Philippe Grancher – "3000 Miles Away" (Pôle Records – PÔLE 0014) 1975

About the same time Throbbing Gristle were glamorizing serial killers and feeling too clever by 'arf, a forward looking French guitarist was predicting future serial killing by assuming the form of Cromwell Street child killer Rose West 20 years before she got her dog collar felt by PC Plod. 

Never ones to put style ahead of tucking a sweater into some high waisted slacks, the French guitarist doesn't understand why image should come before musical proficiency;and Philippe certainly seems to have image pretty low on his list of priorities......and why not?

Rose

 

Philippe

Although Philippe's career path was registered as "Guitarist" (they do this kind of thing in France,even i'm registered there as an 'Artist' ffs!),he seems to have forgone the requirement to flesh that out by actually playing one.He instead has opted for the banks of keyboards and synthesiser option that was so fashionable in 1975.The few guitary parts were actually played by someone else........Noooooo....not Fred West...someone called Arnaud Chevalier. The lead instrument seems to be a Piano,with  bits of Mellotron,and lots of effects.

Despite looking like a serial killer from 20 years into the future,our Phil doesn't let that hinder his creativity,and keeps his pullover firmly tucked into his waistband to make one of thee better French prog Space rock albums of all time. Another Pole Records classic,but I doubt if Phil was kept on as a model for the Porn Mag that the company became after 1977,even though the pervy glasses are a good look for rude magazines in the seventies.If worn by the unfortunate young lady involved,glasses can be a convenient place to deposit the money-shot.

He can still be seen ,however, playing the blues (zer bloose) in French bars for a living....and he still looks like Rose West......poor sod!

So if you can stand sitting in a café full of swarthy Frenchmen with B.O. wildly applauding that Muddy Waters cover at one of his engagements ,shout out for "3000 Miles" as an encore,and see the room empty as they wheel the piano out.

Tracklist:

A1 3000 Miles Away 10:00
A2 Naïvetés 2:50
A3 Réflexions À Propos D'un Miroir 3:00
B1 Flip-Flop 10:00
B2 Birds, Birds 6:10

DOWNLOAD philippes f-lop HERE!

Pôle – "Inside The Dream" (Pôle Records – PÔLE 0002) 1975

Just a reminder that we got in this mess because I got distracted by the rare phenomenon of faux-kraut music.That's Frenchmen who wanted to be musically German,like an Alsatian plebiscite of music.

Ahhh,The "Plebiscite".....otherwise know as a Referendum, is that olde skool dictator's  trick  from days of yaw when the "people"......,you know, that visibly invisible thronging mass of silly fools, led by a small room full of sinister bastards.......get to vote on something ridiculous or give away their meager freedoms in the name of fake democracy.The most recent attempts being Brexit, the Annexation of the Crimea,and the next one in Donetsk taking place in a few short weeks time backed up by Sleepy Joe.All following strictly the path taken for the Anschluss, and the,for want of a better word, 'Referendum' in Alsace Lorraine in the thirties,which,if you didn't know,as is the case with an increasing number of the Silly,had something to do with a sinister chap with a Charlie Chaplin mustache with the initials A,and H.Not necessarily in that order.

Back in the 70's,a few Frenchmen wanted to be musically German,and maybe more if they were based in Strasbourg,once officially part of the Third Reich thanks to the famous "Plebiscite" voted for by....let's face it...a bunch of 'Plebs'who didn't know any better.They still exist today,backed up by an angry legion of Bigots or Gammon's.Boy are they Fuuuuuming!

Pôle, and Pôle records wanted to be a Gallic Cluster,or Cerveau (French for Brain) Records.

It's a brave attempt to achieve what every Frenchy wants deep down, a Gaulish Cosmos,and this is the music to make it a reality,well, at least for forty minutes or so.Somewhere between Asterix the Gaulish,Charles De Gaulish and Gall Stones. Nurse with Wound likes it anyway,which is normally enough to send any sane record nerd scrambling through the Krautrock crates at the nearest record Fayre.

