As Prince Harry and Megan......sounds like some kind of naff novelty act doesn't it?.....In fact it is....but.....Prince Harry Hewitt,he of no royal blood at all, said that the internet has bred nothing but Hate. So, this inspired me to think of thee most hate inducing bunch of clueless twats ever to grace a stage in the name of Rock'n'Roll ever....obviously, Guns 'N' Roses. If only they'd called themselves 'Obviously Guns'N Roses', it wouldn't have been quite so terrible,but they didn't, so, Hey-Ho!
Holders of the 'Single Most Badly Dressed people Who Thought They Were Cool' Award for at least ten years running,with Motley Crue and Milli Vanilli in an interchangeable second and third place;their sartorial inelegance was like an explosion from an Australian's nightmare in a German fancy dress shop.
And the 'Music'...Oh god, the music!?
Fronted by balding bandana sporting screecher,Axel 'there ain't nothing I ain't done me',Rose;he and the rest of the group, meaning 'Slash' and the other ones,flesh out a comic book rock fantasy like a graphic novel on how NOT to do it.Like Spinal Tap but without the Jokes.
However, Rose's attempt at slinky rock dancing would have fitted very comfortably in Hollywoods number one Heavy Rock spoof,as would a lot more aspects of this living taste bypass that make Aerosmith look like Dr Feelgood.
What's incredible is that whenever they are interviewed,and why anyone with a brain would want to even acknowledge their existence(?), they seem to think they are Punk's!?
Maybe they were all locked in a cupboard with a Motley Crue record slipped into a "Now Thats' What I call Punk Rock" sleeve as children,I Dunno!? Whatever the reason is they can't have actually listened to anything that could conceivably be described as Punk in their lives?
Prancing around like very well fed but 'wasted' 'Rock Stars,and buckets of recycled 'look at me mom' guitar solo's,while doing, alledgedly, wheel barrow's full of illegal narcotics,and thinking its cool.Christ how completely useless be a 'Rock Star'? They offer precisely Nothing to the human story,except how not to be something.
In your nuclear bunker,with one place left to fill,who would you choose to come inside, Slash and Gibson Les Paul, or the carpenter with his tools? Hard decision...Not? Actually,Anyone instead of Slash! In fact, if it was empty, none of G'n R's would get in !I'd sooner die alone quaffing down as much irradiated water as i could slurp!.Collectively they have less than nothing to offer the future world. Imagine the race of cretins we'd have if Axel Rose and Grace Slick were the new Adam and Eve? They'd have tasted the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge within a few seconds of arriving in the nuclear garden of Eden.Expelled from Eden for being crap,it would say in the post-armageddon rock'n'roll Bible.
If these fuckers are in Hell when I die,unless they actually abolish death, like they are trying to do in the Co-Vid crisis,then I well and truly will know I am there.Thankfully we have the eternal blackness of oblivion to save us from this utter shite!......discuss.
By the way,as always,there's a re-edited version of their most awful hit from the album below...imagine this on a loop in hell,and it would be better than having the official version blasting out at 12 in Satan's special hell for music obsessives.
1. "Not So Sweet Child O'Yours (Zchivago Remix)" (6:35)