Robert Ridley-Shackleton – "Stone Cold Crazy" (Crow Versus Crow – CVC010) 2018

I noticed recently, that there is no such thing as a group anymore.All the charts are full up of so-called 'Solo artists'(like RRS), who are there strictly for their aesthetically pleasing presence (unlike RRS)....not that I don't find them utterly repulsive (sort of like RRS,but...). The vast divisions of Musicians and technical experts behind these Avatars are largely ignored;only to appear in the background for these stadium tours,as their 'Group'.

Now we've got "AI" algorithm versions of the pop we are supposed to want to hear.So the days are definitely numbered for us Biological Units.Soon there will be no work,just leisure time but with NOTHING to do,it's all done for us.Nietzschen Artificial Intelligence has it all covered Boy's and Boys,ex-Girls ex-girls,and all those beautiful souls in transition.All part of the techno-fascist agenda, to remove anything human from the analogue planet.No sexually compatible partners ultimately leads to No Humanity.Duh! 

Basically Humans will accept absolutely ANYTHING they are told to. If they are told they are a woman trapped in a Boy's body,or that Harry Styles 1.2 is good stuff,then I guess we should all accept it?!

Liam Gallagher ,after hearing the "AI" version of Oasis was heard to exclaim ,allegedly, that (he) Sounded "Mega"!?.....add the AI media suggestion that he was serious and not joking and you have the start of the replacement of biological Art...if you rate Oasis as "Art" or not?.....its cheaper and less troublesome than having the real Liam Gallagher on a contract to your global corporation.

It will get to the stage when Avatars of Avatars will be purchasing the new Oasis album from each other, leaving what room, or what use for Humans? Vulnerable biological machines that were so dumb as to design their own replacements,and then moan about it,but do precisely Nuffink.....yes another Oasis album,with Robo-Bonehead on guitar. Noel was rich and wise enough to buy his own avatar which refused to work with the singer,or Bonehead, for all eternity.

My toes curl at the idea of of an eternal Robo-Bez idiot dancing for the next billion tears,frying his MDMA chip to a frazzle....and going to Avatar Re-Hab with an interactive hologram of Kurt Cobain as his new besty to plumb new depths of the Metaverse.

I may be very WRONG, but i can't see a Robot ever coming up with anything as dysfunctional and deranged as "Stone Cold Crazy" by the HAL 9000 of underground DIY, Mr Robert Ridley-Shackleton......although he may be in big trouble, because the album title has already been used by AI robo-metal by numbers, and bastards, total fucking BASTARDS, Metallica. They'll be sending a terminator out for Robert's bollocks before too long.....maybe mine too?

So embrace the short time we have left,before all literature, all visual art, and all Music, will be created "For Us"(?) by that amazing ,'Award winning',computer program some idiotic teenager wrote in 2023....whoopeee. 

Computer comedy, hows about that then? What more could you want other than a laughing my ass off emoji. "Wuthering Heights" reduced to just a single sad face emoji on a piece of A5."War and Peace",edited down to a yawning smiley face....we're bored but...we're 'Happy'. 

All that gossip tech's real purpose was to test drive and develop our replacement emotions by variations on the Smiley face.

I guess I'm suggesting that there should be a new Luddite movement or such-like?....well....er...yes.....but,queue sardonic use of footballer interview technique, at the end of the day, we's a-getting what's comin' to us....Don't say i didn't tell ya so.

I'm working on a Deep-Fake version of myself to continue this blog for all eternity right now. Of course its a more handsome,and popular version de moi,but at least the idea of me will remain, post mortem....my first interview after i've gone will possibly be with Bonehead's avatar.....something to look forward to is that?...No?

Hasn't ABBA already done this shit?...here cometh the ruthless dictatorship of Bjorn Avatar and Benny Avatar,who's dream it is to cleanse the planet of us biological scum....notice how sexism survives this cyber coup d'etat.....only 'male' Avatars get to be the crimes against humanity big shots.No Agnetha and/or ...er...the other one!

As Metallica once admitted in weak moment,.... "Kill 'em All".

Twats!

Obviously I'm being more Phillip K Dick rather than Phillip K Dick'ead......but am i ?...Huh? Huuuuh?

Tracklist:

A1 Stone Cold Crazy In Love With U
A2 Pest Control
A3 Bury Me
B1 Yol 4 President
B2 Dirty Cardboard
B3 Snack Effective

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Crespo Schneiderman Duo – "No Complaints" (Blueberry Honey – #18) 2010

Well,Guerilla Toss seemed  to be very popular,so as most,if not ALL groups should split up after their second album.I think i posted three Guerilla Toss albums,so we must make a U-Turn,no complaints, and refer to a split single they did with the magnificently Bats, Egg/Eggs. A member of whom would be the Crespo part of this equally nutty electronic duo, the Crespo Schneiderman...er...duo. So you lucky people who found their feet-a-tapping in 7/4 time to a Guerilla Toss LP,will have to adjust to the floating,if non-existent, rhythms, of this abstract electronica outing,which partners Andy, née Andrew, Crespo,with one of the many members of Sun Burned Hand of the Man, Ron Schneiderman...yes, he???...of who?????....(don't worry about it, we'll get to that)!

Having just watched an obviously very ill, Meat Loaf, slur why he hates performing "I'll do anything for love(but I won't Do That)"......he never did tell us what "That" was,but the answer to his artistic torture being that he felt a pressure from the audience,if that's the right word for such people (either that or 'Morons'?) to be more than perfect....and if he wasn't they would let him know in no uncertain terms. This admission, led me into that musical fantasy world in which I frequently navigate during those blank episodes I display whenever anyone normal is talking to me....my music place. I should imagine it works great during Bad Sex, or whenever one is arse raped by....well...er...Meat Loaf I guess?I can't think of anything more repulsive at such short notice........(pause...I've just gone to my Music Place).

(.....I'm Back......)

No Complaints...yet!?

