The Broughtons (Edgar Broughton Band) – "Parlez-Vous English?" (EMI International – INS 302) 1979

Eh Dad, me mates say you were well cool in the Sixties?

 

Me punky mates at School used to reckon that The Edgar Broughton Band invented Punk Rock,and they used to show off their Edgar records on the  day of the week that the form tutor used to allow us access to the School sound system in the Crypt, a spooky vaulted cellar thing,complete with a crucifix placed strategically on the wall at one end. i got to play my sisters misappropriated,by me, copy of "Damned Damned Damned" and got some XTC in, the teacher(Mr Crowley) played The Doors,to our great chidish amusement.There was some AC/DC, some 'orrible Northern Soul,which my mate told everyone that I said was 'good'!?...Oh the Humiliation,the laughter!? Then the Kid who liked The Stranglers...openly!?...whipped out an Edgar Broughton Record which was taken off forcibly after half of track one. Boring Blues shit said my aggressive Northern Soul liking mate(No wonder he topped himself)!?......how do young minds process information?

Intrigued,my weekly Saturday sojourn to the city center now involved a search for an Edgar Broughton Band record, of which there were,of course, none! Back in the day it was nigh impossible to find any record older than a couple of years post release date.This forced me into the potentially painful tactic of asking one of the hippies behind the counter if they had any Edgar Broughton Band records.

"Never 'eard of 'em mate,i'll ask the boss",which involved him shouting the request down the busy retail premises ,to which the 'Boss'....a hippie with his hair cut fashionably short-ish, this was 1979 after all...who inevitably replied with a loud "What?"......so it went on,until a 'tutting', eye rolling boss hippie returned to the counter.

"'ooo? Broughton?....yeah, They 'ad a new album aht, 'ang on mate i'll find it."

Five long minutes later ,he shoved an album in my sweaty mits, and said "Free ninety-nine mate"

I only wanted to look at it,then decide afterwards whether to invest my pocket money on something I had no clue about, but,intimidated I offered forth four crumpled pound notes,and

grabbed the bag and made for the exit,and the bus stop. Got on the bus, and when i was sure i knew nobody undesirable aboard,removed the record from the plaggy bag:

a 39 Market Place, Leicester, Revolver Plaggy Bag,now probably adding to the microplastics in your fish'n'chips and consequently in your blood stream.

It said "The Broughtons", it didn't even refer to the mysterious Edgar? I've been ripped off I thought!?

Nonetheless, I thought the cover was rather good and when home placed it on the turntable and skipped through it at low volume.....it was interminably Shit!....even on the second play.Maybe it was one of those "Growers"?.....nah....shit!

There were a few albums like this, made by proto-punk legends such as The Downliners Sect, Twink and The Pirates for example, who decided to try and cash in on their new found fame by making new albums for the New Wave market. The Pirates excepted, all of these terrible records had little punky attributes,and sounded a prog rock band rediscovering their rock'n'roll roots, which had long ago shriveled and died.

That aside, listening again to this Adult orientated watered down New Wave,as made by a bunch of Dad-rockers; I find myself enjoying the cluelessness of it...its still terrible,but taking the parallax view it rather quaint...if you know what i mean?....'cus I don't!

'April in England'is a rather charming nostalgic modern folk song,and its nice to hear a tune sung with those slovenly rounded consonants of the Birmingham accent,as emphasized in the opening comedy number,'Little One'..and we all know,not edgar apparently,that comedy and rock are rarely comfortable bedfellows. Sadly these are the highlights on the album, with emphasis on the 'light'.

Now then, the old Edgar stuff from ten years previously,having now heard it in full,is certainly NOT my cuppa tea either,with some admittedly good awful guitar sounds, I can't get past the depressingly generic blues rock attributes, and even worse, the truly toe-curling Captain Beefheart impression on some of the vocals.Which,as the Captain himself was doing an impression of Howlin' Wolf,is probably a first in rock's golden era?....(they weren't the only band to do that, amazingly; as another Brit proto band Stackwaddy and had a nasty habit of doing the same thing!?).

There were many of these so-called Proto-Punk bands from the 60's early 70's who, under examination, were just grumpy blues rockers like Groundhogs who,good as they were,weren't in the slightest what one could call a precursor for Punk Rock and the noo wave.

So in conclusion,my findings are:

Maybe Pink Faires managed,at times to sound post 1976,and they did give birth to the UK Ramones Motorhead,so kudos to them.

Crushed Butler,Deviants,Fairies,blended with the bootboy end of Glam,Pub Rock,Bowie, Bolan plus Troggs, Who, and Kinks, were the ingrediants for the primeval soup of British Punk Rock; with a respectful nod in the direction of James Williamson era Stooges for seasoning;plus a pinch of Lou Reed's asshole max interview style as the croutons atop.

Tracklist:

Little One 3:10
Waiting For You 3:57
Drivin' To Nowhere 3:32
Meglamaster 1:58
Didecoi 2:31
April In England 3:16
Revelations One 2:45
Anthem 2:46
Down In The Jungle 2:43
Rent A Song 2:58
Young Boys 3:31
All I Want To Be 4:10

DOWNLOAD but you broughton it on yourself HERE!

Genocide Association – "Sonik Lobotomy Demo Tape" + "Sonik Lobotomy Bootleg EP" (self-released) 1983

As a bit of a fair-weather Hardcore Punk fan,if I can,or endorse someone else,being a fan of anything; wot are my bestest three Hardcore albums?......this kind of behaviour strays dangerously into record collector twat-geek territory,but, believe me there is a point to all this,just bare with me.

I like that first Discharge Album,if you can actually call Discharge Hardcore,it sounds more like an avant garde masterpiece to me.Then top of the US Hardcore tree has to be Jerry's Kids' rather good "Is This My World" record....was that drummer on some type of performance enhancing drugs I wonder?