Pôle records released a few good albums,and then ,typical for France, the boss man Paul Putti,sold it and used the proceeds to start a rather popular Mucky Magazine for a less sophisticated form of wanker than Record Nerds. If only Putti had combined the two he would have cleaned up; and no need for a handy box of kleenex or a dirty old sock either. Its well known that Prog Rock fans never have girlfriends,so he missed out on that one.

It's a good album anyway....now where's that old sock!?

DOWNLOAD your pole HERE!
 

Space Art – "Trip In The Center Head" (IF Records) 1977

The French have a nasty habit of electronic duo's who wear disguises ,suggesting that they all could possibly the same pair of mutherfukers doing all of 'em. Along with Space "Art", we had the similarly monikered  'Space', no art involved, who hit the top of the world charts with the catchy astro-instro "Magic Fly";also from the golden year of '77. One would suggest that Space Art had to add the 'ART' part when Magic Fly hit the charts just before they had an album out.......unless they were the same duo pretending to be two different entities. This could also explain the inexplicable phenomenon that is,and thankfully, now in the past tense, Was , the bloody awful, Daft Punk.

 

Not Daft Punk......possibly!?

As the Residents demonstrated,wear a mask and you become ageless.The residents will likely still be performing into the 22nd century,and I hear that Space Art are back too!I like the concept.Pub Rock Bands do the same thing, but without the masks,and without any original members.

Often described as cosmic synth-pop, The duo are considered pioneers of the electronic genre,by French people....and you know they might be right for once?The Froggies reckon they invented everything,and they do love their genre's,but get confused if any music they encounter doesn't fit snugly in a comfortable bracket.

"What music iz zis",they inquire,"Rock?Punk?Psychedelic?Chansons Francais?"......yes Punk is different to Rock in the very French world of the Frenchy,and all Americans are English,and Canadians are French....they're a bit weird.I blame the cheese.They should import more proper cheese from the world's biggest Cheese producer,the allegedly crap food experts, Les Anglais!

Cluster tried the same thing as Space Art, in trying to make some accessible cosmic synth pop with "Zuckerzeit" in 1974,but lacked the power of a real drummer,which Space Art had, and,more importantly, the catchy tunes,which Space Art also had.

Alas, now everyone owns a copy of Zuckerzeit,and Space Art are well and truly forgotten.

Who wants their album stuck on a alaphabetically filed record rack with a bunch of trendy Krautrock and Italian Prog anyway.Fuck that Shit!

Tracklist:

A1 Speedway 2:53
A2 Odyssey 4:00
A3 Eyes Shade 6:47
A4 Watch It 3:00
B1 L'Obsession D'Archibald 5:30
B2 Hollywood Flanger 3:50
B3 Psychosomatique 10:52

DOWNLOAD into your art space HERE!

J.P.M. And Co – "Phantasmes" (Crypto – ZAL 6420) 1977

Some people take all kinds of class A drugs to try and make music that is unfathomable and "Out There",but end up making such unquantifiable rubbish as "We Built This City On Rock'n'Roll" by Starship, featuring members of trippy hippy psychedelic purveyors of silliness,the Jefferson Starship. Drugs make shit art,fact, and coloured alcohol leads to cutting your ear off and posting it to a young lady who hates your fucking guts because you ain't rich.

Now Jean-Pierre and his crazy prog Disco mates, namely himself, don't need nothing but their twisted perceptions of what music in 1977 means,and that rarely used Class Z drug, imagination......oh and probably normal illegal substances too I guess.....nobody's perfect.

Not many musicians are alone in a ghetto of their own making, but Jean-Pierre Massiera has voluntarily imprisoned himself in a progressive Disco hinterland,rarely repeated elsewhere.

France is never slow to tell everyone how many types of cheese they have (in fact far less than the UK...check it out),but one French cheese that rarely gets mentioned is French music.This particular variety sounds not unlike a two side long love making scene from a James Bond movie,dubbed into French.

There are those who would say this recording is a bucket of Merde.Maybe so,but feel rest-assured that there isn't another record out there,or "Out There",that sounds like this one.....not even the United Kingdom can say that......but they do have shit loads more cheese types and varieties that the self-crowned kings of Cheese;and more types of quality pop music that the king of progressive cheese, Jean-Pierre Massiera, could ever possibly throw into the rock'n'roll fondue.