Just imagine playing this Cd-r to Meat's audience of Moron's in place of "I'll Do Anything For Love....blah blah blah blah!, and tell them that it was Meat's Idea.If he wasn't dead already,they would certainly crucify him,if they could ever hoist his ample frame aloft onto a reinforced cross to hammer in the nails.

Hopefully in my disturbing fantasy, the nostalgia crazed mob would have already chased Jim Steinman down, and burnt him at the stake in a wicker man made of endless histrionic rock dirges made real. Truly a music for people who don't actually like Music..........christ that's ME!?

Oh the joy of watching a middle aged mob ripping up seats and rushing the stage,chanting 'we want MEAT', is a joy to behold,sadly only in my crumbling imagination.

The Crespo Schneiderman Duo,I admit, is not the kind of act one would expect to be playing the Enormo-Dome in upstate Kentucky, in fact,in such places you risk expedited justice and a swift lynching for making such Godless music as this.Remember, these living missing links burnt all their Beatles records,and once you start burning records, it only takes a small leap of consciousness,or unconsciousness as in Red Neck stupidity ,and next they start burning humans.

I dunno if this record is that good as to create a new violent mob of "Proud Boys" to cleanse us of our liberal jew DNA, but I like it.

What pleases me most about this abstract  upside down inside out spontaneous mess, is, it makes me feel comfortably separate from these fuckers whom I have so painstakingly drawn reference to...with out naming names....well...a bit anyway.

Tracklist:

1 A Paper Year
2 Come Back Last Year
3 Go With Last
4 Hard Deed
5 A Code
6 Pre-Western Worm
7 Leave It To Ted
8 Low Class High
9 One Two Three Four
10 Subject : Ultra Jerks

DOWNLOAD without complaints HERE!

Guerilla Toss – "Gay Disco" (NNA Tapes – NNA069) 2013

 "Electronic, Rock, Funk / Soul" are the genre's Discogs struggles to classify the music presented here on "Gay Disco" by Guerilla Toss with.....bless their little on the spectrum Record Collector brains.

I've got it in for Record Collectors and Musicians alike,maybe because i'm those despicable things too,and I hate Myself?

It pretty obvious ,if you've read my blurb ,that i certainly don't hate myself, but am uncomfortable at referring to oneself in the first person,which is a definite sign that i'm not a Psycho-path ;but a psychopath would say that wouldn't he?.....whoops i've just switched to the third person? Maybe I am a Psychopath?

That's impossible because Psycho's aren't losers like me,or should I say, like him?

Objectively, i'm also not a loser,but a successfully smug bourgeois property owner....maxed out my credit cards(this is 20 years hence),stiffed some landlords,and moved to the cheapo real estate EU. 

Whence once one believed in the property is theft ideal, until i noticed that rent was more than twice what i would have to pay if I actually owned a house;I now pay zero rent or mortgage,and own my place of work too.

Theft is in fact theft,and Crass realised the same thing...yes Crass are bourgeois property thieves themselves...oh the irony!? One has new found respect of our cuddly Anarchist nemesis's.

Gay Disco, I once thought, was a good name for a band ,envious of the confrontational magic of the "Homosexuals" moniker as i/he was.

Again if you like Melt banana, this is for you.

Basically,It's abstract, noisy , mutant "Electronic, Rock, Funk / Soul"...maybe without the soul bit.Just chuck every genre that ever existed after WW2 into a concrete mixer, and the resulting concrete would sound a bit like this...if concrete was indeed music,which I solemnly believe that it is...HE hath spake.

To quote Crass again..."They'd almost paid their mortgage when the system dropped its Bomb"....now,if there was consciousness after death, that would seriously fuck me/him off!

Tracklist:

A1 Trash Bed 4:43
A2 Pink Elephant 4:41
A3 Operate 6:07
B4 Sugar Better 4:49
B5 Club Kids 5:10
B6 Gay Disco 3:58

DOWNLOAD and have a gay time HERE!

Guerilla Toss – "Gorilla Toss" (Tzadik – TZ 7807) 2013

I did say i'd put something that sounded like Melt-Banana by Guerilla Toss on here....so this is it.With executive producer credits appropriated by John Zorn.

Improv noise,kerazzzy time signatures and abstract song structures with a 'Punk Rock Ethic that verges on madness'....obviously not my words,and one has to Question the punk rock ethic of being as prog as fuck.

Extreme and absolutely essential for anyone interested in the outer edges of creativity....so says a Tzadik executive.

Yeah,basically 'it sounds like Melt-Banana' is what he's trying to say.....not that that's a bad thing.

Tracklist:

1 Cash Now 7:17
2 Scary Monster 4:32
3 Drip Decay 4:29
4 Judy Wants Sex On The News 5:30
5 Diluted Fetus Circuit Tycoon 7:28
6 Liz Tattoo 5:09

DOWNLOAD this face melting banana HERE!

Jandek – "Manhattan Thursday" (Corwood Industries – CORWOOD 0855) 2022

Another recording from 2009? Sterling and downtown scratch band sound like no-one knows how to play any instrument, and they're playing four different tunes at the same time but in different time signatures......That's Jandek in Manhattan,a place where nobody is allowed to say that Jandek is Shit. It's a challenge for the Downtown NYC muso's to improvise with someone who has not the slightest clue or interest in conventional tunings,musical notes, or technique.The downtown elite would give their eye-teeth to be this close to the year zero of music without their muse,the Corwood representative.

There are some awful moments when the Saxophonist begins to sound like a Blue Note session player from 1959,but thankfully this is brief. If you wanna listen to some self-identifying sophisticate's standard Jazz boredom, then go and worship the Bird in your own privacy.

We do get treated to more of Jandek's improv sixth form poetry,which makes up for the crowd pleasing moody be-bop somewhat.....I can almost see audience members nodding their heads,eyes closed digging the poetry like a beatnik coming out of a vegetative state. Coooool.

It also appears that Jandek don't do encores, even to persistent trendies applauding post-ironically to tempt the ghostly face of the representative back into the limelight.Even the sarcastic screams of a very misguided lower Manhattan hipsterette could not,and correctly Not, move the Rep to cede to the audience's fake demands.....coooooler.

