You bunch of bastards!

Aw Fuck it...I dunno why I bother.....in fact I don't know why you bother,or more to the point why Jandek bothers? Which inevitably leads us to wonder why anyone bothers to do anything.The bleak image on the cover represents your reward for bothering to do anything. A frozen wasteland of disinterest. All will be vaporised in time,so the logical path is to either hang around waiting to become less than nothing,or fill in the finite empty space by creating something,anything, that will exist only within the space and time it takes to create it. Poof! It's gone.

Jandek is the master of this temporary dark energy.Despite what that bloke who analyses Captain Beefheart with a fine toothcomb says; as he has done with Jandek too.If Jandek has a repeatable tuning,he certainly never uses it,and if he does its accidental,nebulous,or merely a suggestion of a tuning.

Fittingly,and unsurprisingly, this performance was leaked into the atmosphere at The Institute Of Contemporary Art in Boston;better named the Institute of Temporary Art. I think I like that concept,and Jandek is the embodiment of that,or rather the UN-embodiment.

The music is your standard Avant-Garde spontaneous sound that we've heard a thousand times on countless improvised discs,but...it has Jandek's moaning semi-improvised vocals,and some of his slack stringed fretless bass playin',so it now stands out from the crowd.

Just imagine a drunken hoarde of Imrovisers coming to trash the town in protest against the impending budget cuts in the arts sector post co-vid.No longer will this stuff be supported.....they're gonna have to make music that at least some people like,or....gulp....work for a living!? Horror of Horrors.Or they can make music in their spare time,like everybody else does, quite easily.Especially stuff that you don't have to write down or memorise, like the Improvised Avant Garde. I admit, i'm one of those pretentious twats who like this stuff......if it was someone else saying that I would say that I was lying to appear like an intellectual....no lying about it!!! I AM an Intellectual OK!?....fuck you Dunce Boy.

Tracklist:

1-1 Prelude 5:48
1-2 Part One 13:50
1-3 Part Two 11:35
1-4 Part Three 11:49
1-5 Part Four 10:10
1-6 Part Five 8:18
2-1 Part Six 6:57
2-2 Part Seven 7:00
2-3 Part Eight 7:15
2-4 Part Nine 14:12
2-5 Part Ten 5:28
2-6 Part Eleven 8:00
2-7 Part Twelve 10:02

DOWNLOAD in one part HERE!

Jandek ‎– "Fort Worth Saturday" (Corwood Industries ‎– CORWOOD 0838) 2020

Everytime I play A new Jandek record these days I tend to think this is one of the best things I've never heard before. This one returns to his Texas roots,like some horrific country and western album with the spindle hole cut off centre playing at 27-29 revs per minute. It's instantly the best cowboy record ever made.

That Steel Guitar player must either be drunk or an imbecile? Both conditions are essential to be a Cowboy,so the fact that she's a woman saves her from a fate worse than death.

To say that Playing music like this to a bunch of Good Ol' Boys at the Rose Marine Theater in Fort Worth is dangerous, is somewhat of an understatement;but Jandek and crew get off because the rednecks obviously think they are Mental;and they don't wanna be seen shooting up a mental case,not even in Texas....unless you're a policeman. The silence after the end of each tune before the sparse applause hasn't been heard there since The Sex Pistols toured in jan '78,when Jandek was 'The Units'....and they had to defend themselves.

Jandek IS one of THEM (a texan) after all I guess?

Tracklist:

1-1 Baroness Of Lynchburg 9:28
1-2 Southern Blues 10:45
1-3 This Day 9:55
1-4 On And On 7:40
1-5 Standard Room 9:43
1-6 Today Day 9:07
1-7 Trouble 8:13
2-1 No Dirt 8:29
2-2 Another Fine Day 11:14
2-3 One Hundred Pills 8:34
2-4 Someplace 8:15
2-5 The Close 10:39
2-6 Time Traveler 8:48
2-7 Your Mysteries 12:13

DOWNLOAD some well wonky western music HERE!

