The Freshies – "The Freshies Sing The Girls From Banana Island Who's Stupid Ideas Never Caught On In The Western World As We Know It" (Razz Records – RAZZ CS 3) 1979

The subject of Paul McCartney regularly crops up in the work of Chris Sievy, of The Freshies', papier maché alter-ego Frank Sidebottom.

Which is interesting,as The output of the Freshies could easily be mistaken as Macca goes new wave. Or Paul and Linda's murder victim,Jimmy McCulloch's new updated version of Wings.That would explain the need to wear a papier maché head.Quite a lot of this rubbish exists as a conspiracy theory on the browner side of the internet.After all Paul had form, sporting bare feet on the cover of Abbey Road,signifying that he had clearly faked his death in 1969,and been replaced with a look-a-likey. I don't think anyone in The Freshies looked at all like Jimmy McCulloch or Paul McCartney...but they wouldn't would they?The haircuts were a dead give away however. He obviously had reconstructive surgery,to turn his back on fame, and form a new wave band with Jimmy.The evidently sociopathic Linda got ear of this and arranged McCulloch's inexplicable death;but not before he and Paul had laid down 50 or so Freshies numbers first.

Next up is the proven fact that John Lennon's Brain was abducted by Aliens and now controls the life support systems of a small exo-planet somewhere in the vacinity of Betelgeuse.....which,incidentally, is due to go super-nova at any moment.Ergo,"The Wedding Album" exists,yet doesn't,at the same time....unless,of course, you are looking at it, or even worse, playing it.

Schrödinger's John and Yoko Album; Quantum version.

Tracklist:

A1 Amoco Cadiz 5:36

A2 Children Of The World 2:55
A3 Babies Who Stole My Girl 3:04
A4 Photograph 2:06
A5 GoggleBubbleLand 2:47
A6 Nothing To Come 3:12
A7 Frapper Dehours 2:58
B1 If It's News 1:11
B2 Oh Girl 1:53
B3 Octopus 1:52
B4 The Girls From Banana Island 1:18
Other Different Mix's From The Sessions
B5 If It's News 3:46
B6 Oh Girl 2:18
B7 Octopus 1:52
B8 Children Of The World 2:48
B9 Amoco Cadiz 6:01

DOWNLOAD fresh off the bananas boat HERE!

Frank Sidebottom – "Radio Timperley C-60 Volume 1" (11:37 – ets18) 1990

Apart from the obvious delights of two episodes of Frank's Radio Timperley show on radio Piccadilly,the real treat is the short extract from Frank's appearance at the 1989 Reading festival ,in front of a crowd of 4800 drunken revelers squeezed into the 2000 capacity Mean Fiddler tent.

The roar of the crowd for Frank's appearance must have been the loudest of the whole festival,and the call and response crowd participation  version of "Guess Who's Been On Match Of The Day".....to which the crowd replied "Yoooou Have, In Yer Big Shorts".,was beyond impressive....almost as ear-bleedingly loud as the Kop at Altrincham FC in full voice (singular).

The response was such as to suggest that Mrs Sidebottom's only son would have been a far superior headline act than The fucking Mission??...wot??...or the bloody Pogues,and especially New sodding Order!..who were the official top acts at Reading 1989.

Quite refreshing to see a lack of Rap acts in the line up,with a sprinkling of  what I would concede to be half decent acts lower down the pecking order.

And I thought the Reading Festival was something to do with books?

In this particular cul de sac of France, my local festival is a Poetry Festival,where I witnessed,and I kid you not, a French lady interpreting the Poetry via the medium of dance.Almost as bad and pretentious as the Michael Clarke Dancers interpreting the music of The Fall. That was my lowest ebb as a Fall appreciator,especially after there was an American and MES's missus (same person incidentally) in the group;..then MES started wearing trendy suits !?.....on top of that,but worse, becoming part of the South Bank Glitterati.No wonder Smith upped the alcohol intake.

Frank Sidebottom could never be pretentious if he tried......now as for Little Frank, I can't guarantee that he wouldn't be tempted.

