The Zchivago Reviews Series - 4/ The Nirvana's - "Never Mind" (On the truly very awful Geffen Records) from about 1990-ish!

 

Losing the will to live,.......come friendly Virus and save me from listening to this truly awful overproduced indie rock shiesterpiece!

The reasons "The Public" go ape over certain groups is a complete mystery to most Shrinks,never mind us sad fuckers with...slight vomit...'impeccable Taste'!? The inexplicable thing is that we are told that Cobain had impeccable taste too(more vomit). That's what I disliked about him most, he reminded me of what I dislike most about myself,or more accurately what other people told me I had........yup...."impeccable Taste". This is why I prefer Flock Of Seagulls to Captain Beefheart these days. The dread of playing "Trout Mask Replica" and some fucker saying "Hey, Captain Beefheart...Cool! You're weird man"......Yes I'm fucking Weird,but not if you are....maaan.

I am well aware that being aware of obscure music is an age-old way of Showing off, as is the knob who strums an acoustic guitar as a way of discovering a way one can learn Charisma instead of actually having it. I'm comfortable with having no charisma and so should have poor little Kurt.

Although "Never Mind" is frequently seen in the top ten of these Best Albums charts, the Nirvans album that could render anyone deaf dumb and blind at 20 paces is that beyond terrible "Unplugged" thing they did for the despicable MTV.

Stripped of their electric equipment their songs reveal themselves to be even worse than the electric versions, full of chunka-chunka strummed four to the floor lullabies,interspersed with the lamest jokes ever broadcast.....hey these guys are Fuuuun!?

Cobain again shows his exceptionally good taste with some cover versions including that terribly obscure composeur, David Bowie......."That was a David Bowie song" Kurt informs the ignorant masses from the Hive. We applaud eagerly,then sit quietly like a church congregation and laugh at the humourless jokes.

Kurt sings "The Man Who Sold The World" as if he was taking a crap.Rather like most of the other songs they did...unplugged or Electric.

It doesn't take 'Punk Rocker' Kurt long,of course, to mention the adjective "Punk Rock",when refering to his pet LA Punk, Pat Smear,displayed like a Trophy on back-up Chunka-Chunka guitar,diamentrically opposite to a extraeneous Cello player,whose volume knob had been sereptiticiously turned off,but her prescence added that much needed coffee table friendly appeal to their white collor audience.

As for "Never Mind" itself, I played it in about 1991 and found it terminally boring and inoffensively radio friendly. 

It shifted units and this made Kurt unhappy.....ahhhhh. 

He didn't like the trappings of being a Rock Star,and found he was trapped on the ruthless rock'n'roll rollacoaster. Apparently he couldn't stop it,and continued churning out fashionable long-hair rock revivalism for the disillusioned also-rans of the lower middle classes. The cash kept flooding in,and Kurt got sadder and sadder. Never thought of just stepping off the train and making that experimental rock album he always wanted to make......didn't the Beatles do that?

Credit where credits due however,It was Cobain who finally cured me of wearing t-shirts with Band names on them......did you see that Daniel Johnston Tee? He must be good if Kurty boy likes him......that and the endless name-dropping...The Raincoats were good apparently, Young Marble Giants, The Meat Puppets,please tell us Kurt.....ok christ The Meat Puppets guested on that MTV thing,and things got worse...the i'm a humble rock star act increased in "I'm Cool"laid-back intensity,and when the Puppets sang.....my ears screamed and ceased to function for the duration of some awful americana cat fight which could win wars.Then Kurt competes and goes into top gear taking a shit singing (see,or rather don't see 'Lake Of Fire).......now where's that fucking shotgun!?

The Remixes:

1. Lake Of Fire(Zchivago Remix)

2. Come As You Are (Zchivago Remix)

3. Smells Like Shit (Zchivago Remix)

Click on the title to download or stream

or

Play it on YOUTUBE! HERE!

Jane Buerk - "...sings Enculé and her other Hits" (Year Zero Records YEAR049) 2020

 Jane Buerk,the erstwhile clavist of France's premier improv Rock combo, ZOG, says Enculé to the world in her unique experimental electronic style,with her first solo album on Year Zero Records.

Feel Jane's pissed off side in the medium of electronic sound. No sequencers,or polyphonic keyboards on here...she hates that shit! Don't even think about mentioning MIDI.... she could get violent! Recorded in enhanced MONO, using just the knob twiddling magic of a single oscillator Korg MS10. No one gets out of here alive and Jane's gonna remind you....in sound! Tracklist: 1. Je m’aime, oui......vous non plus (3:52) 2. Clyde and Bonnie (05:52) 3. (2020)(Année Non-Érotique) (04:43) 4. Docteur Jane Et Madame Buerk! (05:31) 5. Ford Mondeo (07:19) 6. Intials J.B. (03:40) 7. New York,Lincolnshire (04:02) 8. Des Connards pour un requiem (07:44) 9. Le Couleur Café est fermé (04:16) 10. La La La Sucette (03:50) 11. Ballade de Admiral Nelson (06:41) 12. Enculé (03:26)

(All tracks imrovised by Nadine Aleman as Jane Buerk).

DOWNLOAD the hits of Jane Buerk HERE!...or she'll hit YOU!

OR

You can stream it HERE!

The Zchivago Reviews Series - 3/ Guns N' Roses - "The truly awful "Appitite For Destruction" record (On the truly very awful Geffen Records) from about 1987!

 

As Prince Harry and Megan......sounds like some kind of naff novelty act doesn't it?.....In fact it is....but.....Prince Harry Hewitt,he of no royal blood at all, said that the internet has bred nothing but Hate. So, this inspired me to think of thee most hate inducing bunch of clueless twats ever to grace a stage in the name of Rock'n'Roll ever....obviously, Guns 'N' Roses. If only they'd called themselves 'Obviously Guns'N Roses', it wouldn't have been quite so terrible,but they didn't, so, Hey-Ho!