So, number one has to be, no not Minor Threat,nor,Napalm Death mk1,and incredibly not even Impulse Manslaughter.

Of course,and you may have already guessed....especially as the title is on display at the top of the page, It's ,from the home of Grindcore,Nottingham's own, Genocide Association innit?

105 brief tracks,or one long track depending on how you hear it, of cut'n'paste hardcore plunderphonia squeezed into 30 fun filled minutes.Apparently Minor Threat did actually get looped somewhere on this tape.....there's a prize for he who locates it.

What makes this even better is, in the proud tradition of fake bands,Genocide Association are nothing more than Dig of earache Records,before he'd heard of Thatcher's Enterprise allowance scheme....yes,Thatcher gave us Napalm Death and Grindcore...and mate Dayve from some other group. They had the bright idea to cut up a bunch of Hardcore demo tapes,rejig the constituent parts and make some rather crazed backing tracks for their shouty vocals.So, ideologically, this tape has a lot going for it in the Die or DIY? ethos of copying obscure cassette works from the punk hinterland and giving them new life. This was early Plunderphonics for want of a better synoptical cliché. If John Oswald had come up with this, it would have been lauded as an Avant-Garde statement of Noble Prize winning proportions.....rather like Discharge's first album. There are times when one asks oneself,"What the fuck am I Listening to"?...Which is the number one,and increasingly rare, look-for moment in any music is it not?

As mentioned in The Maximum Rock and Roll musical toilet paper, and Hardcore Bore Bible:

"Genocide Association (are) A bunch of xtreme nihilists/anartwits who despise the widely held concept of 'Anarchie' .. Possess no instruments.. Cynical to the point of lunacy."

How much more 'Punk' can one get than having no instruments,believing in nothing as controlling or as silly as Anarchy as your raison d'etre, and best of all, never playing a gig.

The fact that this was before samplers were affordable,and all this was done by laboriously editing the vocal-less parts from a pile of Punk Rock cassettes onto a couple of Cassette decks riff by riff, play/record/pause, change tape, repeat,is nothing short of inspiring .So the time signature can get a trifle eccentric from time to time,and the patchwork style sonik quality is endearingly inconsistent,veering from rich boy demo studio quality to one mike in a garage static fog 

So, yeah, this is the best Hardcore Punk Recording of Allllll Time,musically and ideologically....Discuss.

Tracklisting:

"Sonik Lobotomy Bootleg EP" (13:03)

1.Intro

2.Prostituted by the System

3.Grim Brutality

4.War Machine

5.Sick Society

6.Sonic Lobotomy

7.They'll Do it Again

8.Death Is Their Only Salvation

9.Marker Pen Anarchy

10.Land Of The Free

11.Guilty Before God

12.Nightmares of War

13.For Queen And Country

14.Ground Ero

15.Daily Lies

16.Live in the Past

17.Wasted Life

18.Pass the Ammunition

19.Salvery's Not dead

20.Fields Are Green

21.Desert Earth

22.Retired at Sixteen

23.Organised Disordaaargh

24.Broken Rules

25.War Isn't a Game

26.Laurelled Memories

27.Music for the Manic (S)laughter

The Complete Original Demo:

28.105 Trax (29:57)

DOWNLOAD a load of trax HERE!

Snatch ‎– "Snatch" (Pandemonium ‎– WITCH 1) 1983

Oh Christ!...Patti Palladin and Judy Nylon were 'Snatch';two potty mouthed american ex-pats,or, immigrants if they were black; who were sooooo bored that they decided to be Rock-Stars one hungover morning after drinking somebody elses booze the previous night.
There are times when the phrase "Too Cool For School" applies rather too fucking much. You just know these kool chicks wouldn't want to be seen with ugly penniless no-marks like you and me....well at least not you anyway.
Just read this toe-curling interview with Patti Palladin extracted from too cool for school 'search and destroy magazine:

"When I came to London in about '74 we(Palladin and Judy Nylon) became good friends. We were trying our best to get something going, we were both creative chicks... We both had ideas of sorts.
For 2 foreign chicks living in London, what is there really to do? So that's why Rock & Roll! It was the obvious thing to do out of boredom. We thought about forming a band together. We worked on basic lyrics and melodies and things. But it was hard trying to find people who understood where we were coming from. At that time all the punks were suddenly beginning to appear. Everyone was into saying, "I'm a punk. I'm cool, I'm aggressive, we're going to change it" and all this shit."

These cool coooool chicks could easily pass for Glam refugees Johnny Thunders and Bowie in drag. In fact didn't Palladin have a relationship with her male-self? The ultimate narcissistic kick.

These flat-chested chanteuses had their most famous single released on fake punk label Lightning Records in 1978, and it scraped the bottom edge of the charts. Like a Glam/Punk version of The GTO's, they sang about being bored and shopping to muddy post-bowie backing tracks mixed low beneath their piercing drawls.

The myth is that they never exploited their sexuality, unlike the other Punk girls(?), which is of course pure bollocks.Look at the sultry poses that adorn the two sides of the LP cover....notably with the less attractive one (Judy Nylon) on the back,rather than on her back.I imagine there were some bitchy battles about that subject....ahhh....maybe not because they were 'Artists' weren't they.....better than us.

This all involved, naturally, an 'Eno Collaboration',but knowing Eno, they likely collaborated in bed as well.....they were after all, Too Cool For School.

Tracklisting:

A1 Credit 3:18
A2 All I Want 3:50
A3 Second Rater 2:00
A4 Amputee 1:56
A5 Joey 2:20
A6 Stanley 3:57
A7 Carlotta 2:02
A8 Trial By Fire 2:21
A9 Radio Ad 1978 0:33
B1 Dead Heat 4:12
B2 When I'm Bored 1:56
B3 I.R.T. 2:16
B4 Shopping For Clothes 3:45
B5 R.A.F.
Featuring – Brian Eno(told ya!) 2:58
B6 Black Market 5:11

DOWNLOAD and Snatch a earful HERE!