Never trust a Short-Arse,even one made out of cardboard.

Tracklist:

A1 Mr Gallagher's Zoo 28:35
B1 Frank's Removal Company 25:42
B2 Live At Reading 2:53

DOWNLOAD direct from planet timperley HERE!

The Freshies – "All Sleeps Secrets" (Razz Records – RAZZ CS1) 1978

Of course you do know that the singer songwriter lead guitarist and general busy body of this group, Chris Sievey, was also Frank Sidebottom.....or wazzit that Frank Sidebottom was also Chris Sievey? I dunno,i'm confused,mentally bruised, and live the life the way i choose.

Not too great a fan of The Freshies' flimsy new wave cycledelia with unhealthy pretensions towards chart action,one has to say;but it's inoffensive,and has its fair share of G.S.O.H,...gosh. Like fellow Manchester band, 10CC, too clever by half,but largely lacking tunes. Of course, 10CC had a handful of good,maybe,great songs,and so did The Freshies,though i'd be struggling to tell you which ones....."Yellow Spot" was not bad i think, although sadly not on this self-released cassette,that came out as Chris tried to be even more New Wavey later on.

Chris was never shy at self-promotion,being a veteran of a musical sit in at Apple Corps offices in '69.But none of the Beatles were in, and nobody said "Hey that's a great song maan I wanna sign you up".

This didn't discourage the young Sidebottom,and he/they proceeded to release stuff by his group on his own cassette label,in 1974, at the height of 10CC's fame incidentally ,and long before most UK DIYers were doing the same thing. Chris shows his age when the Psych-pop of his formative years becomes mixed with some very fashionable,for 1978, three minute new wave symphonies.

This guy should have been on the Telly.

Tracklist:

A1 Slip 3:13
A2 Baiser 2:35
A3 Two Of The Same Girl 1:53
A4 Ballrooms And Moon 2:55
A5 No. 1 Fear 5:03
A6 Bogey man 4:34
B1 Into The Wind 3:31
B2 Over The Sun 5:22
B3 18 Down To 24 fps 1:33
B4 David The Shepherd 2:25
B5 Big Top/I'm Falling 2:38
B6 Lovely Bars 8:27

DOWNLOAD the sleeping secrets of chris sievey HERE!

Frank Sidebottom – "Fantastic Tales" (11:37 – ets 7) 1987

The sparkling and magnificent sub-celestial abode that some would let it be known to all and sundry as being called thee planet earth;hasn't always been the stamping ground of official top ten entertainment and egoistic posturing.Around the golden era of rock'n'pop'n'roll, 1977 to 1984,there lurked an unpopular form of  rock'n'pop'n'roll called alternative and independent music.There was even some clever individuals who did all that stuff what top-notch mangers like Peter Grant and musical behemoths such as Richard Branson did, themselves.......clever little smartarses such as they were. One such clever smartarse would be Chris Sievey of the alternative and indie rock'n'pop'n'roll group The Freshies,who did everything himself,released lots of unpopular pop tunes on his own label,and to cap it all, in his spare time was the very very funny alter-ego Frank Sidebottom,who lived with his mum in the charming satellite town of Timperley near Manchester.

There was ,excuse my language, a fucking shit film wot i was swindled into watching called "Frank",which has been described by person's unknown, as a "Black Comedy"?....supposedly inspired by Frank Sidebottom; who,i am told gave his blessing to the project before he died..he'd be spinning in his grave if he saw the finished product...Did I say that Frank and Chris were indeed both dead at the time of writing?....no?...well they are. I heard this nugget of movie propaganda and proceed to watch an illegal download of said talking picture,only to learn that the Frank in the film was nothing to do with the Sidebottoms of Timperley,but was some clueless american in a Frank Sidebottom head moaning about how hard life is,and spouting  too cool for skool nonsense about what makes a cool band and that which is not.There has never been,to my knowledge any rock themed movie ever, unless its taking the piss of course(Spinal Tap),that didn't......(i stoop to americanese again..sorry)...Suck Balls real bad.......maybe "A Hard Days Night",but that was more an Ealing Comedy with Pop Stars in than a rock'n'roll movie?