Holders of the 'Single Most Badly Dressed people Who Thought They Were Cool' Award for at least ten years running,with Motley Crue and Milli Vanilli in an interchangeable second and third place;their sartorial inelegance was like an explosion from an Australian's nightmare in a German fancy dress shop.

And the 'Music'...Oh god, the music!?

Fronted by balding bandana sporting screecher,Axel 'there ain't nothing I ain't done me',Rose;he and the rest of the group, meaning 'Slash' and the other ones,flesh out a comic book rock fantasy like a graphic novel on how NOT to do it.Like Spinal Tap but without the Jokes.

However, Rose's attempt at slinky rock dancing would have fitted very comfortably in Hollywoods number one Heavy Rock spoof,as would a lot more aspects of this living taste bypass that make Aerosmith look like Dr Feelgood.

What's incredible is that whenever they are interviewed,and why anyone with a brain would want to even acknowledge their existence(?), they seem to think they are Punk's!? 

Maybe they were all locked in a cupboard with a Motley Crue record slipped into a "Now Thats' What I call Punk Rock" sleeve as children,I Dunno!? Whatever the reason is they can't have actually listened to anything that could conceivably be described as Punk in their lives? 

Prancing around like very well fed but 'wasted' 'Rock Stars,and buckets of recycled 'look at me mom' guitar solo's,while doing, alledgedly, wheel barrow's full of illegal narcotics,and thinking its cool.Christ how completely useless be a 'Rock Star'? They offer precisely Nothing to the human story,except how not to be something.

In your nuclear bunker,with one place left to fill,who would you choose to come inside, Slash and Gibson Les Paul, or the carpenter with his tools? Hard decision...Not? Actually,Anyone instead of Slash! In fact, if it was empty, none of G'n R's would get in !I'd sooner die alone quaffing down as much irradiated water as i could slurp!.Collectively they have less than nothing to offer the future world. Imagine the race of cretins we'd have if Axel Rose and Grace Slick were the new Adam and Eve? They'd have tasted the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge within a few seconds of arriving in the nuclear garden of Eden.Expelled from Eden for being crap,it would say in the post-armageddon rock'n'roll Bible.

If these fuckers are in Hell when I die,unless they actually abolish death, like they are trying to do in the Co-Vid crisis,then I well and truly will know I am there.Thankfully we have the eternal blackness of oblivion to save us from this utter shite!......discuss.

By the way,as always,there's a re-edited version of their most awful hit from the album below...imagine this on a loop in hell,and it would be better than having the official version blasting out at 12 in Satan's special hell for music obsessives.

Tracklist:

1. "Not So Sweet Child O'Yours (Zchivago Remix)" (6:35)

DOWNLOAD to satisfy your appetite for Destroying American Rock HERE! 

OR

STREAM it HERE!

ZOG - "Happy Happy Happy!" (Year Zero Records - YEAR050) 2020

More ruthless self-promotion with yet another jolly album by those little rays of sunshine in a dark planet,ZOG.

Happiness is a choice boys and girls, and you can find it in the most unusual of locations.One such location is the totally improvised Bass and Drums interplay surfing on a bed of samples and electronics that is ZOG! Drums - Christophe Medina Bass and stuff - Jonny Zchivago Cover by Andy Tithesis (Dysgeusia Records) Tracklisting:

1. Klaus Barbie Dolls (7:17) 2. In Search Of Potatoes (06:37) 3. Solids (08:12) 4. You Will Become Like Us (07:41) 5. Your Children Will Inherit This Fuck Up (06:33) 6. Happy! Happy! Happy! (22:36)

DOWNLOAD and make yourself very Happy...HERE!

or

STREAM this little ray of happiness HERE!

The Zchivago Reviews Series - 2/ The Clash "London Calling" (CBS Records 1979)

THE CLASH – London's calling....Tell 'em i'm fucking OUT!

London's Calling???...who gives a Fuck!? I hear that Scunthorpe's Calling next week....I won't be answering that either!

However, this value for money double disc adult orientated Punk is thee single most boring supposedly edgy rock album that ever existed, clueless politics, tuneless lumpen riffs, overproduction and stylised painful fashion input.This album was hilariously voted 'The Best Album Of The Eighties' by Rolling Stone Magazine a few decades ago.....dispite the fact that it was released in....er.... 1979.....which says a lot about Rolling Stone magazine doesn't it? 

Fucking hell, it's got the words printed inside,which is always a bad sign.That usually means that the scribe who penned them thinks they are serious and important.In other words.....yaaawn...they've got something to say....ahhhhh.

It's not the music as such that gets on my proverbials,its the please like us musicality of it.They wanted to make nice tuneful music for their 'fans',who,along with Fall Fans, Residents Fans,idiots into Krautrock who think they've discovered something nobody else was aware of...but worse....are thee most despicable morons on the planet.Who's your favourite band, mine's "THE CLASH"...spat out with a child like pride......The Only Band That Ever Mattered???...some wag said once....more like the only band that NEVER mattered.Just playing at being the rebels they obviously weren't.The single most boring rock band that ever existed,I repeat.

Listening to Mick Jones trying his best to sing properly is an obvious low point on this nicely priced,value for money opus.

As for their Punky-Reggae by numbers outings,OMFG!? "Please like us Mr Black Man we're like you really,we're repressed too" says the diplomats son and his art school chums.They'd be the first to slag anyone off for Cultural misappropriation,but as for the govt's they pretend to dislike,there was one rule for them and another rule for everyone else.

"White Riot" has to be the single most stupid record ever made during the Punk Rock window.Also the record that convinced that idiot who started 'Punk' magazine in New York that he and the Ramones invented Punk Rock!Not that the Ramones ever claimed such a thing naturally.

"London Calling"'s title is suggesting the same tenuous claim.