Various ‎– "Lightning Records Punk Collection" (Anagram Records ‎– CD PUNK 79) 1996

Lightning Records had a massive hit in 1977 with "Uptown Top-Ranking" by Althea and Donna, so they had buckets full of cash to penetrate the 'Punk' market.Trouble was there weren't any Bands left to sign up, and no-one would want to sign for such a dodgy label as that anyway. So they got all the groups no-one wanted, and made a few up too.

This compilation of Fake Punk cash-in masters, Lightning Records, is a punk dustbin full of fake groups and groups signed because one of them had a short hair cut and knew naughty words like 'Berk' or flipping Heck!

If you didn't know any better, and you heard "Dark Glasses" by The Mirrors, in 1978, you'd either be horrified at its vicious roll'n'roll furylessness, or find it totally laughable. The correct reaction would have to be laughter, as it's one of thee most clueless attempts at a punk cash-in ever gobbed onto vinyl.

The lyrics, sang by what could only be an off-duty Elvis impersonator,or that bloke from Spandau Ballet, are priceless. Examples of which are:

"You're wearing Dark Glasses, Have You Got The Class?"

"In a doorway they take co-co with a jacknife"(they weren't allowed to say Cocaine I guess)

No they weren't the proto-Pere Ubu Mirrors from Cleveland Ohio,but they did play the Roxy and The Vortex, and support Sham 69. How this tune went down I shudder tho think.

Whereas Fake Punkers, "Martin and the Brownshirts" did actually come from Cleveland, as in the shithole in the north-east of England, rather than the shithole in America.

Nasty Media, no-one knows anything about,but I suspect they were another made up band, and were the only 'Punk' band to rhyme Berk with Jerk, so they get top marks on the Punksploitation scale from me.

Neville Wanker & The Punters are the wonderfully annoying bosses of the middle-aged blokes go punk punksploitation Oscar. The backing singers,(which breaks Punk rule number one, 'No Backing Singers),relentlessly chant "Punk...Punk Rock" all through this charming ditty about how "The Punk Rock is here to Stay"!!!? Its like a parody that would regularly crop up on awful TV magazine programme like "That's Life" in 1978.

The Fruit-Eating Bears even went on 'A Song For Europe' in an attempt to get on the Eurovision Song Contest.....they didn't.....but you can get all their stuff HERE!

Elton Motello, whose Gay anthem 'Jet Boy Jet Girl' was nicked from fellow chutney ferret Lou de Prijck and lip synced by Plastic Betrand, was in 'Bastard' with Brian James(the Damned), and is probably the only person on this with any debatable cred' points in the Punk Rock world.

The rest are a bunch of flare wearing converts with shoulder length hair.Maybe sporting a discreet safety pin, a 'punk' badge or two,and a length of chain attached to their jumpers......which for me was a far better image than getting tarted up on the Kings Road and spiking up your previously blow-dried locks.

This album is crammed with effortlessy insipid punk and new wave facimiles, nothing at all offensive, and actually nothing to do with 'Punk Rock'. Its great!

PS...you can get a full Fake Punk onslaught from Die or DIY?'s Fake Punk compilation "Come and get yer Punk in Woolworths" by clicking HERE!

Tracklisting:

1 –Jet Bronx & The Forbidden - Ain't Doin' Nuthin'
2 –The Mirrors - Cure For Cancer
3 –The Jerks - Get Your Woofing Dog Off Me
4 –Blitzkrieg Bop - Let's Go
5 –Martin & The Brownshirts - Taxi Driver
6 –Elton Motello - Jet Boy Jet Girl
7 –Fruit Eating Bears - Chevy Heavy
8 –Dirty Dog - Let Go Of My Hands
9 –Horror Comic - I Don't Mind
10 –Too Much - Who Do You Wanna Be
11 –The Nerves - TV Adverts
12 –Cane - D.K.Dance
13 –Cane - College Girls
14 –Neville Wanker & The Punters - Boys On The Dole
15 –The Mirrors - Dark Glasses
16 –Nasty Media - Spiked Copy
17 –Blitzkrieg Bop - U.F.O.
18 –Krypton Tunes - All In Jail
19 –The Jerks - Cool
20 –Too Much - Kick Me One More Time
21 –Open Sore - Vertigo (Live)
22 –The Crabs - Lullabies Lie (Live)

DOWNLOAD this fake storm HERE!

Plastic Bertrand ‎– "An 1" (RKM ‎– 4B064-60544) 1977

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The Downliners Sect ‎– "Showbiz" (Raw Records- Unreleased RWLP 106 / Sky Records ‎– Sky 301) 1977 / 1979

The Downliners Sect were a British sixties punk band who played rough and ready UK style R&B with a punk attitude.No ambitions towards musicianship or musical advancement, they kept it primitive and never sold out to this day!
Like the 'Pirates' they re-emerged around 1977 recognising fellow spirits in the Punk Rock movement, and got picked up by Lee Woods superb RAW label. They released a single, and proceeded to record the album, but RAW ran out of cash and it remained unreleased. That is until the band stole the tapes and had it released in Germany instead, to total public indifference.

Lee Wood(Mr Raw Records): "I recorded an album with them. I paid many thousands of pounds and then they “stole” the tapes from the studio and sold the tapes to a German record label.

That’s gratitude for you!"

I suppose that's a Punk Rock thing to do?!

Also during 1977 The Downliners Sect were partly responsible for two of the greatest Punksploitation albums of all time, with "The Vacants" and "FU2".....highly recommended, and you can download them from this blog HERE! and HERE!

The 'FU2' album has a few, much improved, souped up versions of songs from this "Showbiz" LP.

The Vacants album is just one of the greatest 'lost' masterpieces of Punk/Pub rock ever.

