Wojciech Karolak – "Easy!" (Polskie Nagrania Muza – SX 1069) 1975

Cold war Polish Jazz on the Polish state-label with  jovial pop-art cover that sounds like the background music for"Bullitt" or "The French Connection". Anyone would think that they didn't want to be there?

Poland looked so much fun from this side of the Berlin Wall after all?

There were a few Polish Prog bands that were half decent , but 'twas Jazz that echoed through the scorched earth ruins of  post war Warsaw most.

Wojciech Karolak tinkles the ivories on this groovy soundtrack album desperately searching for a cop movie to be associated with.....but they didn't make funky cop movies in the communist bloc.Firstly there wasn't anything worth stealing,any criminals were either pre-emptively shot, poisoned or imprisoned without trial,and the state police all had the charisma of a cabbage....which would make for a very boring cop movie.One of the only countries,where the burglars break into museums or banks to put stuff back. 

And,to end,a fun fact? Just in case you didn't know , the Ring modulator & phasing were done by one Brian Taylor of England...whatever he was doing in Cold Cold war Poland we may never know.

Tracklist:

1.A Day In The City 5:20
2.(DACP 796) Endless Transit 4:10
3.Instant Groove 7:05
4.Strzeż Się Szczeżui 3:45
5.Easy 5:53
6.Why Not Samba 4:12
7.Seven Shades Of Blue 3:55
8.Goodbye 6:25

DOWNLOAD easily HERE!

Оризонт – "Оризонт(in Moldovan "Orizont")" (Melodia/Мелодия – С60-10691) 1978

 90% of all decent soviet music came from Estonia.The reason for this is geographical,just as it was for The Beatles.Access to the sea.In Estonia's case access to the right sea,namely The Baltic and the west,rather than being landlocked like Moldova.At best they could holiday on the Black Sea coast,which sadly meant being culturally locked in to the weird gypsyfied Eurasian way of doing things.That coupled with living in the wall-less prison of the former Soviet union,and missing out on the greatest renaissance of the arts since...well...er....the Renaissance.Leads us to explaining why this state sponsored slab of Moldavian library music Schlager Funk exists.

Indeed, we sophisticates of the west will laugh at the pure cheesy shitness of these records,but they do have a healthy vein of well recorded break-beats and ooodles of charm. One somehow feels sorry for them as victims of the distorted intellectual bollocks of Soviet Communism. Without some bespectacled political theorist reading Karl Marx's Das Kapital as reflected by a distorted funhouse mirror,This fucked up Funk would have never existed outside of the Eurovision song contest in the 1970's. 

The funniest part of all this is that the poor sod's left behind in mother Russia are gonna have to go through all this shit again thanks to the whims and insecurities of a Phil Collins lookalike with a marsh-mellow like complexion akin to the Pilsbury Dough Boy.The silly fuckers are gonna have to listen to Russian music again, and spend 50% of their state approved wages on a burger from "Tasty and that's IT!",the new national Burger joint.....sadly they've yet to come up with a Russified version of a McFlurry as of yet.

A sadly contemporary example of that silly Soviet trait of making dangerous and downright bad forgeries of western products,and then boasting that "we have Burgers too american pigdogs", just as they used to think that they had Funkier Music......even in Moldova?!

Tracklist:

1.Гайдуцкая Баллада6:46

2.Монолог3:44

3.У Мельницы3:22

4.Край Мой2:55

5.Калина3:01Ничего Не Оспорю4:44

6.Первое Танго2:48

7.Апрель3:37

8.Оризонт3:19

DOWNLOAD enjoy yourself and you will dance,or be shot HERE!

Gaya – "Azerbaijan Vocal And Instrumental Ensemble" (Меlodia – 33 С60-06819-20)1976

Ukrainians, bless 'em, as much as they tried, did not have, what is commonly known as, 'The Funk', After witnessing centuries of, either,being targeted, witnessing,or gleefully taking part in, brutal atrocities on the Eurasian plate,their DNA is far too abstract and fucked up to embrace the joys of  dancing (unless its some lumpen folk dance). This explains why they and their Slavic cousins seem to have an overriding darkness as part of their shadowy aura's. 