Happy Christmas 2020 - a year of shit.

To jolly you bunch of scroogey bastards up a bit here's the seasonal christmas card as penned by my Daughter Nancy: Shes's looking for somekind of job involving art/animation/giftware/gaming if any of you sad losers are in such area's of gainful employment?I'm sure she won't thank me for inserting her work between a bunch of Jandek albums,but....

Check her Instragram,and leave some positive signal if you like it:

https://www.instagram.com/deadpan_nancy/

Peace to everyone, even Fat Frank of VOD.

Luv Jay Zee.

Jandek ‎– "Manhattan Saturday" (Corwood Industries ‎– CORWOOD 0835) 2020

 Looking like a shadowy characterisation of Evil from a David Lynch TV series,Jandek is recorded giving the downtown trendies of Manhattan a rendition of classic Jandek,as he returns to the trusty out of tune guitar as if its being played by limp appendages blowing in a stiff breeze. Of course,New York is a place where one can find endless queues of under-employed improv muso's who look like they were extras in 'Friends', willing to sell their granny to have "Played with Jandek" writ large on their meagre CV's. I imagine everyone in the gentrified quarters of Lower Manhattan has some pretentions at being a proficient improviser,in between bursts of banking ,insurance brokering and doing some lines with trendy buddies of,buddies of John Zorn, listening to Ornette Coleman records.....on vinyl, naturally. Jandek is pushing strongly to dislodge Coltrane and Coleman as the essential accessory for the pretentious Artphag in Soho and Tribeca these days. The man is living art I guess after all,accidently,or, by pure bloody minded persistence,like a redneck Gilbert and George,haunting the Bourgeois art spaces of where-ever will have him......it can get quite bitchy between gallery mangers I have heard.

So here's another triple CD set of Jandek being Jandek, to further moisten the brown stained tongues of hipster art directors everywhere.

Tracklist:

1-1 All The Boxes 23:40
1-2 The Gentleman 21:47
1-3 The Corners 25:05
2-1 Incarcerated 16:14
2-2 Chips Of Paint 12:56
2-3 Action Justified 11:32
3-1 No Bond 16:03
3-2 Controlled Addict 16:14
3-3 Hours Of Pain 22:20

DOWNLOAD america's answer to Gilbert and George HERE!

Jandek ‎– "Berlin Sunday" (Corwood Industries ‎– CORWOOD 0834) 2020

 

Boy Oh Boy, you should hear this guy called Jandek! He can't play his guitar and has released hundreds of albums......bla bleh halb .....if you've never heard or haven't heard of Jandek/Sterling Smith by now, what rock have you been living under?

If you think No Wave was weird, then this appearence in front of Berlin's arty gliteratti at Der Haus der Kulturen der Welt, would be a very easy entry point into the murky ,wildly careering  orbit of planet Jandek."Outsider No-Wave"....how's about that for a sparcely populated category then?

This one has Sheila Smith semi-improvising some surreal lyrics in front of a naturally disciplined German rhythm section,with Sterling on Arto Lindsey guitar,and a bit of keyboards;both played as if he had just met these instruments for the first time. I could play this CD to my neighbours and they probably wouldn't say "What The Fuck Is That?"....which is quite rare in the enormous canon of things Jandekian.

Tracklist:

1 Kissing 5:44
2 Fit 5:03
3 She Can Be 8:28
4 It Is Good 7:27
5 He Do It Best 3:57
6 Not Here Seeking 5:57
7 Messy 3:34
8 Paint Department 5:32
9 Attic Apartment 4:38
10 Disequilibrium 11:05

DOWNLOAD one of the few outsider no-wave albums ever made HERE!

Jandek ‎– "Rudyard's" (Corwood Industries ‎– CORWOOD 0839) 2020

Play that funky music white boooooy,was not something previously applied to the most unfunky person that ever made a self-financed CD;but Jandek hooked up with some unlikely early eighties sound alike cabaret funk rhythm section, at "Rudyard's",in his home town of Houston (his first appearence on home turf),and tried earnestly to take dat fonk outside. It ends up sounding like an Arto Lindsey solo album....a very loooooong Arto Lindsey Solo album. As ripped from the DVD version.

