Melvins – "A Tribute To Queen" (Amphetamine Reptile Records – Scale 140) 2014

As today is the first anniversary of Queen Elizabeth the second's death.....and someone asked for more from the 9 Clowns of thee Apocalypse series of fancy tribute singles by The Melvins. Appropriately enough here's todays off kilter Tribute to the very fashionable to like if you're an ex-grunger, and the UK's only Progressive Glam Hard rocking baroque'n' roll Disco metal merchants, Queen.Y'know, them wot done Bohemian Rhapsody, the song that broke them in the USA after the moron's saw it featured in that famous scene from Wayne's World.......did anyone really think this was funny?

Yeah, after Dave Grohl singled them out as the rockingest live band on the planet its OK to say that Queen were very very good. Of course your author got there long before The Grohl(and left as the moustache arrived).....like most people did.....as my first vinyl album ever bought, was indeed, "A Night At The Opera" featuring the aforementioned "Bohemian Rhapsody"; and yes, I know all the words and have done exactly the same as Wayne and his buddies did in the film. This over-familiarity with said Baroque'n'Roll (Yes I thought i'd use the same tag twice) classic ,once had its tolerance stretched when working in some council funded work units in the 80's,one of my government funded neighbours, whom happened to be a bunch of comic drawing Skatecore kids, decided to play a C-90 that had but one track repeated for the whole 90 minute duration of the tape.....you guessed it.These baseball capped worn at a jaunty angled buffoons Had this monolithic Queen offering on an infinite loop. This led to threats of violence after a very patient half an hour,and some polite requests,which were ignored.Locked in their unit, the door had to be sledgehammered open,and the offending tape ritually cremated by oxy-acetylene set to cutting mode measures. Of course these sartorial disaster area types thought this highly amusing as was their favourite Wayne's World scene. I won't tell you what happened when they made a "We Will Rock You" cassette in the case that I may incriminate myself. As for the Skate-core Kids,they had the right to remain silent or we would silence them.....they were booted out by local officials eventually...as was I!?

Perversely,as always , King Buzzo and erstwhile chums steered clear of any Freddie Mercury compositions,settling on the other one's, John Deacon's sweet "You're My Best Friend",whom ,being the only Queen member from my home town of Leicester,deserves such a deserving accolade such as this.And this version by The Melvins avoids doing the obvious sludge version,and strays not too far from the original feel of first single from the "Opera". A casiotone provides the melody and chord changes,suggesting a slight ironic tilt,with gentle vocals by someone called caleb Benjamin? Never liked the original, and I don't like this, but the second track, "Now I'm Here", was made for a Melvin's cover, it being one of Queen's most Rifftastic rockingest numbers from the pre-mega fame year of 1974.

As a kid,having seen it performed on Top Of The Pops,(an alt-mix with Bri playing a Gibson!?) i couldn't get the fucking tune out of my head.....couldn't sleep all night. So, had to get the single at the weeknd, at the local suburban electrical supplier ,opposite the Co-Op......,it was sold out!

Tracklist:

A "Best Friend"
Written-By – John Deacon
B "Now I'm Here"
Written-By – Brian May

DOWNLOAD and let's buggy HERE!

Melvins – "A Tribute To The Jam" (Amphetamine Reptile Records – Scale 137) 2015

A Sludge Metal tribute to punky mod-revivalists,The Jam,from the days when they were rather good....ie 1977.

Fertile ground for American Sludgers to marvel at the British ability to say the word 'Fuck' and frighten the pure living shite out of ya.

Buzz Melvin has obviously studied the culture of the British Hooligan to a level where he,and fellow Melvins, can Satirise this alien Yob rock to a point that would convince any american,and most members of Rancid, that they were listening to some unknown versions by The Cockney Rejects.Oi!Oi!

Of course its merely an impression,rather than a facsimile of Paul Wellers' thuggish threesome,and pulled off with not a small amount of fahkin humour.

The Jam, not previously known for infiltrating any part of the United States,must have leeched through the intransigence and miscomprehension onto the young Buzz's record player at some formative stage of the young Osbourne's musical miseducation.And one must agree that the Jam's Debut,"In The City",was particularly brutal,and was not too far removed from experiencing and receiving a damn good kicking from rival gangs of "Bovver Boys" and skin'eads after a relaxing saturday afternoon's violence on the crumbling football terraces of crumbling seventies Britain....as portrayed  in the medium of song.

Just like pop music,it took the rest of the world decades to catch up with Bovver Culture,long after it had died in the motherland.

Ahhh! the fear crackled and fizzed in the charged atmosphere like rogue power cables twisting like Fahkin Eels in the winter evening sky. Without the malevolent influence of English Association Football,British Bovver-Rock would never have put the boot into the staid music factory of the early seventies,and give us the most over-looked roots of yer Punk Rock.....no Footy, No Slade,...No Slade...No Ramones and No Jam....No Jam, No Melvins?????....maybe not, but, as it seems...Maybe?

No football in Woking,birthplace of the Modfather himself, though,so Weller must have got it all from watching Match of the Day and News at Ten?

This single is but one of nine released under the name of "Thee 9 Clowns Of The Apocalypse" series of tribute singles,which included many of their and our own fav groups of yesteryear, such as Queen, Roxy Music and, oh no not them again!... Throbbing Gristle.

One of the better covers collection one might say?...Oi!


Tracklist:

A1 Art School

B1 Modern World
B2 Batman

DOWNLOAD a toast to the jam on toast HERE!

Nadja – "When I See The Sun Always Shines On TV" (The End Records – TE134) 2009

As it says on the sticker on the front......"Toronto ambient/shoegaze/drone duo NADJA illustrate their diverse roots by covering some of their favorite artists: My Bloody Valentine, The Cure, A-ha, The Swans, Codeine, Slayer, Elliot Smith and Kids In The Hall. This album contains eight carefully-selected covers re-imagined through NADJA's unique sonic blueprint." 

Oh How they try....I love this sentence from the promo sticker..."carefully-selected covers re-imagined".Right. 

When a musician has lost their Mojo,and are scrambling for ideas,they either steal them from lesser mortals and claim them as products of their undoubted genius, or they stoop to the 'Covers Album' reset mode and claim they are paying a humble tribute to the artists who inspired them in their formative years. David Bowie is one of the few artists who have done both in their lauded career,always being seen around where the action is before releasing another album in the series before the person he stole from,and even having them in the band,which made it easier.He also made "Pin Ups",his covers album,when he was devoid of ideas, and use his star power to cajole any gullible chums to nick the odd riff off;with no credit of course.