I was once offered the chance to have my Aura painted by some new-age lady of questionable talents,but she gave up as i was, quote, 'Too Sceptical'.....er...yes?

These silly drawings normally comprise of splashes of abundantly happy colours,and basically everything's gonna be great. I imagine if she drew the aura of a Ukrainian,or a Russian, or anything serbo-croat for that matter,it would display a preponderance of monochrome drawn from the greyscale rainbow .

Now Azerbaijan doesn't have this genepool problem as, tectonically, it straddles the Asian and Eurasian plates. Although,they are mostly Turkish in origin,and therefore responsible for some very dodgy Genocides themselves,Armenians mainly...but at least they could dance eh?.

Yes they really are called Gaya!....a group name that could get you into serious trouble in modern Russia.

Any citizen found indulging in the undoubted delights of brown love,or doing carpet, would quickly be rewarded with one free flying lesson, without a plane, off the nearest tall building.

Gaya certainly had 'The Funk' ,but sprinkled with liberal quantities of grated cheese.....as the blatant lie "I'm Happy" seems to testify to,both in reality denial and funky naffness.

Another fun(?) song title for me is track 10,"I'll Find You",which is the catchphrase of the idiotic (David Ames) who wants to kill me for copyright infringements(?) on my copious Jandek posts in his self-appointed authority as The Corwood Rep's de facto minder.

FYI...i don't break copyright laws,all i do provide a link to the storage provider,(the massive Google)who is in fact the potentially culpable party,this has in fact been long established,and test cased during the Megaupload appeal.

However,copyright was not something that troubled any artist from the former USSR days,as they never got paid anyway,any profits were donated to the state,via the back pockets of of the local commissariat .But,alas,Yet another good source of breaks for your drum'n'bass project that no-one wants to hear. A crime that I have been responsible for in the not too distant past.

All we need now is a Moldavian Funk ensemble to add a cherry to a very unlikely cake.......you guessed it...it's up next!? 

Tracklist:

1 Doesn't It Seem To You...
2 There's No Prettier Blossom
3 I'm Happy
4 Charming Girl
5 Aman Yar
6 Spring Song
7 Always With Me
8 Thrushes
9 Quickly, Quickly
10 I'll Find You
11 Mexico

DOWNLOAD in as gaya way as possible HERE!

Vodograi - "Водограй" (Мелодия – 33 С60-09399-400) 1978

Its a shame that we are going to be deprived of the Russian entry in the next Eurovision Song Contest. Held in the lively Ukrainian town of...Liverpool(?) substituting Kiev, for obvious reasons? However we will have another fine Ukrainian entry to make us all wonder if we're on the wrong side in this increasingly pointless war....er...i mean, Special Military Operation. The horrible winning entry earlier this year, was from.....you guessed it....Ukraine! An awful amalgam of Eastern European sub-hip hop with clothes resembling a car crash between The Black Eyed Peas and Teletubbies' Fuzzy Felt chic...with added Rapping...or raping if you're a Russian 'soldier'.

It got the sympathy vote of course, and cost the UK their first Euro-win since all the former Soviet republics were admitted in 1991.

So to compensate here's another Soviet Ukrainian attempt at cold war entertainment from groovy commie combo ,Vodograi.

This type of break-beat laden cheesy listening got me through the nineties (hard times musically),allowing a humanitarian corridor through all that 'orrible house crap leading to many a chill-out oasis in the depressing clubs and repurposed discotheques of local clubland.

The singing may empty an already empty room of all it's sub-atomic particles, but these cheesy grooves could even get a legless Russian Special Military Operation veteran dancing till his stumps bleed. Spelling out "Thanks Mr Putin" in his blood while swaying Ironically to the heartfelt and jawdroppingly unironic ballad called "For The Motherland".Ahh, the unbridled joys of Nationalism.

Tracklist:

1 Запроси До Танцю = Invite Me To Dance
2 Незване Моє Кохання = My Unexpected Beloved
3 Дiвчина Мила = Darling Girl
4 Путешествие = Journey
5 Несла Дiвчина Воду = Once A Girl Was Carrying Water
6 Тебе Назло = Just To Spite You
8 Вишневый Рассвет = Cherry-red Daw
9 Воспоминание = Memory
10 Родине = For Motherland
11 Голубой Вагон (Музыкальная Шутка) = Blue Car (Musical Joke)

DOWNLOAD from a motherless motherland HERE!

