Pip Proud – "Adreneline & Richard" (International Polydor Production – LPHM-108) 1968

Resembling,as well as sounding like the mythical fourth Shagg. Proud Australian Philip Proud's debut album from the hippie era has very little to do with Adrenaline,even though it appears in the title; but has more in common with an anesthetic. Yeah, he can't sing,has a speech impediment,wears glasses like the bottom of a couple of beer glasses,can't play a guitar or write songs!?...not a good start for a wannabe hippie troubadour who seems to walk around in a bin-bag?.....but gimmie that anyday rather than the bore fest forced on us by any of those trendy 'singer-songwriters' from Laurel Canyon back in '68 (Judee Sill excepted by the way)......excuse me ,a bit of sick just came up into my mouth.

Whereas, Pip could have come from Stan Laurel Canyon, if it ever existed? For the hundreds, if not thousands of acoustic waving folk singer wannabees from the sixties and seventies who were just plain Awful!....not all of them were funny though,so this is why Pip stands out from the crowd of long-hair earnest strummers so much...he's fucking hilarious.Unintentionally so,but funny enough for us to still listen to this terrible dross to this day. His name will be name-dropped at hipster coffee shop get togethers,where they will stroke their beards in appreciation,....and that's just the women.He's played at Outsider Art appreciation evenings alongside the mighty Shaggs,Wesley Willis,The legendary Stardust Cowboy,and the other outsider legends that make our failed lives seem like a raging sucess. Yeah, we need these losers to make ourselves feel good, but it isn't your lost album we're playing is it? Your poetry doesn't get read out at Hipster beat soirée's does it? Oh No!...So who's the loser now eh?

Philip may no longer exist upon this mortal coil (RIP) to unveil his latest work,and he did continue making his idea of what music is well into the new millenium;but he lives on in the form of black plastic disc's,binary codes,and magnetic waves,which is a remarkable turn around for something that we all should acknowledge is patently complete rubbish as modern standards dictate......but, Fuck that shit and Fuck their modern standards.

It's funny too.

But not as funny as Mike Leigh's "Nuts In May",which includes Pip's female equivalent, Candice-Marie,who has an uncannily similar voice. 

Tracklist:

A1 Adreneline And Richard 2:25
A2 The Tennis Player 3:38
A3 There Was Melancholy 3:58
A4 Latin Version 2:12
A5 Into Elizabeth's Eyes (To Mother Whilst Dying) 4:32
A6 Sounds 3:40
B1 Purple Boy Gang 2:20
B2 De Da De Dum 2:34
B3 When Each Descends 2:18
B4 We Crossed The Atlantic 3:07
B5 The Old Servant 6:32
B6 Laughter And Laughter 2:21

DOWNLOAD the opposite of adrenaline HERE!

Pip Proud – "A Bird In The Engine" (International Polydor Production – LPHM-109) 1969

When the land mass of Australia broke away from Pangaea a billion years ago, the isolation led directly to the evolution of the marsupial . Then in the sixties,the cultural isolation directly led to the evolution of Pip Proud. A self-described singer-songwriter, poet, novelist and dramatist....when in fact he was shite at all of these vocations.....it's another way of saying I'm a lazy fucker and I ain't gonna work.No one can prove that a poet isn't working on his next 'poem',even when it looks like lying down. Not that this lisping tone deaf myopic missing Shaggs member was employable in any way.The fool who signed him to Polydor could not have even met Pip,or heard him in action until it was too late. To think that he could have been Australia's answer to Donovan,was a miscalculation of decca-esque proportions!? Whoever it was must have been sacked.Its the opposite to the prat who rejected the Beatles for Decca......having said that I would have done the same if i'd heard Love Me Do....but certainly signed Pip Proud,looking from a twenty first century perspective therein.

Pip's output, is often compared with Syd Barratt's solo work,of which Philip denied all knowledge;but this stuff makes Syd sound like more like Wagner rather than the acid casualty we know he was.Worse news for Pip is that Syd Obviously had a talent for songwriting,something no-one could say about Pip. 