They've all done it those genius's, even the magnificent Duran Duran,with their sickeningly disingenuous "Thank You". Voted the worst album of all time by the equally sickening "Q" magazine,which included the famously cloth-eared recording of "911 is a joke" as made by  millionaire white guys making a joke out of the rap classic about systemic racism.Don't you just love 'em.....I do and I ain't joking.

Last years bogie man Nick Cave ,when failing to find a way to not sound like every solo album he's ever made, tried to show us ignorants his impeccable taste by predictably recording tastefully selected forgotten country classics and crooning blues dirges;but also joining Duran Duran in fucking over a Velvet Underground number......that at least deserves some respect......not a lot....but some?

Elvis Costello did a drearily dreadful album of Country classics did he not? Another burk in the impeccable good taste club.

An accusation  we can not repeat about Metallica whose consummately terrible taste, is responsible for wiping their arses on classics from Killing Joke, Motorhead and Black Sabbath? No clever reconstrustions of  non-rock tunes done with a splash of humour like The Melvins' borderline 'good' "Everybody Loves Sausages" from 2013, when Buzz must have hit a creative wall.Notable high spots were a Throbbing Gristle Cover which is not actually a cover but an "interpretation", and a not to be missed version of 1st album Jam's "Art School",where the boys show off their finely honed English 'Oi' accents......I don't remember Dick Van Dyke being in The Jam,but apparently he was? I suppose I should name a cover versions collection that doesn't suck balls in any way whatsoever hadn't I,or you might think me a right cynical ol'Bastard twat Cunt?......The answer is not a musical version of 42, even though it certainly is.....i'm gonna have to say that "For Ladies Only" by the beyond great Killdozer is indeed the best covers album ever made.....go on,change my mind!.

It's all just a bit of fun innit,we all wanna make a covers album don't we?......here's one for the boys.....what would you put on your covers album? 12 tracks limit, answers on a postcard,entries arrive no later than the moment Putin's successor activates the Nuclear codes.

Although I could write about cover albums by narcissists 'til the cows come home, we are being distracted from the subject of this post,about the Covers album by Canadian Dreamsludge duo Nadja.

A duo whose sub-genre definition falls between many stools,but on this occasion, maybe just Shoegaze is appropriate,and cleansing in its simplicity.Especially as it opens with a crawling "My Bloody Valentine" cover dowsed in treacle played at 16rpm (why do these modern record players no longer have 16 or 78 as an option?).In fact if there is one criticism, it's that it's not slow enough.

Underrated Norwegian Pop Trio, A-Ha, get dragged through the sludge to great effect, as,predictably,does Swans.Maybe a Swans cover played in the style of The Wedding Present would have been a better idea methinks.....we know very well they're influenced by Michael Gira's slothful combo,and we know what they sound like too.

I had to look up Elliot Smith(track 6)......a dead bloke,who plays fragile minimal acoustic numbers. I suppose it makes a change from Syd Barratt?.......although one would have loved to hear a Dreamsludge version of "Dark Globe" one must admit.

Alas, as with all these cover albums, one,as the listener, is rapidly titillated at what these crazy katz are gonna do with your favourite songs,that it very quickly fizzles out then fades away,and we return to the original versions with a new vigor,'cus cover version are crap aren't they?

So as 'pop' music becomes the new Classical,and we all run out of tunes and new ideas, and music returns to the art of Interpretation only, as it has been in the Classical music world for the last two hundred or so years. No-one can berate the ol' Ludwig Van for having no new material anymore, except via those in the medium community of rip-off merchants and exploiters,who regularly channel new Beethoven pieces from the spirit world......even though some Pop Stars,musicians and their like, evidently think that they ARE Beethoven reborn.

Still waiting for that 10th Symphony Lud.......if possible an Ambient Doom version please Vielen Danke in advance.

Tracklist:

1. Only Shallow 6:35
2. Pea 4:09
3. No Cure For The Lonely 6:56
4. Dead Skin Mask 10:06
5. The Sun Always Shines On TV 6:01
6. Needle In The Hay 4:45
7. Long Dark Twenties 6:35
8. Faith 12:47

DOWNLOAD the sun shines out of their arses on TV HERE!

Nadja – "Radiance Of Shadows" - (Alien8 Recordings – ALIENCD72) 2007

One day we will look back at the CD era with fond affection for the times we selected a CD from the endless racks in HMV or Virgin megastores ,endured the minuscule text,and proceeded to listen to an hour and twenty minutes of whomsoever the lucky band were,but pressing stop on the remote at around the  40 minutes mark whilst stifling yawns .....ironically, the length of two sides of a vinyl LP. A natural ending point for any album in the modern age of pop.

There was a compulsion for artists raised in the Vinyl era to put as much material as possible on this new extended format,even if it was the shite usually reserved for the 'Bonus Disc' of  an anniversary remaster.

So what we have here is an artist determined to fill up every nano-second of memory space provided by the aforementioned Digital Compact Disc format,rather than just satisfying the ever shortening Human attention span. Mine is currently about twenty minutes max of anything.A limit I have always adhered to in the live arena. Twenty minutes, then its off to the bar.

First wave Ambient Doom originators Nadja, are very typical of the CD age .Releasing a dumpster full of very similar sounding drone metal versions of wonky airport noises that very rarely clock in at less than twenty minutes a track,like a fuzzy Tangerine Dream fed through a cheap Flanger.

One of  those unfortunate groups who sadly fall between several stools of the 'Metal' category,so frequently get labeled as any one of the following: Doom Metal.,Ambient Metal,(my personal favourite) Dreamsludge (?), ambient-doom, and shoegaze-metal.

Sounding more like My Bloody Valentine rather than Sunn O))) , the Metal label is becoming a more and more tenuous a description for any experimental Rock band,but if it contains any hint of a 'Heavy' riff it's 'Metal',filtered through a barrage of pro-nouns ,prefix's and suffix's.

Topical Oppenheimer references aside, It has it's quiet moments,so Ambient Doom is arguably the most accurate sub-genre of the available choices? Not a large section in your resurgent vinyl store, but I'm sure it exists somewhere?