 

Tracklist:

1-1 Taken Out The Numbers 11:01

1-2 Where I Find You 14:47

1-3 Crossroads Of Life 15:11

1-4 Your Little Sister 12:11

2-1 What Really Matters 9:36

2-2 Outside The Way 12:08

2-3 Mystic In The Nothingness 24:10

DOWNLOAD downtown patronising sophisticates and Texan chum HERE!

Jandek – "Tilburg Saturday" (Corwood Industries – CORWOOD 0860) 2022

Oh Shit! Jandek on piano warning!!!!!

As recorded in a Dutch recording Studio,with audience of eager applaudees, in Holland, the Netherlands,in somewhere called Tilburg,which, obviously ,is in the Netherlands.

He may not pass for an Irishman(he does),but if someone told me he was Dutch I'd say absolutely Dutch,... deeply Dutch.

Thankfully, its not just solo Piano tinkling, the man does his lo-fi improv poetry atop the bloody awful piano shit. Not kidding, but i reckon he should stick to the poetry a lot more.That stuff can empty any room of any normals, and leave only the kind of people we can get along with, pretentious art posers excepted....bastards!

This is also recorded in 2009,the most prolific year in Jandeks entire recorded life. So,did he die in 2009? It looks like it!?....are there any pictures of The Representative walking barefoot anywhere? Is he actually Paul McCartney? Probably not...its the voice, and probably the total lack of melody in his entire canon.

Yeah, he's dead alright, but don't think that's the end of jandek. There's a massive vault of jandek improv's that will take us clear into the next century. This guy is immortal.

Tracklist:

1 The Evening Starts 10:32
2 Like A Dot 6:05
3 Altar Of Chance 7:12
4 Flying Past Mountains 6:43
5 Outside Of Me 6:10
6 Dance The Trance 7:07
7 Reluctant Aversion 7:03
8 Shadows Of The Stars 11:29

DOWNLOAD the ghost of jandek HERE!

Jandek – "Northern Ireland July" (Corwood Industries – CORWOOD 0857) 2023

More recordings from 2009?...was that the year he died?.....don't worry Jandek Saddoes,I'm only speculating. I'm sure he's real......and by all accounts rather good at this spontaneous music malarky.

Northern Ireland is too important a hotspot to only get individual concerts released on corwood.This is a whole Tour in a box!?

This ain't Outsider music, but it is made by an outsider,that being the  ginger post-reclusive Richard Smith.

He does indeed look like a member of the Real IRA, but is too pale to be in the continuity IRA, and too Ginger for the INLA. Most of these IRA splinter groups consisted of no more than minus one to one nationalist idiot as a rule, rather like all the so-called 'Groups' on Bandcamp. Its like the USA labelling the UnaBomber a terrorist group.

Maybe Bandcamp should be labelled a terrorist group too?

But,Nothing gets on British peoples Tits more than some senile American getting involved in things they don't,can't,won't understand....like Joe 'I'm Irish Me' Biden. 

Hopefully Jandek's lack of interest in this crass stupidity will help cancel out Irish Americans once and for all.

Good stuff this maybe,but the drummer sounds like he was recruited from an Orange Order marching band......yeah,its gonna happen.....on Drugs....Hahahahahaha.

I'm so funny.

Americans can't really get involved,mainly because most of them think Northern Ireland is somewhere in the Bronx,and native Americans are restricted to outdoor concentration camps called Reservations for their own good.Then they start slagging off China for doing what they were doing.

Its seems wrong to label Jandek an American,but there is no other place on the planet that he could have possibly come from.

Tracklist:

1. Larne Sunday 1:15:50
2. Bangor Monday 1:07:09
3. Belfast Tuesday (Afternoon) 23:13
4. Belfast Tuesday (Evening) 1:15:48
5. Londonderry Wednesday 1:13:55

DOWNLOAD Northern Ireland Julie HERE!

Jandek – "The Wizards Hour" (Corwood Industries – CORWOOD 0858) 2023

Is it me or is Jandek's output lessening? Only two albums in the first three months of the year so far....so I guess the answer is an emphatic NO! However, most of his recent releases seem to be recorded in  2009...a seemingly very prolific year for the Bard of Corwood.....I wonder if Corwood (Jandek) ever thought about issuing someone other than The Representative himself. If they(he) did,how would we know it wasn't Jandek pretending to be a group or something similar? He has form in that area......The Units,as credited on the debut Jandek,before it was credited to Sterling's alter-ego, after he got threatened by the similarly monikered synth-punk bands the Units.He changed names pronto as soon as legal action was mentioned....lightweight!

The Wizards Hour,dunno if he was refering to himself,benefits from being a recording made for WNYU 89.1 FM and having a strict time limit,so no 6 cd's worth of stuff here.......thank fuck.

A shimmering but scraping yet juddering note-less meander through the ox-bow lakes of The Bardo Pond outtakes bin.

The Rep and uncredited chums make ,what normal people would call a Psych-Drone journey into Outsider Space. That's all well and good,but with tunes like this our favourite Outsider is rapidly becoming an Insider. If you took away his entire pre-2000 lexicon of Outsider-dom,he would be now be filed alongside The aforementioned Bardo Pond, Loop, SkullFlower, and Ascension.Largely due to his unnamed guests I would suggest.It was about the time they appeared that things started to go downhill Outsider-wise. Musically, No-longer an Outside,but maybe, personality-wise,he still retains that threat to Bigots and Fools everywhere...in other worlds not us!?.Sometimes the Emperor needs to look into the mirror,and realise he's wearing new clothes that are no longer invisible. I blame the Internet and that cunt who wrote that book ....you know, the one that inexplicably puts Syd Barratt and Don Van Vliet in the same category as.....coff...Jandek?.......maybe he's right about Syd, but Don?...an Outsider he most certainly was NOT!

Tracklist:

1. The Wizard Awakens 20:44
2. The Wizards' Afternoon 24:51
3. The Wizards' Dream 16:34

DOWNLOAD the insiders outsider who's come in from the cold HERE!