Tracklist:

Showbiz 4:02
Let's Ride 2:44
Break Up 3:40
Frustration 2:50
Out Of School 3:28
Playing My Guitar 3:03
Richmond Rhythm & Blues 2:28
Loose Ends 3:48
Wild Time 3:21
Red Hot Mama 2:46
Blue Coup De Ville 3:01
Mismanagement 5:37

Bonus Tracks:

Killing Me (Raw Single B-Side 1977)

Showbiz (Original Raw single version 1977)

The DOWNLOADer's sect is HERE!

Celia And The Mutations ‎– "Mony Mony " (United Artists - UP 36262) & "You Better Believe Me" (UP 36318) 1977

In 1977 Hugh Cornwell found some Posh Totty to put on the casting couch, and the resulting birth  was a single on which  said Posh bird was backed up by the Stranglers in a clandestine attempt to make a New Wave cash in 'Hit'. 
Of course it failed, but this didn't stop JJ resurrecting the idea with a second.....yes, i said second, single!?
This one was a lot better, mainly because it had the Pub Rock dream team of JJ Burnel and Wilko Johnson backing up the aforementioned Posh Totty. They even wrote a new tune for her, "you Better Believe Me"......its true!
All four tracks have the magnificent JJ Burnel Bass sound, but once we lose the plodding Jet Black Drumming, and Cornwells anemic guitar. Bring in Wilko's choppy Tele, ably backed up by one time Rockpile stickman Terry Williams ; we get something verging on the very good.
The identity of Celia Gollin herself has always been mysterious. She did some vocals on a Gavin Bryars Album on Eno's Obscure label in 1975, but after that nothing. Could she have been the 'Duchess' that Cornwell wrote about on the stranglers hit? Sometimes she even sounds a bit like Hazel O'Conner(also a Cornwell girlfriend) on these tracks.....maybe, the cover photo was just a model, and Hazel did the singing.....my mony mony's on that.

Boring gossip aside........Wilko and JJ would probably appear in my Fantasy Pub Rock sooper groop.
Maybe add Ian Dury on Vocals and Lyrics, Pete Thomas (of the Attractions) on proper Drums, and Lew Lewis on Harp. I did toy with having Philthy Phil 'The Animal' Taylor on drums, but went for the musicianly angle rather than looking good.........and that's my Pub Rock Sooper Groop.

Please feel free to volunteer your own Fantasy Sooper Groop of any genre in the comments section below for some nerdy amusement.

"Mony Mony" single:

Mony Mony 2:44
Mean To Me 1:59
"You Better Believe Me" single:

You Better Believe Me 2:48
Round And Round 1:38

DOWNLOAD believably HERE!

Tyla Gang ‎– "Styrofoam" (Stiff Records ‎– BUY 4) 1976

In 1976, the year Punk Rock exploded onto the front page of the tabloid press, there were NO,Zero, records of said hyped genre. Not surprising as there were hardly any 'Punk' bands to make any singles. So we were told who was Punk,and generally they weren't actually.
Stiff provided some 'real punk' with the Damned's 'New Rose' and a licenced Richard Hell single.The Sex Pistols' "Anarchy" was released by EMI, and there were imports of American Glam like The New York Dolls and The Stooges.
There were records by Eddie and the Hot Rods, who were fast enough but looked like a charity shop Bay City rollers. So,in '76 all the kids had to go on were these, some reggae, and Pub Rockers marketed as a bit punky.
One of these would have been the Tyla Gang's first single on Stiff. A typical slice of American flavoured Bluesy Rock, sung in a Faux-american accent. Definitely Not Punk.

This demands a spot of auto-plagiarism (always wanted to use that word).
I wrote the following synopsis, which I will entitle "Punk Never Happened, like." , in the comments section of The Motors first LP post......which no-one reads I guess.
So i'll quote myself, in an exercise of narcissistic glee,and reproduce it below,as it explains the situation in 76/77 very nicely:

"When one looks back at the 'Punk' era, what is remarkable is the actual lack of Punk Bands...so naturally we had to cast our nets wide and bands like The Motors and Motorhead got roped in.With the advent of Punk Revisionism, it is now apparent that there were actually NO Punk bands during the punk years. The Ramones etc were Proto-Punk, Buzzcocks Power Pop, Stranglers Pub Rock, Television retro proto-post punk, the Jam proto Mod revival, 999/Vibrators Bandwagon Punk, Siouxsie and the Banshees Post Punk/proto Goth,Subway Sect proto-indie, Clash/Damned Pub Rock refugees,Patti Smith,Hippie, and even The Sex Pistols were made up of Prog/Glam/Pub rockers molded into an art object by art school svengali Maclaren......who always referred to it all as 'New Wave'. So Punk didn't actually exist outside the minds of the sensationalist media.....discuss." (J.Zchivago, 5/9/2016)

Tracklist:

Styrofoam 2:37
Texas Chainsaw Massacre Boogie 3:39

DOWNLOAD this '76 punk' single HERE!

Kilburn and The High Roads ‎– "Wotabunch!" (Warner Bros. Records ‎– K56513) 1978

The Kilburn's second album('Wotabunch!') was recorded before their first ('Handsome'),in 1974, and were(almost) exactly the same!.....except that I prefer "Wotabunch!" to "Handsome". Released as a cash-in on Ian Dury's recent success  by the despicable Wanker Brothers label. they added 'Featuring Ian Dury' to the band name to appeal to the average 'New Wave' customer. I'm sure some dick in the WB offices suggested that they call it 'Ian Dury and Kilburn and The High-Roads' at some juncture in the farce that is/was the record industry.
Can't be arsed to write anymore so here's some cut'n'paste from wankypeadia:
'Wotabunch! is much closer to their live sound than the softer, polished Handsome versions. Dury was not pleased with the release due to a remix featuring the addition of strings. The final remix for the recordings was done more or less behind Dury's back, while on he was on a week-long holiday. However, this was soon to be irrelevant, as shortly after the sessions were over Raft (the record label that had signed the band) folded. The bands on the Raft label were told that they would go to WEA, who owned Raft, but after a visit from WEA's top man Joe Smith at a concert, Kilburn & The Highroads were dropped.'.......there you go.

