Armand Schaubroeck Steals – "Ratfucker" (Mirror Records Inc. – Mirror 7) 1978

 Tee-Hee-Hee.....This one seems to be popular. It's got lot's of sweary cuss words on it....well,I say lots,it's actually mainly just one sweary cuss word repeated a lot as a pronoun or verb.Gee, this guy must be one of those "Punk Rockers with their spitting and their habits;what they don't realize is that i only wanted to be looooved!" (Jah Wobble, Fodderstompf 1978)

Armand only wanted to be loved,ie Noticed.So I think he's now convinced himself that he invented Punk Rock.

How do you become a Punk Rocker man when you're over Thirty? Simply, add lots of profanity to your rubbish tunes,and get an album cover that looks like Lou Reed's "Transformer" artwork.To up his Proto-Punk credentials, he does a very good Lou Reed in talky mode impression for the title track, plus extra sweary cuss words....I'm frightened.

Armand, did however, miss a vocation here,as he continues that off-Broadway musical feel that permeates all of his work.This could have been the follow up to the Rocky Horror Show, minus the catchy bits.

Someone mentioned that classic Stan Laurel line from "Brats" in the comments section,which can certainly be applied to crazy man Armand..."You can take a horse to water but a pencil must be lead".

You can surround yourself with all the instruments on the planet,but that doesn't mean you know how to use them.

There must have been a delivery of a few Syndrums to "The House Of Guitars",as they make a brief appearance on Disco setting on a couple of the tracks,even before Joy Division used one!?

On the cover it states that 'This album is dedicated to the late Peter Laughner,self-destructive founder member of Pere Ubu and offshoots.Like a little brother,Armand was obviously impressed by Laughner's incredibly dumb lifestyle. Peter lived the R'n'R myth to the maximum and made the ultimate sacrifice and died for his own sins,definitely not mine!Rock'n'Roll Jesus's should not be allowed to roll away the rock once they have been entombed.

Armand, like countless millions of others,was trapped in the romance,or pretense of the Rock'n'Roll myth.The mystique of self-disintegration, hollowness and dishonesty, coming forth from this incoherent rage at the so-called establishment. And this self-disintegration, in most cases is also a hoax, since most of these people, like Marilyn Manson or Smashing Pumpkins(I don't know any modern Rock groups to use as examples), are well organized hustlers,like our Armand here. It’s very rare that someone like GG Allin, John Beverly and Nancy(they could have been a puppet act with a neme like that?), or,cough, the Cobain, lives out the myth by actually destroying themselves. You do have the occasional suicide or overdose, but what is more normal is for them to become enormously wealthy, like Eminem! It’s the youth rebellion industry. This mystique of bottomless emptiness is clearly not real. I mean someone who actually was all those things would just melt in their tracks if they were infinitely hollow, alienated. It's as if they want to keep falling through the rotten floors of illusion forever (I paraphrased ex-VU person Henry Flynt for this truth by the way,if you didn't notice?)......there are far worse cases than Schaubroeck of course, he's just playing at it, but he's certainly a Hustler, who really just wanted to be looooooved!....and sell you a guitar.....maybe even a Syndrum?

Tracklist:

A1 Ratfucker 3:47
A2 Gigolo, Gigolo 3:14
A3 I Love Me, More Than You 2:24
A4 Buried Alive 1:42
A5 The Independent Hitter 5:05
B1 Preteen Mama 3:12
B2 The Queen Hitter 11:40

DOWNLOAD the rock'n'roll jesus in his own lunchtime HERE!

Armand Schaubroeck Steals – "A Lot Of People Would Like To See Armand Schaubroeck ... DEAD!" (Mirror Records Inc.) 1972

My father, may their lord rest his soul, could turn every subject or eventuality,no matter how mundane, back on to his favorite item of interest.....World War Two. His whole life was stuck in a short few years in his late teens and early twenties. You name it you could twist it,.....Bay Leaves? Didn't have any of those in the prison camp,we used cats ears as a substitute for the cat stew. No salt for seasoning there,we had salt substitute as provided in our Red Cross parcels.....he could go on forever.Don't mention the War!

I suspect that Armand was the same about his thieving and prison years.

Don't mention Prison whatever you do!

Yeah, we get it, he's been to prison,but is there any need to make a triple album semi-autobiographical Rock opera about it.

Cathartic yes,necessary,most indeed NOT!

This is tailor made for an Off-Broadway musical.

Musically it's Very Mothers Of Invention speech sections meets Lou Reed in a bad musical.

It does however have its amusing parts,and it certainly puts one off from going to jail.Good Cover too.

I would nonetheless, love to play the role of one of the Black convicts as featured on Disc 2.I'd do it better too!

"Sheeeet honky am gonna kick your juicy white aaaaassssss baby."

I suggest that Armand wasn't as brave as the Honky character sounds on the album;but that's artistic licence I suppose?

Apparently you can still purchase sealed copies of the original pressings from Armand's music shop,very Off Broadway in Rochester- New York - "House Of Guitars."