Am I getting too mainstream?

Tracklist:

1 Now I Am Become Death, The Destroyer Of Worlds (23:26)
2 I Have Tasted The Fire Inside Your Mouth (27:26)
3 Radiance Of Shadows (28:59)

DOWNLOAD and become not death metal but a destroyer of sub-genres HERE!

Mephistofeles – "Satan Sex Ceremonies" (Stoner Witch Records – SWR013) 2020

Mephistofeles are Argentinians ("Argies",the Sun 1982). They describe themselves as Proto-Doom/heavy psych rock. played by..... Gabriel Ravera (guitarra & voz) Ismael Dimenza (bajo) Iván Sacharczuk (batería)....I think that's right,unless Ivan plays Bacteria, and Ismael plays the Banjo??...They don't seem to have normal Argentinian Names.like Adolf, Heinrich and Ulrich at all? Especially strange is that they play what they admit to being 'Proto-Doom'? This is the kind of Honesty sadly missing with many groups who claim to be originals,and the others are ripping them off.,the New Originals, like The Ramones are always moaning about,in denial of their Proto-Punk status.

Mephistofeles are are also unashamed to wear their Black Sabbath cred on their sleeves.They even have one of those Tony Iommi acoustic numbers on the LP,the ones that we (they) always used to skip over whilst playing a B Sabbath LP back in the days of  NWOBHM .

As Doomy as  would be the imaginary Proto-Doom Band that played on the deck of the General Belgrano as it slipped below the waves of the Falklands exclusion Zone,again back in the days of  NWOBHM.

Rock'n'the Roll is largely dead, apart from the odd gig by Blur or Arctic monkeys,and an enormous Savannah plain of migrating heavy metal Wildebeests  trampling all that block their path under a storm of thundering cloven hooves. Metal,with all its mutations are the only survivors of the great extinction that positively flourished after the Acid House asteroid hit ground Zero back in '88. Nowadays the only new guitar bass and drums based music that exists is......yep.....Heavy Metal and its illegitimate children. All things Rock have collapsed into the black leather hole of Spinal Tarp derivatives.

The cover seems to feature the corpse of a very Ex-Model,with tits like last christmas's balloons.The censored nipples is an interesting addition, but these Argie Sabbath Clones fail to compete with the rest of the Smell The Glove brotherhood for decent chicks for those malodorous smeg hording malcontents to masturbate to.

They'll be singing along to this stuff way into the 22nd and a half century,long after This Heat are forgotten.Depending on the outcome of collective Human Stupidity on the current climate crisis that no-body...repeat....nobody, is doing anything useful about???

It's 21st century folk music at its best,played by a bunch of losers with dubious Germanic family trees.Still relevant for the time in the near future when that massive ocean of crude oil under The Falkland Islands is being exploited to the max by BP,who will then rule the world, and we all live in underground cities.....,which does indeed make Nuclear conflict possible again.

I'll say it again "Collective Human Stupidity"!?

Tracklist:

A1 Cerimone Sessuali Di Satana 15:09
A2 Profanazione 3:30
A3 Di Nuovo In Basso 4:15
B1 Overdose 3:12
B2 Siringa 6:13
B3 La Maledizione Del Coltello 5:20
B4 Catene Di Agonia 9:59

DOWNLOAD something that assumes Sex to still be a thing in the afterlife HERE!

Devil's Witches – "Velvet Magic" (Cursed Tongue Records – CTR-002) 2017

I'm supposed to be doing some obscure Doom Metal aren't I? So....
Devil's Witches from the UK, combines the melodic doomy grooves of carnality and worshiping at the altar of the female?.....it says here!?

They have pictures of ladies Muffs on the cover (a doom obligation),living cheek to jowl with drowned pre-raphaelite nudes floating gracefully in a very clean looking Vietnamese river while Napalm strikes bloom like flowers in My Lai as a backdrop.

They certainly do seem to worship that mysterious creature.....The Lady....yet the music has me questioning the true definition of what Doom Metal actually is,and what it ain't.

No-one is pretending for a minute that 'Devil's Witches'consider themselves a proponent of the Doom idiom at all, but there are undeniable aspects present throughout this Pornadelic....,their words, vintage 70's sounding Stoner metal.....i only got it because of the cover,and it was in the Doom section.It's got a Goat and a saucy temptress facing front as the principle image to draw in the acne scarred artisans of this young male only genre.It in fact looks like one of those cheapo 'Top Of The Pops' albums so popular in Woolworths that nobody were ever seen purchasing one.Pictures of Nudie ladies sell records...Fact.

Parts of it do sound like a soundtrack for the chase or love-making scenes in an Italian gore-nasty video only release from 1981;but there are some worthy Doom elements,and scores high on the entertainment Beaufort scale, and a fair few points on the metal Bristol scale....look that one up.

'Velvet Magic' does indeed sound rather like the name of a mid-range brand of Toilet paper after all?

Tracklist:

1 Apache Snow
2 Motorpsycho
3 Black Cauldron
4 Pornodelic Opium Dreams
5 Voodoo Woman
6 Mountain Of The Devil's Witch
7 Jupiter Kush
8 Velvet Magic
9 Requiem Pour Un Vampire

DOWNLOAD and wipe your ears with some velvet magic HERE!

Electric Wizard – "Live Maryland Deathfest 2012" (Creep Purple – CPR-006) 2018

I used to have a Girlfriend like that, who would walk around bollock naked shouting, unshaven haven, and talked to a skull. Sounds exciting don't it?....well it fucking ain't. 

Ok, so I made the skull bit up, but it was symbollock of my actual skull that was in danger of being severed whenever she was drunk,or worse. Wild women (or just Women) aren't worth it.

You think I'm crazy? You'll understand after you've had a wank.

The previous post referenced the phenomenon that was the Video Nasty, so here are some audio nasties to make you grovel to the fallen Satanic angel of your choice.Therefore here's Electric Wizard in a live setting,whose line-up contained one of the 'Wild Women Of Wongo' that I warned you to steer clear of. A friend of mine committed suicide once upon a time,and the only picture i found on his laptop was one of that Bird from Electric Wizard.It seems that this music could seriously damage your health,direct  from Hell.......er.......not exactly in fact, but straight outta Dorset,nestled  in the quiet lazy rolling hills of the English southern coast countryside.And very nice it is too.