Tracklist:

The Call Up 2:26
Crippled With Nerves 3:07
Patience (So What?) 2:03
You're More Than Fair 3:05
Upminster Kid 3:33
Billy Bentley 3:40
Huffety Puff 2:16
Rough Kids 3:19
The Roadette Song 3:10
The Badger And The Rabbit 2:42
The Mumble Rumble And The Cock Tail Rock 3:47
Pam's Moods 3:00

DOWNLOAD a bunch of tracks 'featuring Ian Dury' HERE!

Various Artists ‎– "Skydog Commando" (Skydog ‎– SGSC 0018) 1978

To keep up the tentative French theme I was going to post a Zoviet france tape,"Garista"; but i remember them throwing a geordie hissy fit the last time I posted their stuff.This is a rare thing, with only Psyclones,Dog As Master,Noh Mercy,and Crawling Chaos,whinging about it(all americans,with a little 'a'and geordies with a little 'g' I notice!).

You can check out what that prick from the awful crawling chaos(two little 'c's) has to say about me here!

As Zoviet France are banned from the free publicity of try before you buy, from bands you haven't heard of,thanks to this blog.I will have to stoop to this fine example of French cluelessness when it comes to La Musique Moderne.

Please excuse my thinly veiled venom ce soir,especially if you are French (they can't help it y'know);but i'm feeling particularly bitter and twisted and I wanna vent it,because I can....and France is the victim.

Yup, I live in France.A land with a great past of great military defeats,boring unadventurous food, bland dress sense, and pubs that look like train station waiting rooms. Then rock'n'roll happened and it was downhill from there!

A place such as this, with entrenched behavioural patterns,where the cops don't work between 12 and 2pm, where the shops shut just when you need them,and no-one ever leaves their region, never mind the country. Got left standing by “les Anglo-Saxons” at the starting line, with Johnny Halliday (who every Frenchman thinks is a Global Megastar,and even he is now Belgian!?) their only incredibly naff contribution. A population who are obsessed with apple based desserts,chocolate flavoured everything, and tuck their sweaters into their trouser tops,tightly tethered by a shiny belt, could not compete. The language didn't fit into a standard rock song,with its monotonous one note delivery, and over syllabled spittle scattering words. France is famous for its cheeses, of which it proudly boasts of 500 plus varieties, of which French Pop music is one. The post 1956 era was about modernisation,from film, to music,to food; the French can't see why something as perfect as frenchness needs to be modernised or even changed at all. I can think of a thousand reasons,and I can't wait to get out of this creative cul de sac(literal translation 'arse of the bag') of a has been land.

There, of course ,were some good Frog Bands......er........Magma......er........Magma......well ,I like Stinky Toys anyway.

This compilation of French 'Punk Rock', is a fairly standard example of how they usually find a way of making anything from the modern world sound fairly atrocious. Lets face it, they made a better attempt at Punk Rock than they did any other genre from the modern idiom of Pop, especially Reggae (They still think Bob Marley is alive and serving Ratatouille in some shit provincial restaurant, that thinks its food is the best in the world, like all of them do.)

Its a uninspiring serving (Like in their deluded restaurants), of weedy pub rock, retro-rock'n'roll,Schlager and swarthy,anaemic punk-a-like bands,in loafers, and C&A leather jackets, with tassles. The French's inability to shout without sounding like a cheese grater on your teeth, is also a big drawback in the world of Punk rock;and are arrogant enough to claim inventing the genre,they did after all contribute he typically pretentious nonsense that is Situationism into the mix

Yes, I hate this crap country, but there is something charming about the music on this compilation; like watching your children playing a instrument in the school symphony orchestra. Ah Diddums, bless their little white stockinged feet,and their rancid B.O. Problem (who says racial stereotypes aren't true?).

I do have some sympathy for them, even though they laugh and point at every other country, race, and disability , but cannot take any joke about themselves in return. Arrogant to the point of self-deifying, they are human too.....even though they think Napoleon is a national hero(Hitler mark 1 or what?), and enthusiastically collaborated in the Holocaust; you gotta be glad that this place is around. If only to show everyone else how NOT to do it. One of the greatest living museums on the planet. And this record is a fine example of one of its exhibits.

Tracklist:
A1 –Rockin' Rebels Water Wheel 2:37
A2 –Puravida The Last Night 3:08
A3 –Electric Callas Kill Me Two Times 4:10
A4 –Calcinator Electrifié 2:00
A5 –Asphalt Jungle Money 2:55
B1 –Dogs Here Comes My Baby 1:58
B2 –Kalfon Rock Chaud Camion 3:05
B3 –Controle Depression 4:32
B4 –Lou's Back In The Street 2:32
B5 –Scooters Hygiène 3:40

DOWNLOAD a french letter full of (s)punk HERE!