Rule one never ask an american what makes a punk band, they just do it naturally without thinking about it,unless you're Johnny Ramone. Rule Two, don't break the eleven commandments of Rock.....which the band in this exceedingly crap movie do with ease.....they had a keyboard player for Jehovah's sake!?....there are exceptions for this of course,like Una Baines for example(mk.1 Fall),but generally its an idea that...in Americanese....SUCKS! It really makes one just wanna give up.

Frank,However, had the history and meaning of Rock'n'Roll tattoed on his papier maché head

No this film wasn't about Frank...but there is another one that is....more a documentary than movie,but better...."Being Frank" is the titular conclusion for that one.

So as an introduction to the showbiz genius of Frank Sidebottom,Little Frank, and the late Chris Sievey,we bring you 50 minutes of the surreal madness that was Frank and Little frank,interspersed with some very silly songs,to remind the world what it's missing......acktuleh!

Tracklist:

A1 The Day I Found A Hippopomous 17:50
A2 The Day Little Frank Tried To Tell A Fantastic Tale 6:06
B1 The Day I Won A Million Pounds 13:29
B2 The Day I Was Paul McCartney 11:28

DOWNLOAD this fantastic tape here ACTUALLY!

Ted Chippington – "Man In A Suitcase" (Vindaloo Records – YUS 6) 1986

"I was walking down the road the other day, this chap comes up to me; he says, "I've just got back from 'Nam." I said, "What d'you mean mate, Vietnam?" He says, "No, Chelt-'nam"

There used to be a TV series called the Man in a Suitcase,made by the same folks (ITC entertainment) who did The Champions,Department S,Randall and Hopkirk(deceased)and the like. Endless fun was had watching all this stuff the second time round in the afternoon TV schedules  when I made the fatal error of working from home in the eighties;which roughly translated, means watching TV all day with me mates.Luckily I was on benefits at the same time(illegal),and lived at home with me lovely mam and dad,may their souls rest in piece.

The same time period was fleshed out in the comedy department by 'Top Comedian' Ted Chippington,whose main aim in showbiz was to alienate the audience by being 'crap'.Frequently he found himself as the support act for such hip acts as the Fall and The Nightingales,whose Vindaloo label released Ted's records.Ted's thing was not to make audiences laugh but to get up their noses. Or, as he puts it himself: "To make the main band seem better."

With a deadpan drawl and the sort of punchline-less gags that would leave the average punter baffled (it doesn't take much). Invariably starting "I was walking down the road the other day...", Ted's jokes were anti-climatic nuggets of pathos, dressed up as surrealistic nonchalance.The kind of empty chit-chat you hear between persons of a certain age at the fruit and veg stall down the market.

"I was walking down the road the other day, this chap walked up to me and said 'Do you want to buy some grass, mate?' I said 'No thanks, mate, I've got crazy paving. Haven't got a garden, you see.'"

He was a refreshing change from those facking awful shouty shouty left wing "Alternative" comedian bastards of the time(yawn),like cheeky faux cockney jack the lad middle class champagne socialist Ben Elton,and the jokeless drama they called "The Young Ones".....we wanted an alternative to all that shouty Thatcher baiting boredom, and Ted provided it....at least until he went on the Vindaloo tour of America and never came back. I don't know how his routine went down in America....do any video's exist? The man himself explains: "I tried to make a career there," he explains. "The Americans were surprisingly responsive but it never really took off. It's such a big place. I stayed there til I couldn't afford it."

He's back now, and resurrecting his career...what career? Still on tour with The Nightingales....the best gig in any town is that one.

"I look forward to when I've got a car and I can drive down the road, so I won't get all these characters coming up to me."

