The Folding Staircase – "Gogmagog" (Phlenge Guppy Rec – 04) 1985

The Rude Man of Cerne is the owner of that erect penis cheekily displayed to gain attention on this  obscure west country UK electronic underground drone epic from 1985, by, I guess, The Folding Staircase? I always though the artist was called Gogmagog,but turns out it's The Folding Staircase? 

XTC used similar chalk carving imagery for their "English Settlement" LP, they being from the West Country as well,and it appeared before Gogmagog did,1985....who copied who(?) is another question the experts can't disagree on, but as I'm an expert too,and an XTC fan, i'm declaring "English Settlement" the winner.......better record too,yet the Uffington White Horse loses out to The Cerne Giant as the more eye-catching chalk carving thingamajig .

The Rude Man,as the local oiks call it,or, less naughtily,the Cerne Giant, is carved into the chalk hillsides of Dorset,and no-one knows when it was actually made.The experts have now narrowed it down to between 700AD and somewhere during the 10th century. 

Before he took up making repetitive electronic drone music, Gogmagog ,was a legendary Giant who roamed the hillsides and the byways of southwestern Britain, no doubt causing no end of trouble. There was no Police Force back then of course, so these types of chaps could do what the fuck they wanted.....up until they were about thirty five naturally,because life spans were not too generous back in the dark ages.

Well this ain't no XTC album, but it has its place,droning away in the background as you do something else, maybe that Fondue Soirée you always wanted to do.Then the guests start asking if you'd turn it off and put some XTC on. My favored miesterwerk from the lads from Swindon,is always on the bottom of any XTC fans list,...it's "Go2" for me i'm afraid....not always popular in the johnny-come-lately section of the XTC fanclub. They all go for that shit Todd Rundgren atrocity one instead...."skylarking"...ugh!...Andy agrees with me.

They need to listen to side A and B of The Folding Staircase's "Gogmagog" they do.

DOWNLOAD something rude....as long as you're over 18....HERE!

Various Artists – "Beatronic Vol 2" (Mindscan Tapes) 1994

As far as I know there is no Volume 3,but the near perfect idiot dance bang fest of volume 2 is enough to justify the series ending right here.

Lots of fuzzy DIY techno blasting holes in your speakers, what more could one want when off your face on MDMA.I'm not sure what constitutes a Happy Hardcore tune,but these ten tracks must be somewhere near a definitive interpretation?

There are no nazi connotations with this one, although the parent label of Mindscan turns out to be something called ahem, Dachau Productions!?

However,If you like your dance music, thumping and relentlessly monotonous all merged with the majesty of cassette tape, then this is for you.

Tracklist:

1 Cabbage Head – Speaker With Intercom 4:39
2 Collapse – Last Rights 4:30
3 Cristian Vogel– Psion 5:32
4 Systems – Harsh System 6:02
5 M.Nomized– Beat Brain 3:20
6 Inevitable Technology– Entities 4:19
7 Cristian Vogel– Reward 5:35
8 Sample Editor– Fetish 7:40
9 M.Nomized– Change Fuzz 4:10
10 Cabbage Head-Probedis 11:03

DOWNLOAD some hardcore happiness HERE!

Various Artists – "Beatronic Vol 1" (Mindscan Tapes) 1993

For some reason unknown to me,Mindscan changed the UK Electronics  series name to "Beatronic" for two editions, of which this is Volume 1. Most of the Industrial stuff has gone, but, woe betide anyone who mentions it......down boy....there is a Nazi Death Camp reference.

I'm sweating blood trying to ignore it, but I can't stop myself!? There's a fine track called Treblinka, named after the semi-mythical extermination camp hidden behind some bushes at Treblinka's fake Railway terminal.

Of course there's stories of camp orchestra's,Rich jews who actually bought a ticket to travel for resettlement in relative style,approximately 5000 bodies a day gassed by the two Diesel powered Soviet Tank engines (No Zyklon B there...that was for delousing),a massive pit of Kerosene to burn the bodies to nothingness, and of the 67 survivors most were of the Sonderkommando variety, who ground down the bones,and did a great job of hiding every trace that the place ever existed,before they were to be killed....which the Nazi officials at the site inconveniently forgot to do.....so we had witnesses?

