Another deserted city (I don't think its Toronto?) adorns the cover of Toronto Sunday, like an average episode of 'The Avengers', not the marvel comics crap, but the cult UK TV series from the sixties Avengers; or like a daytime scene from Chuck Hestons "Omega Man", before the zombies came out at dusk.
Head Zombie, Jandek, treats us to some nifty soundtrack music from his Synthesizer,yes, Synthesizer!? Could easily have been the backing to some awful high budget movie like Transformers 12,or some other box-orifice special FX shit like that. That is until Jandek starts moaning about existence,and the 'Duality of Self'. That would have the drongo's who watch, and even enjoy, utter crap like X-Men or similar, to leave the theatre in droves.
Thee worst genre by far in the world of hollywood features has to be the 'Rock Bio-pic'.....there has honestly NEVER been a good one.Just like there has NEVER been a good film made by, or staring , anyone from the music business.These two artforms are destined never to meet, or be mixed.Rather like oil and water.But ,still, I find it impossible not to look at these virtual snuff movies, killing the culture i love/loved.My eyes are unstoppably drawn to the screen,like i'm secretly breaking a Taboo,as if addicted to the cringeworthy attempts to recreate 'Cool'.Finger poised over the off button in case anyone catches me watching this clueless shit.Really I want to be Ray from the Clash's lamentable 'Rude Boy'.Do I long for Mick Jones to play the art skool 'ard man and warn me that 'He's Watching me'.....my heart says 'yes', but my mind screams 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO'!!!!!!
Having watched an illegal download (what? Pay? Moi?) of the toe-curlingly bad "Bohemian Rhapsody" through my fingers, I can only imagine what a Jandek bio-pic would be like.It certainly would comfortably qualify as an entrant for the Good/Bad category at least. Johnny Depp starring as the Corwood Representative,speaking with that standard exhaling macho whisper that all the male leads seem to enunciate with.I can never hear a single fucking word they mumble. But hearing 'Depp', in all his contrived gothic splendour, mumble the lyrics to "The Duality of Self" would be worth the entrance fee alone. With Tim Burton directing naturally.....maybe an animated feature, like "The Nightmare Before Xmas"? except this will be the nightmare before the end of culture........Is it just me or is everything just compleatly SHIT!
I therefore challenge thee to name a 'Rock Bio-pic' that doesn't suck balls real bad.
Tracklisting:
The Duality Of Self
Disc One
1-1 Prelude 10:50
1-2 Part One 22:14
1-3 Part Two 21:25
Disc Two
2-1 Part Three 16:15
2-2 Part Four 16:18
2-3 Part Five 17:17
2-4 Postlude 8:31
10 comments:
How about Stunt Rock??? A movie that had NO PLOT, was totally ridiculous and had a heavy metal band in it with what now looks like a totally ridiculous "good" and "evil" show with a wizard and a demon guy on stage, as a 13 year old I was crazy about this movie, it also had then Dutch sex bomb/movie star Monique van der Ven running around clueless....
It definitely beats Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Opera :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4mawOixufM
What I read it's a total cult movie now, I actually still have the album, goes for crazy money now (but what doesn't nowadays)...
And oh shit.... the whole movie is on youtube :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGvBeh4IUok
This is a love story that will last forever...
Stunt Rock sounds particularly awful.....not plucked up the courage to watch it as yet.I suppose its ones duty to experience all aspects of ones specialised subject. I guess it would akin to the Jury at the Moors Murders trial having to listen to the Lesley Anne Downey Tape. Probably just as psychologically damaging also.
My personal favourite most awful rock movies are, of course "Rude Boy", "Breaking Glass" and "Sid and Nancy"
The Best Ones....a rare breed...for me are "Slade In Flame", "Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls", and "A Hard Days Night"
Any more suggestions are welcome.
Slade in Fame and Valley sound great, never heard of them and going to see if I can track them down, thanks!
Have you seen How To Talk To Girls At Parties??? I liked that one, came out in 2017, it's about the early punk scene in England and about aliens, based on a short story from Neil Gaiman with Nicole Kidman as an eldery punk god-mother (which is hard to believe but she actually (kind of) pulls it off which is.... well.... weird for an Australian rich kid who's father died weirdly and was apparently involved with weird cultish pedophilia stuff, not to mention...she was married to Tom Cruise, not a great way to lift up your punk credentials...)... Quiet a bit of music in that one too....