Tracklist:

A1 Baby Topless (Poupée Gonflable) 2:50
A2 Les Moulins De Mon Coeur 6:00
A3 Mama Ecoute 2:50
A4 Adieu L'ami 3:15
A5 Plus Jamais Ça 3:12
A6 Poet's-Poet's And C- 0:35
B1 C'est Show Bizz 3:25
B2 El Lidiador 3:50
B3 Ces Mots 2:43
B4 Dali Court 2:52
B5 Je Ne Pense Qu'à Ça 2:23
B6 J'habite 4:10

DOWNLOAD from a world of cheese HERE!

Cerrone – "Cerrone's Paradise" (Malligator – 773 802) 1977

 

I had a Fridge like that once.I made my girlfriend live on top of it until I decided what to do with her....I say girlfriend,but really I mean Hostage.

In-between massive Disco Hits,Cerrone developed a sideline providing handy cold storage facilities for the discerning serial killer,with enough room inside for dismembered body parts and beer for parties with his.....watch those Pro-nouns boys and girls....or, 'her'. fellow murderers and sex killers.Initial units came with a complimentary bone saw and head size Acid Bath.

He didn't sell too many,mainly because he must have been using them him...slash...her,self.I mean, what the fuck is that album cover about?

If he wasn't creepy enough before then he was certainly creepy enough after this records release......on his own label may I add,just in case you were questioning Marc's DIY credentials. I suppose most killers and Rapists are DIY aren't they.....there are cases where they manipulate some gullible idiot to do it for them,but that's quite rare.Unless we're including the 'Holocaust' in this discussion of course?...which we're aren't.

Not Cerrone's greatest album, but the Disco Cheese quotant is comfortably High grade Disco Roquefort.He likes anything with blue veins on it does our Marc.

Worth it for that nutty cover alone.If Cerrone wasn't at least a rapist, I'd be somewhat surprised.Or just a Pop star in the seventies which, basically, means the same thing.

Question: What's white and crawls down the inside of a fridge?

Answer: Cerrone's latest Release.

Tracklist:

A Cerrone's Paradise 16:30
B1 Take Me 6:07
B2 Time For Love 6:15
B3 Cerrone's Paradise 3:31

DOWNLOAD and do the funky murderer dance HERE!

Cerrone – "Love In C Minor" (Malligator – 773 801) 1976

Dig that cover brother!?

As well as the wonderfully weird world of JPM, France provided the world with some the most unwoke,most nafferroony,and downright creepy Disco music ever invented.The king of which was undoubtedly one Marc Cerrone,of Supernature fame.He discovered early that the quickest way to liberate a young lady from her clothing if you were a short-arsed inadequate with a hair-do the shape of a Helmet was to make danceable music and surround yourself with a hareem of part-time models. He certainly was the most handsome man in the room when thse cover shots were taken. This also is a time honoured method of selling large amounts of records to young men looking fot a wife and a wank,and to young ladies on the meat market searching the discotheques for a bouffanted fool with a Triumph Spitfire parked outside. Though in Cerrone's case that would have been a Citroen Deesse with the hydraulic suspension that always went wrong;but at least they couldn't clamp it if you parked on a double yellow line.

The Irony of all this, of course, by-passed the French completely,and indeed most of the Disco vulnerable crowd.Aids came too late to save us from this fate.That or Punk Rock anyways? 

Punk was indeed responsible for saving your author from this toe-curlingly awful fad,but also helped me remain a virgin for long enough to know that the motives of this music were not the most pure and honorable.So the notches on my bedpost were badly affected by the end of the post-punk era.....but at least I never got Aids...or Ayds!

Now, however,free from the shackles of teenage principle,I would of course go dancing to "Love In C-Minor",or making love to a minor which was standard,nay expected, behaviour in the 70's;and i would expect to be laid for doing so,demand my rights as a male idiot,and throw that consent form in the garbage can. All this shit has been re-formalised since the Disco Fad was resold to us as Club Culture by the CIA,but with added Drugs;and has stayed with us until this present day.Er...thanks? CIA?