Various Artists - "Come and get yer Punk in Woolworths" (a Die or DIY? mixtape#5) 2013

Now, this isn't the first "Fake Punk" compilation ever. That honour goes to "The Great Rock'n'Roll Swindle" soundtrack,but even that pile of exploitative shite contained at least one absolute classic in the live "Belsen Was a Gas";thanks mainly to the 2 seconds of silence that greeted the ending of the song before the wild applause kicked in. Punk Rock in general is an abject lesson in how the powers in the unelected real government orchestrate events to stifle dissent. First 'they' demonise the dissenters, turn them into a monster that's gonna take away your children.This creates a climate of fear, and the natural animal response is to attack without really investigating what you are attacking. So messages are ignored, lies are believed and the subject of your implanted fears are immeadiately marginalised. Second comes the ridicule, when you get establishment figures,popular comedians, making "funny" punk songs. Its slowly becomes a joke that nobody takes seriously. Caricatures of drunk leather clad morons with dyed mohicans, spitting and moaning about being on the dole; become what "Punk" is all about (The Exploited in fact!). Thirdly, comes the absorbtion into the system and culture. Now the subject has been pacified it can be commercially exploited,and a sanitised version can be piled on the shelves and distributed to the people. Don't listen to those prats who say that Music can't change the world! The world we live in today is unrecogniseable to the pre-rock'n'roll society. Culture and attitudes were exclusively shaped by pop culture. The philosophers of the past, were replaced (note the past tense here) by the Pop stars of the 60's through to the 80's, and the alternative underground figures linked to the new rock inspired counter culture. You don't need to argue this fact to the intelligence agencies, they have released declassified files on The Sex Pistols and John Lennon; albiet only the harmless ones. They know the power these messianic figures can have over the masses. You could link the flood, and ready availablity of CIA developed 'Mind Control' drug LSD in the sixties, to a recognition of an opportunity to test the euphoric effects of these drugs on a large number of willing victims; at the same time as the military was spraying it over the Vietmanese jungle. And, somehow, nearly all the US army was dosed up on the very potent 'Orange Sunshine' variety of acid. This leads to a suggestable state of mind, and a feeling of euphoria that rarely leads the subject to question life in general.Alternatively it can lead to the Syd Barratt effect, and you can see what a danger to the status quo he became! Aldous Huxley, advocate of LSD, and member of the Tavistock Institute (MK Ultra experimental centre), provided a rather insight giving quote about this dodgy drug: "There will be, in the next generation or so, a pharmacological method of making people love their servitude, and producing dictatorship without tears, so to speak, producing a kind of painless concentration camp for entire societies, so that people will in fact have their liberties taken away from them, but will rather enjoy it, because they will be distracted from any desire to rebel by propaganda or brainwashing, or brainwashing enhanced by pharmacological methods. And this seems to be the final revolution." (Aldous Huxley, Tavistock Group, California Medical School, 1961) Check out the excellent books by Neil Sanders for more detailed analysis on the subject, HERE!   The same three steps were equally applied to Psychedelia,as well as Hip-Hop,Punk,Original Rock'n'Roll,and (cough) Grunge. (I am discounting Acid House and subsequent "Dance" culture,as I believe that to be another drug feulled crowd control experiment, that was far TOO sucessfull, they have your children). It all can be rather eloquently summed up by "Punk Poet", Patrik Fitzgerald, which opens this compilation and donates the title from the first line of "Make it Safe": "Come and get yer Punk in Woolworths, Bondage trousers 12 pounds, Mohair jumpers sold next to cardigans, It always comes around. They turn it into a joke, anything that threatens them. They turn it into a dog or cat, that they can stroke, but couldn't bite its own tail. They make it safe." Such insight, from a marginalised punk figure!.......but he did sign to fucking Polydor i suppose.Unfortunately very few people are perfect. The records on this compilation range from the Fake Punk bands that went wrong for the record companies; like The Vacants and FU2, who were actually very authentic. Then we have the bandwagon jumping watered down clichéd "Punk" of The Drones and Satan's Rats, who were the first wave of the cultural absorption bands. This was betrayed when Satan's Rats become the awful Photo's with pop android Wendy Wu. The Drones were just a joke basically; opportunistic pub rock also-rans, spewing out punk platitudes about the queen and being "Yourself"; they helped to turn it into a joke without the help of third rate comedians like the despicable Charlie Drake.
Then we have punksploitation that is actually rather good, like the Alan Milman Sect and Alberto Y Los Trios Paranoias. They looked great and they sounded great; but can't discount them from the culpability of helping to turn it all into a joke. Next we have the Fake Punk's of Horrorcomic, who were formed from Record company back room staff, to fill the Punk band slot on their label.And the fake Punk of The Exile, who looked like the cast of a 1970's London Pub in The Sweeney. This is probably a good look, considering that Dr. Feelgood looked that that too; but I rather suspect that they actually were four blokes from a 1970's pub, albeit one from Glasgow. The godfather of Fake Punk was Stewart Copeland, ex-progger and member of Fake Punk royalty, The Police. His irritating alter-ego was Klark Kent, who released several coloured vinyl recordings around 1978/80; disturbingly with the help of his CIA connected brother Miles.In fact their father was a long serving CIA agent! Wouldn't surprise me if the lovely Stewart wasn't in the club too! That'd explain a lot.Cunt! Then you've got the inadvisable cheese of Fakery, in The admittedly entertaining Plastic Bertrand (one of the Five famous Belgians of folk lore).With the moronic and repetitive "Pogo Pogo", which is great stuff. And the unashamed cash-in of Pistols demo maker,Chris Spedding(s), "Pogo Dancing", which is loveable pop cheese of the highest order; and the Vibrators were his backing band for this single bizarrely enough. There's American Punk cheese from various prostitutes and exotic dancers, the marvellous Mary Monday (one of thee greatest singles ever or what?), and the laughable Cherry Vanilla. Dunno what the Americans have got about cross-dressers and pole dancers, but it certainly helps marginalise the more meaningful part of the counter culture.Some people find this fun, but it bores the shit out of me. Last, but definitely not least, come the god-awful Novelty Punk discs. These are the 'Man's' secret weapon. How to turn dangerous ideas into a lame joke with even lamer jokes. Fuck me, there are some shit, unfunny, and interminably irritating bollocks on display here. I left the most unforgivable examples for the last four tracks. Which include, two complete Twats (Buster Gobsmack,ha fucking ha)from the even twattier TV lowest common denominator rubbish vehicle called "That's Life" (on UK Tv from 1973-1994). Admittedly it did once feature a dog that said "Sausages" to order (check out his single,yes!, HERE); But these hideous pricks were so off the loop, that they did this crap punk parody in 19 fucking 88, when punk had been long sanitised and forgotten.This is how unbelievably shite this show was! Alvin and the Chipmunks, from their lp "Chipmunk Punk", give us their rendition of some soft rock tune called "Refugee", and recreates what it must feel like to be trepanned by a rusty spike.A definition of Evil if ever I heard one! Talking 'bout EVIL, the closer is an infinitely unfunny piece of utter shit, by career paedophile and record biz insider, Jonathan King. With a response record to the Pistols "God Save the Queen", with him doing a shit impression of her majesty thanking the pistols for their good work.This creature is a perfect example of an establishment insider defending his bosses; and god knows what sexual deviancy he was involved in with his public shool chums in MI5/6. This fellow is a total cunt,and execution without trial is probably too good for him! On a lighter note, we have  Los Punk Rockers album "Los Exitos de Sex Pistols", which is a hilarious cash in remake of Never Mind the Bollocks, where the singer hasn't even bothered to find out the lyrics; so he just makes up stuff that sounds like what Rotten is singing. Ranks up with William Shatner's "Transformed Man" as one of the best good/bad albums ever made! "I'm a Lazy seeeeven" (Seventeen, by Los Punk Rockers).  