Of course it's as Eclectic as fuck,desperatley trying to please everyone at the same time,while at the same time residing in that place where everyone goes when they've ran out of ideas.

"Let's mix it up with some ska and african music man" Says,Joe 'Woody' Mellor the diplomat's son,"Yeaaah,no-ones done that before!?" says the art school rejects in response......I notice that Paul Simon's "Graceland" resides at number five on the Rolling Stone list, the very zenith of cultural misappropriation,and I dare say wasn't in slightest bit inspired by the Clash's thieving from their new found Black Chums;but Simon went one further than Simonon and his cohorts of impeccably good taste, and actually made a bunch of African musicians record,write and play most of the music,uncredited, for the minimum wage.While he played (Achthung! possible anti-semetic joke coming up!!!)....wait for it,wait for it.... 'The Jewish Piano',I'll repeat that....'Thee Jewish Piano', with the the vast profits he received for the career resurrecting hit album.Maybe it was some kind of avant-garde statement about slavery or something?Either way,it's one hell of a shite LP.

I did it, I managed to slag off two pompously arrogant albums in one fell swoop.

The Clash's eponymous debut was relatively good however,if you managed to block out the pale white boy crypto-hooliganism,and the sweet vocal harmonies behind Strummer's,I'm from the gutter,me" slurred yawping.The politics.....oh Christ,the bloody Politics.Since when was Vote Labour a subversive statement.Give us a job and everything will be alright,seems to be the policy.....er.....No!...and White Riot?...Give Violence a chance is the mantra,but it's only for us white chaps,you Blacks have your own riots.Such Dumbness never existed beyond a Sham 69 lecture about how us pop stars are the same as you,but keep off the stage.If you wanna be patronised listen to the words,alas if you want a good time,just absorb it as some jolly good,but terribly played and recorded cathartic rock'n'roll that was a la mode for twenty minutes in 1977.Better still listen to cartoon Proto-Punk leg-ends, The Ramones,which is kinda like The Clash but with better,probably more subversive, lyrics.And without the dodgy attempts at 'Punk' fashion.

I Can't face doing a full review pf "Sandinsta", sorry.

Apart from, it's Truly Awful,'eclectic' as fuck,and endlessly dull.

STREAM ZCHIVAGO's REMIX OF THE MOST LUMPEN OF THE LUMPEN CLASH RIFFS,NAMELY, LONDON CALLING HERE!

Phool - "Phosphorous" - (Year Zero Records - YEAR046) 2020

What's next for you fools?...Ahhhh...another new Year Zero Records release......hows about some gentle post-rock improv by Leicester band 'Phool'? Which includes a Scout Of Uzbekistan on drums
Indulge your stressed out lugholes with these soothing flotation tank rock sounds,as in rock without the 'rock' part. Minimally underplayed,so don't expect any face-melting guitar solo's, jazzy drum fills, or any slap bass, this just envelopes you like a creeping mist of that made-up as you go along stuff that some dare to call,... "improvisation",except this version of improvisation doesn't involve 'Showing Off'.
Strictly instrumental, it also saves one from that terrifying blight of the 21st century.....Singing!
Mark,Helen and Francis (Phool) are rare examples of musicians who obviously had lots of attention as children, which is in itself jolly refreshing.

Don't worry i'll stop being nice in the next post.

Tracklist:

1. Disaster (part 2)
2. Bandage Aid
3. Disaster (part 1)
4. McWerter McWerter
5. Are One Oh
6. Dizzy Diva
7. Cheese Cob and a Dog

DOWNLOAD or feel rather phoolish HERE!

OR

You can stream it HERE!

ZOG - "Subvertebrates" (YEAR ZERO RECORDS - YEAR045) 2020

As we're on the subject of Year Zero Records ,there's been No new ZOG music for a long time, as we were poncing about waiting to have a vinyl record release, but that looks like it ain't gonna happen.That coupled with drummer boy....i said drummer boy!....nearly cutting his hand off with a stone cutter.(not his fault by the way!)

Following his emergency Helicopter evacuation to hospital they managed to sew it back on,not quite a Def Leppard incident, but he'll never be the same again.It was his wanking hand too,so it's deadly serious!

Luckily we recorded lots of shit before the accident, so here's the first installment of the usual improvised Bass and Drums interplay,with some freeform electronics atop, placed like a cherry on a cake laced with LSD.

Christophe Medina - one hand clapping and Drums

Jonny Zchivago - Bass and stuff.

Recorded sometime in 2018-ish.

Cover by Andy Tithesis

Tracklisting:

1. Having Children Is Child Abuse (4:42)
2. The Cacophony Of Gesture (9:12)
3. Survivours Of The Rapture (14:40)
4. LGBT's from the Twelth Dimension (12:59)
5. Punish Or Be Damned (10:02)
6. The Lowness Of Space (Who Gives a Fuck? (16:52)

DOWNLOAD and subvert your spine HERE!

or

You can STREAM it direct to your nervous system HERE!

ÜWAN - "Ü2" (Year Zero Records YEAR 023) 2013

Gawd Blimey, luv-a-duck, guvn'r, I forgot about this album i made back in the early 'teennies' for the magnificent Year Zero Records netlabel.(clears throat)

An improvised guitar drone fest on the subject of the abject U2.As the first Üwan album was called "Ü1",'twas only natural that the second outing would be monikered "Ü2".So the connotations were obvious,and a chance to slag off this terrible group with scything six string noise. 

Basically,it's another Shackleton in a Ü-boat style exploration into the eternal combination of Guitar, Drums, effects, and sound collage from our favourite free rock improv combo,Üwan.A kind of an subconscious abstract tribute to U2's unaltering longevity. This is what you'd get if one placed Bono's career minded stadium rockers' back catalogue into a food blender.I know i'd like to push a certain vertically challenged lead singer of an Irish stadium rock band's face into a blender anyway.