There are people out there who have sat through "The complete Funhouse sessions", the massive "On The Corner Sessions" ,the sanity crushing "Merzbox",and even side one of "Bat Out Of Hell 2", but this three hour blue-eyed Funk improv may test even he who foolishly  ventured onto the second side of "Bat Out Of Hell 2"!

You gotta hand it to him,he's certainly hard to pin down these days?

The Drummer on this Outsider Funk torture is called Tyson Sheath....and that's his real name!?

Tracklist:

1 Two O'Clock Sun 2:52:36?

DOWNLOAD to git fonkeh HERE Honkeh!

Jandek - "Later On" (Corwood Industries ‎– Corwood 0741) 1981

I dunno how many of you have a vat of photographs of yourself hanging around ,but Sterling has. Some Mental Health professionals would characterise this as a symptom of a narcissistic personality disorder. Good cover photo though?

 Apparently I absent mindely failed to include classic period Jandek album,"Later On' in Die Or DIY?'s chronology of the pale Ginger Bard's vast output?

Fittingly its called "Later On", so i have a conceptual escape route here. Of course it should be posted later than his other 100-odd,or ,100-very odd, albums.

Not that his self-appointed PR/Manger would approve of any 'copyright infrigment taking place here. Some bearded nut from Vancouver, who stalked Jandek begging him,probably on his knees, in tears, to let him organize a gig for him in Canada.. David Ames? I think?

You know there's something wrong when a fifty year old bloke still uses the word 'Dude' in every malformed sentence he dribbles.

The lovely David, has a role in life to sporadically accuse your faithfull scribe as a Theif.....you know the usual stuff one get accused of by these self-appointed Ayatollah's.Rather Like Fat Frank of Vinyl On Demand, but he accuses me/us of stealing stuff that he sells that was originally either Free or incredibly cheap,to his corpulent middle class record collector followers. Where-as Dave the Dude accuses one/us of stealing stuff that Jandek used to give away for free anyway,and still does. He wouldn't be every Sun Ra fan's favorite copper-topped troubador nowadays if he hadn't have done that. Dave the Dude, in one of his arsey comments, even suggested that if he ever saw me he'd give me a sound ass-kicking!.....very silly,and unlikely.....have you ever seen a picture of me?I'm one meeeaaaannnn Muther Fucker!

These silly bastards have to wake up to the fact that the world has moved on.Recorded media was only around as a viable comodity for about 80 years or so.Now that its commercially unviable,they have to understand its time to move on.The days of Led Zeppelin and their earning potential for just recording something once and making copies to sell are loooong gone....but at least Led Zep actually worked for a living,by constantly touring.Jandek plays a couple of gigs a year,which is an infinite percentage increase on what he used to do...and I've said it before, he should have stayed a recluse,and kept the magic alive. Basically why should we invest our hard-earned income on something that is basically a 'Rip-Off'.Just a copy of a day or so's...er...work? If i tried that with my boss, if I had a Boss that is (I've never had one kids), by sending in carboard cut out of me and stayed in bed all day moaning about how my colleques have all stole my idea...I'd be sacked...pronto.We all groan when we hear an Actor telling us how hard they worked on that new movie...he said WORKED!?...but somehow Pop Stars get a sympathetic response from so-called music fans.Yeah, you lot do fuck all and get rich, while we struggle to even eat.Of course the DIY music scene,otherwise know as 'Proper Music', is quite happy to earn fuck all money from making the things they love, and very capable of earning their own cash from the real world out there.....ie 'working'....admitedly Jandek is not shy when it comes to proper work,as he has been seen working in some factory workshop,where he earns the dosh to release his albums....in his case its not the man,it's the fan who's the problem.