The mainstream moral majority fools in America,the land of the Prude, managed to edit out all the 'dirty' talk at the beginning of "Love In C Minor",but ironically left the orgasm sounds in!?...they (the justice league of american christians or whatever they were called!?) probably had never heard a woman climaxing before so just thought it was bad vocal harmonies,or even French being spoken?!

Just remember, it all started HERE!

Tracklist:

1Love In 'C' Minor 16:08
2 Black Is Black 5:52
3 Midnite Lady 7:28

DOWNLOAD love in mp3 320 form HERE!

Herman's Rocket – "Space Woman" (Disques Ibach – 60520) 1977

What did crazed French Progressive Space rocker Jean-Pierre Massiera do as soon as Punk Rock infiltrated the pop culture of every medium sized town in every medium sized country and medium sized brain in the western world around 1977? Why he immediately dumped his Space Rock past did the proper Punk thang to do and went Disco....but, this is NOT the Disco that we came to know and despise .Oh No!This was the Disco soundtrack to One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest starring a lobotomised John Travolta wiggling his hips to a crowd of medicated victims of electric shock therapy,shuffling around the secure unit dancefloor.The BeeGee's have painted themselves Green,renamed themselves the BeeGreens and wore blonde afro wigs after being treated with experimental drugs gone very wrong.

Nowhere was Disco music made so as incredibly daft and weird as it was in La France,except maybe in the former Soviet Union?

Herman's Rocket......what a band name.....is the nuts.Come on kids,let's dance and get high on some liberal use of Electro Convulsive Therapy....with a Disco Beat..er...in Space!

Tracklist:

1 Space Woman 5:11
2 Golden Crystallen 2:48
3 Transport Mission Security 3:33
4 Spirit In The Wind 4:20
5 The Last Tournament 3:51
6 Space Rebel 3:16
7 Jupiter Flight N°9 4:08
8 Indian Planet 2:37
9 Hanged In Univers 3:22
10 Green Creature 4:10

DOWNLOAD like punk had never happened HERE!

Horrific Child – "L'Etrange Mr Whinster" (Eurodisc – 913063) 1976

 

Whilst on the subject of France and things French,it is inevitable that something, or things,by probably the best french musician in this world ,and maybe the next, Jean-Pierre Massiera, would show it's horrific head.One of,but likely The best among Jean-Pierre's vast catalog of one off faux-group projects has to be Horrific Child.The cover says 'Buy Me' the music says 'try me',as it most certainly is an acquired taste,or lack of therein. Marmite, Brussel Sprouts, and Jean-Pierre Massiera,you either love 'em or hate 'em....me?....I like Brussel Sprouts but hate Marmite,however,I think he's somewhat alright.....for a frenchy.

Track one,starts off as a Lark's Tongues In Aspic part one ethnological forgery,leading into a lot of proggery pokery,and sounds like several random albums,field recordings and sound effects  records playing at the same time.Then it gets stranger from there.This chap is either completely Nuts,or he's trying too hard.If one chopped up a load of tapes and sellotaped them back together randomly,it would sound not unlike this.

Track two, is a spooky whispering Frenchman version of those Kluster records from five years earlier......is he nicking his ideas from previous prog projects of other persons,or just recycling them to make them better,or just different;if so the latter certainly applies.

Side two brings much of the same sound effects and moaning ladies,with some proggy string arrangements,bits of busy drumming,and ending with a nice tune played on an acoustic as if it was a Yes album after all?

This could cause complaints in an empty room!

The Strange Mr Whinster indeed.

Tracklist:

A1 Frayeur 8:30
A2 Angoisse 8:22
B H.I.A. 16:00

DOWNLOAD this horrifically nuts album HERE!

Heldon – "Third : It's Always Rock'n'Roll" (Disjuncta – 000006/7) 1975

Did they mean to say 'It's Only Rock'n'Roll' but it got lost in translation,or is this the correct title?

It is however,Heldon's final appearance on Pinhas's own label, Disjuncta,and its a goody....it's always Rock'n'Roll and I like it,like it,yes I doooo!