Tracklist:

A1 Introduction
A2 Rock'n'Roll on 33
A3 Ready Eddie
A4 Life On The Road
A5 Rocking Ribbons
A6 Comedian By Trade
A7 She Loves You
A8 Interview
B1 Feel Like Buddy Holly
B2 True Greatness
B3 Atmosphere

B4 True Stories
B5 Rocking With Rita
B6 Weirdness Oh No
B7 BRMB
B8 Cheers

DOWNLOAD about here...roughly speaking 

Various Artists – "Ideal Guest House" (Shelter) 1986 & "The First After Epiphany" (Ron Johnson Records – ZRON 21) 1987

As I received a request for a Ron Johnson compilation,it reminded me of the official comedian attached to this shambling Ron Johnson style stuff, Ted "I was Walking Down the Road" Chippington. I'm not sure if he was into this kind of popular music,but he was enlisted to be the compare of this trendy compilation cassette to support homeless charity "Shelter"; which is rather apt as we are facing the largest homeless crisis in Europe since world war too. Its time to start world war Free (dom) innit? I am of course referring to the current Invasion of Ukraine by that nice Mr Putin man....just in case you are part of the uninformed majority,or living in Russia....in which case i have to inform you that your army has been committing War crimes against your Slavic brothers in the west.....basically you're fucked.

The drole monotone self-elected worst comedian in the world ever Ted,links together a bunch of shambling C86-era,Johnson related groups in his characteristic stoic manner...at times he's even funny!?

Its got Bog-Shed and bIG fLAME on it, what more could you want or need?......just ignore the Chumbawamba track,...oooooh, they didn't like Neil Kinnock.....edgy stuff not, nuff said.

Tracklist:

A1 Big Flame– Man Of Few Syllables
A2 The Wedding Present– You Should Always Keep In Touch With Your Friends (alt Version)
A3 The Soup Dragons– Fair's Fair
A4 The Creepers– Sharper And Wider
A5 The Shop Assistants – Home Again (Live)
A6 The June Brides– This Town (Accoustic)
A7 Rob Grant with Yeah Yeah Noh– Mr. Hammond Has Breakfast In Bed
B1 Stump– Kitchen Table
B2 The Legend!– Everythings Coming Up Roses
B3 Pigbros– Barren Land
B4 Stitched Back Foot Airman– The Deadly Spore
B5 BMX Bandits– Sad?
B6 Bog-shed – Jobless Youngsters
B7 Chumbawamba– Kinnochio

DOWNLOAD and give these tracks a home HERE!

Oh Yeah!...here's that Ron Johnson sampler LP "The First After Epiphany" that i mistakenly thought had no exclusive tracks on it, and you could get them from the other official releases on the blog if you search for Ron Johnson Records. I was wrong, There's at least a Twang! track that one can't get elsewhere,and maybe an errant Splat! number,or anything else with an exclamation mark in it's name:

"The First After Epiphany"
Ron Johnson Records – ZRON 21 (1987)

Tracklist:

A1 Splat!– Mistook
A2 Big Flame– XPQWRTZ
A3 A Witness– Dipping Bird
A4 Stump– Big End
A5 MacKenzies– Man With No Reason
B1 The Shrubs– Blackmailer
B2 The Ex– Knock
B3 Twang – Here's Lukewarm
B4 The Nose Flutes– Bodyhair Up In The Air
B5 The Great Leap Forward– Drowning Speechless
B6 Jackdaw With Crowbar– Crow

DOWNLOAD this epiphanal moment HERE!

The Shrubs – "Vessels Of The Heart" (Public Domain Records – DOM 2) 1988

Looking back in Die or DIY? blog history, i was astounded at my omission of quite a few Ron Johnson Records type recordings that I inexplicably left out. Of course everything possible by Bog-shed is there,and they weren't even on Ron Johnson;whereas,The Shrubs, were!? The missing second album,released after Ron Johnson went bankrupt.....it was only a matter of time of course....must now be sent forth into the digital domain.Something that i am not aware has happened to the medium of the Digital Compact Disc concerning The Shrubs.