All the notes are there, but not necessarily in the right order, you'd be pleased to know.
What we have here is an improvised drone and feedback ballet score for people who hate ballet. An opera for the deaf,or a painting for the blind.But above all for people who hate U2's guts!

Don't forget, there's Ü3,and Ü4, too!

Dumbo - Drums
JZ (thats me!) - Guitar, Tapes, fx.

DOWNLOAD it HERE!

or

Stream it HERE!

The Zchivago Reviews Series - 1/The Fucking Joshua FuckingTree by U fucking Two!!!

 

The first inductees into to Die Or DIY?'s Rock'n'Roll Hall of Shame is predictably the only band of their generation not to split up and inevitably became huuuge! Repeating yourself is the cheapest form of mind control,and no-one did it for better or worse than U fucking 2.

OMFG!...apparently Radio 2 in the Uk,compiled the 'public's votes as to what or who was the ..."best" album of eighties ...they overwhelmingly chose...eh?...no, not "Closer", or ""Flowers Of Romance" or"Information Overload Unit"...but....eh?...."The Joshua Tree", by U2...cough!

Don't worry, I won't give them the satisfaction of you downloading this absolute shit without me remixing it. There are at least three reasons that anyone owning this relevance bypass should be re-educated in a chinese gulag

The |First One definitely is, I hate any fucking album that starts off with three singles. Two, Bono, and Thirdly,....er....Bono. Such a bastard that has never existed outside the depressing world of late eighties stadium rock.

The cover has these Irish bumpkins posing in a desert...Bono...of course is in profile ......since when has the verdant Emerald Isle ever had any desert features....ever? .....What the fuck are they going on about?

The long introduction to the opener, "Where the streets have no name"(wot?), does nothing but wish you could take,welshman, 'the Edge's delay pedal and throw it under an oncoming steam roller.

This came out when I was a rather bizarre,and troubled, 23 year old, so I was in the age group that should go "Wow!" at  this pompous crap. However, i had heard those singles, and what was clear to me was that these terrible ditties were obviously the product of 'Writers Block'.This is the kind of shit one comes out with when you are contractually obliged to provide a 'Hit'. In fact, in the time honoured fashion of groups a la mode, 'Hit' is the second word in 'Shit', so any shit will be a 'Hit', and that's what this stinks of.

Thank christ that Acid House stopped a "Joshua Tree 2"......it's a sad day when I thank dance music for saving us from a great banal evil such as this,but in this case its necessary.

These supercilious dick 'eads, even had the gall to write a 'song' about "the Disappeared" in Northern Ireland...is there no depths that this quartet of cunts wouldn't stoop to for their own...er...Bono's.....self- righteous indignation.....so much so that these total cunts moved their 'business' to Holland to avoid Irish taxes....Cunts....no sorry, I didn't mean that...Fucking Cunts is what i meant to say.

But as we now know what a buch of Fucking Cunts these twats are and were, i've 're-mixed this terminally crap record..which I illegally downloaded by the way,...and made it into something 'edgy' for the 2020's.(Which was about ten minutes work by the way!)

I can quite confidently say that this record is one of the shittest records ever made by one of the shittest bands who never had the dignity to break up, that ever played a musical instrument....That's my review..and I think there's more to come.

Tracklisting:

1.Where The Streets Have No Name (Zchivago Remix)
2.I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Zchivago Remix)
3.With Or Without You (Zchivago Remix)
4.Bullet The Blue Sky (Zchivago Remix)
5.Running To Stand Still (Zchivago Remix)
6.Red Hill Mining Town (Zchivago Remix)

7.The Rest of the album (Zchivago Remix)

mb...I couldn't be arsed to remix all of it....you may thank me for that.

DOWNLOAD the joshua ...ah fuck off....HERE!

I Am The Fly - "I Am The Fly" (Self-Released 7" Single) 2020

 

While we're on the subject of Synth-Punk, anyone fancy some Modern Synth-Punk from Essen, Germany?

Made by girl/boy duo 'I Am The Fly:

Here are the Flys....available for childrens parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs,and FGM gatherings at your local Mosque.

MUSCA domestica male (vocals, bass)

MUSCA domestica female (organ, drum machine).

A Philip K. Dickensian band member format in use there,which is always welcome as I am a Dick-head (in all senses of the word),and by sheer chance I love Synth-Punk too.....and Wire(!)...so ,already, what is there not to like about this self-financed DIY vinyl?

I have a tenuous family connection with Essen,as my late father visited there at twelve thousand feet on a couple of occassions in 1941/2 (read about him and 'it' HERE!). 

I notice that it's the 79th anniversary of the first Essen Raid on the tenth of October.....so to celebrate(?) or commiserate, and maybe a small apology,we bring you the sound of modern-day Essen....note the lack of exploding ordnance in the background to prove it.

The tracks themselves are splendidly bass guitar driven two note symphonies reminiscent ,musically if not vocally, of The Screamers organ-led onslaughts as if fronted by a GM Fly instead of Tomata du Plenty;and a drum box replacing the real drums. Maybe the bassist likes New Model Army too, as the bass playing does suggest a ghostly influence from those crusty punk preachers somewhat;especially the plagarized,but modified, line from "The Spirit Of The Falklands"...'the natives(inmates) are restless tonight sir'. (there seems to be a theme of Brits bombing the fuck out of everybody going on here!....we're sorry!)

The singing android tells us 'there is no therapy for being a human',except maybe if you help out by buying and listening to this noble single.The other options are far too horrific to list here.

P.S.S.T...I think i mentioned the 'War' once, but I may have got away with it?

Tracklist:

1 Axolotl 2:20
2 Wonko The Sane 2:20
3 Heresy 2:20

Get a copy HERE!

Cardboards ‎– "Greatest Hits Volume Two" (Mom's Records ‎– MR253) 1981

The synth-punk thing wasn't just confined to California, for a start we had Suicide in New York for the previous decade up to 1981 and beyond,Crash Course In Science were in Philly. In Pittsburgh there was The Cardboards.