But this is,thankfully as far away from the Rolling Stones as you can get and still call it Rock'n'Roll. Rather too many Drug references going on for my liking,but at least there ain't no lyrics to further compound my disapproval. Nice hair,effing gr8 guitar virtuosity ,and effect laden,electronic ear abuse from some Frenchmen who dig Fripp and Eno....don't get to say that very often. They ALL (the Frogs) like Zer Rollin stonsss without exception,but they so make good unadventurous food,so we'll forgive them that faux pas.Stone the bleedin'crows guv'nr, even i like that Emotional Rescue album.....weird shit going on there.There isn't a French person who doesn't worship Zer Doorsss either,and more bizarrely Superrrtromp. Ask a Frenchman what they think of Heldon,and they wouldn't be able to place the name,incredulously wondering why an Anglo-Saxon would want to listen to a French group rather than Led Zeppelin(they can pronounce that one) or Leonard Sky-nard!? Its like that moment when Bowie was on German TV,and the interviewer asked the David what German music he liked as he had heard that he was heavily influenced by new German music.His Bowieness asked the audience if they had heard of Neu and one voice shouted "Ja!".(its on YouTube somewhere)

There are indeed other French groups that are worth listening to,and we shall discover them over the coming weeks, said Humpty;or if you're american...so said The Cookie Monster.

Tracklist:

A1 Ics Machinique
A2 Cotes De Cachalot À La Psylocybine
A3 Mechamment Rock
A4 Cocaine Blues
B Aurore
C1 Virgin Swedish Blues
C2 Ocean Boogi
C3 Zind Destruction (Bouillie Blues)
D Doctor Bloodmoney

DOWNLOAD as you're always downloading HERE!

Heldon – "Heldon II : Allez-Téia " (Disjuncta – 000002) 1975

Never before has one witnessed such on record arse-licking than one has witnessed on Richard Pinhas' albums. He likes Robert Fripp apparently?

Eno never gets a mention one notices, which after inventing Frippertronics for Robert to play his sustaining pick-ups through,is a bit rich.

So, yes, you get plenty of short Fripp and Eno facsimiles,but even better lots,and lots, of Mellotron.

All this from a slimmed down version of Heldon, now briefly,a duo for Heldon 2, a mellow, melodic,mellotronic and very drumless experience to burn a scented candle to in your virtual flotation tank.There's even an acoustic guitar track to remind oneself of the riverbank on a sunny day to further relax the reluctant Space Rocker yearning for a Dave Gilmour solo.

I think Fripp should dedicate an album to Ricky Pinhas on the evidence of this. From Bobby to Ricky with love.XX

Tracklist:

1 In The Wake Of King Fripp 6:36
2 Aphanisis 2:20
3 Omar Diop Blondin 7:20
4 Moebius 1:49
5 Fluence (Continuum Mobile) 1:56
6 Fluence (Disjonction Inclusive) 10:17
7 St-Mikael Samstag Am Abends 6:18
8 Michel Ettori 4:17

DOWNLOAD this capsized tribute to bobby fripp HERE!

Ose – "Adonia" (Egg – 90 277) 1978

French Prog Kosmiche Project enacted by music journalist and multi-instrumentalist Hervé Picart, joined by two members of Heldon(Richard Pinhas & Francois Augar).Which in other words means Journalist makes Heldon album and claims it for himself!?

There's only one idea worse than music projects by music journalists,that's music projects by actors, both superseded by musicians who act in movies,the list of shame being too endless to mention here.

Picart thought he could sidestep these commandments carved in volcanic stone from the do's and don'ts of Rock,and given to Moses,

who,must have forgot to bring them down from the mountain.Instead bringing stone tablets obviously donated by Satan that banged on about such rubbish as not coveting your mate's missus, honoring your idiotic parents,worshiping your false rock gods and making Graven Images of your favourite pop stars.What a bunch of crap was that shit!? Add to that "Thou Shalt Not kill thyself", and Strictly "No Wanking",then you've got yourself one heap of unsustainable bollocks that is sure to plunge the planet into the long cycle of endless war and self-destructive madness that we are witnessing today.It's all your fault you see,says the Big Bad Daddy in the sky.