This reminds me of that gangster grime Rap posse, you know ...the Rap Singers.....you've seen 'em,at the shopping arcade,on the Top Of The Pops,doing a little dance........cripes, i'm being drawn into doing that Stuart Lee routine again......y'know?....The Rap Singers?

But the Rap singers I'm alluding to is number one act 'So Solid Crew', that urban city dwelling bunch of gangster boys,who turned out to be from the Hood in the  idyllic Dorset countryside.....via stage school rather than old Skool. Awwwww,makes you larf don't it?

I would never accuse Electric Wizard of going to stage school however,as it seems they are very much in touch with Satan. Full of Wild Women is Hell, an eternity of being annoyed and pissed off is some kind of Hell I would do anything to avoid.....short of joining the Jehovah Witnesses;but if Hell really is like Dorset, I'd happily haunt the country Pubs and hiking trails beyond the limits of infinity, forever...I assume 'beyond Infinity' is the same as forever?

Isn't Maryland where that doddering crumbly President,and professional (non)Irishman, Joe Biden lives?

I'm guessing he wasn't at this gig. But it seems he missed out on its endless crushing riffage,here captured in early Sabbath-esque lo-fidelity. The sonic ambition of this doom laden metal monster is rather too large for the bandwidth of a humble cassette,but that's how I like it with all the crisp edges blunted in the peripheral fog.

As for So Solid Crew, I'd like to flush them down the nearest peripheral BOG!

Tracklist:

A1 Supercoven
A2 Satanic Rites Of Drugula
A3 Dopethrone
A4 Witchcult Today
B1 Black Mass
B2 Return Trip
B3 The Chosen Few
B4 Funeralopolis

DOWNLOAD the sound of modern dorset HERE!

K.K. Null – "Plasmagma" (Video Nasties – MMXV AD #NINE) 2015

Some highly nuanced experimental noise from our ol' mate K.K.

Allowing plenty good space at the red end of the VU meter spectrum. This allows the inevitable Noise fatigue heavily associated with the purveyors of Harsh Noise to be dissipated until well into side two.Lots of attractive noises lull one into a sense of willing exploration,rather than turning it off to listen to the B-52's first,and far weirder than this, album. This is what Industrial Noise should be.Something that wasn't knocked off inside an hour and passed off as something subversive. Maybe forty years ago yes,but not in 2015.The kids who'd shock mum and dad with their Marilyn Manson fixation, are now more likely to produce a K.K.Null cassette to further confuse their Grungy parents somewhat....or Not? All that shits long dead.I shit yee not!

One chose this tape to end my recent pregnant silence because i spied that this label was called Video Nasties, promising me an opportunity to delve into the fascinating world of the 1980's VHS Video Nasty. "Driller Killer" being my most favouritest Punk Rock Movie in that very sorry sub-genre of Punk Rock movies,not to mention Punk Rock Video Nasties.In fact "Driller Killer" could actually be the only Rock'n'Roll movie that doesn't suck ass completely in fact?

Other great Nasties would have to include female exploitation Nasty, "I Spit On Your Grave"...(as mentioned in the UK Parliament's notorious 'Video Nasty debate'.......they do tend to have great titles one must admit. The plot of "ISOYG" is basically ,Chick gets gang raped,Chick walks around naked in the jungle for half an hour, then chick gets bloody and violent revenge on the perps. there may be some clumsy Feminist angle somewhere in there, but I'm struggling to see it?

Only the Daily Mail's balanced mature arguments on the rise of the Video Nasty can really express  the mind of the true Igoramus

The original found footage film "Cannibal Holocaust" is rather notorious for being a suspected Snuff Flick as the chopping up and torture scenes are somewhat realistic? The Italian director was actually tried in court for murder to determine if it was or not....it wasn't!.

Having attempted to watch this all the way through several times,inevitably falling asleep each time......maybe because I was invariably Drunk,this being, along with "Godzilla vrs Mechagodzilla", one's preferred viewing post-kicking out time at the Pub. One has the hazy recollection of a very realistic castration performed upon one of the white guys hung upside down on some bamboo construction.....a most disturbing image to have a hangover enhance in the morning after the night before?

"Texas Chainsaw massacre" was also mentioned in Parliament, although I would contest that this is not a Nasty,just another in a long line of Hillbilly schlock-horror epics started off by John Boorman's great "Deliverence"........others in the Hill Billy Horror genre are "Southern Comfort" and......this is stretching it a bit....."The Hills Have Eyes"?........has anyone seen that documentary on the USA'a most in-bred family yet?.....The Whittakers?.......oooya fookah.......click here.

Sadly I never got to see that Scandalous spaghetti-Nasty,or comedy(?) "SS Experiment Love Camp".....i may right this wrong very soon...or maybe, wrong that Right is more appropriate?

Sci-Fi Nasties aren't too common, but Sick Brit-Flick Nasty "Xtro",has to be one of the finest examples of the motion picture artform ever made.....forget Citizen Kane.

What effect these films could have on your mental well-being is still up for debate.....personally I err on the side of absolutely fucking nothing....but then again I would say that wouldn't I?....Look at the music I play and write about with such pulchritudinous abandon! 

After-all the Margate Police (Daily Mirror 1984) did explain away a violent youths' savage behaviour,as, and I quote, "Influenced by Video nasties or a New Moon"????.....sometimes, maybe its best just to give up completely on the eradication of stupidity?

Maybe there's some troubled youth out there whose behavior is influenced by a K.K.Null cassette or, the next appearance of a Gibbous moon?.

We may never know....or care?

Tracklist:

A1 Plasmagma 01 8:25
A2 Plasmagma 02 9:02
B Plasmagma 03 17:40

DOWNLOAD this SS experimental music camp HERE!

Null & Merzbow – "Babilonia" (ZSF Produkt – ZSF 07) 1983

Null made more than a baker's dozen of these noisy collaborations with everyone's number one choice  to leave,casually strewn across the unpolished surface of their gentrified dockland warehouse abode coffee table...."Oh look Rupert,he's got an early  ZSF Cassette,by Merzbow.", one day. i will transfer these to vinyl and sell them to the uber-nouveau-riche for exorbatant fees.....I will call it Urinal- On- Demand.....O,Rupert I can see it now,me and you and S&M gf''s in Berlin,shops,Genesis P-Orridge museums...the Lot!