Pip's song's are constructed along the same lines as The Shaggs first album,as if he had been locked away from any music in a cupboard for 18 years,then let out to make his impression of what music should like to someone who has never heard any.It's no coincidence that he even looks like the mythical fourth Shagg.There are no verses or chorus's as such,with the droning guitar chord sequences strummed in a barely conscious stream of hazy unconsciousness kind of way. His pronounced lisp is not only charming,but adds that seed of a doubt whether this is all just another of those 21st century fake band Jokes,recorded by a comedian taking the piss out of Sixties Folkies, and record collecting saddo's.....it's hilarious either way....especially if it turns out that pip Proud was actually Real!?

Something he does actually share with Syd Barratt, is his wavering time keeping,exacerbated by his glaring tone deafness.

Of course there are those who hail this work as the product of undiscovered genius,and take it deadly seriously.....Maybe I'm the idiot who got it wrong? I sincerely doubt it, but whatever is the truth of the matter, this record is fucking hilarious.

Pip does actually sound uncannily like Candice-Marie from BBC drama classic "Nuts In May" by Mike Leigh (1976)

Check out Candice's protest song(click the embedded video) that plays over the end credits. If you haven't seen it,you have never lived...you can right this dreadful wrong by watching the whole thing by clicking HERE!

Tracklist:

A1 Marie
A2 Hey Sue
A3 A Fraying Space
A4 She Says To Me
A5 She Dwindles Her Fingers
A6 A Bird In The Engine
B1 Eagle-Wise
B2 French Girls
B3 Vida
B4 There Is No Rest
B5 Nancy
B6 Lover, Lover

DOWNLOAD a cuckoo flying over the engine HERE!

Sound Ceremony – "Sound Ceremony" (Celestial Sound Production – RWG2) 1979

Like 100% of this end of the century post millennium madness crop of 'Outsider' musicians,also known as,rather less pretentiously, as Crap musicians;but also Increasingly, as Crap Musicians who now think they are newly discovered genius's.They mistakenly,as do a lot of Outsider fans also,think that this upsurge in interest means there is some artistic content within this wildly amusing rubbish. Those types who don't know the difference between Laughing WITH you,and Laughing AT you!

I mean just look at this guy! As it's his own self-release,probably on a self-release from the Funny Farm too,as in...He escaped;but he must have chosen these cover shots himself, thinking that he looks good? It's that fashionable 'I'm On Heavy Medication chic' again.The front cover shot is more in the realm of a lost, undiscovered third world psych album from the Muslim half of Kashmir in 1992 rather than a UK post-punk classic.

This, his second record (1st one here!) is that truly brain-damaged winner that we've all trawled through unsorted vinyl dumps to find.The record surely fits somewhere into the 'right place wrong time' category in the UK punk explosion of the day, but it also looks back to the mid-sixties rock that Ron cut his rotting teeth on and ahead to some sort of maniac future form of entertainment that perhaps had not been invented yet.....now it has,namely Outsider Rock/Punk. Ganderton's mildly "out of it" stream of consciousness lyrics show a clear lack of self-censorship or political correctness, but that's really one of the albums strongest assets. He has created this character for himself as a huge rock star and sex symbol, and who are we to deny his claims,apart from the fact that he is clearly neither? The band chugs along amiably as Ganderton covers such terrain as his beating heart (it's made of rock), his distaste for education (he'd prefer to teach a lesson in bed,he obviously wasn't getting any) and his electric brain (which happens to be insane). If you've never heard a singer do a count-off all the way up to seventeen, then now is your big chance! Features what is perhaps the greatest anti-cigarette song of all time,or wot? 

He comes across as a bit of a dysfunctional,but charming arsehole,if that's possible?.....on meds....Who says there's no place for drugs in music? 

When you have people like Wrong Ron and his unsound ceremony to do it for you,there certainly is.Learning from others mistakes is certainly safer than making them yourself.....unless you're really stupid,like most Pop car crashes are and were.

Ron is now the celebrity that he craved to be,and can be seen hanging around record shops in Vancouver waiting to be recognized, marker pen at the ready and a armful of his re-released work from 1978-81. He deserves to make a living,unlike most other Rock Stars.Hell! I even bought one!