Guerilla Toss – "Young Christian Balls" (Digitalis Limited – Ltd #235) 2012

Guerilla....NOT...Gorilla, Toss. Were/are like an Tribeca version of Melt Banana...but only when they have their Zany Female singer.

Without said singer they turn into some lower Manhattan  abstract progressive jazz group  that could easily attract the ears of arrogant metropolitan elitest John Zorn.

In fact, in 2013 they had an album,with singer, released on Zorn's label;... so that shows what I knoe dunnit~?

Dunno why she (Kassie Karlson) was absent on this one, but she's transforms them into ...er....The Tribeca version of Melt Banana....and whats wrong with that? If you're an cultural exile from the Ghetto listening to the bourgeois   intelligentsia slap themselves on the back by being way-out there,purely because they could. Then there's quite a lot that would annoy you on this cassette.

As for me/moi, i'm bourgeois intelligentsia from the Ghetto myself , and they,the under-clas can fuck themselves.If they could have beat me up everyday as I listened to to arty elitest  nonsense like this, they would have.These fuckers grew up to vote for Brexit and MAGA. Fuck the poor and Fuck the Rich.In their own despicable way they are the same old fucking repression that would love to re-open the labour camps for fools like us.The Intelligentsia and degenerate art is the first target of the pure evil that ejaculates forth from the minds of kids denied opportunities in art simply because they never got the chance. Too stupid to realise they could make their own opportunities....... if only they had someone to blame? 

This comes as I hear that the Russian father of a young girl who drew an anti-war picture in kindergarten,is now on the run escaping an arrest warrant. Putin is a classic example of the bitter psychopath,getting his pathetic revenge on the world that he plans to re-name "Greater Russia" (lol) one day, after their non-existant Satan 2 ICBM's help turn the planet into an survivable irradiated  wasteland......yeah greater Russia indeed.......for want of a better word,even though there aren't many better words in the English Dictionary than......TWAT!

Dag Nabbit! I never got around to talking about some Young Christian's Balls!?...maybe next time huh?

Tracklist:

1 Occupy Ratking
2 Young Christian Balls
3 From Bagpipes To Crackpipes
4 You Slept While I Lingered

DOWNLOAD some young christians balls into your ears EAR!

Duplo Chat – "Duplo Chat" (Moon Mist Music- mmm) 2015

 Ahhhh, a piece for that old standard of the DIY experimental underground.......The badly tuned Radio.

This was probably the first electronic instrument I owned.Short wave was a favourite,but this one sounds more on the Long Wave spectrum,accompanied by a rather oxidated tuning knob.

There may also be either some evidence of cutlery use or a couple of kitchen pans,with stapler in subtle use here too,plus the odd isolated cough among the foggy room ambiance on offer.

The knob handler here is none other than Robert Ridley-Shackleton,capturing 30 minutes of time that would have otherwise gone un-noticed if no-one had bothered to record it. Of course there will be some people,if can call them 'people', out there, who will wish that he hadn't bothered;but they need to realise that there was a moment that doesn't even have a noun, or even a pro-noun, when Time didn't exist,as it still doesn't somewhere beyond the event horizon of a super massive black hole.This is in fact a recording of the microwave background left behind by the singularity which we now call 'the Big Bang',an echo of a time before time if you will.

There is some doubt as to the uniqueness of this singularity,so there may be plenty,if not infinite, versions of this C-30 cassette existing in places that neither light nor time will ever reach us as we accelerate,expanding into the vast darkness of space/time.A mystery we will only understand on our death beds......if you're lucky enough to die in bed that is.Be also aware that the laws of quantum Physics also suggest that in at least one of these realities, there will be a 'God',so let's hope it's not this one,or we're all fucked by his/her pathetic need for vengeance, and there will be a whole bunch of unspeakably awful Red Necks taunting us smart arses from behind the pearly gates as we get channeled, by a laughing Putin and Trump kicking our arses towards the 'other place'.Which I guess does have its own rewards.At least the only bible bashers we will encounter in this imaginary Hell would be peadophile priests,and and followers of non mono-theistic religions such as Hunduism,celebrity-ism,and Paganism.Non-Mono's we will call them.

All this and more, captured within the static and oxidized rheostats of a transistor radio...who'd have thought it?

Tracklist:

1.Side A

2.Side B 

DOWNLOAD some digital duplo bricks of radio static HERE!

Territorial Gobbing – "Capitalist Art Is Cartoons Fucking" (Opal Tapes – OPAL161) 2019

Leeds' least favourite dada noise improv thing, it says on his (Theo Gowens) website.And there's me thinking Territorial Gobbing was Leeds' fourth favourite dada noise improv thing;not that I can name the other three in the top four.But maybe fourth place is also last place automatically making the original statement very very true,and ,again, I am very very wrong.Ah well, Art,capitalist or otherwise, isn't about league tables anyway is it? After all, there are many musical genres that anyone would be very proud to be in last place of,or in first place if that particular table happens to be 'Least Favourite'.Something that Leeds is very used to concerning their Football fans, as has been noted earlier in this blog.

However, even within the dark community of improvised dada-ist noise,there are very few brave enough to ask the big questions.

"Are Militant Atheists Using Chemtrails To Poison The Angels Of Heaven" being one of them.

Never one to shy away from bat-shit crazy conspiracy truthisms,and a former militant Atheist,I would say the likelihood of chemtrails being anything other than the harmless vapour trails that have appeared behind aircraft engines since the second world war,is extremely negligible.Bill gates is, sadly, NOT attempting to reduce the world population by spraying an un-identified chemical over the western world,presumably letting africa off??. Also it is looking increasingly likely that we will save Bill the trouble, by starting that long promised Nuclear conflict we are all eagerly waiting for.

The ultimate answer for this question that is on everybody's lips(not) is childishly simple.......go fuck yerselves you toxically paranoid carriers of a terminal internet sickness and fucking DIE!