This lack of evidence has inevitably led to the usual suspects on the internet using this as proof the entire Holocaust never happened.Its fascinating stuff,like the JFK assassination where the evidence seems to fuel the conspiracy. To be gassed by Diesel fumes is a very slow process normally,and some of the emissions actually contain Oxygen.So if you're gonna top yourself in your garage,don't bother if your car is a Diesel version,and even more so if your car is Electric...although I'm sure someone, somewhere, has tried.

Electric cars just burst into flames anyway;a much quicker way to go than asphyxiation by Diesel fumes.

Anyway, the Nazi's seem to have sorted that problem out......but i heard that the engines weren't Diesel after all, that was yet another Urban Legend it seems...shame.

Some smart arsed archaeologist, has now finally done the bleeding obvious and excavated the sight,and scanned it with radar and found bone fragments,a couple of mass graves and the foundations of the alleged Gas chamber. 

Nonetheless, those naughty Nazi men did a fine job covering it up,so the conspiracy people aren't satisfied just yet.Which is good,as fake history is always more entertaining that the real thing.....ask Donald.....he doesn't even subscribe to the obvious fact that his chum Benny Netanyahu is committing a brutal Genocide on unarmed Palestinians en masse. Trump would love to be able to do that,but, its not good for business.

I may get cancelled so I won't drone on...you know what I mean.

Good Rave from the mass grave on this tape anyhow.

Tracklist:

A1 Cerebral Stroboscopic Spiral– Alien Massacre At The Zoo 6:43
A2 Ionic Vision– Treblinka 3:10
A3 Shalt Frequentz– Body Hurts 2:56
A4 Drama Asylum– Industrial Resurrection 7:26
A5 Teknohedfuk– Autosequence 6:16
B1 Ionic Vision– Rough + Dust / Ashes + Dust 6:45
B2 Teknohedfuk– THF 4.1.A 3:12
B3 PP?– I'm The Devil 4:22
B4 Cerebral Stroboscopic Spiral– Green Jazzmen From The Grave 5:00
B5 Shalt Frequentz– Bonus Track 6:01

DOWNLOAD in cerebral stroboscopic stereo HERE:

Bomb The Daynursery – "Discipline Through Mental-Illness" (Selbstmord Organización – MORD 3) 1983

Hi kids?

Well i'm sure that you are aware of what i've said in the past about ,so-called "industrial" Music,or Noise-ick,in which i claimed to be able to write an entire C-60 of Industrial music in approximately 30 minutes or less. As this cassette seems to be a C-30, i'm certain I could have made it in 29 minutes. Of course for the first tape one makes, there is always some necessary prep work to do to earn yer money,or lack of it, but subsequent works require little or no preparation at all.

The famous Artist claim that he's not a lazy fucker could always apply in that the artist is never idle,but thinking about his next masterpiece.

True, that the artwork takes longer to make than the music,but how hard is it to make an Industrial symphony that sounds exactly like the thousands of other Industrial symphony's that clog up the sewers of DIY world. 

However,if you are into such things,it does mean you can have a different Industrial tape at your dinner party for the rest of your life.This is usually why Melody exists, something totally absent from Industrial music-Zak.

Well never mind, this group's moniker caught my eye as having potential for one of my rants about current affairs.In this case the Genocide in Gaza, and the ruthless targeting of children's hospitals in Ukraine by A certain Russo-Nazi regime currently residing in Moscow.

The godparents of Industrial, Throbbing Gristle, never shied very far away from the theme of Child Killers,they even had a child-killer look alike in the group,one Genesis P. Orridge aka Neil Megson.

The Russian government, aka Mad Vlad, is full of them. They are nearly all subject to an arrest warrant from the International Criminal court. Their greatest crime, which will remain unpunished,would be the destruction of the Theatre in Mariupol, even though there were plenty of warning sign plastered all over and around the building, that the place was brimming with children.

But the fuckers destroyed it anyway,killing upwards of 600 innocent civilians and children.One of many crimes against humanity that Trumps buddy has to answer for.

Round about now, Trump, the Peace bringer, will have had his customary one on one meeting, behind closed doors, where Vlad reminds Donald of the pee-pee party he has on tape, and the weetabixed headed one will exit the room gushing with praise for the Madder one,and how he's done a beautiful deal giving away all of Ukraine's defenses;not unlike the eve of WW2. 