Tracklist:

1 Rock Work
2 Virgins Do
3 School
4 Rock Heart
5 Sorry
6 Our Song
7 Dance
8 Bet On Life To Win
9 Tobacco Man
10 Electric Brain
11 Motor
12 Sound After Death
13 Invitation To The Bizarre

DOWNLOAD and get a lesson,hopefully not in bed,from Ron HERE!

Ron Warren Ganderton / Sound Ceremony – "Guitar Star" (Celestial Sound Production – RWG 1001) 1978

Praised by private-press hunters, esoteric appreciators and “out of time” searchers alike.Canadian and legend in his own extended lunchtime,Ron Ganderton,and his output hold echoes of monotone  proto-punks such as Jonathan Richman and Lou Reed,but without the good looks(*?), or the charisma,...or even the questionable talent of those aforementioned fellow travelers....*check out that boatrace# girls!? 

Similarities to outsider cult acts such as the extremely nutty but clued up Armand Schaubroeck and the less nutty but completely clueless Kenneth Higney,are as inescapable as they are wrong.....Ron.

Ron was fortunate enough to have the Subway Sect's drummer Bob Ward, and later, Martin Chambers of the excellent Vacants,and the later,but lesser combo, The Pretenders; to back his Velvets out-take tunes and keep him in roughly four four time.....which is a talent very few outsider Rockers seem to embrace.Ah bless him, he's trying his best,but he's missed the wave again....several times by the look of him.

The usual tactics are involved in the new wave cred myth building stakes,as the punk before punk hands shoot up in the room, claiming that this record was made in 1974,so Ron Warren Ganderton must have invented Punk,right?...along with Death(the group), The Modern Lovers,Stooges, and many other proto-punk pretenders.The "I was a Mod before you was a Mod" syndrome. Ron was never a Mod,and he's obviously tried to jump on any bandwagon that was going before the wheels fall off; but Ron's Wheels fell off long ago by the sound of it,and he also fell off the noo wave bandwagon too.Especially when you hear his second, and truly dysfunctional outsider classic album,simply called, just, "Sound Ceremony".

Maybe Lou reed ripped him off and we've all got it so very wrong.....Ron?.....somehow I doubt it!

NB;

# Boatrace is cockney for Face

&

Get the even nuttier second album HERE!

Tracklist:

A1 Guitar Star
A2 Letter To Moma
A3 Concrete Rodeo
A4 Miss Vickey
A5 Come The Change
A6 Feelings
A7 Love
B1 Blues Miss Your Mind
B2 Fool
B3 Lonely Road
B4 Booze, Drugs And Sound
B5 The Lady And Me
B6 The Devil
B7 I'll Go To Hell For Your Love My Lady

DOWNLOAD wrong ron ganderton HERE!

Kenneth Higney – "Attic Demonstration" (Kebrutney Records – KBH 516) 1976

 

In these mixed up muddled up ol'days, every fucker thinks they are undiscovered genius's just waiting for that chance to unleash their greatness upon an unsuspecting public. The trouble with that assumption is that the public all think they are undiscovered genius's as well. Its like that Monty Python sketch where everyone is Superman,except for one special superman who,when needed, becomes  Bicycle Repair man,racing to the assistance of any unfortunate super hero with a flat tyre.

In Kenneth Higney's day,the world was full of Bicycle Repair Men when it came to music. It was impossible to be Emerson,Lake and Palmer,unless you had a million quid to splash on walls of modular moog's,stainless steel drum kits,and three articulated lorries to spoil the public with your undeniable skills.

Nowadays every fucker has a home studio,and has an album out,or is in a fucking band all playing shiny new instruments. 

Then,oh shit!, "the Great British Mistake", Punk Rock, broke and the DIY dream started. Great! We can all be pop stars now.What a fucking well-intentioned fuck up that turned out to be?

If I hear another harsh fucking noise project by wee willy and his hip granny i'm gonna burn my Beatles records...again! What's the point in making music at all if everyone's doing it.....(h)'elp!Come Back ELP, all is forgiven....the problem with that damn fine Idea is that only 'P' is still with us,having lost 'E' and 'L' to suicide and cancer some years hence.