Anyway,risking the wrath of Jandek's manager/promoter/bodyguard/hippie Thug, here's a very belated file of Jandek's "excellently Jandek-like...."Later-On".It wery gud!

Tracklist:

1.Your Condition 5:16
2.What Did I Hear 4:37
3.Just Whisper 3:46
4.Oh Jenny 3:40
5.Until Then 2:20
6.So Fly, Max 2:51
7.The Janitor 3:31
8.Don't Know If I Care 2:30
9.John Came 1:11
10.Jessica 2:29
11.Jackson's Gone Down The Mississippi 2:37
12.The Second End 3:17

DOWNLOAD later than intended HERE!

Smell & Quim ‎– "Eat Pussy" (Kadef C-20 -Kadef07) 1997

The natural length for a pop album is forty minutes,and I think that 20 minutes is the natural length for Smell & Quim style noise.This is on the softer more palatable end of the noise spectrum,where space is left for some subtlety to stave off the boredom.It's more of an old skool industrial outing for our favourite purile pranksters from oop north,or dahn sarf if you live north of Yorkshire,

My father(from north of Yorkshire) used to gather us children around the fireplace of a winters evening during the power cuts of 1971.....no telly was there?..... to tell us about the time he ate some Pussy. We were transfixed as he described how in desperation, him and emasciated buddies, found, killed and ate a Cat when on the death march in Poland during WW2. It tasted like Chicken he said. "Are you sure it wasn't a chicken?" I inquired in hope,only to find out he ate a Dog too,and some rats! It begs the question as to what would have Vegans done on the death march? Eat Grass and mud?

As my father had been on strike for three months from the Post Office,we kids were wondering whether we would have to eat pussy too, as we were totally fucking skint,and the eventual pay rise won would never make up for the lost wages! If you think things are fucked now, you should have experienced Great Britain during the seventies.That makes Brexit,and co-vid look like a damn fine time that was had by all. These conditions, combined with Yes's "Tales of Topographic Oceans" have been blamed for the emergence of Punk Rock.So what are our brainwashed kids gonna do in reponse to the Co-Vid crisis?

The answer is , Fuck All,'cept warble about how their boyfriend has chucked them and get out the autotuner AGAIN!

Tracklist:

A Untitled 10:13
B Untitled 10:05

DOWN(LOAD)some Pussy HERE!

Smell & Quim ‎– "Lavatory " (Smell & Quim / Milovan Srdenovic Appreciation Society) 2011

Ha Ha Haaaa!(fake Laughter)

The name of the band(?) is a parody of 'popular in 1987' female pop duo Mel & Kim.The more Attractive of this Stock,Aitkin and Waterman created duo died from cancer at the height of their fame ,leaving the entity as merely just Kim,the less fanciable one.So her career bombed...such is the fickle world of Pop.She died for you, kids!?..but the kids wish it was the other one who died. Thats like wishing Peter Hook had topped himself rather than our fav troubled miserablist singer. That scenario would have at least saved us from that toe-curling John Barnes Rap in the England World Cup song for Italia '90....get 'round the back!??

It says here that The power electronics collective's,"Smell and Quim's", creative output is often associated with controversial and taboo topics like fetishism(OoooYa!), alcoholism (Steady on now!), pornography(Shocking...not), and necrophilia(Now then guys'n'gals)?...well how fucking controversial is that?....not very is the answer.

Another point is that smell doesn't necessarily align itself with a quim. A bag lady's quim certainly would have an unwelcome aroma to it,so i suggest that if a young lady were to indulge in an intimate wash,it would just be 'Quim' we would be a-discussing? A slightly cock-centic point of view there?Appendages that don't have the greatest reputation of cleanliness themselves. A gentleman's wash in the sink before a hot date would work wonders I suggest?

Tee Hee Hee...did that man say 'Cock'?