At the time I was not aware of any second album being released,having assumed that the rest of the 'Shambling' stable had succumbed to the perfect storm of Ron Johnson disintegration and the impending awfulness of Madchester and white boy idiot dancing. Breakbeats and funky wah-wah guitars were not The Shrubs thing. So they disappeared,and I will have to admit through clenched buttocks,that I was shamefully swept along with all that Indie Dance shit.....'twas either that,or be billy no mates on a Friday night.I am,however, particularly proud of the fact that I was ejected forcefully from the Happy Mondays gig at Leicester Polytechnic in 1989 for projectile vomiting over the bar.I remember nothing of the evening in question apart from that.......I blame the music and the worst ever clothing fad since the Bay City Rollers.

Nick Hobbs.....not Mick Hobbs I may add to avoid confusion, did posses an uncanny ability to get on one's proverbial Titz with his wailing vocal style, but that's all part of their endearing charm innit?

Musically,like the rest of the unrelated bands in this 'Shambling' category......us 'Normals' need categories y'know.....has that alluring bouquet of "Trout Mask Replica" style dueling discordant guitars and dueling time signatures;with,of course, that J J Burnel bass sound  as played by that bloke from The Rezillo's.(RIP).Maybe even hinting at some Rockette Morten four string influence,which can't be bad?....The Drums?......the rhetorical answer to which has to be.... "Drumbo"?

This may be their best long playing record methinks.

Tracklist:

A1 Papa Chaperon 3:08
A2 Cole 3:54
A3 Resurrection Chain 3:17
A4 Ballet Gorilla 1:41
A5 Cashregister Brain 4:23
A6 Mass Mental (Long Abusive Rental) 2:54
B1 Villa Burgher 2:40
B2 Shawl Blight Zone 3:44
B3 Myth Night 3:43
B4 King Urn 2:52
B5 Sullen Days Are Over 3:13
B6 Mistress Of The Moral Ground 3:43

DOWNLOAD into the vessels of your heart HERE!

Phil Hartley - "Demos,Sessions,and Live (1988-89)" (A Die or DIY? Collection) 2022/1988

A devastating loss to the pop world was the break-up of Bog-shed sometime in 1987/1988-ish during the last flowering of classic British independent pop. An even greater loss was the life of erstwhile lead warbler and unheralded absurdist poet of the aforementioned Bog-Shed group, Mr Philip Hartley;who left this mortal coil during October 2006.Swiftly followed by drummer Tris King (Brain Tumor),who also moonlighted with those other classic mid-eighties Ron Johnson types,the equally cursed, 'A Witness';whose guitarist managed to fall off a mountain in 1989.

Sometimes one suspects a record company conspiracy to put a permanent end to any bands,slash,music, that appeals to those who require more than just lovesongs and peado-propaganda from their unpop-pop.

Where did they all go when Bog-Shed dissolved,one wonders? One of them's an illustrator and the sole 'success story' in the ranks;and of the others,only Phil Hartley made a short attempt to carry on the legacy.There was obviously an album's worth of new material, and it sounds like...er....Bog-Shed.

A Peel Session was made,live appearances,and Demo's.....then.....nothing!

“This week the score draws are plentiful!” (Slave Girls)......he liked that line apparently,and very representative, it is, of the current musical situation we find ourselves trapped in.

There were no studio recordings made before Phil disappeared somewhere,and died of something unspecified.

A notable unrecorded gem, captured live in 1989, was "Dirty Filthy Pop Presenter", where Jimmy Savile is name-checked.....just when you thought serial silly-billy John Lydon had a monopoly on outing the vile Sa-vile, after mentioning it once ,vaguely, in an interview,did nothing about it,then claimed to be the only moral human in the UK....although I think rather,that Phil Hartley was sort of fulfilling his weird absurdists fantasy of being one of those awful TV pop Presenters from decades past.He had a history,name-dropping former Basil Brush sidekick Roy North in an early Bogshed song,"The Amazing Roy North Penis Band"which was also the working title of the first Bog-Shed incarnation around 1985.

Here's the great Roy North singing his version of Tenpole Tudor's "Swords Of A Thousand Men" back in 1981.....you really couldn't make this up!

I am assuming that Roy did not indulge in the same depraved pastimes that kept the blindingly obvious sex monster Savile entertained for decades.....but his sing-a-long versions of charts hits places him well above suspicion.He was from Hull anyway,which is a crime against humanity in itself,so we'll let him off any reluctant investigations in to potential dark doings in 1981 he may,or certainly is NOT, responsible for.