Vizerunki Shlyakhiv - "Візерунки Шляхів" (Меlodia – С60-06699-700) 1976

Funky Vizerunki Shlyakhiv was a folky,funky,but very latin sounding, 'Ukrainian vocal-instrumental ensemble',as described in Soviet newspeak, from the lovely city of Kyiv,.....yeah that place we now know is pronounced 'Keev' rather than 'Key-Ev', since they kicked the butt of the Russian invading force/farce earlier this year.
Dunno if any of Vizerunki Shlyakhiv took out any tanks,but they seem to resemble a bunch of handy chaps with State approved Flares to match.I have no doubt that these swarthy Slavs know the right end of a Panzerfaust 3 and how to use it.

There's a Ukrainian Folk tilt given to some of these smoking workouts that would please the local communist commissar bastard,backed up with a song about local commie hero Shcors to ensure no-one got sent for re-education in a Siberian gulag anytime soon.

State Label Melodia has rarely been cooler....which isn't saying much.Unless its referring to temperature of course.

Tracklist:

1. Пісня Про Щорса / Song About Shchors
2. Камінь Сонця / The Sunny Stone
3. Я Люблю Твої Тихі Затоки / I Love Your Backwaters
4. Гуахіра / Guahira
5. Коло Млина Калина / A Guelder Rose Grows By The Mill
6. Марійка / Mariyka
7. Весна I Ти / You And Spring
8. Била Мене Мати / My Mother Beat Me

DOWNLOAD swarthy men in flares HERE!

Various Artists - "Soviet Ukrainian Funk" (Goat Goat Grooves – GG02) 2015

Steaming Hot Cold War Caucasian Jazzy funk from the Caucasus Back from the days before every Ukrainian band was a metal act,and Vladimir Putin was a joyless Stasi clerk Twat in Dresden. They were secretly Funky Mo-fo's;but,Funky as in Elevator's,libraries, and shopping centres, but nonetheless Funky.

Rather than try to work out whether these hieroglyphically named Soviet era musicians were actually Unkrainian and not Russian, or more commonly when it comes to music, Estonian.Here is a handy mixtape that has done the hard work for us,concentrating solely on our Ukrainian chums,gettin' the groove on, albeit in a TV cop-show library music kind of way,from the 70's and 80's.

Just to make it even more amusing for us Anglo-Saxon types, I have translated the Ukrainian tracklist into Chinese restaurant English,giving us such titles as "Let me, father, at the wedding","Oh, I will throw a beech on the pit", and the probably illegal in CCCP..."You Smiled?".

The Vladikavkaz peoples ministry of democratic Funk released a statement back in 1975 forwarded to the British gutter press:

"You Anglo-Saxon Western Pigdogs think you have a monopoly on 'The Funk'don't you with your arrogance? Well,we morose Eastern fuckers have got the funky rhythms too,bigger and better funky sheet than your capitalist freedoms could ever hope to equal.You have this James Brown agent, we have Nazariy Yaremchuk, you have zis secret Bootsy Collins weapon, we have Tatyana Kochergina, and Nile Rogers is no Yuri Bogatykov by any stretch of your western propganda's imagination.Directly as we speak,the Sofiya Rotaru Ensemble have been super-glued to a nuclear missile and sent to our Moon to perform a seriously funky version of her 'Hero of the Democratic Socialist Peoples Republic' award winning number "Ballad of two violins".We have fully loaded Kalashnikov's that say we're funkier than you,and are prepares to use everything at our disposals to prove it....we are NOT bluffinks!

Thank you for your time....what you have left, that is."

Back in the day,these records were the go-to place to find obscure beatz to sample the fuck out of. Luckily I have a couple of these, courtesy of the Ultima Thule record shop bargain bin section in the mid-nineties.....comin' up. 