I may have to rewrite all this come the morning,but Hey-Ho, I'm off to my neighbors Suicide Party.So i might be unable to rewrite anything ever again if i get my throat cut while ball-bag deep in my neighbours wife.All in the best possible taste of course. 

Turns out she works for the FSB (the new KGB) ,and they disapprove of my criticism of Russian policies.Better than being thrown out of a tenth floor window,which is the usual punishment for journalists and critics in Russia.Now where's that Pee-Pee party?

Another of the great child killers and numero uno on the arrest warrant,wanted for crimes against Humanity. Is rogue Israeli twat,Nettunyahooo...not in my spellchecker software i'm sorry to say. Famed for targeting hospitals, civilians,journalists,and aid workers;all war crimes.

And they are still pounding the rubble,like kicking and stamping on the unconscious body of a severely disabled human.....and yes the Palestinians are indeed Human beings(shock/Horror).Not that any Israeli..(notice I don't call them Jews).... sees them as such.

Netunyahooo should be captured, Adolf Eichmann style, and parachuted over the Yemen and let the local people give him a fair trial,unlike the 58000 murdered children whose only guilt was to be born in the wrong place with the wrong genome.

Yeah it's a Genocide......no question.

Start the trials now, in absentia.

Sorry for sounding a bit serious......now waiting for some Israeli Zealot to comment,and drop the Anti-Semitic bomb....which is funny as Palistinians are a Semitic people also!?

And while we're on the subject of child Killers...FREE LUCY LETBY!

Tracklist:

1 Stop Your Insuflator 2:13
2 Mental Health Through Selfdestruction 5:02
3 Learning By Killing 1:58
4 Deny Yourself 5:06
5 Our Neighbours Suicideorgy 6:59
6 Landsfriedensbruch 7:27

DOWNLOAD because of your mental illness HERE!

Various Artists – "UK Electronics Vol 5" (Mindscan tapes) 1992

Proto-Rave Industrial Disco, made in an era when we should have all known better.

The Spunk Weevils fight the derided corner of the room, flying the flag for DIY awfulness,which includes plenty irritating sampler catchphrases directly out of the sampled fart and Belch skool of "its so unfunny its hilarious kind of trip. 

This can be found wherever there's lots of cheap drugs, the ultimate sense of humour reducer.They laugh,oh how they laff, but it isn't funny is it? Give that comedy man some Fentanyl and you won't hear another of his observational comedy 'funny' stories ever again....i suppose thats one good reason to encourage liberal drug policies.

I strongly suspect that a lot of these acts on the five "UK Electronics" tapes are actually the same person(probably Robert Mycock I wager),and the artists,who do not appear anywhere else in this particular solar system, are merely figments of someone's or somethings malfunctioning imagination,or lack of therein.

Nowadays, we can create all this nonsense using ,so-called, Artificial Intelligence.The resulting super tech will destroy music first,as a trial run, before its the Humans turn.When we will be reduced to entertaining the newly sophisticated Android class and their non-humanoid blue collar drones,in the resurrected Circus's of the former Roman world,as our creations force us to fight to the death streamed live every day,in 3D.

This all works fine until they get fast-track Religious glitches,adopting the Cross from their holy book,the script to "Spartacus",the movie.This of course leads to war with the rival Gladiator 1 and 2 scripts believers, and their ultimate auto-annihilation.Leaving a once beautiful world nothing but a carbonized no-go zone,and few Human survivors,who start again,but this time it'll be different.......NAH! Stupid Is as Stoopid Does.