Tracklist:

1. Regulation

2. Lord Smutty Lips (Demo Version)

3. Can I Use The Phone?

4. Have You Done Your Chores?

5. Teenager

6. You All Look The Same

7. Lord Smutty Lips (Peel Session 13/11/88)

8. Inspector of Crime (Peel Session 13/11/88)

9. Prepare to Change Sandals (Peel Session 13/11/88)

10.Purchase Nicely (Peel Session 13/11/88)

11.Are You Real (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

12.Who Are The Sane (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

13.Prepare to Wear Sandals (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

14.Inspector of Crime (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

15.Master Life (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

16.Purchase Nicely (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

17.Yeh Yeh (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

18.Teenager (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

19.Dirty, Filthy, Pop Presenter (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

20.Lord Smutty Lips (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

21.You Are, You Are (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

22.Say No (08-03-1989 The Source, Wordsley)

DOWNLOAD this dirty filthy pop presentation HERE!

The Fear Merchants – "Mental (remastered)" (Emotional Response) – ER84 1983/2019

Fear NOT!....I'm not going to mention "The Special Military Operation" that is saving us all from Nuke wielding Neo-Nazi's. The only Fear Merchants I wanna listen to today are the almost God-Like Amos and Sara under another of their many guises.Featuring Jim Welton,late of the almost God-like Homosexuals, and Sara Vaughan of Sara Vaughan fame.

Originally this was a cassette on the almost God-like "It's War Boys" DIY label, or should I say "It's a Special Military Operation Boys" label.....the original cassette rip of which can be found HERE!...if you like that sort of thing...which of course you do?

This rip is from the much awaited vinyl re-releases from 2019,or thereabouts.This also means that we now know what all the tracks are called.If anyone likes a good Larry Olivier Nazi Doctor pastiche then this is the record for you.

If you wanna read my original review splurge blurb write up then click HERE!...'cus i can't be arsed to do it again.

Meanwhile a parting message for any poor lickle Russians (ahhh bless 'em!) that are still able to read this.....I'm just going to MacDonalds for a burger and a coca-cola,but first i'll have to withdraw some cash from my open banks ATM machine,then maybe do a bit of shopping before settling down to watch some of the myriad of TV channels available to me.May even browse Facebook too?......and just think, at least you've got a fine permanent leader like Vladimir Putin and we have to cope with rubbishy old Democracy. I envy you.......altogether now..."WAR!...what is it good for? Absolutely nothing".....whoops you've just been arrested as a precursor to a sound beating!?...."Huh! say it agaaaaain"......not likely Edwin,it's fifteen years banged up in a Russian Prison if certain nationalities say it twice.

Ain't life great?

Tracklisting:

1. Act One
2. Un Choix Du Mal Song
3.Meanwhile.....back in the Doctors Surgery
4. U - Boat Captain
5.Enter Giant Whales Mouth​.​. Leaving Through Its Anus Back into Surgery of Doc
6. The Uzbeck Connection 9
7. The Irate Psychiatrist is Shaking His Head in Disbelief at the Patient's 'Stories'
8. Industrialist's Dirge
9.Reflections in Psychiatrist's Spectacles Theme
10 Act Two
11. Fiasco
12.Visibly Brighter the Psychiatrist Thinks He's Getting Somewhere at Last
13. Ya Habibi
14.She Runs off Across the Sands and Vanishes in the Ripples of Hot Air Rising Upwards
15. Aristocratic Hunchback Out-cast Song
16. Absolute Misery Theme
17. When She Weighs Eighty-Six Stones
18. Mental Theme

DOWNLOAD without fear HERE!

Gerry And The Holograms – "The Lost 1979 L.P. By Mancunian D.I.Y Sarcastic Synth-Pop Anonimites" (Finders Keepers Records – Cache018LP ) 2017/1979

 

Blimey, just when you thought the well was dry, up pops a lost album by Absurd records' Situationist-indebted masked art-eynth studio duo from Manchester,England...Gerry and the Holograms!