Tracklist:

SIDE A:

Intro - MC Alex Pervin (aka Sahlim Quick)
01. Viburnum - Three trembitas
02. Nazariy Yaremchuk - Ozovysya
03. Arnika - Let me, father, at the wedding
04. Sofiya Rotaru - "Chervona Ruta" - Ballad of two violins
05. Kobza - Vodogray
06. Smerichka - Vodogray
07. Ensemble "Vodogray" - Three trembitas
08. Sofiya Rotaru,"Chervona Ruta"-Pisnya will be a part of us
09. Smerichka - Two Rings
10. Sofiya Rotaru, ensemble "Chervona Ruta" - Fairy Tale
11. Kobza - Na Ivana Kupala
12. Sofiya Rotaru, ensemble "Chervona Ruta" - Two rings
13. Nazariy Yaremchuk - You smiled?
14. Kobza - Oh, I will throw a beech on the pit
15. Kobza - Dudaryk
16. Nazariy Yaremchuk - When the blue mountains fell asleep

SIDE B:

Intro - MC Alex Pervin (aka Sahlim Quick)

01. Tatyana Kochergina - Play, Violin, Play (cut)
02. Patterns of the Ways - Circle of the Kalina Mill
03. Vodogray - Maiden Mila
04. Kobza - Wait
05. Arnika - Spring (fragment)
06. Vatra - How I Slept on the Seine
07. Arnica - How I Slept on the Seine
08. Vodogray - Puteshestvye
09. Kobza - Ishov Kobzar Clean Field
10. Vodogray - Vospominanie
11. Patterns of the Paths - Guajira
12. Yuri Bogatykov - Quiet Water
13. Arnika - Silver Ships
14. Vatra - Verkhovyna Lullaby
15. Arnika - Lviv Evening

DOWNLOAD these dirty ass-kickin caucasian elevator muzak classics HERE!.....or be shot!

Various Artists – "Music Of The Ukraine" (Ethnic Folkways Library – FE 4443) 1951

Its got sleeve art like a Swans album,adorned with a black and white photo of what appears to be soviet Ukrainian relatives of Blitz era Spandau Ballet,yet it sounds like the soundtrack to "O'Brother Where Art Thou? 2", and showcases a glaring error, much repeated by us ignorant Westerners, referring to Ukraine as 'THE' Ukraine....It's just 'Ukraine' in fact, no 'THE' involved,or,indeed, needed.

There must have been a sizable influx of Ukrainians ,fleeing pogroms or revolution to the Appalachians in the first half of the 20th century,as this Ukrainian Folk could easily be some weird bluegrass from Harry Smith's anthology of American Folk. It's just lacking a few Toothless Donbas Dumbass Hillbillies,or some moonshine damaged hick called Blind Lemon Shevchenko dueling balalaika's and banjo's with Dock Boggs. There was certainly no British folk that sounded like this anyhow......not enough senseless slaughter going on in those sceptered isles it seemed, at least up until the potato famine that is; after which the terrors of Irish pixie dancing music were deliberately exported to the fledgling USA by the British governments attempt to starve Irish Dancing out of the empire for good.....then Michael Flatley happened and now its too late to do a Potato Famine two....we're stuck with it!

I'm struggling to locate any contemporary Ukrainian music that isn't generic and western via Moscow leaning.....but this shits weird! Get it before Putin erases the tapes and removed anything vaguely Ukrainian from the planet,while moaning about 'Cancel Culture'. Betraying a very well hidden literary intellect, this jawless,joyless, dwarf,intellectually and physically,desperately accuses the British Government of trying to cancel Harry Potter! That bunch of twerps are responsible for many things, but tragically not cancelling all things J.K.Rowling.They couldn't even get that right!? I honestly despair of them. Tax cuts for the Rich funded by eye watering borrowing requirements,and sweeping welfare cuts for the poor,yet they don't have the balls to cancel Harry Potter!??? What is this world coming to?.......a heavily irradiated ending it seems?.....but at least Harry Potter will cease to exist along with the rest of us? Happily there's a bright side before the Electromagnetic wave of thermonuclear destruction wipes all hard drives and all data that proved we ever existed......but if those who inherit humanities position as super selfish food chain toppers,and string two extra brain cells together, ever find an intact copy of "Music Of Ukraine" hidden in a lead lined nook somewhere....with a record player of course? Then they are gonna have a funny idea that there may have been a mysterious civilization who, once upon a time, left this molten highly radioactive landscape to the next bunch of self-destructive morons.