As Industrial Noise goes this stuff is Power Electronics as seen through the eyes of a Carry-on film scriptwriter.Confessions of a Window cleaner crossed with Merzbow. As a former Window Cleaner myself,what I done to supplement my dole money,to the tune of an extra three hundred quid a week!!!, I can confidently reveal that the film was no exaggeration....yes, it was not a barrel of laughs.In fact at one house we were instructed to hurry up before her Husband got home or he'll stab us up!!!....No gratuitous sex either!?

The wall scraping Noise,of this CD-r not window cleaning, is fine, but the lyrical content is all a bit silly.I suspect that a few of Smell and Quim are in their late fifties by now,and should know better....its not funny.....but i do find myself sniggering from time to time,like Sid James catching Kenneth Williams as 'Doctor Tinkle' at it,or not, as in many English naughty comedies, with Matron (Hattie Jacques).

There is,however, a fine disrespectful tribute to the memory of serial peadophile Michael "Wacko" Jackson. Yes, he who was born black but died white,and in between he fiddled with kids.

Tracklist:

1 Cuntsocket 2:13
2 Thriller 2:44
3 Frau Koma Is Coming (KKKarcher Spraydown Mix) 5:43
4 Peter Was A Truck Driver (Getting Wood At Garrards Mix) 2:09
5 MnM's (Myra's Shovel, Maxine's Car - M62J22 Mix‎) 4:14
6 Cocks To The Left (Northern Arsehole Mix) 3:09
7 Dreamfucker (Pissed Off Mix) 5:01
8 Muff-Diving Accident (Shit, Shave & Haircunt 100 Mix) 5:07
9 In The Brown Girl's Ring Piece (Live At De Hondenkoekjesfabriek - DisRespectable Reconstruction Mix) 5:30
10 Fishy Flirting (The Children Of Cod Vs The Clit Hero Mix) 4:20
11 Sniff Your Fucking Peepee 3:26

DOWNLOAD carry on industrial noise HERE!

Orphan Fairytale ‎– "Ladybird Labyrinth" (Ultra Eczema ‎– Ultra Eczema 67) 2009

 As it turns out, Ultra Eczema is a rather splendidly good label....I mean they released a vinyl Preggy Peggy album!!?

I like the album cover for this one, a psuedo for one Belgian Bird,Eva Van Deuren, who tinkles menacingly on her keyboards,and electronic gear, to make sinister soundtracks for imaginary kids programes.

The tunes remind me of the discomfort one felt when re-watchig "The Singing Ringing Tree",(East Germany's Greatest moment?), or sitting cross legged on the floor in the assembly hall,watching ITV 's programmes for schools..the most creepy being "Picture Box", especially that theme tune!

Good cover, good tunes, good record,good label.....not said that for a long time.Love you all XX.

Tracklist:

A1 Phantom Shapes
A2 Happy Go Lucky
A3 Crybaby Needs A Hanky
B1 Bubble Memory
B2 Glorious High

DOWNLOAD an orphans eczema HERE!

Preggy Peggy & The Lazy Babymakers ‎– "Get An Ace Case Of The Measles" (Ultra Eczema 63) 2008

Preggy Peggy and her be-tracksuited albanian boyfriends or boy fiends, the odd well hung swarthy babymaker,undoubtedly called Mongo, respendant in his bulging Lee Cooper stone-washed jeans.An item worth killing for in Enva Hoxha's Albania.Mongo's thick set monobrow frames a stare that suggests he did kill for those jeans;an act he called,or rather grunted, 'Going Shopping' back in the motherland....am I being Racist again?...probably, but this is how I imagine this anonymous collective if they existed in real life, and I'll shout down anyone who tries to trouble me with 'Facts', alternative or otherwise. I don't wanna know who they are thanks,and leave me with my ill-advised fantasy. I'm still scarred by Bill Drummonds recounted Residents' Mole Show experience when he noticed a thick wad of long curly hair pertruding from underneath one of the eyeball heads. This couldn't be true,surely?But now ,with the culture diluting...am i being racist again????....well at least uncomfortably right wing ,for which i apologise......where was I?...Ah Yes, the culture diluting Internet, revealing the identities of the Residents as an example of the Myth Busting of the gossip obsessed porn addicts that this 'Future' is populated with.Shit innit?