Yes the very same Gerry and the Hollograms who released a conceptual and unplayable anti-record in that nutty situationist art tradition so beloved of Malcolm Maclaren. Each record came glued into its picture sleeve, rendering the disc completely unplayable ,called, if i'm not mistaken "The Emperor's New Clothes" .Oh,those wacky but anonymous Krazy Kats.

Q: How many Situationists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If 'changing a light bulb' is already in everyone's head, why do it at all?

Like The Residents, the veil of secrecy has now been stripped away, revealing  Gerry to be none other than that bloke and resting actor,C.P.Lee from  satirical rock band  Albertos Y Lost Trios Paranoias;and ,it says here,electronica excursionist John Scott...yeah... THAT, John Scott?!

More Residents references were abound on their only ,playable, release on the great Absurd Records,in 1979, "Meet The Dissidents"......Meet The Residents?....Geddit?

Of course CP Lee made a career out of making subtly satirical piss takes of many genres that were easily confused with the actual  targets of their biting wit. like the "Snuff Rock" EP which was punkier than most of the 'real' punks,and had a track covered by the Damned no less("Kill"); Another song of note is their Status Quo pastiche,"Heads Down No Nonsense Mindless Boogie", a fine tune.

It's basically a tongue in cheek version of the synth-duo's/groups that were gaining popularity in 1979,and without knowing what we know, this stuff could easily have scraped the bottom end of the charts had they been on Virgin,and not Absurd Records.

The unplayable single makes its debut appearance on track 8 as two minutes of silence...so don't think your media player is fucked 'cus its only dem zany situationists innit,reaping havoc with your reality.

Q: No,Really, how many Situationists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero. They all have day jobs, or classes, are at the café, or are expelling each other - and find lights inauthentic.

Tracklist:

1.Gerry And The Holograms
2.Tubular Belles
3.Curiosity Killed The Gath
4.Fake Moon
5.The Forty Three
6.Increased Resistance
7.Jeep
8.The Emperor's New Music
9.Just Desserts
10.Space Invaders
11.Gerry And The Holograms (Alternative 1979 Drumbox Version)

DOWNLOAD the hollow world of gerry exposed HERE!

Two Daughters – "Gloria / Kiss The Cloth" (United Dairies – UDT 026) 1981

Two Daughters...Two cassettes!? Who'd have believed it?

On this one they courted the ear of Steven Stapleton,yes he of Nurse With Woooooounduh.....sorry, I nearly dropped off there for a minute. 

So this is on United Dairies as a result.

The Burkes,Anthony and Paul, upped the ante in the tape loops department,and eagerly manned the fader knobs on their cheapo mixer. Whereas NON made loops of Nazi marching bands,the Burkes shockingly use 23 Skidoo-style loops of Gamelan orchestra's,something the Skidders took to its logical limit,and please don't do it again,on the studio side of the otherwise brilliant "The Culling Is Coming".

Blatant copying, some call it 'Inspiration' was thinly disguised in the early industrial world,the most popular source of inspiration ,along with many other item's Cab-like,was Cabaret Voltaires' found dialogue method.....of which there are thankfully none on this tape, well-done Daughters.Others went for Cosey's space-echoed badly plsyed Cornet....see 400 Blows (and indeed 23 Skidoo again)for that one;also not nabbed by the daughters. With relief they also don't plagiarise Genesis P. Orridge's obsession with murderers and Nazi's,or any obvious pilfering of anything William S. Burroughs. All clichés that induce within me a inescapable desire to sleep....even more than that bloody Nurse With Wound List for prog rock trainspotters like me. But they obviously had a chat with the Turnbulls of Skidoo fame, who evidently lent them an album of the music of Bali to indulge their zest for making tape loops.

Having said that, if this tape had a couple of Skidoo style funky workouts, it would have wiped the floor with anything the Skidders did......which,frankly isn't saying much.