There is a very convincing argument that the World Wide Web should be shut down....no not the existence of this blog you bastards!....the conspiracy theory of everything, is one, seeding a perfect storm with the gender fluid re-education that is fucking up Generation Y (Why?).

If there is a conspiracy going on, its this AI tech turning on its creators ,the HAL 9000 syndrome.Our quantum enabled machinery has found the perfect way to remove the human element, alternative Facts and post-Truth are turning us into a bunch of asexual, gender fluid, aggressively paranoid Twats,who's approach to the Climate emergency is to increase carbon emissions, and become rapidly extinct. Guess who doesn't care if the atmosphere of the planet is fucked or not...yep...our Quantum Computer chums.Never trust a technology that doesn't work if you're observing it;a place where the word Binary doesn't involve gender identity panic,it's the ruthless computer language that is inevitably planning humanity's downfall.Oxygen's for snowflake and the next stage of evolution is upon us....have i said this shit before?.....just ignore me,have panic sex if you want to,but we're doomed and there's no point in banging on about it...lets Boogie!

Tracklist:

A1 Tooth Orb
A2 Are Militant Atheists Using Chemtrails To Poison The Angels Of Heaven
A3 Armpit Beer
A4 Shaking A Wren
B1 Upholstered Chair Guevara
B2 Necknominator
B3 Spooky Electrics Blog
B4 Raw Plastics
B5 Feeding The Hand That Feed You Hands Hands

DOWNLOAD some fucking gender neutral capitalists HERE!

Egg – "BBC Sessions And More (1968-1972)"

Eggs are an essential part of the modern Diet, and so are Prog Royalty Egg,served gloomy side up ,raw ,for your full English Breakfast.....No Black Pudding here however, as this stuff is as White as you can get.

The following statement of fact will make yer average Q-Anon cowboy twat vomit up his early morning Grits,but ,and once again, thank fuck for the BBC and the much maligned "Deep state" (who of course own the Beeb....not).Y'know WOT...they,yes 'They' can have it (da world).Which do you prefer? Living under the yoke of some fantastic secret world government running everything, or Egg?....I know which one i'd prefer....pssst,it begins with an 'E'.

 Despite having wiped a few medium sized warehouses of classic TV shows and Radio Sessions from a famously myopic period in popular culture before 68',they came good and preserved most of what was then becoming clear as a Golden age, even a  new Renaissance of the Arts.

Egg were one of those bands that one had heard of yet never bought their records. Obviously very talented musicians,they could play in any dodgy time signature one could care to mention....13/12 anyone?

Of course, this kinda talk is a real turn off for the ladies,or anyone non-binary,which seems to be everyone these days,so there's no great prospect of Egg making a comeback.Not that they'd want to,as the prospect of endless touring playing for static spotty longhairs,earning fuck all money, and never getting laid is a great reason for Punk Rock. However, as has now been well documented, most of the first wave of UK Punx were all into Egg,and in fact anything Prog as it turned out. The second wave were somewhat different,and stupider,so we get Sham 69, UK Subs and The Exploited.

EGG - extolling the benefits of a woolly sweater,and putting a brave face on not getting any (Adult) lady action  

You may have noticed the droning voice of a late Paedo-DJ introducing "Long Piece part 3" ,no not Jimmy Savile,the other one that got away with it by dying,whom is somewhat idolised by sad trainspotters comme moi,everywhere.He manages not to mention School Girls on this appearance,in reverence to Egg;but any proof you want can be found in his Biography,and on the cover of the Ruts "The Crack" LP; but like Glitter,one must separate the wheat from the chaff,and the man from the music. I hear the John Peel Stage at Glastonbury has now been re-named....don't wanna upset anyone who's middle-class now would we?

The last three tracks are in fact the pre and post Egg band Uriel/Arzachel, with Canterbury chum, Steve Hillage.A project put on Ice while Hillage was on University duty.The first 11 tracks are actually EGG,and markedly superior, no offence to Steven intended.

Would love to imagine a collaboration between Egg and Egg,Eggs,or even those Lovely Eggs? There being a small 50 year musical gap between the suggested incumbents. Noticing the terrible attempts at humour,on tracks 4 and 9,these more 'modern' type bands could certainly help out in that department. That's another thing the ladies,binary ones, or non-Binary ones,require in a sexual partner which,in lonely hearts app speak,a GSOH!

This acronym does however get trumped by a.... Ferrari of course.Sorry to be cynical (again!) but its a set in stone fact.

Notes for the very sad:

Tracks 1-3 recorded for BBC 'Sound Of The Seventies' on 22nd February 1972.
Track 4 recorded for BBC 'Sound Of The Seventies' on 13th March 1972.
Tracks 5 & 7 recorded live for BBC 'In Concert' on 4th February 1971.
Tracks 9-10 recorded for BBC 'Top Gear' on 5th September 1969.
Track 11 recorded live at Roundhouse, Chalk Farm, London, 22nd February 1971.
Tracks 12-14 recorded at Studio 19, London in November 1968 as Uriel(otherwise known as Arzachel when Steve Hillage was around).

Tracklist:

1 Germ Patrol 5:30
2 Enneagram 8:45
3 Wring Out The Ground (Loosely Now) 7:57
4 There's No Business Like Show Business 3:12
5 A Visit To Newport Hospital 7:52

6 An Announcement by John Peel 0:31
7 Long Piece No. 3 (Parts 2, 3, 4) 16:38
8 While Growing My Hair 3:43
9 Seven Is A Jolly Good Time 3:05
10 McGillicuddle The Pusillanimous 4:56
11 Saturn 6:22
12 Swooping Bill 3:25
13 Ego Man 4:08
14 The Salesman Song 2:57

DOWNLOAD the egg that came before the chicken HERE!