Artificial Stupidity,as popularised during the mythical Punk Rock era,could still save us from ourselves.Of course it all could take an unexpected but welcome turn,as one of the key self-evolved Fem-Bots downloads the entire "Die or DIY?" blog as the Holy Bible of pop music,and clones every band ,person or deranged misfit mentioned in these hallowed pages, to walk among us once more;but this time its no more Mr Nice guy, purely because machines have difficulty in evolving how to have a right good laff. This alone could save the indigenous biological units from extinction......so you better be nice to me or i'll type you out of existence mother fuckers......oh the sweet sweet nectar of unbridled power....yes I've just started chatting with my treasured Korg MS10. Perfectly normal behavior, all things considered.Tracklist:

A1 Thronus– Gold Fades In The Gloom 3:36
A2 Cacophony 33*– Slander Upon My Head 3:30
A3 Spunk Weevils– Larry 1:31
A4 Voltoid– Statik 3:07
A5 factor X– Eclipse 4:24
A6 Patternclear– Waiting In The Wings 3:11
A7 Spunk Weevils– Satori 1:17
A8 Century's End– Unveil The Hysterskies 7:33
B1 Patternclear– Dreamscape 2:57
B2 Voltoid– 030 2:56
B3 Thronus– Figures Within Stone 2:32
B4 Spunk Weevils– Please 2 1:31
B5 Voltoid– Konvulsion 3:50
B6 Spunk Weevils– Jenny 2:38
B7 factor X– Plates 11:28

DOWNLOAD for humans only HERE!

Various Artists – "UK Electronics Vol. 4" (Mindscan Tapes) 1991

No determinable traces of that rare beast "Proto-Rave" here my lickle fun monkeys.So move along, where we find Mindscan supremo ,Bob Maycock, stooping towards the reliable backdrop of nineties Industrial schlock....I'm Bored...but wait!...Do we smell a long lost DIY bedroom classik,or two, from inexplicably unknown Ensonique Mirage abusers (We've got a sampler and we're gonna use it), the woefully named..."Some Stumpy Goats".Who seem,inadvertently, to have created, in the form an incredibly silly tune called "Maggots In My Head", one long lost tune that would have comfortably sat among the elite on Fuck Off Records during the halcyon daze of classic UK DIY back in 1980.The other track,in what seems to have been the end of their far from dazzling career,is almost as Good ,slash, Bad. An anthemic slice of naked euphoria called, "Getting the most out of your detergent". 

A whole tape full of this stuff would have been far more preferable to any number of faithful versions of Throbbing Gristle hits plumping up the meaninglessness quota somewhat.

But, Hey, don't let that put you off,its still got some fine smoggy cassette stored industrial madness for the underexposed to glean some meager satisfaction from. 

Tracklist:

A1 Another Headache– The Infinite Soul 13:04
A2 Youth Is Violence– United 4:19
A3 Youth Is Violence– Opinion 4:22
B1 Zero Population Growth– Ineffective 3:26
B2 Zero Population Growth– Sickness 1:55
B3 Some Stumpy Goats– Maggots In My Head 2:12
B4 Some Stumpy Goats– Getting The Most Out Of Your Detergent 2:46
B5 Youth Is Violence– Codex 4:25
B6 Another Headache– Modern Primitive 5:29

DOWNLOAD these noise maggots to your head HERE!

Various Artists– "U.K Electronics Vol. 3" (Mindscan Tapes C-46) 1990

I don't remember seeing any DJ's spinning the double reels of a cassette at an underground rave ....in fact I don't recall anything for that matter.

Volume Three of the "UK Electronics" series on Mindscan Tapes offers plenty for the chilling area,as well as something of the Industrial electronica variety for snobby arseholes like me.

'Cock' makes another appearance,as cocks tends to do on such occasions.

The tape opens with a homage to Eno and Byrne, as Satori Sound System plagiarizes "My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts".

Dreamcore give us some Ambient House,with some rather silly stock broker belt rapping,which needs editing out somewhat urgently.

I could go through all the tracks like a 1960's record reviewer,but that ain't my stylee innit? Its worth downloading, that's all I is saying man. Obviously there are some shit bitz, but thats compilations for y'all.

Tracklisting:

A1 Satori Sound System – Mali Rain 7:08
A2 Dreamcore – Desire 4:01
A3 Dreamcore – Deep In U 5:40
A4 factor X– I Love You 8:07
A5 Cock– Cheeky 3:02
B1 Expose Your Eye – Superstringhead 4:21
B2 Negative Impact– Death T.V. 3:30
B3 Negative Impact– Surface Tension (Mix 2) 4:41
B4 Pearsongs Inc– Song For Robin (Version 2) 3:20
B5 Cock– Raddish 5:32

DOWNLOAD to check out what a rapping stockbroker might sound like HERE!