Another deserted city (I don't think its Toronto?) adorns the cover of Toronto Sunday, like an average episode of 'The Avengers', not the marvel comics crap, but the cult UK TV series from the sixties Avengers; or like a daytime scene from Chuck Hestons "Omega Man", before the zombies came out at dusk.
Head Zombie, Jandek, treats us to some nifty soundtrack music from his Synthesizer,yes, Synthesizer!? Could easily have been the backing to some awful high budget movie like Transformers 12,or some other box-orifice special FX shit like that. That is until Jandek starts moaning about existence,and the 'Duality of Self'. That would have the drongo's who watch, and even enjoy, utter crap like X-Men or similar, to leave the theatre in droves.
Thee worst genre by far in the world of hollywood features has to be the 'Rock Bio-pic'.....there has honestly NEVER been a good one.Just like there has NEVER been a good film made by, or staring , anyone from the music business.These two artforms are destined never to meet, or be mixed.Rather like oil and water.But ,still, I find it impossible not to look at these virtual snuff movies, killing the culture i love/loved.My eyes are unstoppably drawn to the screen,like i'm secretly breaking a Taboo,as if addicted to the cringeworthy attempts to recreate 'Cool'.Finger poised over the off button in case anyone catches me watching this clueless shit.Really I want to be Ray from the Clash's lamentable 'Rude Boy'.Do I long for Mick Jones to play the art skool 'ard man and warn me that 'He's Watching me'.....my heart says 'yes', but my mind screams 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO'!!!!!!
Having watched an illegal download (what? Pay? Moi?) of the toe-curlingly bad "Bohemian Rhapsody" through my fingers, I can only imagine what a Jandek bio-pic would be like.It certainly would comfortably qualify as an entrant for the Good/Bad category at least. Johnny Depp starring as the Corwood Representative,speaking with that standard exhaling macho whisper that all the male leads seem to enunciate with.I can never hear a single fucking word they mumble. But hearing 'Depp', in all his contrived gothic splendour, mumble the lyrics to "The Duality of Self" would be worth the entrance fee alone. With Tim Burton directing naturally.....maybe an animated feature, like "The Nightmare Before Xmas"? except this will be the nightmare before the end of culture........Is it just me or is everything just compleatly SHIT!
I therefore challenge thee to name a 'Rock Bio-pic' that doesn't suck balls real bad.
The Duality Of Self
1-1 Prelude 10:50
1-2 Part One 22:14
1-3 Part Two 21:25
2-1 Part Three 16:15
2-2 Part Four 16:18
2-3 Part Five 17:17
2-4 Postlude 8:31