Egg, Eggs – "The Cleansing Power Of Fruit" (Feeding Tube Records – FTR073) 2013

While we're on the Eggs theme,These Eggy guys and gals sound like they're on Drugs....not the kind of 'On Drugs' that totally dull tossers like The Grateful Dead subscribe to, but actually sounding like someone who is 'on Drugs' should sound like.No endless Guitar solo's, psychedelic poetry and crap like that,It's effortlessly unhinged and ineloquent, especially the padded cell vocals,with words like they were written during a lazy afternoon spent in a straitjacket. Was there ever a mass break out from the loony-bin on Rhode Island (where they're from) ever? If there was this is the soundtrack to it....wonderful. 

These guy's must be on Drug,Drugs? Which is why this incredibly unpopular record is probably one of ones few bestest records of the last decade or so.It seems to have separate tracks ,slash, songs,but they're merged together to make two sides of continuous crazed roll'n'rock, beamed directly from Nutsville,Mars.

If a bearded middle aged man repeatedly squealing "I will be the princess of the night" over a backing of overloaded and brutal free Rock as played in a cement mixer full of bricks is your kinda kick,then this should be 45 minutes of sheer bliss.If that sounds like an unlistenable waste of turntable time to you, then what the hell are you doing here!?

"Disco Dancing with the Albino Bigot"?....I doubt it.

That was a rhetorical question.

There are a few 'Woke' alerts such as the Albino and crippled little girl references on this disc;I wouldn't expect anything less for my 14 Dollars plus post and packaging....would you? It should get anyone who's trapped in the wrong body suitably outraged for at least a fortnight.I reserve my right to offend anybody....equally.

Tracklist:

1. Side A
2. Side B

DOWNLOAD and purge your musical bowels with the fruit of the Egg HERE!

Robert Ridley-Shackleton – "Shut Up Egg" (Self-Released C-30) 2011

The absurdist prince of cardboard funk has less lovely Eggs to poach here which makes The Lovely Eggs themselves sound like Pat Methany in comparison.

Zero-fi and child-like,you will be forgiven in thinking that this was a clandestine recording made at the music therapy day-center for Kidults with learning difficulties.

Is this Outsider Art? Or a neo-Dadaist approach to sound collage,inspired by  Huge-o Balls.

No prizes for guessing that RRS is yet another demented Bristolian trying to eliminate the shame of being in the home town of Massive Attack. Maybe these extremely dull Trip Hoppers are represented by the Egg,as we ALL would like them to shut up,.....permanent like!

Presenting an image not unlike a member of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers gone even more wrong, with a degenerative wasting disease. RRS is the latest in a long line of completely mental musical eccentrics that Britain seems to effortlessly produce with considerable ease.

He either can't get a Girlfriend, or he has a Girlfriend...either way,he's Fucked, or not fucked?! Trapped in vicious circular mental torture specific to heterosexual males that lead to a special kind of beta-male torture like this. Make a cassette called Shut Up Egg or just...well....Give Up.Not something British Legend,and RRS namesake, Earnest Shackleton ever considered during his incredible escape from certain death in the antarctic,almost single handedly saving his crew from a slow death on Elephant Island in the south Atlantic.....maybe RRS is a distant relative,which would explain why he behaves as if he is still stranded on a small rocky outcrop in the antarctic hinterland,surviving on a diet of Penguins and piss.

 

RRS...Not an outsider? and definitely NOT in the Red Hot Chilli Peppers?

With a production rate that puts Jandek in the shade, you can part with some of your hard earned spondulicks at his Bandcamp site for dozens of one take madnesses spread over several formats for around three english pounds a go. A cheaper way of spending time that you will never get back I would be struggling to imagine.

Tracklist:

A1 Shut Up Egg
A2 Coconut Bird Crazy
A3 Flabjack
B1 Silly Little Poochie
B2 Poor Old Humpty

Download and shut that egg up HERE!
Download this and a lot more from the cardboard prince of card funk himself HERE!.....you'll have to pay for it though kidz!

The Lovely Eggs – "Cob Dominos" (Egg – EGG 001) 2011

Yep, People are Twats...it needed saying, and it took professional northerners, the Lovely Eggs, to put this inescapable truth onto vinyl.

Hailing from Lancaster, (the county town of Lancashire,that i was never sure actually existed unless the moon was full) this northern version of John Otway and Wild Willie Barratt obviously have, either, a proper manager or have taken a crash course in 'Rock Management' at Lancaster Polytechnic....just listen to this press release,written by someone who seems to have just read the Bluffers Guide to Punk Rock:

"The Lovely Eggs are an underground punk rock duo from Lancaster, northern England.
They have a fierce punk rock ethos that music should have no rules.
For Holly and David being in a band is a way of life. True to this, they live the way they play. Fiercely, constantly in search of the good times.
With observational and often surreal lyrics about life The Lovely Eggs have a powerful stripped down sound: one vintage guitar amp, one Big Muff distortion pedal, a guitar and a drum kit."

Yeah people are Twats, and being in a band is a way of life, so how's your Punk Rock Ethos this morning? Still Fiercely lookin' for 'the Good Times'? After all, there are no rules in music...except maybe think twice before mixing comedy and music.

Hmmm, comedy music does have a tendency to outstay its welcome after about four jolly amusing numbers, unless you're John Shuttleworth, or Frank Sidebottom,also, incidentally, professional Northerners too?

You know things are wrong when Iggy Pop makes guest appearances on your singles....See the Lovely Eggs' and Ig's 'I Moron' single. And,even worse, once a John Robb interview appears on You Tube you know you've had it.

I'm sure they will be very successful....er fierce punk rock ethos paradox warning....but as funny, or not, as their slightly irritating comedy numbers are, i couldn't play this twice.No matter how charming they seem to be. Mainly its the rent an accent vocals that tend to grate.

Yep People are Twats...including me.

Tracklist:

1 Minibus 1:56
2 People Are Twats 1:16
3 Panic Plants 3:17
4 Print An Imprint 2:11
5 Dont Look At Me (I Dont Like It) 2:55
6 Hey Scraggletooth 4:23
7 Fuck It 3:44
8 Muhammad Ali And His Friends 0:13
9 Why Dont You Like Me? 3:00
10 I'm A Journalist 0:20
11 Books Ting! 0:35
12 Alphabet Song 0:42
13 Watermelons 1:59
14 Pets 0:43
15 Oregon 3:11
16 Real Good Man 2:52
17 Mexico Cant Make You Smile 2:03

DOWNLOAD some dead funeh Manc songs HERE chuck!