The tablets for Rock music were left at the summit,so no-one got to hear such home truths as No Keyboards....ever,No Backing Singers,all Brass Sections are pure EVIL,Never...Repeat NEVER let your Drummer write any songs, split up if you get to Stadium Level,and if you have to take class A drugs,make sure you overdose halfway through making the second album.Not forgetting that Reforming is a capital offence punishable by a fatal stoning from a drunken mob of adulterers.

All those may seem like quoting the bleeding obvious,but you'd be surprised how stupid Human Musicians can be.

Hervé here, conveniently forgot the hardened rule,as composed by Satan himself, that should any actors, Journalists,or classically trained pop musicians venture into the no man's land of having a go themselves,that they should be sentenced to an eternity in Heaven with Jesus and dozens of other goody goody's telling you that you can't kill yourself because you're already Dead! No Escape.

As it 'appens, if I had a mind to blow,it would have been by this soaring piece of Heldon plus,electronic space rock. Cultivated by racks of Oberheim Expanders, Moog's and ARP's of all descriptions,glued together by Pinhas's trademark frippery with the old six string.

Yeah, Picart plays his version of Heldon guitar too,but the album wouldn't have missed him even if Satan had banished him to Heaven for Breaking several of the 11 commandments of Rock'n'Roll.Serves him right for having two jobs....another rule sitting on the subs bench of rock rights and wrongs.

Tracklist:

A1 Approche Sur A 16:00
A2 Orgasmachine 3:45
B1 29 h 08 mn 6:55
B2 L'Aube Jumelle 9:48
B3 Retour Sur Adonia 3:34

DOWNLOAD this blatant challenge to a higher power HERE!

Kosmose – "Kosmic Music From The Black Country" (Sub Rosa – SRV394) 1973-78/2015

Straight from the "Black Country" in the dark ages of the mid-seventies came Kosmose's kraut-a-like improvisations; but for us English, the Black Country means grim hell-holes such as Stoke-on-Trent,the home of D-Beat punk,like Discharge and GBH. If you were caught listening to some Belgian Kosmiche music anywhere in the black country of the UK, you'd have been beaten up and called a "PUFF!" in no uncertain terms.There was no sanctuary,and everyone usually bore an uncanny resemblance to Quasimodo's uglier brother,and that was just the women(I know i've used that joke before, but it's a good one!).Although that observation was based on a particularly grim section of Stoke City fans I have encountered on many an occasion,so I may be wrong....even though Robbie Williams grew up there,if grow up is the right word in relation to Mr Williams......he was a Port Vale fan,from the weirder side of town,so one never got to visit vale park too often as they rarely appeared in the higher divisions during my Hooligan career.

One therefore assumes that "The Black Country" in this incidence is none other than Belgium.The place that is the butt of the dumbest jokes in France,by the dumbest Frenchmen,where it is understood that Belgians are stupid,and the French are far superior. This misnomer is made even more ridiculous when one realises that it should be the other way around.....especially when it comes to Beer, Chocolate,and...music.Even the famous 'French' singers turn out to be actually Belgians in disguise, like Johnny Hallyday,Jacques Brel and Plastic Bertrand; or collaborating Nazi Whores like Edith Piaf. Quite like Canadians were in the USA,with such luminaries as Leonard Cohen,Joni Mitchell, and Neil Young to name but three...although I have it on the strictest confidence that Joni Mitchell was NOT,and indeed, NEVER WAS a Nazi Whore!

Of course Belgium's golden years were still to come half a decade after 1973.It was left to the French to make the prog,which preceded a steady decline into the laughing stock of western Europe they are now.Magma excluded.

However, these archive tapes of what must have been Belgium's premier Prog band,prove that kraut-style prog was alive and vibrant north of the Maginot line.

In a country as compact and bijou as Belgium,which was twice used as a short cut to get at the British Expeditionary Force, it was the synth and drum machine that propelled the local populous into the 'very good file' of early eighties pop music.Forming a solid buffer zone,for once, between Germany and France.A battle of the Belge that the Belge actually won. Helped vastly by the actions of one Alain Neffe,founder of DIY cassette culture label Insane Music.