In 1976 Ken,a true Rock Star's name if ever there wasn't one(?), self-released this LP in the hopes of garnering attention for his tenuous songwriting skills.Slightly Ironic because he obviously didn’t have any.He,and group, did,however, have the envious ability of naturally owning a very wobbly understanding of syncopation,harmony,and/or melody.Rhythm appears to be a foreign country for Ken and his chums it seems.

Yes,by accepted standards,old and new, this album is total crap,but, healthy crap floats to the surface of a cesspit that is the charmless modern machine played poop which trains the brains of our charmless children.Give us something less desperate, honest, with imperfect perfection like a diamond on a turd,or a sapphire strewn necklace around Adele's newly slim neck. 

In short,Stop fucking singing,put your ramones T-shirt in the trash, and go get an office job,or an HGV licence. That's the new Punk Rock, telling your hip black leather wearing tattooed Mom and Pop that you're gonna get a Job. That should fuck 'em up,the lazy climate destroying cunts that they are.

I discovered this short,stupid, but succinct review on Discogs:

 

"This is probably the shittiest record I have ever listened to, singing and songwriting are absolutely rubbish."

Er..yeah....but!?...Some people just don't get it do they?

Tracklist:

1 Night Rider 2:34
2 Children Of Sound 3:18
3 Rock Star 5:49
4 Can't Love That Woman 3:38
5 Look At The River 3:40
6 Quietly Leave Me 2:41
7 Let Us Pray 5:11
8 I'll Cry Tomorrow 3:16
9 No Heavy Trucking 2:18
10 Funky Kinky 5:35
11 I Wanna Be The King 3:04

DOWNLOAD the rock star in everyone's attic HERE!

Jandek – "Ann Arbor Saturday" (Corwood Industries – CORWOOD 0846) 2021

I've mentioned a much shared disapproval of the Fretless Bass as used and abused in the popular medium of music before. Even excluding Mick Karn's work with Japan and Dali's Car from the bracket of disapproval. Well, Mick, may their God rest his soul,is no longer alone in fretless bass limbo.For he is to be joined by none other than Sterling "Jandek" Smith,who wields said instrument like a harbinger of impending doom.Like the approaching helicopter blades as replaced by huge rotating crusaders broadsword's, slicing through the trees below radar in a densely foggy Vietnam,as if beheading Saracens.Piloted by drugged up Scientologists eager to deliver their cargo of Napalm on a school full of children whose parents didn't pass the eugenics test.This time they ain't playing 'March of the Valkyries:It's "Ready For the House" at full volume...which if used as a real weapon in the real Vietnam war, could have caused Ho-Chi Minh to throw himself out of the nearest window.Ushering in a much less pointless period of peace and love.Where Communism worked out just fine, and the Americans kept their fucking noses out of everyone's right to self-determination.

As the choppers,hip slang for not only Helicopters but also for the male member where I come from, slice their way through the solid air of this gloomy Jandekian rumble,we start hearing such complimentary incisions as an outsider Mile Davis,blowing his horn as if warning passing vessels of the rocky outcrops hiding beneath the black waters of these compact discs.What's more we are treated to a rare appearance of the Electric Harpsichord outside of the 1960's British television soundtrack.

Fear not, we do get the standard Jandek howl and moan, backed up quite ably by a young lady victim on back-up moaning.

Heavy stuff,thankfully lacking any pretentious aspirations towards the outsider classical chamber music that The Representative is often enamored with.

One things for sure, don't play this when you're feeling suicidal.You may use an ill advised method to stop that noise in your head.

This was recorded somewhere in Ann Arbor May 17th 2008...isn't that where that Who copyist Glam band The Stooges came from? I think they reformed round about the time of this Jandek gig to make that awful 'come-back' album.....not a popular point of view,but, I do wish Iggy Pop would just kindly go-away....or at least get his male menopause hair cut off.

Tracklist:

1 Rubbish In The Alley 16:56
2 The Trenches 12:12
3 Why 9:51
4 Loud Silence 12:24
5 The Cowards' Creation 9:04
6 Being A Body 10:52
7 The Blue Spell 7:41
8 The Conflagration 12:15
9 Quicksand 14:44
10 Rapture Of Now 15:27

DOWNLOAD this alternative vietnam HERE!

