Wednesday, 25 December 2019

Various Artists ‎– "The American Song-Poem Christmas: Daddy, Is Santa Really Six Foot Four? (Bar/None Records ‎– BRN-CD-147) 2003

Ho! Ho! fucking Ho!
Indeedy, Americans sure know what Christmas is all about.
Without Christmas we wouldn't have these prime nuggets of  pure awfulness that manage to make the yuletide festivities even worse.
These tunes aren't as bad as a christmas song by someone like Meat Loaf, accompanied by a video with our loud fat friend dressed up as Santa. As Santa is an anagram of Satan, there has to be a special corner of Hell where this Meat Loaf xmas exists on an eternal loop......but as Hell is only, vaguely, mentioned twice in the whole bible, I'm confident that we are safe from that......for want of a better word....Nonsense!
These tunes from the MSR Song-Poem company, are unbelievably bad, but the right kind of 'Bad', that!?
If you didn't know, MSR were a bunch of musicians who advertised in the US press classified section, offering to put your poems to music.The lucky punter would then receive a vinyl single of their atrocious poem ,indeed, put to music.Quality control was obviously a secondary matter,as they had to arrange a few standard riffs and fit these terrible lyrics into some kind of melody,then record it,in little more time than it took to play the finished single.I shall be returning to the vast MSR archives in the near future,but this jolly Yuletide jamboree of shite will more than wet your appetite for more,jaw dropping badness in 2020!
So gather around your christmas table and sing-a-long to "Randy, The Li'l Elf" or the inexblicable "Santa Came On A Nuclear Missile", and bin off Crosby for another year.


1 –Heather Noel - Santa Came On A Nuclear Missile 2:44
2 –Bobby Boyle With The Singers - Santa Claus Goes Modern 2:17
3 –Norris The Troubador,Seaboard Coastliners - Christmas Time Philosophy 2:33
4 –Dick Kent With The Lancelots - A New Year's Dawning 3:47
5 –The Sisterhood - The Rocking Disco Santa Claus 2:16
6 –Stan Beard - & The Swinging Strings - Snowbows 2:18
7 –Bobbie Boyle With The MSR Singers - Randy, The Li'l Elf 1:40
8 –Rodd Rogers - Maury, The Christmas Mouse 3:19
9 –Randall Reed With The Forerunners - The Peppermint Stick Man 2:23
10 –The Sisterhood - Christmas Treat, Peppermint 2:26
11 –Kay Brown - Daddy, Is Santa Really Six Foot Four? 3:06
12 –Rodd & The Librettos - How Do They Spend Christmas In Heaven 3:24
13 –The Sisterhood - Ole Year Christmas 2:28
14 –Gene Marshall - Evelyn Christmas 2:50
15 –Rodd & Nita - Jolly, Jolly Santa Claus 3:20
16 –Sonny Cash - Merry Christmas Polka 2:24
17 –Rodd & Judy - Santa Fix My Toys For Christmas 2:54
18 –The Sisterhood - Baby, It's A Cold Night In December 2:10
19 –Rodd Rogers - & The Librettos - Santa Claus Goes Modern 2:23
20 –Cara Stewart With Lee Hudson Orchestra - The New Year Song 3:17
21 –Teri Summers & The Librettos - Season's Greetings 2:03


Shug Hanlan said...

Xmas Poem : Bolinas

All around
the snow
don't fall.

Come Christmas
we'll get high
and go find it.

Robert Creeley

Normnoia said...

happy end of the fucking year (world), Jonny! endless thanks for what you do and give us, you beautiful trash santa/satan who fills our stockings straight from your musical butthole.

Jonny Zchivago said...

That was a touching xmas poem Shug,almost as touching as that lovely erudite tribute to my efforts in this dark corner of the internet.
I did flirt with the idea of doing one of those embarassing rock star retirement things on new years day, with this great seventies underground pamphlet called "The End Of Music", but ....nah! What the fuck else is there to do on this dying rock? The ultimate Nihilism: Whats the point in doing nothing when there's nothing worth doing....including retirement;)

Anonymous said...

Holy crap! I didn't know this existed! Thanks! - Stinky

Crystyl Wyzzyrd said...

I have been looking for this for YEARS! thank you!