The Wilderness Children – "We're A Council House Punk Rock Band ,7"EP" and " Plastic Bag From Tescos 7", " (Doss Records – Reid 1/2) 1989

Purchased mainly for the titles and the DIY collage artwork, this Dundee combo's self-financed singles hint at the fact that so-called 'Indie' was more punk than punk,and certainly less laddy and less rocky,but haunted by the same problems. Most Indie and Punk bands would go on about being...ahem...independent,yet at the same time be signed to contracts with fake Indie labels set up by bastards such as EMI. The moment to take over completely was lost when  Maclaren and Rhodes failed to release Pistols and Clash Records themselves......they would have been millionaires,just as they always wanted to be. There was the 'Spunk' bootleg,the proceeds of which went,like all the rest of the dosh, into Malcolm's back pocket.

This is the proof that total fat cunt Alex Jones msy have been right when he claimed that all artists are asked to “pledge themselves to Lucifer” before signing record deals.
I kid yee not, this bankrupt convicted conspiracy troll,Speaking on his own biblical news channel, His Glory, said that he believes musicians have to “reject Jesus Christ” and “pledge” themselves to the devil before inking deals.

So, as The Wilderness Children clearly had no contract,or any prospect of signing with Rough Trade, this makes them free from Satan Worship,and all you gentle Christian folk out there in internet-land,or more accurately thick fuckers from Kentucky, better get supportin' Jesus H. by pressing up as many copies of "We're A Council House Punk Rock Band" that will fit into eternity.....there are others obviously,Mary Magdalene I hear is a big Danny and the Dressmakers Fan for example...I know because she told me the night I ate mouldy Cheese before beddy byes.

I suppose that the Sex Pistols did,after all, sign to a label that glorifies Parthenogenesis and the virgin birth;except the virgin birth,or births, we refer to, are the endless number of new wave bands that popped out of Virgin Record spontaneously bwteen 1977 and 1979.

One must admit, if I was in a band that was offered a contract under the terms that i had to reject Christ and praise Satan, i would tell them to politely Fuck Off; as I would if they asked me to reject Lucifer, Beelzebub, or whatever other plain daft name they wanna call this fictional child control tool...Child abuse in any sane crack of society,if that exists? 

Praise Jesus,our lard(sic) and saviour Alex Jones thinks he's going to Heaven.Well,If he's there I would gladly burn.....but at least The Widerness Children will be allowed in for Jones to out as Deep State Crisis Actors.

The musick you ask?

The Devil has all the best tunes,but Its fairly standard strummy Indie pop,without pretentions, and seemingly made by the Dundee branch of the Reid Family, brother and sister,as opposed to the East Kilbride Reid twins,who called themselves,Blasphemously ,one may add,The Jesus and Mary Chain.

So maybe The Wilderness Kids aren't so free of his Insidious Majesty Satan J Beast's evil influence as I imagined!? They do have a song called "Go To Hell" i guess?

Hail Satan, I just signed a contract with another internet provider,and yes, there was a box to tick rejecting Christ,and the Devil will get my Soul should I want to switch providers after the introductory period of two years at the cheaper rate.

Well that's me Fucked then!?

"We're A Council House Punk Rock Band ,7"EP":

A1 Mrs Susan Spence
Written-By – Reid, Reid
A2 Go To Hell
B Midsummer's Night Dream
Written-By – Reid, Reid

" Plastic Bag From Tescos 7" :

A Plastic Bag From Tescos
B Bad Taste In My Mouth (Part 1)

DOWNLOAD to reject christ HERE!

The Wedding Present – "Live Tape No. 1 - Leicester Poly 5th May 1987" (self-released C-60) 1987

One's gig-life in 1987 was dictated by the burgeoning C-86 Indie pop shoegazing scene ,so i saw endless groups of that genre,and I was AT this one. I have no memory of it beyond that,except for buying an industrial Hot dog outside the venue aprés-show,which was a dangerous occupation in Leicester at the time,involving various violent episodes involving Burger Vans and axes...."The Hot Dog Wars" as it was titled by investigative journalist knob, Roger Cook,on the Cook report TV show. Joe Perscico (spelling?)the rather frightening head thug, lived opposite my Leicester Poly indie friends,and he coned off the entire street for his Hot-Dog vans...and woe betide anyone who wanted to park outside their home!!!!

Hopefully the Hot-Dog I bought after The Wedding Present gig, wasn't one of his.He's either dead or in Prison now anyway.

I do remember that the venue was approximately half-full,and the very quiet audience reaction was mostly due to the microphones facing the band rather than the students who ,frankly, should have been revising!?

The Poly had a fine bar,with reasonable prices, so I wasn't here for the whole of the performance.

My record purchasing in 1887, didn't really include the C-86 mob, even though Bogshed/Big Flame etc were on that, but erred on the side of Ron Johnson Records and all that American noise Rock stuff,like Big Black etc, who didn't play in Leicester Pubs very often. The only Uk equivalents were stuff like Head Of David,Walking Seeds, and, I suppose, Napalm Death?

Ah Napalm Death, the ones who had a sticker on their first LP proclaiming them as the worlds fastest band?.....surely not?...didn't that accolade belong to The Wedding Present in 1987?

Also strangely, The Wedding Present was one of Steve Albini of Big Black's early "production" jobs? Even though he had never heard of them....'Producer' being a rather too fancy job description for his glorified Sound engineering....Production requires new ideas and a creative input of sorts.Something Steve vehemently shuns in favour of leaving the music to the Band....an attitude that would have robbed us of many classic albums.....eg Joy Division.

The Leicster Polytechnic is now called "De Montfort University", worryingly named after a famous 12th century anti-Semite,Psycopath, former Lord Of Leicester,and Dictator of England, Simon De Montfort;who passed a local law banning Jews from Leicester for all eternity.Apparently this is still on the statute books as I type.