The cover is reminding me of the moment when my Daughter entered this world.An event commonly referred to as "Beautiful",rather than the horrific and painful thing it truly is.Like something out of Hellraiser!If ever a moment confirmed what i had already suspected, that there is no god, this was IT! Using flowery language to describe this,and other, reality confirming events ,transforms them into something Happy and full of the beauty of life. Its, in fact, the oldest usage of Alternative Facts as a political weapon in the long history of lying to oneself. I notice that "Beautiful" is one of ex-president's Donald Trump's favorite words from his very limited vocabulary. This is NO coincidence!

Somehow ,some Belgian chap decided to release a 'proper' vinyl record of Preggy Peg!? Thankfully it keeps up the high standard of abstract Industrial Pop as viewed through a kaleidoscope dunked in shit that we came to expect from them. Beautiful!?

Tracklist:

A1 Come Ravage The Rice In My Rug
A2 Shep Makes Coffee
A3 How So Ever Far
A4 Not A Dry Eye In G-Unit
B1 Amonia Blud
B2 Legs N.Ahll & "Lucky" Lester Lickley Meet Sammy The One-Eyed Pirate... In The Dark !
B3 Play Meaty For Me
B4 Buttermouthed Buckslappers Of Fu Manchu
B5 Saul Peels An Onion
B6 The Circle With A Hole In The Middle

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Preggy Peggy & The Lazy Babymakers ‎– "Duo Eureka" (Being Weird Isn't Enough Records) 2007

Peggy returns with 15 more of her children,all with the various congenital diseases,deformities,and learning difficulties that reflect the human race. You would have been burnt as witch in the fifties if you made music like this without having a degree in modern composition. John Cage was alright,he had one of those.

Nowadays, any dysfunctional lunatic can either become a Bhuddist or make experimental noise on their relatively inexpensive digital multitrack facility.

This was what we wanted wasn't it? Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it...and we have!

The sheer mass of DIY "Experimental" music available on the ethernet is mind boggling,impossible to listen more than once to anything. In olden days terms, that means that Matt Groening would have not elected himself Captain Beefheart's number one fan, and I wouldn't have discovered the shiny forbidden world of prog rock..

I suppose, getting to enjoy such dreadful rackets as Preggy Peggy, modern kids would have to start with the current Hipster's fav Throbbing Gristle and work upwards.....or downwards, depending on your perspective. Pop,or unPop, Music appreciation and History classes would be a valuable asset to stop these ignorant young fools from repeating the older generation's musical faux pas'.

Preggy Peg, can I call her that(?), is likely more accessable than most because its also.....'Funny'.

There's Noise, there's Plunderphonics, there's samplerdelica,there's gentle,but sinister, Pop,there's even some psych workouts? What more could a modern teenager who doesn't like Hip-Hop and its derivatives want? This could be chart music one day......featuring 50cent, or Stormzy. 

Tracklist:

1 Let Us Eat Cake 2:29
2 Flonkerende Ster 1:01
3 Gonna Get That Boy 2:45
4 The Group 1:28
5 Eureka Polka 0:39
6 Do The Ape 11:06
7 Swinging On Sunday 1:34
8 They're Just Like Us 2:41
9 Plastic Bag 7:41
10 Avondrood 0:54
11 The Group Revisited 0:30
12 I Can't Relalte 1:29
13 Where Flamingos Fly 4:11
14 The Light City 0:28
15 Diamonds 'N' Ducks 6:31

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Preggy Peggy & The Lazy Babymakers ‎– "The Gang Rape Of A Short-Bus Rider" (Chocolate Monk ‎– Choc. 160) 2007

List under "Experimental" is a tasty cop-out when trying to categorize the unfathomable. Preggy Peggy and her lazy Babymakers are more aligned with the 'Piss-Take Experimental' tranch of Noise than anything experimental, or even original;although ,granted, there ain't many recording Artistes who sound as truly Nuts as  this.