Of course these classically educated sons of investment bankers investment bankers would have overlooked the fact that it featured the less commercially minded japnoise pioneer, K.K.Null, but these same ...er.....cunts(?),would only realise this once that enthusiastically priced Vinyl Box-set had hit the inter-web.

So get yer ankle length leather coat on,and imagine you are one of these cred-envy fools, who read marvel comics hidden inside copies of W.S.Burroughs' Soft Machine,and act out their Throbbing Gristle Fanboy fantasy's at the expense of dignity.

Again, yer average Noise outing sounds far better on cassette tape than, CD,or even...mmmm yes, Vinyl.It fuzz's the edges,rather like the Atlantic ocean muffled the screams of drowning poor people on the Titanic.I guess it also muffled to sound of the Billionaires who were crushed as their submersible imploded...except i doubt anyone on the Titanic paid half a million quid for the privilege. Its a great leveller is death.

I have, however, yet to hear of anyone playing Merzbow at their funerals.....unless anyone out there knows better?

Whoops!...I just heard that MONTE CAZAZZA has just died!?.....maybe he'll play some Merzbow at his funeral?

Tracklist:

A Iroha
B1 Nihohe
B2 Tochi
B3 Rinuruo

DOWNLOAD inna babilonia HERE!

Null & Fred Frith – "Null & Fred Frith" (Nux Organization – NUX-21) 1991

If you can't get Brian Eno for your cred cornering collaboration,the next best thing is to procure the ,cheaper,talents of one Fred Frith late of everyone's favourite post-prog art-rock combo, Henry Cow.He has a natural oblique strategies gland inside his front Brain,and can play at least one instrument,if desired;so no need for Eno's famed pack of cards to ever leave the draw.....unless David Bowie wanted them of course...what David wants David gets.....or steals.

Frith brings a more subtle approach to the noise,and side A sounds more like yer Free Improvisation kind of Noise, a noise with nuances if you will?

Woah...side B goes unexpectedly subtle,verging on the Eno's ambient period,with its floaty textures and Atmospheric noodlings.

Who needs Eno anyway?

Tracklist:

Side A : 20000V Live (27:43)

Side B : Heavens Breath (15:32)

DOWNLOAD my life after beans on toast HERE!

A.N.P / Null – "Dyspareunia" (Nux Organization – NUX-09) 1985

 

The chap who was in Acid Mothers Temple that Collaborated with K.K.Null in Proto Doom Metal combo, Zeni Geva;then obviously went off somewhere else, leaving K.K.Null,otherwise known as Kazuyuki Kishino (K.K.),to become the Brian Eno of Jap noise,collaborating with anyone who'd have him. Half-Man Half-Biscuit did a song on this bothersome subject, called....er..."Eno Collaboration"; but as of yet,no-one has bothered to write a song called K.K.Null collaboration.

Eno and K.K. have one thing in common at least, in that they can't play any instruments proper-like,leaving the door open for collaborations with persons in between jobs who can play an instrument up to a reasonable level of competence.

Brian,does indeed have one up on K.K. in the concept department,the most famed one being his renaming of quiet electronic Kosmiche Krautrock as "Ambient",and as a result became the face that launched a million bedroom recording projects all over the western world.

Null just sticks to that tried and trusted pattern, at least in Japan,of making a god-awful racket.

This cassette, shared with A.N.P.(Absolut Null Punkt), who he (KK) is also a member of,is a fine example of the formless noise that is so incredibly popular in Japan and various PVC clad knob-ed's in the more fashionable parts of former eastern Europe. But, like Eno's Ambient blueprint,jap-noise is also so very easy to churn out,that any wise-ass can do it...en masse....and they continue to do so...unapologetically.

But, if you are lucky enough to have never heard any of this harsh noise Industrial cacophony before, this will probably be the most exciting thing you've heard since,.....well....Sleaford Mods? 

Tracklist:

Seite ANP:
A1 A.N.P – Meta Beast (14:11)
A2 A.N.P – Od Rising (10:05)

Seite Null
B Null – Dyspareunia D-1 (24:25)

DOWNLOAD some non-eno jap-cred HERE!

Zeni Geva – "Vast Impotentz" (Nux Organization – NUX - 15) 1988

What Heavy Metal should sound like is often a pointless discussion involving many an unresolvable parable about 'What went Wrong'? Another topical question seems to be why do the  Japanese have an almost effortless grasp of what Heavy Metal should have sounded like PS (Post Sabbath).

They are aided by not having any slave trade guilt,and as a result not being exposed to The Blues brought over from Africa on the slave ships.They ahve to make do with boring Chinese slaves,who weren't Funky in the remotest definition of the word. 

The first thing one notices with Japanese Rock,is the total lack of the Blues held withing the melting walls of Nippon's pop obsession. No-doubt I am just misinformed, but there are no examples of a Jap Amy Winehouse doing impressions of Billie Holiday,exposing her Black soul after fulfilling her obligations to the government funded Rock'n'Pop school that taught her Da Blues concept. Like the Brit-Schooled Amy Winehouse, she never skipped a single class on Traditional Rock'n'Roll drugs abuse,and died an early death before she was even born.As a result we get café au Lait Amy Winehouse and they got raw as sushi Fushitsusha.

The Brit Academy of the 'popular arts' way be reprehensible,but the UK don't have this cancer as bad as Sweden...or is it Norway?...that not only school the kids in Rock,but also buy them sparkling new equipment and bung 'em subsides to spread the message to the world.

Have Scandinavians got Da Blues?......of course they ain't,but they do have those Led Zeppelin records to dissect and truly discover da blooz anglais who have long since studied those Muddy Waters records until their ears ran red with soul in the key of 'R'...or at least sound like they did.

It was all downhill from there,but to muddy the waters further, Black Sabbath did a splendid job in removing ,mainly due to incompetence,almost all the Blues from their doomy dirges, save for Iommi's guitar solo's and Ozbournes regular "Yeah Baby alrights",spoiling the party. There were others who were pure anglo-saxon metal, after-all, thats where it was invented. Of course,Motorhead ('not metal' said Lemmy),Saxon(?),first two album Iron Maiden(?),and,not forgetting our American pals....TAD?