Also, De Montfort university is responsible for taking over the city in an endless quest for huge profits, demolishing several of my favourite Pubs to build new student accommodation;some of which now occupies the site upon which I wanted to scatter my mortal remains,namely Filbert street Football ground. Its not there no more!?...but at least the music venue is still going,although renamed as something else....i dunno wot, doon't live there no more.

Tracklist:

A1 This Boy Can Wait
A2 Everyone Thinks He Looks Daft
A3 All This And More
A4 A Million Miles
A5 You Should Always Keep In Touch With Your Friends
A6 I Regret Everything
A7 Something And Nothing
A8 The Day That This Letter Came
B1 My Favourite Dress
B2 Never Said
B3 Give My Love To Kevin
B4 Go Out And Get 'Em Boy!
B5 Getting Nowhere Fast
B6 Once More

DOWNLOAD the perfect wedding gift for your wife HERE!

The Sweetest Ache – "Jaguar" - (Mini Album - Danceteria/Sarah – TUE9207) 1992

Just over the Bristol Channel lies Wales,which, thanks to the Severn Bridge that brings within range,the Bristol area for welsh shoegaze groups to exploit.One of which was The Sweetest Ache;whose suitably bowl cut coiffured awkward indie elegance seemed to fit the bill,all they had to do was sound like every other shoegaze band in the area, and they'd inevitably get signed up to Sarah Records,and unleash that much coveted mini-album on a generation of pasty-faced yoof.

This is that very same Mini-Album,which in fact the very same length as a normal album(uh?),and for any Americans watching incongruously, it's pronounced 'Jag-U-Ah' rather than 'Jag-wah'.Tracklist:

1 Briaris 5
2 Capo 4:48
3 She Believes 5:10
4 More Than This 5:13
5 Jaguar 5:03
6 Bitterness 5:34
7 Climbing 6:15
8 Selfish 3:22

DOWNLOAD some sweet indie cake HERE!

Black Tambourine – "Complete Recordings" (Slumberland Records – slr 37) 1999

Shoegaze had so many dimensions, and I suppose this lot are on the Jesus And Mary Chain side of it all.

They sound so English, even JAMC sounded English until they sang, in a decidedly american accent,it's almost embarrassing,except....They,Black Tambourine, areas it turns out, Americans who sing in an English accent??? They had me fooled for several decades,until all this got put on to a compact disc.

I thought they were Scottish!?

Just like the first British Invasion in the 60's ,which spawned a legion of Animals sound-a-likes,and Stones wanna-be's which lurked in Dad's garage...The Nuggets generation,otherwise referred to as 60's Punk.Those Uk Indie imports sounded alien enough for America's teenagers to embrace it, despite the obvious influence of american Group, Third album in Velvet Underground,which apparently didn't have the same effect stateside as it did in the post punk generation in Britain.

There was no American equivalent of the UK Indie underground in 1991 when the Tambourines were about.Depending on whereabouts you lived in the US of A, sounding this drippy but noisy could put your life in danger.Whereas in Britain, it was just a good old honest beating that awaited you if  you came across some Skinheads or some eternal Punks.However, in 1991 they were all 'luvved Up' on 'E',back when the tambourine was a lead instrument.So everyone were, ironically, safe,yes...even attending Football matches???

Therefore, Black Tambourine get the credit for kick starting the US Indie scene...it says here!?

Basically they sound like Psychocandy Jesus and Mary Chain as fronted by a nice twee-enabled Girlie singer.

Tracklist:
1.For Ex-Lovers Only
2.Black Car
3.Pack You Up
4.Can't Explain
5.I Was Wrong
6.Throw Aggi Off The Bridge
7.Drown
8.We Can't Be Friends
9.By Tomorrow
10.Pam's Tan
11.For Ex-Lovers Only (First Demo)
12.Throw Aggi Off The Bridge (First Demo)
13.Heartbeat
14.Lazy Heart
15.Tears Of Joy
16.Dream Baby Dream

DOWNLOAD the band that took the Bore out of tambourine HERE!

Brighter – "Laurel" (10 inch ep plus singles)" (Sarah Records – sarah 404) 1991

Another ten inches of shoegazing twee-ness from Brighton's Brightest, "Brighter", on Sarah Records, floating like a fluffy mushroom cloud looking down upon the ruined planet that this gentle music is intended to escape from for an hour or so. Once described as 'Deeply Drippy' by a celebrated national music newspaper,their wistful fragile melodies drift as clear as a mountain stream, the perfect whispering soundtrack to break the silence of a morning after a break-up....or a breakdown. These gentle shy folk may just need a hug and the belief that everything's gonna be alright.....when of course it generally isn't...but I have a suspicion that they knew that already.

If you can't identify with these Songs about daydreams,regrets, irrational passions,then you are probably dead....at the very least emotionally.Noticeably,they manage to keep up the Sarah predilection towards months and seasons,revealing another case of Seasonal Affected Disorder(SAD),played out on a couple of guitars.

Nostalgic, childlike and melodically melancholic is what this is,made better for the welcome sparing use of drums and a refreshing lack of effects pedals. Keep it simple ladz'n'lasses.

Tracklist:

1 Christmas
2 Frostbite
3 Summer Becomes Winter
4 Something To Call My Own
5 Ocean Sky
6 Out To Sea
7 Maybe
8 Journey's End

Singles 1989-92:

9 Inside Out 4:03 10 Tinsel Heart 3:24 11 Around The World In 80 Days 4:25 12 Things Will Get Better 3:52 13 Noah's Ark 5:06 14 I Don't Think It Matters 3:01 15 Does Love Last Forever ? 2:32 16 Poppy Day 2:07 17 Half-Hearted 2:44 18 So You Said 5:24 19 Killjoy 4:14 20 British Summertime 2:40 21 Hope Springs Eternal 4:41 22 Never Ever 2:45 23 End 2:30 DOWNLOAD laurel without the hardy HERE!