Naturally I know nothing about the persons coupable for this attack on aural decency,and I dunno if they have any connection with The Ceramic Hobs' harsh noise offshoot "Smell and Quim", whose style is uncannily similar,if slightly less daft.

I knew many a young lady who would have qualified to have been called Preggy Peggy in my youth in the post war concentration camps that circled UK cities called "Council Estates". Giving flesh to the old joke about most British cities;Them being like an evactuated Rugby players bath,nothing in the center with a ring of scum around the outside..HaHaHa....I nicked that one from Jeremy Clarkson....the only posh boy in Doncaster,so he knows, right?

The Estate was also full to the brim of Lazy Babymakers too,whom i had to avoid,as they took exception to me being the only weirdo in the village.....they were not wery nice to me...boo-hoo. Therefore, like most Grammer School boys (ps,I had to pass an exam to go there so shut it!), I hate both the 'Upper'and the 'Under'classes equally.I believe in equality when it comes to hate.

Interesting point of information about my childhood homeland,was that the estate was named after Lord Eyres Monsell,who, before he had to sell his inherited lands after a compulsory purchase order in the fifties, to the UK Govt, became chums with William S. Burroughs at Harvard in the thirties.

Here's a relevant extract from Burroughs' excellent Biography, "Literary Outlaw":

'Billy met some of the more outlandish characters then at Harvard,among them Graham Eyres-Monsell, an Upperclass Englishman Whose father was the First Lord of the Admiralty. Billy thought he was glamourous because he was a Lord and knew all sorts of people, but at heart he disliked him,recalling:

"Ears Monsell....sounds like a Brooklyn gangster.He hung out with the undergraduates because he was in the habit of being deferred to and did not want to be with his equals.Like Cato gave his senate laws, and sits attentive to his own applause. He was a Cat-hater, and said he'd trained a Dog to kill Cats He was the one who told me that Vitamin A in large doses kills colds. He was a Fascist minded elitest,and not nearly as intelligent as he thought he was.I'm an elitest myself, but wouldn't want to be in the same lifeboat as him."'

Not sure I approve of Billy taking the piss out of the name synonymous with my childhood torture.Its a kind of warped Stockholm syndrome that i'll stick up for the place for the most rediculous reasons.I can feel a spike of annoyance if anyone dis's Leicester for any reason, never mind Eyres Monsell Estate....even the great William S. Burroughs.

In fact he isn't alone among literary genius's, to slag off my home town,the Father of Satire himself....and incidently a blood relative to yours truly,Jonathan Swift labelled the place a "Special parcel of Fools"....can't disagree with that,even if it included me for several decades.

The literary connections continue,Sue Townshend wrote the appalling "Dairy Of Adrian Mole" there, and Joe Orton lived in the neighbouring,and even worse,Concentration camp of the "Saffron Lane Estate".They used to send posses of sexually abused head cases on raids into Eyres Monsell looking for blood and someone else's sister,or brother,or family pet, to penetrate for a change...i'm crying just thinking about the trouser wetting fear of being beaten by these ruthless new life-forms.Who were they?....well,in this case it's more of a 'What' rather than a 'Who'.

One can only imagine the joy that Lord Ears Monsell(1905-93) would have gained knowing that his former lands were populated by cap-doffing breeders,hardly worthy of attending the Primary school which bore his name, never mind bowing to his magnificence.

Tracklist:

1 I'm Glad My Dad Is Sad 2:09
2 A Man Walks Into A Duck With A Bar On His Head 3:14
3 Baby, It's Cold Inside 5:21
4 A Broken Vag Is Like A Broken Badge 5:35
5 Saran Wrap Man 2:05
6 C.E.L.E.B.R.A.T.E. 4:11
7 The Mysticism Of My Fucking Sound 5:03
8 When The World Isn't There 1:25
9 A Dyke, A Kike & A Ten Speed Bike 5:10
10 Just Don't Forget. Peggy Is The Boss 5:08

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