No guitars in this ignored group, among the cheap organs and synthesisers......real drums were the only real option in 1981.....they had a tone generator.....how Synth-Punk is that?

Naturally the American angle on Synth's was to make something rocky and exciting, unlike in the UK, who saw another opportunity to make classic 'Pop' and sell it back to the USA. For some reason, this angle didn't occur to American musicians or businessmen.Its the same story for many other American innovations, especially Musical ones.

One can only think of West Germany and maybe Belgium,where there was something synth-punky going on...but not really...the Rocky bit had been never really manifested itself on the Germanic musical chromosome,over-ridden by the dastardly Wagner gene.

Tracklist:

A1 On The R=>Z*
A2 Electrical Generator
A3 Copa Cobana
B1 Gravity's Still Working
B2 Bill's Rap

DOWNLOAD in recyclable digital cardboard HERE!

Brad Laner ‎– "Ligaments 05" (Captured Tracks ‎– CT/SP-059) 2019

 The fifth and final...for now...volume of Brad Laner's (Y'know, that guy from Savage Republic and 17 Pygmies?) epic voyage into the wirey world of modular synthesis. A suitably 'Out There' rearrangement of the synth exploration norms,genuinely pushing boundaries were there shouldn't be any.The possibilities are endless with these lovely objects,and few people actually move into the inter-galactic regions of electronica....as with all his other projects,Brad has no fear of spacewalking ,untethered,in the gaping void of convention that suffocates innovation.These sounds help to fill that vacuum somewhat.

Tracklist:

A Ligaments 05a
B Ligaments 05b

DOWNLOAD and understand the difference between ligaments and tendons HERE!

The Blue Daisies ‎– "Wilt" (Iridescence Records ‎– I-23) 1985

Oh Alright, let's call this 'Art Rock'.

Highly possibly done by unemployed actors as well by the sound of it. Brad Laner played some Drums on this, not the drums that sound like Bobby Gillespie's skinwork in The Jesus and Mary Chain...the more inventive stuff at the end.

I know less than nothing about this band,except that they come from L.A. although I understand that they liked to take their clothes off on stage regularly.......now, if they ain't actors I'll share a dressing room with Kevin Spacey the next time I tread the boards at the Old Vic.

Fairly original abstract,slightly rude, avant-rock is what this is.

Featured on the soundtrack to 1986 movie 'Circle of Violence'(yeah neither have I!) starring long dead child star River Phoenix, who hated both the Blue Daisies and their music apparently.If that isn't a recommendation I dunno what is?

Tracklist:

A1 Anthem/Pillars
A2 Slot
A3 Sack Me
A4 To Be, Continued
B1 100 Tears
B2 Dance Dance Dance
B3 Everything And Nothing At All
B4 Es Amor
B5 Beautiful Kid

DOWNLOAD whatever thou wilt HERE!

Brad Laner ‎– "Ligaments 04" (Captured Tracks ‎– CT/SP-058) 2019

More cable unplugging,wire repatching, knob twiddling,circuit frying, art damaged, rearranged,edited ,reconceptualised electronic madness,from the prolific abstract mind of Brad Laner. Do i really need to recommend this to you?

Tracklist:

A Ligaments 04a
B Ligaments 04b

DOWNLOAD some rad brad HERE!

Red Asphalt ‎– "Red Asphalt" (Synthetic Shadows ‎– #18) 1981/2014

 I was gonna tie this in with Brad Laner's role as a Synth Punk Pioneer, but its more than that.

There's something 'Prog' about this,but they had a synth player in the line-up, and were active during the Punk epoch in San Francisco between 1978 and 1982, so Synth-Punk it is.

They sound like those groups who were really resting/unemployed Actors who play music as a way to get on a stage, Like MARS,Bongwater, Punishment Of Luxury, and  Shoes For Industry (surely The Tubes had to be frustrated actors too?) among others.

Like an agressive off-broadway musical,they reek of professionalism, in that conceptual album kind of way.

They had their moments,but like if a Saxophone appeared in a Punk group they were automatically called Jazz-Punk, if a synth made an appearence, it was Synth-Punk;orif you were too stagey, you were Prog-Punk, or Prunk as Cardiacs called themselves.

 

Tracklist:

A1 Red Asphalt
A2 Goodbye Sunshine
A3 S.T.A.B.
A4 Jive Puppet
A5 Survival, Evasion, Escape
A6 Peligro
A7 Human Capital
A8 Nuclear Judas
B1 Refugee
B2 Factory Dead
B3 Ghost Town
B4 White Meat, Dark Meat
B5 Phone Call From God
B6 Hurtling Moons Of Barsoom
B7 Gothic Night Summer Dream

DOWNLOAD some theatrical blood on the asphalt HERE!

Brad Laner ‎– "Ligaments 03" (Captured Tracks ‎– CT/SP-057) 2019

The infinite possibilities of modular sound synthesis are dragged through the unpreditcable mind of Brad Laner for the third time. Reminiscent of those early electronic pioneers,this moves it on in a similar direction without resorting to cop out melodies. Edited like an action painting in sound rearranged to almost make sense,these electronic workouts  actually add something progressive to a genre that has remained virtually in stasis since the mid seventies,with a few exceptions of course,so don't shove a list in my face,or mention bloody Autechre!.....lets just celebrate.....Trump has Co-vid!

Tracklist:

A Ligaments 03a
B Ligaments 03b

DOWNLOAD from the fast lane o'brad HERE!

The Philosophic Collage ‎– "Genius" (American Aesthetic Industries, Ltd.) 1981

 

Angry geeks want to show us jocks how much cleverer than us they really are,and 'look at me now' revenge has been taken...if only the jocks knew about it,which of course they don't...Jocks don't like music,only music for people who don't like music...like Bon Jovi, Nirvana,Techno, Ed Sheeran etc.