Japan, however, never had this problem,being naturally sadistic, soul-less and borderline insane.Metal competence,it seems, is down to genetics.There's a reason Britain and Japan both drive on the correct side of the road.

Zeni Geva is,for me, Japanese metal,and they understand this,without thinking about it.Or had they just been listening to Swans in 1984?

Who is this Zeni Geva,you might ask? I dunno, and i doubt they do either,but one of the Acid Mothers Temple is in it.

Delightfully lo-fi, slooooow, and brutal.Turn it up and expect police interest.

Tracklist:

1 I Want You (3:22)
2 War Pig (7:30)
3 Dead Car, Sun Crash (6:47)
4 Slam King (9:18)
5 Godkill/Killsonic (30:21)

DOWNLOAD to discover what the (?) after the word metal really means HERE!

Strangulated Beatoffs – "Days Of Our Lives" (Death By Blowjob – DBB001) 1994

Anything to do with Drunks With Guns,the group not yer actual Drunks Brandishing K-Mart Assault rifles; has to be good,surely? Couple that with puerile song titles about licking Bum holes and Jacking off with Jacko, and you've instantly lost the Art crowd.Leaving the attentive listener free from negative vibes of sneering pseudo intellects unaware of the classical beauty of American Dirge Punk from the 1990's./1980's. Namely Kilslug,Flipper,Groinoids,Killdozer,and, of course Drunks With Guns......one of the great band names, I would suggest?

A Drunk With Gun is but one part of  the Strangulated Beatoffs as it 'appens. From an era when the possibilities of making music without guitars became possible,....desirable even.Crawling out of a rust-belt trailer park and fucked up on Meth-amphetamine,this is the lost american's version of the Industrial music so enamored by media studies students all over Europe. Not quite as brutal as those tooled up Drunks, but so unsophisticated it can still give your bollocks a damn fine kicking...which, incidentally they probably deserve.

Strictly an oversight,but one has noticed that not a single Drunk with gun has been previously posted on this site.I suppose this is a salacious opportunity to right that debatable wrong?

NEWSFLASH:Apparently, they did NOT break up, and are Waiting to have their Genesis covers lp released.

Lookin' forward to that one.

Tracklist:

1.Earth To Satan 3:43
2.Satans Pool Party 4:02
3.Untitled 0:15
4.Bewitched 1:59
5.Bothered 19:15
6.Bewildered 4:20
7.It Isn't Fair For You To Taunt Me 4:18
8.Pied Piper Of Hamelin 8:06
9.One Life To Live 11:00

DOWNLOAD and enjoy an asphyxiating handjob experience HERE!

Big Stick – "Crack 'N' Drag" (Blast First – BFFP 25) 1988

I thought I'd have a go on one of these Artificial Intelligence programs,to see how they cope when faced with the Artificial Stupidity of The excellent Big Stick. I entered some info and cut'n'pasted some blurb from the internet,and this is what it came up with after i had to remove any sexual,political and racial references.Political correctness and offensive red lines will be hardwired in that fun fun FUN future we seem so inpatient to crush the last reasons to be alive with.The age of the self-replicating machine are dawning.

Anyway, this bland cliché ridden 21st century future of Music journalism nothingness,is what the computer came up with:

"In the world of dance music, there are only a few tracks that stand the test of time and remain cherished by generation after generation. One of those rare gems is "Drag Racing" by The Big Stick. Released in the mid-80s, this track was part of their EP called "Crack Attack," which is still regarded as one of the best dance music releases of all time. The Big Stick was an underground band hailing from the New York City art scene, and their music was a unique blend of art-rock and dance music. At the time, the punk scene was dominating the underground music scene, but The Big Stick was a breath of fresh air with their distinct sound and unconventional style. "Drag Racing" is a track that truly embodies the spirit of dance music. It's infectious, funky, and will make even the most reluctant dancer hit the floor and groove to the beats. The track features a hypnotic bassline that hooks you in right from the start, and the percussion and synth elements in the track add layers of complexity that make it stand out from other dance tracks of its time. The genius of "Drag Racing" lies in its ability to seamlessly blend different genres of music. The track draws inspiration from disco, funk, and punk rock, and fuses them together to create a sound that is entirely its own. It's a track that has something for everyone, and its popularity is a testament to its universal appeal. What makes "Drag Racing" even more impressive is its longevity. Over three decades have passed since its release, but the track still manages to captivate audiences. Its influence can be seen in modern dance music, and it continues to inspire new generations of artists. It's not just the music that makes The Big Stick and "Drag Racing" special; it's the band's unconventional approach to art and music that sets them apart. The band's name and album covers were inspired by phallic symbols, and their live performances were more akin to performance art than traditional concerts. They were pushing boundaries and challenging the norms of the music industry, and their music reflected that. In conclusion, "Drag Racing" by The Big Stick is a true masterpiece of dance music. It's a track that defies genres, captivates audiences, and remains relevant even after all these years. The Big Stick's unique approach to art and music has left an indelible mark on the music industry, and their music continues to inspire new generations of artists."

That would sit nicely in the review section of Mojo Magazine....just lacking an unseen Beatles photo section.

It really does make stuff up, that would kinda fit in any article.I wrote hardly any of the above!

Anyway, I've done a human version for you to contrast and compare.To see if it's worth having robots with critical minds, plotting in the corner of the fruit picking farm they are programmed to work in since Brexit removed all the Romanians from the UK,then found the Gammon faced gobshites who voted for it aren't willing to do the shitty jobs the foreigners did for them, so they can continue receiving their allowances for their bad backs.

On the Subject of Crack'n'Drag by The Big Stick group:

"This is how dance music should sound in my humble opinion.Spartan,not quite danceable,stoopid but clever,and a tad disturbing.

Drag Racing easily squeezes itself into my top ten bestest tunes of all time ever box.Big Stick slithered up like a slug from the NYC art rock underground(ugh!a bit of sick just came into my mouth momentarily!), in the mid-80’s, worlds apart both stylistically and sonically from noise-damaged bum-chums of the junkie-chic New York noise scene like Sonic Youth, Swans,Lydia Crotch with Aussie pets,Rowland H Hard-on,often interchangeable with the interminably awful Jim Foetus. You know where I'm going here don't 'cha? 'cus I don't?