Track Listing:
1- "Make it Safe" - Patrik Fitzgerald
2- "Fuck You" - Alberto Y Los Trios Paranoias
3- "Pretty Vacant - Paul Jones
4- "Pretty Vacant" - Los Punk Rrockers
5- "Pogo dancing - "Chris Spedding
6- "Pogo Pogo" - Plastic Bertrand
7- "You Make me Sick" - Satans Rats
8- "I've Seen it Vomit" - Bog Ugly
9- "I Just Want To Be Myself" - The Drones
10-"Punk Rocking Granny" - Duggie Briggs Band
11-"Beat on the Brat" - The Vacants
12-"Sniffin' Glue" - F.U.2
13-"Don't Care" - Klark Kent
14-"The Punk" - Cherry Vanilla
15-"I Gave my Punk Jacket to Ricky" - Mary Monday and the Bitches
16-"Down at the Vortex" - Yellow Dog
17-"Seventeen" - Los Punk Rockers
18-"England 77" - Horrorcomic
19-"Jubilee 77" - The Exile
20-"I Wanna Live in NW3" - Johnny Rubbish (disturbingly, a mate of Hugh Cornwell!)
21-"Johnny B. Rotten" - The Monks (These idiots were The Strawbs, and definitely NOT the Monks of 'Black Monk Time' fame;-shifted a lot of units in Canada????)
22-"Kill" - Alberto Y Los Trios Paranoias
23-"Stitches(demo)" - The Alan Milman Sect
24-"Gob on you" - Not The Nine O'Clock News
25-"Gimme that Punk Junk" - The Water pistols
26-"Punk Strut" - Kevin Short and his Privates
27-"I Might be a Punk(but I love you)- Norman Gunstone
28-"Punk Bashing Boogie" - Don E. Sibley
29-"Going out with a Punk" - The Punkettes
30-"I'm a Punk" - Norman and the Hooligans
31-"Punky Christmas"- Matt Black and the Doodlebugs
32-"I want to be a Punk Rocker"- Andy Cameron
33-"Punk Prrincess" - Dave and the Derros
34-"We Wanna Be Famous" - Buster Gobsmack eats Filth
35-"Refugee"- Alvin and the Chipmunks
36-"God Save the Sex Pistols"- Elizabeth R.

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F.U.2 - "Depressions / Punk Rock" (Beat Records ‎– BEA 7094) 1977

Australian Edition

French edition

Italian Edition

Spanish edition

As mentioned in the previous post about the Vacants; The Downliners Sect helped out, then took over the rest of the recording deal with RCA, and made this second Punksploitation miesterwerk, also called "Punk Rock in several european countries, but NOT in Australia! Australia being one of the world capitals of untrendy punk groups, like the fantastic Saints, the marvellous Victims, and The Thought Criminals. This record is a "Punked" up version of the Sects own tunes, high on garage punk electricity; the best Downliners Sect record, and it doesn't even bear their moniker! They even churned out an LP for the legendary Raw Records, called "Showbiz", but that sounded insipid in comparison to this pub punk monolith. Some would call it "Fake Punk", an accusation that cannot be levelled at one of the originators of the ,so-called, "Punk" attitude, The Downliners Sect. Record companies are so fucking stupid,that even when they are trying to do something deliberately fake, they fail, and make something intrinsically opposed to what they wanted. And this , along with the magisterial Vacants disc, is the very opposite of Fake. This is high octane 100% Punk Rock and Roll.

 Track Listing:

A1 Playing My Guitar
A2 Tax Exile
A3 Manic Depression
A4 Mean Evil Child
A5 Come On Strong
A6 You Don't Love Me
B1 Star In The Streets
B2 Sniffin' Glue
B3 Move Around
B4 Rock Club (Down The Roxy)
B5 Out Of School
B6 F.U.2  

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The Vacants - "Worthless Trash" (Australian Edition Beat Records– BEA 7095) 1977

Australian Edition

Aussie Rear

Italian edition

French Edition

French edition (Rear)

Spanish edition

German Edition

The extremely RARE Canadian 8-Track edition!?