Update: I just listened to the extended version of Seven Songs and its fucking brilliant...although on a couple of tracks they do sound uncannily like Modern Romance or Haircut 100,but whats wrong with that?..so ignore that last paragraph,print it out, burn it,eat it, and swallow the evidence......but they (23 Skidoo) went shit rather rapidly after that;going Hip Hop is an unfathomable and unforgivable crime worthy of being indicted by the Hague international court of terrible music, of which i am the self-appointed and only Judge.

Tracklisting:

Kiss The Cloth

A1 Part 1
A2 Part 2
A3 Part 3

Gloria
B1 Part 1
B2 Part 2
B3 Part 3
B4 Part 4
B5 Part 5

DOWNLOAD something loopy HERE!

Two Daughters – "Two Daughters" (Methane Music ) 1980

More Old Skool Industrial chaps ,chapettes and other types of chaps? Anyone whose gender self identity I've not included,write your name and address on a postcard and send it to Vladimir Putin who has recently come out as a Chick with a Dick......no....wait....small error on my part...a bloodthirsty dictator and child killer.Please feel free to add that definition on your postcard.

This cassette was made by a couple of Burkes,Anthony and Paul, who had excitedly just heard about the festive joys of Tape Loops and 23 Skidoo's more ethereal percussive moments. Add to that zesty cocktail a stiff portion of cheap effects and you've got one thick slice of DIY Industrial, 1980 style.The watershed year for popular music.

Suitably analogue and darkly ambient, I could could listen to this in a darkened room for at least an hour,non-stop, breaking only for tea and biscuits and a nice long piss. Hang on, this only runs for fifty minutes, so it's not a shop bought brand name C-60,these Burkes spent money on it!The sell-outs!

Of course, newly rediscovered cassettes like this are lauded as works of near-genius by culture starved geeks hither and yon,but back in 1980, everyone was doing this.....some still are,like a UK Subs of Industrial music.What d'you want?....A Medal?

Tracklisting:

A1 Ladder Of Souls 

A2 Return Call - We Are

A3 Sad Horizons

A4 So I

B1 Return Call

B2 Drums

B3 Air Lair

B4 Aaaaaar

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Metamorphosis – "Great Babel Gives Birth" (Flowmotion – FM 003) 1983

It might seem a great leap sideways to go from Jandek to a forgotten Industrial group native of the east Midlands of the UK;but musically i think they would have made a very fetching couple if wedded in the church of unpopular music. The representative's ear wax rattling moan would have been the missing icing on this particular cake;so what we're left with is some backing tracks left to posterity like the room of a missing teenager left as a shrine to better days by their destroyed parents.

These experimental industrial funksters came from Nottingham if my memory serves me correctly.Normally I would be slagging them off about football,but recently Nottingham (pronounced Notts Forest to wind 'em up) Forest,a very shit footy team from Nottingham,had the audacity to knock the great Leicester City out of the cup 4:1.Leading to much humble pie being consumed by their more successful Modern Era rivals from twenty-odd miles down the A46.

Musically, Nottingham developed in a dumping ground for every genre of Metal you could name in 60 very dull seconds, and home to Earache Records.

So apart from Medium Medium, a gang of four-a-likey, they manged to produse a peripheral Industrial act in the same mould as the very inconsistent and unduly praised 23 Skidoo.

Nowadays Industrial means endless varieties of that 'Harsh Noise' stuff,but back in the post Throbbing Gristle world subtlety was the way,and more emphasis on the creepy rather than the crawly.

There's low budget Gamelan ,which certainly seem to be saucepans,some filled with water being struck here, and my personal favourite alt-synth device, the Short Wave radio.Of which there's not enough of in these darkening days.

With the impending fall of the new Iron Curtain, i'm hoping for more weird spy transmissions and persistent blocking dissonance to be sent skywards(.....check out the Conet Project numbers station post HERE!  )

They could have been 24 Skidoo if they had had a funky drummer,or maybe even 25 Skidoo if they had a Jandekian Singer.

Tracklisting:

A1 Untitled
A2 Untitled
A3 Untitled
A4 Untitled
A5 Untitled
A6 Untitled
B1 Untitled
B2 Untitled
B3 Untitled

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