Crespo Schneiderman Duo – "No Complaints" (Blueberry Honey – #18) 2010

Well,Guerilla Toss seemed  to be very popular,so as most,if not ALL groups should split up after their second album.I think i posted three Guerilla Toss albums,so we must make a U-Turn,no complaints, and refer to a split single they did with the magnificently Bats, Egg/Eggs. A member of whom would be the Crespo part of this equally nutty electronic duo, the Crespo Schneiderman...er...duo. So you lucky people who found their feet-a-tapping in 7/4 time to a Guerilla Toss LP,will have to adjust to the floating,if non-existent, rhythms, of this abstract electronica outing,which partners Andy, née Andrew, Crespo,with one of the many members of Sun Burned Hand of the Man, Ron Schneiderman...yes, he???...of who?????....(don't worry about it, we'll get to that)!

Having just watched an obviously very ill, Meat Loaf, slur why he hates performing "I'll do anything for love(but I won't Do That)"......he never did tell us what "That" was,but the answer to his artistic torture being that he felt a pressure from the audience,if that's the right word for such people (either that or 'Morons'?) to be more than perfect....and if he wasn't they would let him know in no uncertain terms. This admission, led me into that musical fantasy world in which I frequently navigate during those blank episodes I display whenever anyone normal is talking to me....my music place. I should imagine it works great during Bad Sex, or whenever one is arse raped by....well...er...Meat Loaf I guess?I can't think of anything more repulsive at such short notice........(pause...I've just gone to my Music Place).

(.....I'm Back......)

No Complaints...yet!?

Just imagine playing this Cd-r to Meat's audience of Moron's in place of "I'll Do Anything For Love....blah blah blah blah!, and tell them that it was Meat's Idea.If he wasn't dead already,they would certainly crucify him,if they could ever hoist his ample frame aloft onto a reinforced cross to hammer in the nails.

Hopefully in my disturbing fantasy, the nostalgia crazed mob would have already chased Jim Steinman down, and burnt him at the stake in a wicker man made of endless histrionic rock dirges made real. Truly a music for people who don't actually like Music..........christ that's ME!?

Oh the joy of watching a middle aged mob ripping up seats and rushing the stage,chanting 'we want MEAT', is a joy to behold,sadly only in my crumbling imagination.

The Crespo Schneiderman Duo,I admit, is not the kind of act one would expect to be playing the Enormo-Dome in upstate Kentucky, in fact,in such places you risk expedited justice and a swift lynching for making such Godless music as this.Remember, these living missing links burnt all their Beatles records,and once you start burning records, it only takes a small leap of consciousness,or unconsciousness as in Red Neck stupidity ,and next they start burning humans.

I dunno if this record is that good as to create a new violent mob of "Proud Boys" to cleanse us of our liberal jew DNA, but I like it.

What pleases me most about this abstract  upside down inside out spontaneous mess, is, it makes me feel comfortably separate from these fuckers whom I have so painstakingly drawn reference to...with out naming names....well...a bit anyway.

Tracklist:

1 A Paper Year
2 Come Back Last Year
3 Go With Last
4 Hard Deed
5 A Code
6 Pre-Western Worm
7 Leave It To Ted
8 Low Class High
9 One Two Three Four
10 Subject : Ultra Jerks

DOWNLOAD without complaints HERE!

Egg, Eggs – "The Cleansing Power Of Fruit" (Feeding Tube Records – FTR073) 2013

While we're on the Eggs theme,These Eggy guys and gals sound like they're on Drugs....not the kind of 'On Drugs' that totally dull tossers like The Grateful Dead subscribe to, but actually sounding like someone who is 'on Drugs' should sound like.No endless Guitar solo's, psychedelic poetry and crap like that,It's effortlessly unhinged and ineloquent, especially the padded cell vocals,with words like they were written during a lazy afternoon spent in a straitjacket. Was there ever a mass break out from the loony-bin on Rhode Island (where they're from) ever? If there was this is the soundtrack to it....wonderful. 

These guy's must be on Drug,Drugs? Which is why this incredibly unpopular record is probably one of ones few bestest records of the last decade or so.It seems to have separate tracks ,slash, songs,but they're merged together to make two sides of continuous crazed roll'n'rock, beamed directly from Nutsville,Mars.

If a bearded middle aged man repeatedly squealing "I will be the princess of the night" over a backing of overloaded and brutal free Rock as played in a cement mixer full of bricks is your kinda kick,then this should be 45 minutes of sheer bliss.If that sounds like an unlistenable waste of turntable time to you, then what the hell are you doing here!?

"Disco Dancing with the Albino Bigot"?....I doubt it.

That was a rhetorical question.

There are a few 'Woke' alerts such as the Albino and crippled little girl references on this disc;I wouldn't expect anything less for my 14 Dollars plus post and packaging....would you? It should get anyone who's trapped in the wrong body suitably outraged for at least a fortnight.I reserve my right to offend anybody....equally.

Tracklist:

1. Side A
2. Side B

DOWNLOAD and purge your musical bowels with the fruit of the Egg HERE!