Punksploitation masterpiece, variously entitled either the very imaginative "Punk Rock", or "Worthless Trash",and released virtually everywhere except the homelands of Punk Rock,the UK and USA. It happens to be one of my own personal favourite '77 punk albums, and I don't think its as fake as the record companies have managed to make it look. The picture on the album cover are of four lads, who actually looked more like the kind of punter you actually saw at a Sex Pistols concert, than The Clash (who this photo is trying to emulate). One member is even wearing a very punk rock turtle neck sweater under his denim jacket; This is anti-fashion chic at its very zenith! Also, you may notice Martin Chambers, future drumming criminal of the Pretenders, very prominent in the pictures; except on the rear of the French LP cover, where mysteriously he has changed into a woman!?.....this could explain a lot! I'm sick to death of hearing about Chrissie fucking Hynde's dalliances with several punk groups,Mike Hunts Dishonourable Discharge(ha?ha?), Johnny Moped etc; when all the time it was her boring drummer who actually was in a classic band like this! The music is excellently raw garage punk of the highest order, with a Strummer influenced vocal delivery of someone who never went to a public school; unlike Mr Mellor. It sounds like very real street punk, and they looked like real punks from the streets.I hope it lost the dumbass record company (RCA apparently!) a lot of money,fucking idiots. (I think the Italian cover is the worst one by the way.)
Members of the Downliners Sect helped finish this album off, and for the follow up record, they took over and became the equally excellent FU2; which I will be posting after this.  

In Fact, I was approached last year, to contribute the liner notes to an impending Vinyl reissue of this platter. Which I did, but it was put on ice due to the effects of the financial crisis?
Therfore I see it fit to provide these notes below for your entertainment:

(April 2013):

"Welcome to this ‘so-called’, Punksploitation masterpiece. Variously entitled, the very imaginative, "Punk Rock"; or, more appropriately, "Worthless Trash". It was originally released virtually everywhere, except the homelands of Punk Rock, the UK and USA, in a myriad of, now very collectable, different sleeves.
Amongst the dole snooper avoiding pseudonyms of Dan Druff (Bass), Vincent Sharp(vocals),and Tim Nervous (Guitar); you may also notice one Martin Question. The future drumming criminal also know as, Martin Chambers of the Pretenders. He appears very prominently in the group pictures; except on the rear of the French LP cover, where mysteriously he has changed into a woman!?.....this could explain a lot! I'm sick to death of hearing about Chrissie fucking Hynde's dalliances with several punk groups; Mike Hunts’ Dishonorable Discharge(ha!ha!), Flowers of Romance, Johnny Moped etc; when all the time it was her boring drummer who actually was in a classic band like this!
Various adjectives have been applied to this classic record over the years since its rediscovery. The previously mentioned ,“Punksploitation”, and ,the not previously mentioned ,“Fake Punk” ,are prime examples; and it has been accepted  into the “Messthetics” genre with welcoming arms. None of these really apply, and are even insulting. The music is excellently raw garage punk of the highest order, with a Joe Strummer style vocal delivery of someone who never went to a public school; unlike Mr Mellor(Diplomat’s son Strummer’s real name). It sounds like very real street punk, and they looked like real punks from the streets of ’77.
 It can’t be labelled “Punksploitation” as no-one bought it! Maybe Failed Punksploitation on behalf of the idiots at their clueless record company; but wasn’t all Punk Rock released on vinyl, cd, cassette, or 8-track cartridge (like Worthless Trash/Punk Rock was) with a profit margin exploitative?
It ain’t “Fake Punk” either, as that would rule out the Clash, and we can’t have that could we?(mmmm Dunno though!). In fact rather than being ‘Fake’, the picture on the album cover, reveals four lads who actually looked more like the kind of punter you actually saw at a Sex Pistols concert. No hint of the designer clothes horses of the ClashPistols(sic) and 100% genuine “Fakes”, Generation X, can be detected. One member is even wearing a very punk rock turtle neck sweater under his denim jacket; This is anti-fashion chic at its very zenith!
It isn’t Messthetics, or UK D.I.Y., as that implies that they recorded this at home on mum’s music centre; when it was done in a ‘proper’ studio, paid for with record company cash! Also those terms suggest a certain naive charm , or a willful amateurishness , of which I do not detect. These fellows knew how to make raw primal Rock’n’Roll from the same rich tradition of Jerry Lee Lewis and Gene Vincent; and don’t forget the looming pedigree of Terry Clemson of  sixties Punk legends, The Downliner’s Sect (and of later Fake Punkers FU2), drafted in on Guitar for the recording sessions.
Of course, the “Punx” would have scoffed at this record, which is the greatest stamp of authenticity you can get. If any booted  and leather suited  Travis Bickle coiffured UK Subs follower, labelled anything “Fake Punk”, this is the best indicator to finding the direction in which to find the real thing.
This is one of the reasons it was never released in the UK, where ‘Punk’ orthodoxy had a stranglehold; defined by tabloid headlines, and cynical attempts by certain fashion guru’s, to manipulate the younger generation into buying clothes from certain Kings road boutiques. Where the only ‘No Future’ waiting for you, was not getting that well-paid job so you could buy a pair of Vivienne Westwood Bondage trousers. The Vacants had never heard of Seditionaries, or even cared. This is Honest music coming from an uncorrupted place. Capturing the raw intensity of the dark art of Rock’n’Roll magick(sic).If you want to call it Punk Rock or Fake Punk, you’re missing the point. This record, however unwittingly, encapsulates ultimately what Punk Rock was all about at its most basic level; before the confused philosophizing and confusing over analysis. Punk Rock was about the rediscovery of cathartic Rock’n’Roll, championing the Id over intellect, primal scream therapy for the underclass.  So stop intellectualizing, listen to some Worthless Trash, and let your inner animal breathe."

(Jonny Zchivago, Die or DIY?)
www.dieordiy.blogspot.com

Track Listing:
A1 Pushin' Too Hard
A2 Beat On The Brat
A3 Louie Louie
A4 Dead Girl
A5 Half Man Woman
A6 Television Viewer
B1 Misuse Of Love
B2 B.A.D.
B3 Good Guy's Don't Wear
B4 Worthless Trash
B5 I'm Allrite
B6 What Happened To You  

DOWNLOAD this worthless trash HERE!