I bought this compilation LP of their rather brilliant "Drag Racing" and "Crack Attack" ep's from back in the day,then they then seemed to sink without trace.Not even an oil slick floating on the surface of the sea of bad taste remained. To my surprise they made other recordings, and have even made some new ones in recent years. They may dress like that Cunt who was up stage front in the january 6th insurrection at the Capitol building with furry hat and horns,and ironically have a song called "I'm Gonna Shoot The President"; but  musically they are as weird as a whole capitol building full of drugged up Q-anon Trump Zombies prostrate in worship to their new God,with or without horns. 

Jacob 'I'm Guilty and i'm very very sorry' Chansley,the self-titled 'QAnon Shaman' of the jan 6th attack on democracy, who is NOT in Big Stick, will help make sure you're Free, even if he has to kill you to achieve it......cunt.

Big stick clearly do NOT come from the red Neck bloc,or even like Drag Racing. This is genuine Red Neck satire,helping extend Trump's imaginary wall further north of the Mexican Border,and eventually looping round, lasso-like, fencing those brother lynchin' bible licking Crack 'n' Meth fueled 2nd amendment toting Morons in one massive trailer park. Maybe we could do a deal with Putin to replace the 3 million Russian kids who left the country in fear of being drafted, with these unwanted Trump lovin' Fentanyl hooked Hillbillies? A threat that could end the war in Ukraine."

Tracklist:

1.Crack Attack 3:07
2.Crack Attack (Remix) 3:56
3.Billy Jack Paddy Wack 2:45
4.I'm Amazed 3:26
5.Friends & Cars (Recorded Live At The Folk City) 2:17
6.Shoot The President 2:21
7.Drag Racing 1:40
8.I Look Like Shit 2:01
9.Hell On Earth 2:19
10.Jesus Was Born (On An Indian Reservation) 2:32

DOWNLOAD that meth amphetamine quarter mile to a fentanyl laced doom in a tube top HERE!

Shit And Shine – "Everybody's A Fuckin Expert" (Editions Mego – eMEGO 212) 2015

The title of this, quite frankly, 'Dancey' album, kinda sums up the excrement filled creek that we are all stuck up without a paddle.

No-one likes a clever dick,and increasingly its the people who are patently NOT clever dicks who own the spare paddles, dragging us further into the more inaccessible regions of shitsville.

Sometimes we need,....really need, experts.You don't have to be friends with them, just acknowledge that they may know more stuff than you and let them get on with making our lives better rather than worse,and......a contentious point here....maybe even help save the planet from an impending environmental disaster.Be very careful what you say is a 'Lie' even if its backed up by 99% of all experts on the subject,because you just may be......MAYBE ,wrong(!?)......incredible as it may seem?All that "Research" you've done on facebook and YouTube, can sometimes mean you have read a lot of stuff that is in fact just made up bollocks.The scientists are quite prepared to admit they are wrong,whereas the University of Facebook just makes up more junk to further bury the actual Facts under a sludge pile of shit,that may never be cleaned up.The odds are, they are right, and you, a borderline Moron,are NOT! 

If they are lying participants in the greatest conspiracy the planet has ever known,then ....great...no harm done? But, if they are correct...and it looks like they ,the Experts,are; the we are well and truly FUCKED.

Donald Trump considers himself an 'Expert' in may area's,the main one is being an ignoramus of the nth degree.This appeals to the human ego, as no-one wants anyone smarter than them telling them what to do,do they?

A classic TV moment on British TV on the subject of the unbelievably brainless 'Brexit' debate,was when Pro-Brexit Government minister, Michael Gove, brought forth the vote-winning mantra  "People have had enough of Experts from organisations with acronyms saying they know what is best and getting it consistently wrong"!?.......the 'people' word is always used by nazi's and nationalist jerk-offs in general.

 .......says the lizard face fucker who has consistently fucked up every job he's ever had in Government.

The greatest example of this Brain reverse wiring has to be Trump asking his panel of soon to be saked experts, if they could somehow get light into the body

"Maybe you can, maybe you can't,I'm Not a Doctor, i'm just a person who has a good You Know What"

That video should just be played on a loop and streamed 24/7 to every social media device in the dumbest parts of the USA. Trump cleaning up the dumb vote will be a disaster of terminal proportions.At the very least it will result in Putin becoming the King of Europe,with at least the UK and Ireland being uninhabitable. In Russia, all the Experts are either poisoned, or in jail for life.

We Need Experts basically, or we is F.u.c.ked!

This is what Shit and Shine are alluding to in my Expert opinion.

Which explains the very Dance orientated nature of the lovely music contained within.Appeals to Dumb-asses and experts alike.

A call to end this celebration, and...word of the week.....'Weaponization', of Stupidity'

Tracklist: 1 Signal Failure 2 Upside Down Cheeseburger 3 Bus Station 4 Wespennest 5 Hay Ride 6 Chop The Night 7 Working On My Fitness 8 Picnic Table 9 Ass 10 Rastplatz 11 Stockwell 12 Clapham North DOWNLOAD expertly with expertise HERE!

Shit And Shine – "Shit And Shine" (Judgement Dispenser – JD#003) 2009

 As 'Industrial' music goes,it's hard to distinguish which 21st century acts display an acceptable face of product development as opposed to a bunch of Metalheads who heard Second annual report and a whitehouse LP,and mistook them for the new Sunn(((((0 album.

You can't blame 'em i suppose,as Metal inhabits the same musical dead-end as  Industrial musik does, and almost the same preponderance to invent as many sub-genres as possible to counter the valid accusations that it all sounds the fucking same!? 

The source of much of the problem is a wanton lack of a sense of humour, in both genres and their related,and very very silly, Sub-generic kissin' cousins .

Basically there's also so fucking much of this stuff, especially within the Industrial bracket,as its i actually a lot easier to make than almost any other form of Rock'n'Roll and its derivatives.You do actually have to have some basic skills to make a Doom Metal record,whereas in the grey Industrial hinterland, you need nothing except a lap top these days.In the old Skool tapes, that consisted of a double cassette deck, an echo box,a mike, and a distortion pedal, which actually looked better perched on a couple of Milk crates than the now standard two twats and a laptop,

Can't really think of any Metal bands with a sense of humour actually,but there are a few Industrial derived combo's who show this admirable trait, even if it is lost in the diaspora of uncountable generic Industrial MP3 files that are threatening the existence of any musical maldives out there in this too much of everything world we are saddled with for the near to mid-term future...if you can call it a 'Future'.