Jandek – "Austin Saturday" (Corwood Industries – CORWOOD 0844) 2021

It's common knowledge that anyone with any brains dislikes Country and Western music,and the god-fearing morons who listen to it. So to hear Jandek having a go at making his own Country (or shit..) stained improvisations in Texas , in a Presbyterian church no-less,likely in front of  a church full of liberal arty-farty-artphags instead of fully armed redneck homophobic racist misogynist anti-semites; does indeed entice one's reluctant toe-tappin'feet to move in that once taboo direction.

The only instrument I can think of worse than a fretless bass has to be the pedal steel guitar,which makes the sound that Tom's whiskers make when they are stretched to the limit in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.Good for sound effects, shit for music is what i'm a gettin' at boy. In this instance played by top Pedal Steel guitar improviser Susan Alcorn, who seemed to have a one woman goal to make this instrument sound less shit. The Female Mick Karn?.....oh come on Dali's Car made a great album,and there's Tin Drum too!!!?

If Country and Western sounded like the abstract version that Sterling and college trained bluegrass buddies put forward on the Rep's fourth appearance in Austin, then all would be different. The cowboys will have killed themselves,we'd all be naturally cleverer as a consequence,also know as herd intelligence,as opposed to the herd stupidity we have today.There would be no republicans in the Whitehouse,including the new Democrat Republicans like Biden, and we'd all like the sound of the Pedal Steel Guitar.

What's not to like?

A word of caution, if you are one of those types who give truly terrible abominations in music a chance,and i'm complimenting them by considering these things as music;like musical evils, such as all Hip Hop,Lovers Rock,K-Pop,and country;then I warn you country apologists to approach with extreme caution this cockamamie Jandek and Western alloy,for it be not as palatable for yee as a bowl of Grits sautéd  in last christmas's Deep Fried Turkey entrails' ultra saturated fat......and two hard boiled eggs.....make that three hard boiled eggs.

Tracklist:

1 Lifting Longnecks 8:08
2 Turquoise And Silver 8:25
3 Your Letter 8:22
4 Are You Ready 6:53
5 It Ain't Me 7:25
6 Do It Again 7:08
7 She Drank Wine 6:06
8 Play With Money 7:16
9 Baton Rouge 7:34
10 Better Later 8:14

DOWNLOAD from the texan oasis of culture called Austin HERE!

Jandek – "Columbus Friday" (Corwood Industries – CORWOOD 0850) 2021

As we rapidly approach Jandek's 76th birthday, his release schedule seems to be increasing;and somehow, they all sound very different;although there are those who would say that they all sound the same. Basically, Jandek sounds like whoever he's playing with these days,unlike 20th century Jandek,which sounded like Jandek,only Jandek and absolutely no-one else.

This one, has some experienced Jazzers, and experimental composers in tow to back up the Corwood rep's doomy synth drones and moaning poetry, for another 90 minutes of living purgatory spread over two CD's.

This is he in a Jandek does an american Throbbing Gristle tribute mode; he even gets a bit saucy at one point in 'Any man';which seems to describe the kind of stuff Sterling allegedly gets up to in his spare time when out of character....so I've heard on the outsider music grapevine,which admittedly produces very withered fruit.

If by some inexplicable oversight, you don't know what Jandek sounds like,I would recommend delving into his vast back-catalogue at random,by choosing one album from 1978-2000,and another from his vast 21st century array of live recordings.....That's what he sounds like, and it should empty a room or upset someone within 30 seconds of the first track,or you've picked the wrong one.