Just like those mysterious chaps on Easter Island...what was going on there then?

Tracklist:

1. Gutsul Kolomyika Dance-Song – Oleska Suyhodolyak With Bagpipe Acc.
2. Kozachok Dance-Song – Ivan Martishchuk With Bagpipe Acc.
3. Huculka Dance – Carpatho Ukrainian Village Orchestra
4. Country Dances – Carpatho Ukrainian Village Orchestra
5. Wedding Melodies – Hutsul Ensemble Of Folk Musicians
6. Hutsulka And Kozachok Dances – Hutsul Ensemble Of Folk Musicians
7. Folk Song - The Wind From The Field
8. Folk Song - One Half Of The Garden Blossoms

DOWNLOAD the folk music from a people and a place that, according to a certain autocratic dictator,doesn't exist...find proof that it does...HERE!

Wарм сс (Charm SS) - "р​е​п​е​т​и​ц​и​о​н​н​а​я х​у​й​н​я" (2015

 

Stoopid and Proud

They describe themselves as Stupid Punks from Yakutsk, which is in Siberia,about 500 kms from the Mongolian border,and comfortably an ever shrinking eight and a half thousand kilometers from the bastards in Moscow.

It seems that 2015 was the year that punk broke for this isolated community. Free from the sophisticated western aware boredom of the distant capital,this frozen wasteland has to make its own entertainment, with its own brutal style of punk rock untainted by the seen it all heard it all sophisticated urbanites of the western sphere of influence.

Here Bevis and Butthead hold more respect than boasting of how many times you had to play Trout Mask Replica before you..."Got It!".

If you've ever been beaten up by a musclebound grunting imbecile wearing a united Russia T-shirt,this is what it would sound like.

Every last one of these very oriental looking inhabitants are seen as Russian, especially when it comes to signing them up for a one way ticket to the Donbas.Except, it seems like its the ones who are slightly less Russian (not white) who get the privilege of being first in the queue.

The man who puts the 'Cunt' in Country,mad Vlad, would deny this western propaganda of course;but if he heard these Siberian Russians expressing their disillusionment,they would be ordered into the cattle trucks at gunpoint,to be taken to the non-existent 'Training' they won't receive before they take a bullet for the Motherland (putin).

Again, I wish the members of Wapm SS luck in avoiding the mobilization,and make for the welcoming arms of Mongolia as quickly as possible....and take your instruments with you.

Anyway, the Charm SS are rather...er...charming.....and brutally good.

Tracklist:

"р​е​п​е​т​и​ц​и​о​н​н​а​я х​у​й​н​я" :

1. кальвица 00:24
2. парад 01:05
3. гори, гори моя двухэтажка 01:00

п​а​р​а​л​л​е​л​ь​» tape' 14:

1.петин мир 00:45
2.мао 01:46
3.прозаик 01:07
4.чаща 00:54
5.все прекрасно 02:10

ш​а​р​м сс / milisi kecoa - split tape' 15:

1.шарм сс 01:25
2.парад 01:40
3.гори, гори моя двухэтажка 02:03
4.я тебя обосру 00:32
5.август муран 02:11
6.зря (2015) 00:57

DOWNLOAD it all here,or

Wapm CC Bandcamp page 

Slant – "1집" - ((Iron Lung Records – LUNGS-174) 2021

Unbelievably I found a North Korean Punk band!?....well...er....no, not really. Just looking at the picture of young people just having fun would be crime enough for them to have been executed by artillery fire in the Peoples Democratic Republic on the wrong side of the Demilitarized Zone where 'Fun' is strictly Illegal and enforced.

No,Slant are certainly NOT North Korean,nor are they a Korean Slint tribute band....although 'Slant' the 'Slint' Tribute band should really exist somewhere? They are ,however, from the Korean peninsula,on the right side of the Demilitarized Zone.south of the 38th parallel.

They play american style 21st century Hardcore Punk very efficiently, with a rather attractive be-tattooed young lady screaming some lyrics about how crap it is in the north (bit like it is in England)and loud enough to detach a couple of her Tattoo's.