Neffe was also indeed a founder member of Kosmose,and deserves some kind of medal (The Golden Cassette) for the excellent resurrection job he made of these dusty old tapes.

The music is a heady mix of kraut style kosmiche,free jazz,with hints of CAN and most other things Krauty.Absorbed through a semi-permeable membrane by the musical process of Kosmosis,which one assumes is what the gist of the band name is?

Tracklist:

The Second Untitled Track / B.93.1 6:40
The Third Untitled Track / B.30.4 9:30
The Fourth Untitled Track / B64 4:20
The Fifth Untitled Track / B.40.9 5:45
The Ninetieth Untitled Track / 10 Reverb 9:00
The Tenth Untitled Track / 30.2 9:10
The Eleventh Untitled Track / 31.1 8:40
The Sixth Untitled Track / B.80.3 13:30
The Seventh Untitled Track / B.101.2 22:40
The Twelfth Untitled Track / 102.3 28:00
The Eighth Untitled Track / KS 18:56

DOWNLOAD by kosmosis HERE!

Hydravion – "Hydravion" (Cobra – COB 37012) 1977

 

Let's start off with a review i saw of this on Discogs:

"Terrible dull, empty and meaningless album. No real melody, there's not a single musical moment. All is more like rudimentary experimentation in "progressive" style. No instrumental, nor "song" writing abilities are shown despite of being progressive music. Compared to any other similar spacey contemporaries (as to a similar empty Heldon) it's absolutely a wasting of time. Go and find houndreds better in the genre."

After reading that, you just know that this album has to be brilliant?

I like my music empty and meaningless, so what? After all doesn't that describe existence itself? There's a meaning to the meaninglessness....ness. More than there is to existence at least.

There's something of the 'La Dusseldorf' about this French Krautband. I thought La Dusseldorf were joking when I first heard them, and Hydravion most certainly are NOT joking.It also reminds one of those Soviet Union official disco bands that cropped up on state label Melodija from time to time....and I certainly know they weren't joking either.Joking could get you into serious trouble in the Communist Bloc.

Of course the French notoriously cannot laugh at themselves,they can laugh at disableds or Belgians,but NEVER, at themselves; so it figures that this electro-prog trio mean every dull swirling note and therefore is,predictably french,and more than a noggin pretentiously, 'ART'.

Yes, it's empty,there's no melody, no songs, but it's space rock made for surfing the event horizon of the super massive black hole in the centre of the music industry.

Wanna piss of that aging Punk with the Joy Division T-Shirt next door?....then play this at toe curling volume,followed by La Dusseldorf and then Argo's "Discophonia". Guaranteed to push the aging Punk neighbour over the edge, and totally fuck off the poor chap who wrote that dreadfully conservative review above.

I guess Hydravion is French for a Flying Boat,which,if there was to be another great flood sent down by our loving creator,then a flying Ark would be a great way to get around and rescue all the species left on the planet while we waited for the water to drain away.Luckily no need to save two of every fish,and controversially, no gays allowed! Even no Gay Chimps allowed,unless a third chimp is recruited as a surrogate chimp for future births to repopulate the devastated planet.I suppose the sea level would have to exceed the top of Mount Everest,so that would make the oceans at lease 29000 feet deeper than it was before we were all taught a lesson.I assume we would all starve to death after the water levels somehow drained away,so what was the point in creating us anyway....more meaningless...ness? No-one will be volunteering to be the new Noah either in the "Me Too" era, as he's usually biblically required to have sex with his daughters.....unless God hasn't kept up with the times....Again!?

That, essentially is what this album almost certainly Isn't about;but, as it's meaningless one can always insert any meaning you can feel comfortable with,and that takes imagination.A quality few human beings possess in these daft ol' days innit?