Tracklist:

A1 Scene 1 Armand (17 Yrs. Old) Confesses His Crimes To A Priest "King Of The Streets"
A2 Scene 2 Armand & Dan Go Down To "Rock A Bowl" To Steal Dimes From Bowling Ball Polischers (50's Live Band Plays In Middle) "I Don't Care"
A3 Scene 3 Out On Bail, Armand Is Alone With Suzie (Night Before Sentencing) "Love For The Last Time"
B1 Scene 4 Elmira Bound
B2 Scene 5 Mr. Tomato, The State Public Relations Director Addresses New Inmates
B3 Scene 6 Dr. Leiderman, State Psychologist, Interviews New Jacks Privately To Determine When They Will See The Parole Board And To What Institution The Inmates Will Be Sent "Games"
B4 Scene 7 Why Do Children Steal? (Armand And Dan's Background)
C1 Scene 8 Christmas Eve In Elmira "Cut My Friend Down"
C2 Scene 9 Dr. Leiderman Interviews Howard Q. Sappy Who Was Sent Up For Attempt Of Suicide "Streetwalker"
C3 Scene 10 A Inmate Reminds Armand Of His Girl "The Young Boy"
D1 Scene 11 A Black And White Are Aguing Over A Comic Book Because Each Wants To Look At All The Colors "I Wish To See Color"
D2 Scene 12 Mental Breakdown In Solitary Confinement "Fading Out"
D3 Scene 13 "We, Like Lost Sheep Are Drifting"
E1 Scene 14 New Young Inmate Meets Lifer
E2 Scene 15 Stage Break (Taped Live) "God Damn You"
E3 Scene 16 Friday Night Radio Plays Old Tune Reminding The Population Of The Streets "Sweet Sister Suzie"
E4 "Turn Off The Sound"
E5 Scene 17 Visiting Day
F1 Scene 18 Night Before Parole Board
F2 "One More Day, One More Night"
F3 Scene 19 Parole Board
F4 Scene 20 Hack Talks To Arm On The Way Out "Ex-Con"
F5 Scene 21 Dan & Armand Meet On The Streets While Going To See Parole Officer
F6 Scene 22 "Warden's Circus"

DOWNLOAD this vinyl alcatraz HERE!

'Armand Schaubroeck Steals – "I Came To Visit; But Decided To Stay" (Mirror Records Inc. – III) 1974

In 1962, after a series of 32 burglaries that included groceries, hardware stores, schools and a church, seventeen year old Armand Schaubroeck was sentenced to three years in jail. He was charged with safecracking and thrown in the Elmira State Reformatory, a maximum security prison in New York. He would get out a year and a half later on parole but the impression would remain vivid in his mind.
...Apparently his imprisonment acted as a catalyst to the birth of his very unique and somewhat deranged rock 'n roll persona- he named his band Armand Schaubroeck Steals and all his music seemed to be a cathartic exorcise to the obsessions that haunted him.

After his release,He and his brothers founded a musical store that is today one of the most successful in New York,which not only provided him with a lucrative living,it allowed him to live out his assumed personality to the max.

Not only did he have relative monetary independence, he also had a whole place full of instruments for himself. He built a studio in the store's basement, created Mirror Records and recorded a handful of albums that were personal, obsessive, ironic,read as self-indulgent,

 and an attempt to be deliberately abusive to public ears.

But,......

Despite the promising cover,and his acquired Rock'n'Roll persona,it reveals that even a reformed safe-cracker needs something else other than money to make a half decent record.A personality is certainly not enough.

The music is that forgettable style of '1974 rock' that John Cale used to force on a public desperate for something wild and dangerous;but what they got was plodding session man rock as heard from above by a classically trained(there's that Phrase again!), composer,and we're told this is the real thing.Lou Reed,who i guess Armand would like to have been, also fits into this category,save one or two tunes.Unlike Cale,who would have loved to be a rocker instead of a neo-classical composer,Lou Reed was a rocker who wanted to be a neo-classical composer and taken very, VERY seriously...but even he got Mick Ronson in to help,and Mick was of course...."Classically Trained".

Armand wasn't clued up enough to hire an arranger, so he churned out a bunch of Lou reed/john Cale out-takes and acted the part of the crazed wild-man in his attempt to gain attention.Look at me Mom I'm Dancin'!

Before all you Velvets/Cale/Reed fans write in hailing this body of work rightly heralded genius,i concede that Cale's lyric are rather good,pity about the backing track,and Lou reed always gave a good interview around 1974. The fact that there was absolutely nothing else around back then probably explains their appeal....you had to be there i suppose,to appreciate it. I wasn't.

All this, we are told......Again....is 'Proto-Punk'.....yeah right.


Tracklist:

Part I:

A1 Father Michael Loves Sister Jennifer 4:20
A2 Baby, Can't Let You Burn 3:25
A3 Auld Lang Syne 3:26
A4 Cry Myself To Sleep 2:25

Part II:

B1 Intro To Bells 0:23
B2 Bells 9:11
B3 Michael Veni Ad Mé 1:08
B4 I Came To Visit; But Decided To Stay 3:23

DOWNLOAD to sample but decided to keep it HERE!