I Played Columbus Friday in its entirety whilst i worked at my calling to make silly mice out of junk for the world to be amused by.The result of this exposure to Jandek,was a complaint from a customer whom could one day come to define the neo-word 'Snowflake';upon opening the package she burst into to tears allegedly, and said that she has never felt more insulted!It looked ok to me when i made it,so maybe it was the malevolent influence of the Jandek wot dunnit? The misery that swirled around my workshop like a malignant fog evading the fume extractor and danced a waltz with my depression.This somehow impregnated the form of the metal mouse and created a grim vision of the futility of existence that only severe religious brainwashing can camouflage. It was either the black magic of Sterling Smith's gloomy meanderings or the fact that the mouse was flipping the bird in the world's general direction that was to blame?......I thought it was very mildly amusing anyway?.....as is, I have to say,a Jandek record. Some people should just lighten up a bit and embrace the awful truth with a jaunty laugh.....except The Corwood Representative of course.I wouldn't know how to cope with a Jandek comedy record,but I'm sure he's thinking of doing one soon,or saving it for one of the early flood of posthumous releases he almost certainly has planned. 

Tracklist:

1-1 Unfolding 10:48
1-2 No Kisses 8:11
1-3 Any Man 10:05
1-4 Flying 8:18
1-5 King And Tiny Men 9:30
2-1 Emerging From Water 9:36
2-2 So Sudden 10:29
2-3 Inside Out 12:33
2-4 Your Look 11:25

DOWNLOAD the columbus of outsider music HERE!

Jandek – "Philadelphia Saturday" (Corwood Industries – CORWOOD 0845) 2021

Whip out a clarinet, harp, bassoon, and Grand Piano, and you get automatically branded Classical,or,even better, Neo-Classical.But Jandek's chamber-pot Quartet does stuff most classically trained musicians cannot do,ever; which is improvise. Bassoon solo anyone?

As for the Classics,the moment the needle,lazer,or tape heads hits your pre-recorded media of preference there's a feeling in ones' brain which says, loudly and clearly, "I'm Bored".....yeah, like the Iggy Pop song, but even Iggy Pop bangs on about how he listens to Classical music a lot. There's something of the Nigel Tufnel's "Lick My Love Pump" about any pop star boasting of their higher intellect by proxy,due to the fact that they allegedly listen to, or, are influenced by Classical composition. Like Nigel says in Spinal Tap, "Like, I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach right?" ; as James Osterberg says, and many other more pompous pop Twats have ventured both before The Pop,and after The Pop.

The equally pretentious, and ultimately meaningless soundbite that gets bandied about the Rock'n'Pop world a lot also, is "Classically Trained".Which usually means they've had a few piano lesson when they were a kid, or scraped a violin at school for a couple of years before they grew some pubes and learned that a G major get girls,...or....boys....or....well, you know what I'm getting at...whatever you self-identify as!.....to notice them.Guitars get you laid, is what they say I'm told; however they usually get me laid out,or kicked out. 

The "Classically Trained" Mick Ronson wanted to play the cello,but he opted for Electric guitar instead.I would have paid to see Mick gurning his cello parts during Vivaldi's Four Seasons;and no-one gurned better than Mick Ronson during a guitar solo....no-one!

I can safely say,without reservations, that Sterling, "The Corwood  Representative",Smith, is NOT Classically Trained. In fact, I have doubts he's ever had even a guitar lesson,despite the fact that he does manage to play a few chords,albeit accidentally, from time to time.

Without Sterling's dulcet tones,one would be confident in the assumption that this two-hour long spectacular was an Arts Council sponsored self-indulgent sub-classical composition especially arranged for the world's worst poet to moan and whine over.

Sitting watching and listening to this for two hours,trapped in the middle of a row of pretentious trendies sounds is not really my idea of a fun night out.However I do love the long silences between the end of the piece and the audience applauding, after first looking to see if anyone else is clapping.

However,I am pretentious,or Portentous enough to enjoy this while I'm washing the dishes......and i'm gonna tell you about it too!

Did I ever tell you I'm greatly influenced by Beethoven?....that's right, I'm Deaf...but Deaf-initely (ha ha) not German! I wouldn't wish that burden upon anyone,except maybe, The German's?

Tracklist:

1-1 Who Am I 15:31
1-2 I Painted Myself 9:07
1-3 The Dust 23:02
1-4 No Fear 7:48
1-5 The Walk That I Took 10:11
2-1 Dusky Blue 14:00
2-2 Statue In The Park 7:43
2-3 The Carnage 4:56
2-4 I Stand On My Ground 5:49
2-5 Teardrops From The Trees 11:43
2-6 The World 9:22

DOWNLOAD even if you're german HERE!