Rumour has it that Kim Jong-Un has taken a shine to the young lady singer Keji,and is considering having her kidnapped and forced to consummate a marriage with one of his belly's. Should she not comply, the same fate that befell the charming singer of his father's best favourite band,Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble,Yun Hye-yong,would apply to her. Which is to be the only person to be executed while still in a coma from a desperate escape attempt.

Of course ,Kim Jong-Un hasn't really got his beady little roving eye on young Keji at all...I'm making it up in the tradition of all great Dictators everywhere.Taken to new heights recently by Phil Collins impressionist and short arse,Vladimir Putin,who also isn't too shy about shagging about either.

Tracklist:

A1 Enemy
A2 Terminal
A3 How Did It Feel?
A4 Stagnation
A5 Travesty
B1 Prison
B2 Effigy
B3 Violent Minds
B4 Modern Addictions
B5 Casualty

DOWNLOAD this potential death sentence HERE!

"Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble (Vol. 2)-보천보전자악단 (제2집)" - (KMC / PEE-C-1002) - 1991

 

Having,unsurprisingly, failed to locate any North Korean Punk Rock,although some Hoaxer pretended to be Kims favourite Punk Rocker for a prank, there are zero punks and, of course,zero Gays in the PDRK.I did however, find a copy of this on Archive.org, The workers official pop orchestra, who sounds not too dissimilar to some unfinished electronic work found in a box at Joe Meeks flat/studio. Please humour me as to the factual accuracy of the info on these recordings which is a tad sketchy at best....and there are about 150 volumes of this stuff out there

Singer Yun Hye-yong was a woman beyond the reach even of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il. Yun, the lead singer of Kim’s favorite band The Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble, was apparently brutally executed after she spurned Kim’s persistent advances and copped off with another bloke....The Pianist..When Kim's agents discovered their relationship by tapping her phone, Yun jumped from the roof of Mokran House, an official banquet hall, with her lover. Although the man died instantly, Kim ordered his men to kill Yun after resuscitating her by any means. She was eventually executed at the end of 2003, while still in coma.Another new low for humanity.

The disturbing  paragraph above is probably a bit light on facts, but somehow I think it probably isn't.The source being a dodgy defector with a book to promote. Tragic for Yun Hye-Yong,but entertaining for us freedom luvin' bastards in the Free world.....unless I've got that upside down as well?

The love of this musical group is absolutely mandatory in the Democratic Peoples Republic of (North) Korea,a bit like ABBA is here,so given the choice between watching or listening to this utter drek or execution, this ain't half bad .

It has that creepy state controlled vibe only equaled by the BBC's test card music of the 1960's1970's when Britain was virtually a communist state too....except with,debatably  'better' music. Although like in the DPRK, homosexuality was still illegal in Britain up to 1967;it just wasn't a capital offence anymore. It sometimes seems that but for the roll of a dice there go we (sounds like a rival Korean Dictator don't it?).Maybe this was the true subject matter of track 3 "Dear Brother is Arrested".........that can't be real can it???....or,to be really trendy, gender politics on track 8, "When I Bloom as a Girl".In fact the running order could have easily been mistaken for an album by The Clash.

It wouldn't surprise me if the powers that be in North Korea played this relaxing,but sinister, elevator muzak at mass execution rallies to wild applause.

Being the ultimate Nanny state,and a very stern Nanny at that, DIY is strictly frowned upon,so,like in the former Soviet Union,you aren't allowed to make and play your own music unless you can prove yourself qualified.....called,laughably,'Professional' status in the CCCP. Then you would be restricted to traditional Folk,classical or play in a weird muzak orchestra like the Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble.You could defect to the BBC if you don't mind being shot at I suppose.

So the phrase "Die or DIY?" is a deadly reality in the DPRK, so don't get any fancy ideas of you're North Korean.....not that they have access to the internet to be 'inspired' by the drivel I write,so they're safe....unlike you lot!

Tracklist:

1. Jong Il Peak, Shine 

2. Tondollari

3. Dear Brother Is Arrested

4. Farm's Young People

5. I Will Remain in the Motherland

6. The Village We Live

7. Song of Blessing

8. When I Bloom as a Girl

9. The Youth of the New Day

10. Spreading the Seed of Revolution

11. Young Engine Driver

12. Red Followers on the Beach of the South Sea

DOWNLOAD like one of Kim Jong-Un's latest missiles HERE!