I can think of Smell and Quim and various offshoots, and this multi-drummer drone-psych-noise unit similarly tongue in cheek combo from the UK, Shit'n'Shine.

It could have been the name of a seventies cleaning product were it not for the naughty word,like a power electronics version of the Shake'n'Vac song.

The first side of this C-40 treats us to a unifying blend of Doom Metal as it should sound,and soul-crushing noise. Side B, is more yer power Electronics, but without the fucking silly murder stuff.Its brutal,and doesn't take prisoners or itself too seriously.Sadly,my only criticism is that this combo do that 21st century thing of releasing too many records, and they are on the great diluter site of Band-fucking-Camp. You can get dozens of the same thing here if you're so inclined.....it's all good,but not allllll good if you get what I'm sayin'?

Industrial culture has been watered down so much there's nothing left to cancel,and the product description is verging on the illegal.I wager even yer bank manager has invested in an original Leather Nun cassette,and a few VOD Sutcliffe Jugend box sets.Its all about as subversive as a Jeffrey Archer novel.

Recorded live in Belgium I gather?

Tracklist:

Side A (20:01)

Side B (20:08)

DOWNLOAD to do the shit'n'Shine to put the odour back HERE!

Die Sonne Satan – "Fac-Totum" (Slaughter Productions – T. 07) 1993

As background music to your Tupperware themed fondue soirée, this isn't gonna put you off that much needed purchase of  the resealable Salad tosser......you tossers.It does,however, have a Tupperware party favourite from  "Le Mystere Des Voix Bulgares" album on 4AD,nicked,sampled and adapted ,only slightly, for the average Italian dark ambient fan,and renamed "Dismal Chant"? If you have any trendy art gallery attendees who dress like members of Chumbawumba (NHS Glasses and black polo-necks) as friends,this will go down like a Flux of Pink Indians remix at a Yoga class.......generally attended by actual Pink Indians, with a cloakroom full of ethic textiles awaiting their departure to hang out in the organic section of an ethically based supplier.All kept fresh in the very same recyclable Tupperware knock-offs that have put Tupperware out of business.One down several billion to go.

A stone carving appearing to predict Donald Trump appears on the cover ,depicting "The Donald" showing appropriate reverence,(Fear), upon meeting the very same vengeful Deity he so recently adopted as his own personal explanation for his own undeniable greatness.

As for, One Man band, Die Sonne Satan's very deniable greatness;again, its very listenable Dark Ambient for the decernable misanthrope's tea-party.Nothing original, or disturbing going on here,especially the clubby number with 'beats'?;but, it makes for a similar type of background music that James Last provided the extinct beast that was the suburban housewife with, in the 70's; except this is for the Subhuman housewife of the post industrial 90's.

You can play this whilst staring at yourself in the mirror pretending that life is a really terrible thing....and you'd be right, but not for the reasons you think it is. If you like John Carpenter's soundtrack music,and wearing black,This is very you. And it says 'Satan' too....TeeHeeHee.

Gee Mom you're so square,Satan's been cool since the first Black Sabbath LP.He/her/they have all the best tunes...except for that Hair Metal bunch of reprobate twats that is.I'd sell my soul to Jesus if he could sort out some eternal pain for Motley Crue.....who wouldn't?

(The tracklisting's up there innit,so i won't bother pasting it in here)

DOWNLOAD and fac totem fac Donald and fac you jesus HERE!

Atrax Morgue – "In Search Of Death" (Slaughter Productions – SPT01) 1993

Another Ed Gein reference, another photo of a botched suicide victim on the slab, the word vaginal,...it's all adding up to another interchangeable Industrial/Power Electronics cassette.Especially popular in Italy.

Italians like Prog Rock and Industrial culture...rather too much it seems....like me; but I can see the tiresome sameness of 110% of the participants in this genre. Anyone can make a tape like this everyday if they were so inclined,whereas its not so easy to be a punk band.You may require 2 or three chords to write a Punk Rock song,which qualifies as an actual bone-fide song rather than a throbbing noise passing itself off as a tribute to some obscure mass murderer in Siberia(no talent required);but for the Industrial Genre as a whole you only need zero chords to be included. This is Prog Rock for the kids who felt excluded at a Yes Concert,and a far more inclusive experience than Punk Rock pretended to be......"You are Us,but stay down there" (Jimmy Pursey,"Tell us the truth" LP live side 1978)

So it gets to the point where everyone is on the stage and no-one is in the mosh pit. Ultimately making music irrelevant ,we can all do this at home,never bother going out. Do It Yourself,or DIY,....a position heavily promoted by this blog.The trouble with that noble philosophy is that if everyone did it themselves we'd end up with something like 'Bandcamp', a seething morass,mess, of  every genre of the past 70 years turned into a haystack with no needles in.......and there's no way out.DON'T DO IT YOURSELF

If i heard this in 1980 i would have enjoyed it as much as watching The Damned live in 1977.

Don't misunderstand me, this is a great tape,but,what's the point?...and the Damned are still touring.

I Envy those unattainable days, when Pop Stars were the closest we were ever gonna get to having a God......sorry ladies, there were no goddesses back then,although I don't think we are allowed to use the word in these trans-gendered days.....we are ALL Gods.Rather like the problem with relevance modern musicians find themselves nudged off the track by.In a world of Gods,and heaven and Hell are also full of Gods, the one who rejects his God status becomes the God for the Gods,for where there is a need to invent him,he ceases to exist.

...Hmmmm I think i've wrote something like this before?....with a link to the Monty Python Sketch of "Bicycle Repairman";which sums up this quandary very nicely indeed.

Also i may be running out of vaguely unoriginal things to say.....like a literary Bandcamp.

Basically,the best Rock Star on your street, where everyone and his cat has a album out,is the one who has no interest in being a Star in the slightest.....and doesn't even bother making an old school Industrial tape like this one.

What a Guy!? 

Tracklist:

Scum A
A1 Intro (The Next Door) 2:27
A2 Lonely 5:31
A3 RapeTime 3:42
A4 In Search Of Death 5:01
A5 Vaginal Speculum 3:58
Scum B
B1 Gein Blessed 4:42
B2 Death Come 4:43
B3 Necrolessia 5:51
B4 MurderBeat 5:19

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