The EP title, "Genius", is by no means "Ironic"....in inverted comma's not quotation marks...they actually believe they are bona fide Geniuses,which is the collective noun for genius. I wager the geekier one on the cover thinks that he's the real genius of the group,and the others are just his post-punk servants.

The music is like a cross between Half-Japanese,the ultimate American Geek's Revenge band , and The Diagram Brothers,the ultimate English Geek's Revenge band, except that the singer,slash, Jad Fair impressionist, seems to be recorded from a radio in another room. In the main room they have modern recording equipment to capture the barely falling apart abstract rock in hi-fidelity to annoy both punx and parent alike.Punk is Jock music and parents either want their geeky son to either be good at Football,or a Doctor. Parents are people who never understood the truth that is revealed to humans during their teenage years, and if they did, they forget that 18 years olds really do know everything that needs to be known.

If an angry Geek ever gets into power again....the last one that got in in the west,without winning the popular vote, nearly destroyed the planet (A.Hitler)....they may use the most terrifying Geek tool of all to force us all into death camps,otherwise known as,Facebook.Luckily we have the Donald,who is genuinely too stupid to impose this grim future upon us all...as is Biden by the way,so we're safe for the next couple of years before Biden inevitably dies,and that dodgy vice-president nominee,Ms angry female just enough milk in her coffee geek, gets into office.Nothing will save us then.

Sorry for interferring in American politics, but Putin has video of me at a Bunga Bunga party!!

It was nice knowing y'all.

Tracklist:

A1 Genius
A2 Planned Obsolescence
B1 Toxic Poppies
B2 Headline Deadline

DOWNLOAD this genius HERE!

Brad Laner ‎– "Ligaments 02" (Captured Tracks ‎– CT/SP-056) 2019

Another rewiring of the ligaments in the ligature of a genre that could be, 'Modular Synthesis".

Personally the sight of wires gives me a migraine,and the cost of this new generation of Modular synths makes me wince. But, at least we have Brad Laner to do it for us.A better candidate to make sense out of this rich retiree's 21st century version of collecting butterfly's I cannot think of.

This second tape is at least far better,and nuttier, than tape one,which was in turn far better than most indulgers in this questionable pastime........and yes, the covers do look like those Industrial Records cassettes.....a tribute within a tribute?

Tracklist:

A Ligaments 02a
B Ligaments 02b

DOWNLOAD some new ligaments HERE!

Brad Laner ‎– "Ligaments 01" (Captured Tracks ‎– CT/SP-055) 2019

 Brad Laner, the step-grandaddy of Synth Punk, among many other OUT-there musical projects too numerous to mention, is,of course, still offending the musical sensibilities of the normals to this day.

More recently Laner has taken the inevitable dive into the ever-expanding universe of modular synthesis, taking many months to record dozens of hours of live improvisations and editing them together. “Ligaments” is the result and is intended to be an ongoing series.

Sure we've all now got a room dedicated to our modular synth collections,but few people on this crumbling rock have Laner's naturally abstract insight into what makes something challenging.

You can either end up sounding like Jean Michel Jarre, or like a disintegrating alien machine.I like my Modular synth workouts to be adequately fried and burnt on at least one side.This is what these things were intended to do.Except this cassette is fried on both sides.

Tracklist:

A Ligaments 01a
B Ligaments 01b

DOWNLOAD this analog madness digitally HERE!

Earth Dies Burning ‎– "Songs From The Valley Of The Bored Teenager (1981-1984)" (Captured Tracks ‎– CT-180)

 

Los Angeles gave us many things;some truly terrible singer-songwriters,some really quite good singer-songwriters(manily from Canada it has to be said),recreational cocaine abuse for the common man,cop-killing,some half-decent post-punk punk groups, the Los Angeles Free Music Society(LAFMS), Captain Beefheart,and.....Synth Punk!

Starting with the very great 'Screamers',it never really caught on,but Brad Laner was there at the begining as a teenager,with Nervous Gender, and after that came 'Earth Dies Burning'.

Mr Laner has been in nearly all the greatest LA Bands, like Steaming Coils, Three Day Stubble,Severed Head In A Bag to name but a few; as well as an integral member of the LAFMS.

'The Earth Dies Burning',is certainly a fine example of how to use Technology,which is, basically, take the instruction manual and burn the fucker.And also, they did a rare example of a PiL cover version!?.."The Flowers of Romance".So that automatically makes this a fantastic record does it not?....you should be saying 'Yes Jonny'!?

Tracklist:

1.Bored Teenager 0:55
2.Duck And Cover 0:39
3.Another Six Year Old 2:21
4.60 Minutes 0:36
5.Bowling For Food 1:39
6.Soaps 1:22
7.True Lovers Of Crime Anthem 1:51
8.Fish Sticks 1:22
9.Interlude 1:51
10.Haiti 1:17
11.Falwell Youth 1:09
12.Vegetables 1:34
13.America America 2:14
14.Pork Yogurt (Studio) 0:41
15.60 Minutes (Studio) 0:19
16.Another Six Year Old (Studio) 1:08
17.Mystery Bedroom Song 1:45
18.The Flowers Of Romance 2:19
19.The Safety Dance (Live At Bebop) 1:29
20.Disco Heroin (Live At Lhasa Club) 2:05
21.Power To The People (Live At Anticlub) 1:23
22.Pork Yogurt (Live At Anticlub)
23.60 Minutes / Duck And Cover (Live At Anticlub) 0:46
24.Psychotic Reaction /Kill The Fascists!(Studio/Live At Anticlub) 07:05

DOWNLOAD the attack of the bored teenagers HERE!

Pink Section - "Sectioned(1978-1980)" (a Die or DIY expanded edition) 2020

There's something about American culture that just effortlessly produces weirdo's.There's the Dave Grohl type of weirdo who's just so sickenly 'Normal'and Nice that he's ceased to exist;or, there's The Pink section who have ceased to exist because they had created one of the greatest handful of out-rock tunes ever written which are impossible to better...not even by Stevie Wonder!