Tracklist

A1 Metropolitain 3:36
A2 Triste Fin 10:24
B1 L'Hydravion D'Argent 6:36
B2 Etude En Do 4:45
B3 J'ai Pas Le Temps 7:05

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Zweistein – "Trip • Flip Οut • Meditation" (Philips – 6630 002) 1970

One always detects the odours associated with a prison camp latrine when the words "Triple Album" are mentioned. This so-called,'Kraut Classic', being one of them, and unbelievably rivaling The Clash's "Sandinista" as the most irritating and pretentious of the genre. Even Holgar Czukay would have struggled to edit this 100+ minute fuck about down to anything more than five minutes of  BBC Radiophonic Workshop out-takes for a kiddies sci-fi TV outing. There's also something of the Ron Geesin about it,and probably even more irritating than that!?...if that's possible. It also treads that narrow path of failed attempts at 'Humour' in pop.That coupled with the fact that it was made by some krazee Germans on LSD ja!?, naturally means proceed with caution at the best of times.War guilt has a fuck of a lot to answer for. 

"Vee are not zat bad after all,ja Englander? Ve are KRAYZEE MUTTER FUCKERS! Not only zat, ve izt Krazee mutter fuckers viz a reverb unit and a backwards running tape recorder"

I dunno if this is on the trainspotters guide to the Nurse With Wound List again,but it sounds like it should be. Virtually any crap made in Germany from 1970 is already,so why make an exception with this one,even if it is scraping the bottom of the latrine?

It's got a freaky cover anyhow,so for that reason alone it's worth having in your record collection...just never play the fucker is all.

I guess this is an ill-advised attempt at describing some kind of silly acid trip nonsense,but missing the undoubted charms of Dr Timothy Leary.

Tracklist:

In 21:30
A1 Beginning
A2 Analysis Of Tune
A3 To Hear Inside
A4 A Very Simple Song

Out 18:00
B1 Misty Tour
B2 Water Sound
B3 Television
B4 Organ Dreams (A Very Simple Song)

Wrong 18:37
C1 Childrens' Golden Garden
C2 To Become A Child
C3 Children's Golden Garden

Right 17:57
D1 Everything Returns
D2 Indian Child
D3 The Theory Of Relativity

Point 18:47
E1 Atomical Fantasy (Electronic)
E2 Incarnation
E3 Childhood's Church
E4 Life Train
E5 Dream Of Love And Death
E6 Atomical Fantasy

Circle 15:09
F1 A Verdi's Soul Born Again
F2 Mind Beat
F3 Himalaya's Way
F4 Heaven Bridge
F5 Out Of Time
F6 Atomical Fade Out

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Heldon – "Electronique Guerilla" (Disjuncta – 12/13) 1974

I'm very proud to announce that I have not been awarded a Damehood in the corrupt yet meaningless ongoing joke that is the Queen's New Years honours list, neither for sevices to stealing intellectual property,or spreading corrosive cynicism and being a moaning ol' bastard. Joining the likes of ....is this a joke?....Mel B!!!?  late of the spice girls, Joanna Lumley who was in the New Avengers and something else on TV?Then there's Ashley Banjo for services to bloody awful street dancing,and for being the nearest thing they could find to a Black person,apart from Mel B of course.

The French,of course, don't go in for this kind of stuff.....er...wait a minute they do don't they.That beyond daft Legion d'Honneur silliness. Didn't Patti Smith get something like that for being a self-confessed poet? Celine Dion for singing in French....y'know, stuff like that.

No French Prog innovators are on either the British list or the French list,to my limited knowledge.

So Richard Pinhas, guitar wielding French Progger has none of these dubious Honors.

However he did make some rather interesting self-released LP's under the guise of Heldon, that combined Fripp and Eno with Berlin school style electronics,such as this.Casting himself as some kind of electronic freedom fighter.

There were,and are, of course, many Electronic Terrorists committing crimes against music everywhere on the planet. Jean Michel Jarre and Howard Jones being but two incredibly guilty culprits.But Richard doesn't seem to be one of them.At least not on the evidence of this fine record. 

Tracklist:

1 Zind
2 Back To Heldon
3 Northernland Lady
4 Ouais, Marchais, Mieux Qu'en 68 (Ex : Le Voyageur)
5 Circulus Vitiosus
6 Ballade Pour Puig Antich, Révolutionnaire Assassiné En Espagne

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