Jandek – "London Monday" (Corwood Industries – CORWOOD 0848) 2021

 At the risk of being murdered by psychotic Jandek worshiping nutjobs for stealing their god's music without recompense to the 'Artist',or even his Representative therein, it's time for our much anticipated regular annual 'Catch-up with Jandek' feature.Starting with yet another London appearance,this time on Monday,June 16th, 2008, at Café Oto again,and NOT in the generic modern Church pictured on the cover.

Although,Churches,specifically Christian churches, could do with Jandek's help in getting some bodies,preferably living ones, through their doors? 

It's a sad indictment on the state of the Christian religion in the more secular areas of the planet...ie the intelligent bits....when Jandek can get a far more numerous congregation than God can.However, it seems that Jandek is indeed a God to a small selection of mental cases throughout modern secular society.

As some smart-arsed wag once said, 'if there wasn't a God there would exist a need to create one' and in Jandek's Case ,through focused, dogged, perseverance, Sterling Richard Smith, aka The Corwood Representative, has created a persona, or rather,lack of persona, crazy enough to have filled that God shaped hole in their misfiring brains.And why not? The jumbled mess that is his recording career, makes by far more sense than any of the chief monotheistic holy books. It's a one size fits all religion that can fit on one side of blank A5 printing paper,consisting of just a pair of brackets encapsulating a short amount of underlined nothing for you to fill in the big blank yourself.(_________),This is Jandekism in action.

Jandek, or God's representative on Earth,or even just God, does exactly the same with his music,or rather the music of whoever he's 'collaborating' with,which in this case consisted of a couple of London dwelling improvising trendies,over which The Representative does his 'stuff'.Seemingly channeled from some nebulous musical dustbin floating around the Aether,within which Jandek is probably thee cosmological constant that Einstein was mistakenly looking for during his entire career.

Another method of getting more of god's likenesses in a church,other than getting Jandek to do a gig there, is the latest camping craze in the Uk called 'Champing',which consists of holiday makers paying the holy man to stay for a number of nights camping inside his church.

What their deity has to say about this one could only imagine.Moses would have both the Vicar and the family of Holidaymakers stoned to death, and probably most of the local population of adulterers,graven image makers and Canaanites to boot.The oldest excuse for genocide..."Kill them all. The Lord knows those that are his own",or in Latin,"Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius." (accredited to some bloke/murderer at the siege of Beziers ,1209, during the Cathar revolt)....what that has to do with Jandek I dunno,but the degree of separation in the modern world and throughout time has now shrunk infinitesimally enough for a crazed Jandek fan to actually kill a stranger for sins against his God.....so watch yer backs.

Tracklist:

1 Awakening 13:57
2 Realization 13:39
3 Cognition 11:30
4 Willingness 12:47
5 Emergence 11:30

DOWNLOAD your new god HERE!

Church Police – "Church Police" (Stomach Ache Records – SA-71) 1996 / 1982

This outstandingly awful disintegration of the Rock'n'Roll idiom scores highly on the shit-fi scale.Even the remastering and pressing are abysmal insults to the art of melody. This could clear a toilet of Kasabian fans faster that a North Korean supermarket loses it's stock of beef on its annual delivery day.

Yeah its like a better,less rock,version of Flipper,but there ain't enough bands like this. Slogans such as "No records released in their lifetime", is as good a sonic aphrodisiac as "File under Easy Listening" or "Not Available In Shops"......well maybe not, but its always a go to statement for most things on the outskirts of the noisy venn diagram of  Rock'n'Pop .This seven incher, does indeed boast one of the best disrespectful-respectful Black Sabbath covers this side of The Prostate Gland Massagers version of Paranoid,which is high recommendation in itself.

Only in the future can some musics be fully understood; but if you understand this I recommend you turn yourself in to the nearest loony toon room on the moon as soon as is acceptably possible. See you there.

Tracklist:

1 Jarhead
2 Bag Of Lumps
3 Robots
4 The Red Glow
5 Killing Myself To Live

DOWNLOAD the church police in this age of the brain police HERE!