While other Americans were taking the Devo post-punk route,with the musicianly ability to back it up,The Pink Section had nothing like that in their armoury.They just had something that had to be put before the public,then finish. "Shopping" has to be one of the greatest tunes ever written anywhere in the world?

Having just accidently watched a YouTube video of Dave Grohl listing his ten routes to 'suckess', with my mouth open wide in misunderstanding,telling us to to do 'Bad Ass Rock shows'(whatever that is?) as a certain route to entertainment superstardom;finishing off with him and his sickening group melting into a puddle of slime in a desperate need to be liked in front of a massive stadium crowd,who were lapping it up.Band to audience..."we Looove Yoooou!"

All the advice coming from the third richest drummer on the planet("I did my time stacking supermarket shelves" grins David)....who are the other two richer drummers anyway?.....should all be taken as the opposite route to creative success,retaining a barrel full of self-respect in the process.The Pink Section however did it perfectly,even with a drummer(carl Detweiler) who is likely the third poorest drummer of all time.

Rule number five-ish was 'Be Different'.....er...David????

TRACKLISTING:

1.Tour Of China
2.Shopping
3.Wine World
4.Midsummer New York
5.Flat Dog
6.Part Time
7.Francine's List

8.Safety Instruction

9.Francine's List (live at The Deaf Club 11-3-1979)

10.Jane Blank (live at The Deaf Club 11-3-1979)

11.Been in the Basement 30 Years (live at The Deaf Club 11-3-1979)

12.Lonely Fashionette (Live at Mabhuay Gardens 12-7-1979)
13.Cars Don't Wait For Love(Demo)
14.Jane Blank (Demo)
15.Jane Blank (Cable TV appearence)
16.Shopping (Cable TV appearence)

DOWNLOAD before you go shopping HERE!

Chemicals Made From Dirt ‎– "Ike (1978-83)" (Hyped To Death ‎– Homework #203) 2000

 More hopelessly obscure US Post-Punk quirkiness,or as it is described on the sleeve as "World Class Art-Wave"? A genre within a genre. Just trying to think of other Art-Wave acts who were never referred to as, but were Post-Punk......Talking Heads?...Wire?......things are getting far too complex nowadays! How does an Art-Waver know if he's an Art-Waver or Post Punk?
It used to be far simpler back in the day.....all this was 'punk'.....not even Art-Punk...it was Punk.Heavy Metal was Heavy Metal.There's slow Heavy Metal (Sludge,Funeral,Doom +another 600 varieties), Fast Heavy Metal, (Thrash,Speed,Punk Crossover), Classic Heavy Metal (Judas Priest, Black Sabbath,NWOBHM)...and that's it!

Chemicals Made From Dirt, was a .......they're at it again on these sleevenotes!....a PunkWave.....what the fuck is that?.....Punk?.....from Long Island. So at least they were near the action,rather than some cesspit in Iowa or one of those more medeval states that seemed shut off from the world since the witch trials.

Again we have a group with a name that suggested immediate commercial failure.

At the risk of starting another genre, i'll describe this as that quirky variety of post-Punk which became popular among geeks wanting to form bands in the USA between 1979 and and 1983, approximately between Devo's first album and "Oh No It's Devo".......or Oh No! It's another Quirky Post Punk Band.

Alas, whereas Devo had a compact and memorable name, Chemicals made from Dirt (CMFD....even the acronym is a tongue twister!) had a difficult to remember moniker,if not forgettable.

Me, being a Fan of Quirky Post Punk, or Art Wave, Or art rock in general,beginning with XTC,who were the British Devo/Talking Heads.A face that launched a few post punk novelty acts like The Vapors,but not a wave of the likeminded as in the states.

CMFD left us with 25 songs recorded for posterity back in the day, and put on a disintegrating CD-r by Chuck Warner of Hyped2Death at the turn of the century, and they're all good. Personal fave is "Beatniks Looking For Tourists",'cus I like anything with the word 'Beatnik' in the title.....I'm that deep, that 'arty'.

Let a band spokesman finish off this confused narrative with something sensible:

"We called it an avant absurd experiment...We liked the idea of breaking down meaning to the point of abstraction and then reinterpreting it based on personal associations and meaning rather than having any absolute meaning.".....yep...Artwave alright!

Tracklist:

1 Manikin 2:44
2 M 3:31
3 Hard 3:26
4 Beatniks Looking For Tourists 2:40
5 Protein Pants 2:52
6 Another Dinner 2:41
7 Chemicals Made From Dirt 2:27
8 Panic-No Fusion 2:40
9 Girls My Age 2:40
10 17th Century
11 Communist Calendar Girls 2:41
12 Air Raid Drill 3:04
13 Medicated Elvis 2:09
14 Uh-Oh 1:12
15 Homeless Men 3:25
16 Fast Ocean Puppet 3:05
17 Fly To Work 2:43
18 Multiple Station Wagon 2:15
19 Claus Von Bulow 4:38
20 Dr. Shockley 3:17
21 Lost In The Cave Of Flying Dogs 3:56
22 Barney 4:00
23 Hiding From Bozo 2:48
24 Show World 1:37
25 Rapula 3:39

DOWNLOAD some dirty chemotherapy HERE!

Algebra Mothers/A-Moms ‎– "A-Moms = Algebra Mothers (1977-84)" (Third Man Records ‎– TMR533) 2018

 From the Rock City of Detroit came a bunch of misfits called 'A-Moms',who released a quirky single(get it HERE!) and promptly disappeared....ahhh, but did they? Hence this post-humous compilation cobbled together, minus the single, for Third Man Records a few years ago.

They played all over the massive cosmos,or barren wasteland, that is Detroit, supporting every offshoot of the Stooges or MC5, and Pere Ubu.