I think 2000 Motels with Zappa was a very funny movie but it must've been almost 40 years ago that I saw that one, so I'm not too sure :)
And ok, not a rock movie but a docu, Beware of Mr. Baker, have you seen that one??? Highly recommended!!! About Ginger Baker who now lives in some kind of compound, I think in South Africa, more cantankerous than ever, goes through at least 4 packs of cigarettes a day, lots of medicines, goes on long angry rants, beats up the young interviewer/documentary maker berating him for asking such stupid fucking questions, it's fantastic really!
A Hard Days Night.... Jesus Christ Jonny.... I must've seen that one before even my dad had pubes! Can't really remember any of it, but yesterday somebody in a pub was telling me to watch some recent program where some interviewer goes on a long drive with Mccartney and they arrange for him to perform in some small pub in the place where he's from. They don't tell anybody he will play so the place is pretty full, folks are drinking hard and when they tell the folks, well, we have a performance for you nobody gives a fuck, but then when they see it's Mccartney the place explodes, everybody having a great time singing, Paul telling stories about growing up there.... Wanna see if I can track that one down too, it sound very ehrrr... English :)
Got into researching this a bit because of this post, now watching Liquid Sky, a 1982 low budget punk/new wave/science fiction movie, it's hilarious!!! and some great synth music!
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085852/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
Jandek on Corwood? Oh, wait. That was a documentary.
The Documentary....or ROCK-umentary, is perhaps the only way to include modern pop in the world of TV and Cinema. There have been some pretty good ones,even for bnads I hate. The recent one on Bros was great, and that one on Dr Feelgood was rather marvellous too, even if it was by Julien Temple.
I'll give that 'How to talk to Girls' a go.....seen Liquid Sky in the 80's, can remember fuck all about it....i fell asleep i think.
200 motels probably hasn't aged well, as with all Hippie humour.I used to find the Mothers albums amusing, esp with Flo and Eddie, but listened recently and it was just NOT funny....i fear the same for 200 motels.
Yeah, beyond the valley of the Dolls is a Russ MEyer sexploitation film, with a sexy Sunshine Pop girl group do the rounds of frustrated men in the psychedelic sixties....love the soundtrack too. And Slade can do no wrong for me...saw Slade In Flame with my mother in 1974,still great today.
Wasn't Ringo Star also in 200 motels? I vaguely remember something about him playing a caveman or something.... And yeah, I know what you mean, I've got that with Cheech & Chong movies, used to love 'em, tears streaming down my face from laughing, you see them now and it's like meeeehhhh....
Watching Slade with your mum :) That is great, I never saw any band with my mum, but she would always come in my room if I was playing Metabolist' song King Quack and she would just laugh and laugh, I told her it was in frog language :)
I'm a happy man! Just bought The Wandering Earth (we have many shops here that sell pirated dvd's, sometimes they'll have movies even before they come out even), Chinese science fiction movie, based on a story by writer Liu Cixin, I'm a big fan of his books, have to wait btill the wife is done watching her South American soap series (or is it Turkish again now???) and then IT'S MY TURN!!!!
Liquid Sky is FANTASTIC!!! Laughing out loud it's so bad, the dancing is incredibly funny but some of the music.... honestly, right up your alley I think!
My mum was my records mule. Anything i wanted i gave her a list on saturday morning,and she'd go and do some shopping, and drop into the local punk orientated record shop and get my requirments.
There were only a few that she complained about...the rude word on the Pistols LP, the naked ladies on The Slits and Bow wow wow albums; and asked me to turn down Frankie Teardrop by suicide on a couple of ocassions.
Her own personal tastes were spread between The Three Tenors and Pink Floyd!
She never said anything about Metabolist.
We used to watch sci-fi together much to the disaproval of my father.
May she rest in Peace.
Will download Liquid Sky and watch it with my daughter, she's a cinema student....keep up the family tradition.
The funniest dancing film EVER is "Stayin' Alive", the truly terrible follow up to "Saturday Night Fever".....can't recommend that enough!...Tony Minero trys to make it as a dancer on broadway...fucking hilarious.
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