Obviously talented musicians, they do have a tendancy to all play at the same time,which 'talented' muscians have an unstoppable drive to do.This is when we need producers to tell 'em what to do.

There is the odd bit of Hendrix-y fretboard wankery,but we can forgive that,for this charming delve into the Archives of another group whose abysmal name probably cost them a larger audience....which is either a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you look at it.Personally, I prefer the groups who do their thing then FUCK OFF. A-Moms certainly did their thing,then Fucked Off,so they're at least one up on U2,who didn't.

Tracklist:

1.Carsick
2.In and Out of Order
3.Seesaw
4.Little Mathematica
5.Goo Goo Eyes
6.Ironhead
7.Misfits
8.Nuns in Chains
9.As The World Turns
10.Dance Damage
11.Hollywood
12.Chemical Tastes
13.No For An Answer
14.Swan Song

DOWNLOAD the A-moms of invention HERE!

BOB ‎– "Backward" (Dumb Records ‎– d.7589) 1983

 A fine example of the musical landscape in the USA from 1979 onwards is the ungooglable, 'BOB', from krazy ol'Frisco town.Herky Jerky as fuck are BOB,like Devo if Devo had lived in a nice town like Frisco.

Yeah I know,there'll be loads of Franciscans telling us how hard life is there,like a sub-saharan state transposed to northern California,the seventh richest place on the planet,just six places behind the USA as a whole....poor fuckers.

There were loadsa bands like BOB,with emphasis on the quirky jerky.....i suppose every western country had at least one,overclever,with prog rock style complex time signatures,but with that certain 'Punk' influence. Cardiacs spring to mind for the UK.

I dunno if the name 'BOB' has anything to do with the  guru of the Church of the Sub Genius, J.R. Bob Dodds , but if it does that's ok with me....as is the music. I like Herky Jerky, just not in every other band on the block.

Gimmie some Slack Bob.

Tracklist:

1 Danger City 3:34
2 Insomnia 3:07
3 Who Do You Love 4:04
4 (My Pal) Joe 3:05
5 The Things That You Do 3:50
6 You Know You Gotta 2:14
7 Bye Bye 2:48
8 Dead Animal 3:43
9 Bird Lanes 2:05
10 Voices Calling 5:14

11 Thomas Edison

12 Buddy Boy

DOWNLOAD this sub-genius HERE!

Marine Girls ‎– "Beach Party" (In Phaze Records ‎– 002 1/2) 1981

Once upon a time,back at the Birth of the Indie Sound,which was specific to the British Commonwealth only. We find four sixth formers from Essex taking Young Marble Giants' minimal de-butched rock and putting it through the mangle, squeezing out everylast piece of alpha-male rubbish and flushing it.Also obviously influenced by the Raincoats' demasculated post-punk they were spotted by Indie group numero uno The Television Personalities,who released this on their own Whaam records as a proper LP.

Ok, so Tracey Thorn went on to adorn the coffee tables of the Thatcher 'loadsamoney' generation, but this was one big v-sign,middle finger, to all those butch punkers who,instead of destroying that uber macho Rock nonsense,carried it on,but with a sillier haircut. The Marine Girls were the unwitting pre-cursors of an indie pop future,you can't get Twee-er than this,but,oh, how they tried!

Kurt Cobain was a fan,as he allegedly was of Young Marble Giants also........again.....was he actually listening?

It's not his fault,just another victim of the American need to 'Rock Out Maaan'.This is also why the american Indie route led directly back to where it all came from.....Rock,but this time renamed 'Grunge' for some unfathomable reason.Long hair was back and feet on monitors,calls for seeing hands in the air were heard. In the beginning of the post-punk period,as Punk never really happened in the USA, all the groups wanted to be Devo before they reverted to type,so all the American groups were herky jerky Devo-a-likes,before eventually mutating ,maybe via hardcore, into Dinosaur Jr....which was thee proto-grunge band or what(?); or The Jesus Lizard,who were still Devo really,but Rocked Up and dressed down.

Meanwhile there were no Grunge groups in the UK,post-punk had gone pop,and all that was left were just twee indie bands,and nothing else until Ecstacy hit in '88....and we all know what happened then don't we.Stll living with the consequences today. Just thousands of types of 'Metal' and 'Hip Hop' are the dreadful result of all this chaos.

Recorded at the In-Phaze garden shed.

Tracklist:

A1 In Love
A2 Fridays
A3 Tonight?
A4 Times We Used To Spend
A5 Flying Over Russia
A6 Tutti Lo Sanno
A7 All Dressed Up
A8 Honey
B1 Holiday Song
B2 He Got The Girl
B3 Day Night Dreams
B4 Promises
B5 Silent Red
B6 Dishonesty
B7 20,000 Leagues
B8 Marine Girls

DOWNLOAD on the count of twee HERE!

Various Artists - "Here's The Shit!" (Greenwich Performance Collective) 1984

 

Those wacky chaps at the Greenwich Performance Collective were at it again in 1984 with more classic DIY tchoons from all our favourites.

Cancer Club return with another minimal synth masterpiece that could have been a 'Hit' but is content with just being the 'shit',as are we all?

The 'Well Known Wankers' scum up our current political situation nicely with "Government Scum", and 'Your Heterosexual Violence' return with an attempt at sensitive songwriting.....did they ever make an album?...dunno, but, they are on Bandcamp incredibly!?

'Psyco Psyco' are a new GPC act that didn't appear on "Dennis",with the Post-Punk anti-war classic "Headstrong Big War", and the 'Bulbous Skunk Cabbages' show that not only can your bandname finish your career, your songs can too.

But that's not the point is it? Careers are for the others,as are profits too.This selection displays all the lack of ambition, lack of professionalism, and lack of commerciality of a pure independant soul. Property is theft, but sharing isn't.

TRACKLISTING:

DOWNLOAD the hits not the shits HERE!